It’s inevitable really, there comes a time in a baby mama’s life were she has to sit down with the new girlfriend or wife to discuss terms. This is a parley of sorts. In war times, parley is when the two generals from opposing army (before the fight) discuss terms to avoid unnecessary loss of life and property. Same goes in relationships with South African men! Everything is a war. They see themselves as ‘de kleva’ when they are actually stupid as hell! My mother had warned me to stay away from these Pretoria boys because they all think they are hustlers and know it all but I had not listened. Parents do know more than we often give them credit for. Meladi had another thing coming to her though! If she was any other person I would gladly have made peace with her but she was not. She was my friend who in my time of need went and slept with my man and was now marrying him. I remember distinctly she came to see me when Mudenda was giving me problems, held my hand through it and assured me everything would be fine. She was lying. She had seen an opportunity and went for it. Well played old friend but this was just the beginning.
“Take me to the police station!”
I told my sister as soon as we hit the traffic light! She looked at me as though I was joking. Women get this, no matter how much you might love a man, if he hits you, take him to the police! Why do you make excuses for him? Yes there are times when we mess up royally as women but no one has the right to beat you up. Get this in your heads, you are not a child and even now the laws don’t allow for children to be beaten! Why do you stand for it though? Yes if you want you can forgive him and take him back but your first move always, get him arrested and the coward will never do I again because he knows you will not stand to be a punching bag.
“But you said let’s go home!”
“Judith, if you want that boy to continue hitting me for no reason you will take me there!”
I had cornered her. She put ‘police station’ in her navigator and we changed routes.
“Is this really necessary though sis? Let us just go home and call it a day, please!”
She asked. Judy never called me that unless she really wanted something. Today however I was not indulging her. Yes it was necessary. I had the blood to show for it which made me more believable. Service delivery though at police stations is usually something that makes you avoid going to them in the first place. As a woman you know for a fact that you don’t want to be served by another woman. Why? Because women look down on one another and will rather humiliate you than help another women. In this case however, almost every woman is a single baby mama with serious issues with her baby daddy or knows someone close going through it. I daresay in Nigeria if you close your eyes and throw a stone you will hit a professor or a doctor, do the same in South Africa and you will hit a thief or a baby mama. That’s how many we are hence this is the one time I pray it must be a female police officer I report to. The gods were smiling on me, it was a female.
“And wena, what happened to you?”
The female officer said as soon as I entered. The blood worked and obviously the baby basket I was carrying just made me even more dramatic. There were not many people there except for this white lady who kept complaining that her neighbors dog killed her cat! Yah neh! There are people with real problems in this world. They were all laughing at her and mocking her in vernacular but critically keeping straight faces. If it was another day I would have told them off because it was not correct.
I explained to her what had happened, how my ex boyfriend had lured me to his house to discuss maintenance and then on my way out had proceeded to hit me. Another officer came to see my baby in the basket and said to the one taking my statement,
“This is what Malusi does to Lizzy as well. Remember I was telling you in the morning! The motherfucker!”
There is a lot of anger amongst women when it comes to men and abusing us. It’s just that we have not learned just yet how quite to channel that anger and use it against them. I am by far not an isolated incident. They asked me for all the details of Mudenda, where he stayed and where he worked. I gave them that. They said they would send a car to his place immediately. Tonight he had to sleep in the cells. I wanted to smile but I did not. As I walked out, the officer who had spoken about Lizzy and Malusi did that as well. She was actually quite annoyed by this that she told me again at the door that she was going to do it now. I thanked her. I went to the car and Amo started crying. He was hungry. I breastfed him. I had taken a decision that I did not want to breast feed him for too long because he was such a tugger this one. The plan was to use a breast pump for possibly another two weeks then weane him off. I know he was too young to be off my milk but I had done a lot of research on it.
I asked my sister to wait twenty minutes so that I can breast feed without the motion of the car. She agreed.
“I never thought you had this evil side in you Faith. You have always been the sweetest amongst us mom included! What’s going with you?”
She said with a very concerned. It hit me hard. A lot of people think baby mama’s are pyscho because they choose not to understand what we go through. I was not born like this and she should see by the blood on my face that I did not wake up like this!
“I will explain when I get home!”
I said. I was not about to have this conversation. Ten minutes later the real reason why I had stayed came.
A police car stopped and they walked out Mudenda in handcuffs into the station. I took out my phone and took a picture.
I cannot remember the last time I felt this relieved.
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
Reading all these comments, I feel so helpless and sad. To all the sisters and relatives that have experienced rape, we cry with you as we read your comments. We feel your anger, which I personally think is justified and one is so scared of becoming the next victim.
I am a firm believer in that when there is a problem, one should at least try to take action in order to try and eliminate the problem. Therefore, I would like to know (maybe there is a law fundi here) if we as citizens of Mzansi, can request or petition so that punishment for rape is cutting of the damn thing. I acknowledge that there are false claims but if a person is caught red handed, DNA proves that thy did it and they rape a child, then the death penalty is a luxurious way out for them, but cutting of their manhood the very thing that made them think they can rape would be a little close to fairness.
Mike, can we push for this please if there is even a slight chance of it being made lawful. It can be done in a public hospital but it must come off…