*Please note the italics represent a dream…
I have a question to ask and this question must be viewed in its narrow confines with no other agenda. For a woman who wants marriage, what is worse, to marry a man who cheats with different people or even have a mistress if that’s fine for you OR to marry a man who is loyal and faithful to you and a second wife! This is not a loaded question its pretty simple and straightforward. I shall not try to answer the question myself because I asked it but truth be told this was the option I was being given. I am not saying I intended on cheating on Londiwe if I ended up with her because next thing I will be told why don’t you cheat at all but only a five year old playing princesses truly believes that a man won’t cheat. The day women accept this reality and find measures against it is the day they will stop being victims to unfaithful men. Women spend so much time trying to keep a grown ass man faithful neglecting the fact that even Mandela cheated and the guy was in prison for 27 years!
“I am too tired to stay awake. Must I call you an Uber?”
I asked Naledi.
“No she is not going anyway. She is my sister wife now so she sleeps her. That’s if it’s ok with you of course Naledi?”
She asked her.
“I am too tired to go home! I can take the couch!”
“No love you don’t take the couch. Its reserved for the lying cheating idiot we both think so highly of and love!”
She was not joking either. In less than five minutes she had brought me my bedding and she and Naledi went to the bedroom.
“You two are unbelievable!”
I shouted after them. Decisions made under duress often tend to backfire so by the time I put my head on the cushion I passed out. Then the dream came!
“Sawubona Baba Mseleku!”
A voice said behind me. I had just gotten back from work and I was groceries from …Shoprite! Eish were things really so expensive I could no longer afford Pick n Pay?
‘Sawubona sthandwa sam!”
I said to Londiwe as she came to hug me. I gave a quick kiss as she took the groceries from me. My surname was not Mseleku she just used it to tease me because of our situation.
“I have already cooked but thank you for the groceries!”
She said as she put them on the kitchen counter. The house was much bigger than I remember and the kitchen space was huge. Was I lost?
“Oh those are not for you. I asked you yesterday if I should bring anything today and you said no. They belong to mama ka Nhlanhla and speaking of her is she back?”
I asked Londiwe whose smile disappeared.
“I don’t get why you always but her things. She can afford anything she wants and it’s my side of the family that needs more!”
She protested. She put the plastics on the counter.
“But Londiwe I did ask you this and if I am not mistaken I sent you message in the afternoon asking you this!”
I reminded her trying to keep my smile. The last thing I wanted was to make her angry because she could spoil the mood for everyone.
“I did not see it. Its fine ke. This is why we should have never stayed in the same house and you had each gotten us a house!”
She said annoyed.
“Londiwe we discussed this. This is Joburg and houses are expensive. Neither of you would have wanted to stay in a township and a house for each in a decent neighbourhood would be in excess of a million each!”
I told her.
“That’s your problem. You are the one who wanted to wives now deal with it!”
She said angrily as she walked away. I heard the garage door open and a few moments later enter mama ka Nhlanhla!
“I am so sorry I am late guys I got caught up at work!”
She said as she rushed in.
“Naledi you can’t keep on being late like this! That’s every day now this week that you have come in this late!”
I told her as soon as she put her shoes down.
“I am sorry like I said I had a late meeting. Londiwe I am sorry you cooked for me yet again. I know it was my turn but it could not be helped!”
She said literally out of breathe.
“You could have called you know!”
Londiwe told her.
“Guys come on; I am saying I am sorry am I not?”
She asked picking up her shoes.
“Let me just change and I will come help you in the kitchen!”
Naledi said as she waltzed past.
“Is there something different about Naledi?”
Londiwe asked me.
“What do you mean?”
I asked her.
“You are so blind. I think Londiwe is cheating!”
She told me.
“No come on why would you even think that? Please don’t create problems were there are none!”
I told her dismissively. I got the feeling that she was not wrong though because Naledi had been distracted lately. She had even taken our son to her mothers and ever since that had happened she was late every day.
“Ok then just know that if you don’t get her checked you are not having sex with me without a condom ever again!”
She said and I laughed uncomfortably at that comment. Why did it feel as though this was so important? Naledi walked in with the bounce of energy that was missing in the house.
“I feel like the house is quiet. Nhlanhla and Rorisang not being here really makes the place quiet!”
She said as he walked in. My kids were born three years ago if the pictures on the wall were anything to go by. Nhlanhla belonged to Naledi and Rorisang belonged to Londiwe. They had each named each other’s child in better times.
“It is. Naledi are you cheating on this family?”
Londiwe asked her outright.
“Londiwe what’s that?”
I asked her annoyed. That was a conversation I was supposed to bring up as the father of the house not her.
