Ladies how did you feel when you knew that you were just about to give away your virginity in a silver platter? I didn’t know how to feel. I felt scared but also excited because I knew that this would mean new things for my relationship. Who knows? Maybe Philani was going to consider settling down with me now that I was going to give him what he’s always wanted.
I went to his room and slowly took of my clothes, my mind was telling to stop but my hear was saying yes.
I really nervous but because he has seen me naked, it was a bit better. I stood outside the bathroom door and said a silent prayer. I was very anxious and wondered if I would be good enough, since I lacked experience. I went into the bathroom and opened the shower door, he was shocked to see me naked and in the bathroom.
Philani: “ Hlengy wenzani?”
Me: “I’m taking a shower with my man.”
I tried to sound as confident as I could
Philani: “Ehh baby please don’t tease me ne, I won’t be able to handle that.”
Me: “No love, I won’t be a tease tonight. I want you to have me.”
I think that sounded very stupid but he pulled me into the shower.
He was already done with the shower, so I didn’t know what to do ke. I don’t know how men do it, how do you men manage to take a shower within 10 minutes? How is that even possible?
Philani looked and me and asked me if I was sure, I just nodded. He took a sponge and started scrubbing my back very softly. His hands made me feel at ease. When he came to the front, I felt his penis on my stomach, I looked down to look at it yoh I had forgotten how big it was. When we had oral sex it didn’t bother me much because it was only going into my mouth. He told me that I shouldn’t be shocked because he didn’t have a big Mbobo, it was medium,I was just overwhelmed because I wasn’t experienced. That gave me a sense of relief. He started kissing me, and rubbing my boobs…that turned me on. He moved his hands and put 2 fingers in my cookie, I gave out a light moan. He stopped, and went out of the shower. He dried himself with a towel and dried me as well. He carried me to the bedroom, and placed me gently on the bed. Philani was a naturally gentle person, so I knew he would be gentle with me throughout the whole experience.
He kissed me again, and caressed and nibbled on my boobs, this went on for a while. He eventually went down, kissed my stomach. I wondered if my belly button was clean na, I didn’t want him to think I didn’t clean myself properly.
Thank God shaving was part of who I am, imagine how I was going to feel if it was bushy. He went down on me and I swear I reached my orgasm within a few minute, I gave a loud moan when I reached it. I heard him chuckle, he was probably pleased with himself. He then opened the drawer and took out a pack of condoms
Me: “Do you always keep a pack of condoms?”
Philani: “Yes love.”
I was wondering why he kept condoms because we never had sex, maybe he was using it with other girls, or he just wanted to always be safe. As I was about to say something he kissed me to shut me up. He told me to put the condom on him, I was nervous and shaking. He kissed my forehead, and told me to relax.
Philani: “I will be gentle, I promise.”
He struggled to put his Mbobo inside my cookie, not because he didn’t know his story, I was busy disturbing him, telling him to stop, wait and go on and stop again. When he finally put it in, it was painful I screamed! I didn’t think it would be so painful. He put it in and stayed in that position for a while then he began to thrust and pound on me. Although he was gentle and slow, it was very painful and I cried, I didn’t wail I just had tears running down my face. I wondered what God thought about me, but I also had to keep my man happy. I could see that Philani was having the time of his life at my expense. He continued until I felt him release on the condom, he let out a groan.
He lied next to me and cuddled. He then started to kiss me again, I told him that it was painful and I didn’t want to do it again. He assured me that it was because it was my 1st time, we should do it more often so that I can get used to it and start to enjoy it. After he said that, he kissed me again and put on another condom, this guy though! He went on and on until he released again.
People always said sex was liberating and great! I won’t lie there was a certain sense of contentment I felt when I saw how happy Philani was. But I felt tired, self- conscious, guilty and I wondered if he enjoyed it. I didn’t enjoy it, I actually wished we never did it.
