There are some diseases where the pain of it is just as painful as the treatment you get because of having it by the
people closest to you. There is no doubt that HIV is the highest of those diseases in the stigma attached so my sister, Mbuso and Ntheteng hearing this was definitely the last thing I wanted right now.
Mbuso jumped in and came and pulled her off me but she was still screaming.
“You have killed me! How could you do this? I was your friend and you slept with my fiancé then gave him HIV and now I have it to! How could you do this?”
She wept. You know when someone dies, someone close to you there is a way in which us Africans mourn. That’s how she cried. I might not be close to her anymore but I could feel her pain. It’s easy to call her crazy but imagine placing your trust in someone the way she had done in Azwindini and he brings you home this package? I would lose it too and the only person she had known to have cheated with him was me so obviously I was the face of the enemy. I felt for her.
“Ladies please do this in the house. Ntheteng go into the house. Please go with her she can’t be alone!”
Mbuso said taking authority. He was sending my sister to be with his daughter meaning that when Azwindini came she had not yet broken up with him. He took Rudzani to my place but at least she was not kicking and screaming anymore. She was just sobbing uncontrollably.
“Mbuso you can go this does not concern you!”
I told him. Men like putting themselves in the middle of things that don’t concern them generally and Mbuso was like that.
“Are you that selfish? This concerns me as well and your sister and whoever else you slept with after that! You and I are having a baby for crying out loud so tell me how it does not concern me? Humour me I am waiting!”
He said angrily.
Ok I must admit I had not thought that far but in my defence how could I with that clap she had given me. The last thing as a woman you ever want to think about is your spider diagram. In mine I had slept with Azwindini who had slept with Rudzani. I had the slept with Sfiso who I am sure slept with his wife after me. I also slept with Simba or almost anyway. More importantly I had slept with Mbuso even if it was for a second who had slept with my sister. Those links mean that we were all linked somehow because Azwindini and I were first in that chain of events. Crap I almost forgot I am sure Mbuso slept with Ezile! This was bad!
“Mbuso relax she has just gotten here and I need to find out what happened first before I could even give you any feedback. Why are you panicking when you don’t even know the whole story?”
I asked him. He was actually shaking at this stage.
“Lungi just yesterday I almost lost my daughter and right at this moment she is at home thinking or believing that she is now the one who is about to lose me! Do you think I can calm down after that?”
He asked me. Exaggerated as that might have sounded I actually understood and appreciated where he was coming from.
“Mbuso I am pregnant and when you are pregnant the first thing they check for is your HIV status? If I had HIV you would know that by now because I would know that too! You are safe, I am safe and my baby is safe!”
I told him clutching my tummy as Rudzani wept still on the couch. She was no longer wailing at least so the commotion in the house was now much better than before. We could at least all here each other.
“Regardless we all need to go get tested to be sure!”
He said as he reluctantly left. Finally I was left alone with Rudzani and the first thing that came. To my mind was that slap she had given me. I found myself involuntarily touching my cheek. It was a reflex action but that clap had really stung.
“Rudzani, I already know about the HIV. Azwindini called me asking me to go get checked. I had already been checked so I knew I was negative. Have you been checked yourself before you started thinking that you too have it?”
I asked her.
“No I have not but I don’t have too. The first time I used a condom with him was after he slept with you and even then we went back to not using one.”
She told me.
“Why though Rudzani? Why would you sleep with a man with no condom?”
I asked her.
“That’s easy for you to say but I have loved and trusted him for years and you know this because I used to confide in you for God’s sake!”
“I know you did but you know as women we can never fully trust men especially when they work in a different town from you. I used to ask you who keeps them warm at night because if a man can cheat with you when he lives with you what more does a man who does not leave with his wife or girlfriend do when they are alone?”
I even remember her reaction every time I would say that back in the day in our office.
“I should have listened!”
She said but back in the day she would never have listened. To her I had been jealous or negative and new nothing about love.
“Well it has happened. You still need to get tested though before making such a claim upon yourself because it will work against you mentally!”
I advised her.
“Why did you do it though? Why did you sleep with man you knew I loved above everything else? Where we not friends you and I? Did I not respect you enough? You are beautiful and successful so why would you do that to me. You never saw me as your equal and ii get it, I am not as pretty but I had one thing to call my own and you took that from me too!”
“I didn’t take him from you! It was a once off mistake that will never happen again and I am sorry for it!”
I reminded her.
“You really don’t get it. You did not take him from me. You took my innocence, my trust and my sense of self worth that night when you did that!”
Those words went straight to my chest. She had said words that humbled me to the core and the sad part was that she was right.
“How do we fix this?”