“Vusi you were not going to ask so I asked the question! I am also married to her by virtue of your being married to her so if she comes home with something then it affects all of us!”
She said not giving her chance.
“I am not cheating come on Londiwe how could you even ask that?”
Naledi said in her self defence.
“You are, I am a woman and I know when someone is cheating. Vusi check her phone!”
Londiwe egged on.
“You are not touching my phone ok! You will be violating my right to privacy!”
“What kind of a husband can’t touch his wife’s phone? We both can touch his because it’s what we agreed upon that there will be no passwords in this house!”
Londiwe confronted her.
“Do something Vusi or I will do it for you!”
Londiwe insisted. I was stick in now because here is the problem, as a husband to two wives you are indeed the head of the house and it’s your responsibility to always make decisions that befit everyone. There is simply too much at risk!
“Naledi go take your phone please!”
I said sternly.
“I will do it for her it’s over there on the charger!”
Londiwe said with a slight smile on her face.
“No Londiwe if your name is Naledi you can do that but if it’s not shut up and wait your turn!”
I rebuked her.
“Oh wow Vusi, you always take her side! You are scared of her blowing up and you jump at every request she makes!”
Naledi said walking over to take her phone.
“You realize by doing this you are making it clear that you too I am cheating?”
She said to me trying to make me feel guilty.
“I never accused of cheating but you sister wife has and it’s my responsibility to put such fears away.”
I told her. She handed her phone to me and guess what, there were no passwords.
“Londiwe there is no password on her phone!”
I told her.
“So, it does not mean there is no information on her phone! Open it!”
I went through her phone and there was nothing shady be it phone calls or whatsapp.
“Are you happy now?”
Naledi said tears rolling down her cheeks.
“I am sorry! Londiwe do you have anything to say to her because you have accused her of cheating and you were wrong!”
I asked Londiwe.
“No I do not. What if she deleted her texts or call log? I won’t apologize for something I know is happening!”
She said defiantly.
“I can’t believe you! You always find something to accuse me of! Last week it was the kids, this week it’s this. Are you jealous because I go to work and you don’t?”
Naledi asked her angrily,
“Oh wow so because you work you think you are better than me?”
Londiwe scoffed at her.
“No I did not say that because I have never heard you complain when I bring my pay cheque home to you for the house!”
Naledi said and stood up and left.
“She irritates the crap out of me!”
Londiwe said out loud so that she could be heard.
“Stop Londiwe, stop it! You always sow division in this family and I have had enough of it! I can’t come home from work to have you pick fights with everyone! It’s not nice and it stops now!”
I shouted her.
“I am not a child ok! You don’t talk to me like that!”
She responded angrily.
“Yet you treat Naledi like a child at every chance you get! It’s pathetic really! You need to accord the same respect she accords you!”
I reprimanded her.
“I am the reason why she is here because I am the one who invited her. She is below me in ranking therefore!”
Londiwe said defiantly.
“I am also not eating I am going to bed. You have won!”
I told her.
“I slaved away the whole evening for food now you both won’t it!”
She said completely incensed. If she could breathe fire right now she was! I went to Naledi’s side of the house and I found her crying on the bed.
“I can’t do this anymore Vusi, I love you but that woman is too much!”
She sobbed at me. I heard the door open behind me and as I turned there was Londiwe carrying the pot she was cooking with.
“You won’t eat my food so there it is!”
She hurled her still boiling pot of rice towards us and…
I woke up! I had been having a nightmare, thank God it was a nightmare but I was sweating and found myself touching myself to check if I was burning.
That will be my reality if I marry them both. Londiwe will pick fights everyday and there was real possibility that Naledi would cheat anyway so what kind of life with that be.
“Oh baby you are finally awake, you were having a nightmare right?
Londiwe asked me. I had not seen her she was in the kitchen with Naledi. Naledi was wearing Londiwe’s track pants.
They were getting closer and I had to remove myself from this situation before it was too late.
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
Thank you chief for allowing me time on your post. Greetings to all.
I am 33 year old male and I have been with my girlfriend for four years now. I love this girl with all my heart and I want to marry her. I have never cheated, beaten, humiliated or done anything that could hurt her in the relationship. The problem is that she hates sex. We have sex if I am lucky once a month and only if she has been drinking. She says that in sex she feels like she is being abused because she says it oppresses women. She is not even a feminist or of that ideology so when she says that I don’t know what she means. I used to think she was cheating but it can’t be true because whenever I am not with her she calls every hour to check in on me. She is never where she is not supposed to be etc. I suggested we seek help and she just lost it saying that I am calling her less of a woman. I need help guys. I want to propose to her in April; it’s our anniversary you see. How do I go about it? What do I tell her? How do I boost her confidence?
Ke bethwa ke le tswai and I am in a relationship.