Growing Up Relevant

Growing Up – Chapter 54

There are some people in our lives who just don’t want to give us a chance to solve our own problems or make our decisions. They don’t do this because they want to control you but they do it because they are trying to protect you and show you how much they love you. My late sister was that person to me during my high school years, whenever I had an argument with someone and I told her, she would make it her life mission to go to my school and speak to that person. Everyone at school knew my sister because she always wanted to fight my battles. Honestly, her over-protectiveness was become an irritation and embarrassment, but thank God it all ended when my high school career came to an end.

I didn’t have anyone in my life that would fight my battles, and I was completely fine with that. I am not a needy girl who needs someone, especially a man, to fight my battles or help me solve my problems because I was perfectly capable of doing that all on my own. Philani hardly ever took an active part in my decision making, but now my fiancé Thulani seemed like he was going to want to solve all my problems for me. Philani was my problem to solve, I was the one who was in a relationship with him and so, if there was any breaking up that needed to be done I had to be the one that does it.

“Oh hello Philani, I didn’t see you there my guy, how are you?” Apostle asked, after a bit of an awkward silence.

“I am fine Apostle,” Philani responded, “but I don’t understand why I was told that you were seen having breakfast with my woman at the mall and now I heard you call her ‘baby’, what the hell is going on here?”

Apostle Thulani responded and said “Well Philani it is true that we were eating breakfast together, the reason we were having breakfast was…..”

“Apostle, can I please talk to you outside.” I interrupted.

I knew that if I didn’t interrupt him, he was going to tell Philani everything in a very rude manner. Philani has hurt me countless times, but I still cared about him and because he has given me some great memories, he deserved to be told in a polite manner. If I let Apostle tell him, there was going to be a very violent brawl between them, and that because of the manner Apostle would have told him. The way a person responds to bad news you tell them has a lot to do with the manner in which the bad news was told to them.

“Wait, why do you guys need to speak outside, I’m sure you can tell him whatever it is that you need to tell him right here in front of me, your man!” said Philani. I could see my fiancé got irritated when Philani referred to himself as my man.

“I will be right back Philani, I will explain everything to you so please don’t follow us.” I said, as I walked away with Apostle in my arms.

I could see that Philani wanted to follow us and hear what we were going to be talking about. I don’t blame him though, I would also want to know what was going on if I were him.

As soon as the Apostle and I got outside, he tried to kiss me and I pushed him away.

“You don’t want to kiss me?” he asked, “you don’t even have your engagement ring on. What’s going on Hlengiwe, have you changed your mind about us because if you have changed your mind about us, you must tell me.”

“Don’t be ridiculous baby, I haven’t changed my mind about anything. I still want to be with you, it’s just that I expected you to respect me enough to let me deal with Philani on my own. Philani hasn’t done anything wrong to you, you are actually one of his favourite people, and so don’t you think he deserves to be told the news in a polite manner, just so to prevent any unnecessary manner.”

After thinking about what I just said to him, he spoke and said “You are right baby, he isn’t my enemy and I won’t treat him like that. But baby I don’t trust him, what if he convinces you to go back to him? Ay maan Hlengy I love you so much and I need you, I don’t want to lose you.”

Ahh his words melted my heart, it felt good to know that someone loves me and that someone didn’t want to lose me. I have always been the one who was afraid of losing other people but now finally there was someone who was as afraid to lose me as I was afraid of losing him.

“Baby don’t worry about that, I love you and no matter what Philani can say I would never go back to him. So please go to your car and drive home and allow me to talk to him. I will see you tomorrow.” I said, and then I gave him a tight hug.

Having said that he went to his car and drove home, and I went to speak to Philani.

“Hlengiwe what the hell is going on here?” Philani asked as soon as I went inside the house.

“Philani before you can expect me to answer you, remember that I was the one who called you here, so please let me speak before you ask me any questions.” I paused, he gave me a nod, then I continued to say

“I have been a fool in this relationship, I have kept quiet and watched you cheat on me with Lerato. I didn’t think much of it because I thought it was just a stupid fling. As much as I tried to deny it, I knew that you were busy with her, what hurt me the most is the fact that you allowed her to disrespect me.”

He interrupted me and said “Baby, I’m sorry for that please forgive me, I promise I will stop what I’m doing with Lerato.”

The fact that he said he will stop what he is doing with Lerato proved the fact that he was having an affair with her all along.