I swear I will never ever have sex again! It was horrible!!!!
We fell asleep cuddling, I always had a sense of safety when I was in his arms. In the morning he woke me up and asked me if I want to shower with him. Yoh this guy was trying to make me pay for all the times we didn’t have sex. I woke up and we went to shower, I was still a bit conscious of my body. I wasn’t fat or slender, I’m a size 34-36. I didn’t have a pot belly but guys know that we are always worried if our bodies are good enough or not.
We showered and he began to kiss me, I stopped him
Philani: “Baby you can’t stop me now. You can’t give me a taste of your cookie then expect me to not want it again.”
I hesitated, and then I gave in. We started to kiss. He picked me up and folded my legs around his waist. We didn’t caress me like last night, he clearly wanted a quickie. He put his Mbobo into my cookie.
Philani: “Baby you are so tight, I love that.”
What did he expect? I hardly had sex 3 times and he was telling that I was tight? I don’t know but I think it was normal for me to be tight at this stage.
After he put it in, it was painful but it became a bit better. I won’t say I enjoyed it but it wasn’t as bad as the 1st 2 times. When we were done, we dried each other. Philani was certainly a happier man and he was sweeter. While we were getting dressed, I remembered that we didn’t use a condom! Oh hell I was going to fall pregnant because he released inside me. NO, NO NO I wasn’t ready to be pregnant, or a parent. I’m too young for that.
Me: “Philani did you want to get me pregnant? Was that your whole plan?”
Philani: “Yes, baby I want to make you pregnant.”
I began to cry
Philani: “Baby why are you crying now, I’m joking. I don’t have clue about what you talking about.”
Me: “Philani we didn’t use a condom when we had sex, and now I’m pregnant and I won’t even be able to have an abortion because I will feel guilty for the rest of my life.”
Philani: “Angel don’t be dramatic bo. You might not be pregnant and we can always solve this problem very quickly, don’t stress.”
What was he talking about? Having sex without a condom led to pregnancy, that’s just it.
Me: “What are we going to do?”
Philani: “We will pass by the pharmacy and I will buy you a morning after pill.”
I felt so stupid, I knew about the morning after pill, but I forgot about it. So we immediately went to buy it. I felt so ashamed, I felt like an irresponsible hormonal teenager. I only started to have sex last night but I already put myself to risk with diseases and unplanned pregnancy. We went back to his place, took my things, and he also took his work stuff.
We were both happy, so while we were driving we had a nice conversation.
Me: “Baby what would you have done if I was pregnant vele?”
Philani: “I was going to run away and deny that it’s my baby. Bowuzozibona sisi.”
He laughed after saying that, I punched him lightly and joined him while laughing.
Philani: “I’m joking angel. I would be happy, probably even pay lobola. I don’t want an illegitimate child. I would be there for you every step of the way.”
Me: “Even if I got big, grumpy and had many cravings?”
Philani: “Yes, I would be there and I would buy all the things you craving. Even if it’s a sandwich with prawns, beetroot and ice-cream.”
We both laughed when he said that.
Me: “siies I would never eat that.”
When we were about to get to my house, I received an sms from Thulani the Pastor, it read: I’m outside your house. Please come outside. I didn’t know what to do, I had to come up with a plan.
Me: “Baby please drop me off in the corner, I want to walk because I have cramps and apparently walking eases the pain.”
Philani: “No baby, if you have cramps you must sleep.”
I knew I wasn’t going to win this. I had to come up with a plan. I sent him a text telling to leave. When we were about I saw the car parked infront of my house, I so wished that he would leave but he didn’t. As we got closer Philani noticed the car and said it looked familiar, we parked infront of the house.
Philani: “This is my Apostle’s car mos. Hlengiwe what does he want here?”
I was stuck, I didn’t know what to say.
As I was about to respond, the Apostle walked out of the car and walked towards us. I wanted to run away. Vuleka mgodi ngingene!