I asked her. I did not know what else to say in any case.
“There are some things you can’t fix Lungi and this is one of them.”
She said to me as she stood up.
“Again I say this, you have ruined me and I hope you have gotten what you wanted!”
She said as she slowly stood up. She looked at me and walked slowly to the door. When she got there she turned around once more then she spat in my direction. This woman!
“I wish God gave you the HIV!”
She said and she walked out leaving the door wide open. On another day I would have followed her and fetched her for spitting but today she deserved the break. I did not even sit for more than two minutes before my sister knocked on my open door.
“Is it safe to come in?”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
I asked her. She put her hand on her mouth and immediately said,
“I am sorry that came out wrong! I just meant is that girl gone?”
She asked me. I could get why should think it came out wrong though. Now she had to be my sister I guess.
“What’s going on Lungi?”
She asked me.
“Isn’t that the girl you used to work with?”
She asked me.
“Yes she is and if you want to hear if I am positive or not then the answer is not. I am pregnant remember and I have already been checked!”
I reminded her.
“No Lungi stop this defensive talk of yours. Why can’t you ever just talk to me without you snapping or pushing me backwards? I am your sister and I should be your friend too without you always trying to undermine or outsmart me!”
My sister and I had never thought of it like that. My sister was always dumb in my eyes because she always did stupid thing which to me anyway often defied logic. I had therefore started to undermine her greatly because of this.
“I am sorry I did not realize that I was doing that!”
I told her which was true to start with. I had gotten so used to snapping back at her for absolutely no reason at all and because it had become norm I had stopped seeing that I was wrong.
“Ok that’s fine so what’s going on with this girl? Why would she come accuse you of such things?”
She asked me.
“I slept with the guy she was dating and he called me yesterday saying he has HIV. Don’t worry I don’t have it because when I got pregnant they…”
She stopped me,
“I didn’t ask that. If you say you are fine you are fine. This girl was your friend Lungi and I know you always think you are right but you never ever sleep with your friend’s boyfriend. What you did was wrong and other women would have beaten you up for this!”
She told me with a very serious tone I could hear mama’s voice coming through her.
“It was a mistake!”
I told her.
“Mistake? That guy did not just slip on a bar of soap and find himself inside you Lungi! It was not a mistake and that is what you have been hiding behind lately every time you do something, you call it a mistake! Now you are having a baby with Mbuso was it a mistake too?”
She asked me putting me on the spot. I had those guilty girl tears now when you tell them the truth rolling down my cheeks,
“It too was a mistake! It was never supposed to have happened. We were flirting then one thing led to another!”
I explained. I was actually crying now as the tears kept on coming out! Eish this bofebe tendencies of consequences neh!
“See another mistake, since when does Lungile Mbatha make mistakes? You have always been so calculated in your life what’s going on? Why are you sleeping up like this?”
She asked me and those words stung me,
“Maybe it’s the calling…”
I whispered sheepishly,
“Stop that! It’s not the calling! The calling does not have dick which fucked you! Stop making excuses and take responsibility! What’s going to happen when Mbuso wants his child?”
She asked me.
“Wants his child? What do you mean?”
I asked her genuinely confused.
“You told Mbuso he is the father. Him almost losing Ntheteng means he is not the type of man who will let you walk away with his child! Are you going to share custody with him?”
She asked me and now all these things were confusing me.
“You and Mbuso need to sit down and discuss this now before the baby is born!”
She said as a knock came on the door. I really did not want visitors but my sister stood up and opened.
My sister exclaimed.
It was my aunt and she was with Mbilahelo’s mother.
“We are not here for you we are here for your sister!”
She said to my sister who immediately walked out.
“Its time my daughter. We have to do the early rituals because something is coming if we don’t do it now there will be even bigger problems tomorrow!”
My aunt in such a grim voice but what’s new, with me it never rains it pours!
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
Thank you Mr. Mike for the blogs. We have learned a lot from them and I love the comment section as well.
Guys my boyfriend is an ass. We have been dating for a year now and I just realized that he only paid for dates the first month of us dating. He had lots of money then but after we go serious he was suddenly broke. I see him three times a week and sleep over on weekends. He does not drink so we don’t go anywhere and when I say restaurant he will say it’s a waste of money we must cook. I work like he does and sometimes I want alternative food but I can’t go without him. When we go out he is so happy to order and study the menu meaning he was dying to eat out in the first place. I pay for my own car, own rent etc and every month he gives me r1500 which he says every guy must give his girlfriend an allowance. That money goes to feeding him when we go out. He is a nice guy all round but guys how do I stop this behaviour. It can’t be right that we can’t even watch a movie, go on a trip and are shut in his place every weekend.