I continued “I don’t care what you do with Lerato because she isn’t my family or friend. I never thought you would ever cheat on me, especially with a friend. I know that you have slept with Tsiamo a number of times. I don’t know where you got the guts to do that, you slept with her and you slept with me…I hope you are proud of yourself. Anyway we aren’t here to fight, and I hope what I’m about to tell you, won’t turn us into enemies.

Philani 1stly I can’t move in with you, I’m sorry that you bought a house having me in mind and I don’t want to move in with you.”

“It’s fine baby, you will move in when you are ready” he said.

“I don’t think you understand me,” I said, “I will never move in with you Philani, not now not ever. I also called to tell you that uhmm…I don’t know how to put this but while you were busy with other women, there was a man who was giving me all the time and affection in the world and I have fallen in love with him. I tried very hard to stop myself from falling for him but I failed. We had a very good relationship but now it has to come to an end because the other guy proposed to me and I said YES.”

I could see the pain in his eyes, but he tried to hide it but it failed him. He was really shocked, I guess he didn’t expect it from me because I had always seemed like a faithful girlfriend. He buried his face on his hands, and let out a huge sigh, the said

“When did all of this happen Hlengiwe? Hlengiwe bab, you are engaged to another man? No, please tell me this is a huge mistake. Is that why you were meeting with the Apostle, you wanted him to pray for you or help you make a decision?”

I kept quiet for a while, but as much as I was afraid of telling him the truth, it had to be done.

“Uhm Philani, I wasn’t with the Apostle because I needed advice, I was with him because he is…”

“He is what Hlengiwe?” asked Philani

I hesitated for a while, then I spoke “He is my fiance, he is the man I have fallen in love with. Philani we never planned to hurt you but we couldn’t fight what we felt for eachother. I love Apostle Thulani, he loves me and we are going to get married. I’m sorry Philani.”

He looked at me with so much anger, pain and confusion in his eyes, then he stood up and left without saying a word. After he went out, he drove away and I was left disappointed. I don’t know why I was disappointed, maybe I expected him to beg me or cry or something like that. I felt guilty though for hurting him, although he didn’t beg me, I knew that he was hurt.

After he left, I locked myself in room. I called my aunt and asked to meet with her and my uncles because I wanted to give them the letter.

The next day I woke up having a mixture of joy and pain for obvious reasons. I then did some house chores, then I went to my aunt’s house. On my way to my aunt’s house, there was an accident that delayed my trip.

When I arrived, I found my aunt, her husband and some 2 uncles waiting for me.

“Sanibonani my elders, I’m sorry for arriving late, there was an accident so I….”

I was interrupted by one of my uncles, “Hlengiwe please get to the point, why have you called us here?”

Yoh that was rude, but I wasn’t surprised because my mother’s family has never loved me and they were certainly not going to start now.

“Sorry, I called you all here because my boyfriend proposed to me and he gave me this letter to give to you because he wants to pay lobola.” My aunt’s husband congratulated me, but the rest just took the letter and read it. When they were done, my aunt said

“Hlengiwe this man isn’t going to pay lobola for you, the Msibi’s have already promised to give us R150 000, 00 for you.”

Surprised by what she just said, I screamed “WHHHATTT???”

In a very chilled manner, my aunt said “We will not accept any lobola from that stupid boyfriend of yours, if he wants to pay lobola for you then he needs to pay R250 000, 00.”

R250 000, 00 for Lobola??

7 thoughts on “Growing Up – Chapter 54

  1. I just love growing Mara unty hana mabrakes at all, does she think that lobola is a businesses transaction,…. keep up the good work mike n team

  2. Ijoh so much money aowa hle this family is making business mos,besides hlehle n her sister’s hubby agreed thy wnt marry to please the families

  3. Hi MikeI was looking at s trending cyber bully post on Twitter…. And to my shock and disappointment you were in the mix retweeting and edging it on. I’ve been reading your blogs from the beginning and expected you to be aware of the dangers of cyber bullying and how it can ruin people’s lives. It is something that should never be encouraged especially amongst teens as the results are usually quite traumatic, sad and tragic.. I’m talking suicide and murder. Please do not encourage it and help in the fight against this.

  4. i think hlengy is really blinded by the way thulani is treating her,the guy shows signs of possessiveness and jealosy and will probably abuse her as well,i mean from the beginning when he said he didnt like the way she made him food and didnt even eat it…..he has too many faces…i dont trust him at all…i have a bad feeling about him

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