Growing Up Relevant

Growing Up – Chapter 48

I think someone should write a book on Friends, Family and boundaries because I have noticed that the people closest to us find it hard to understand that there is a need for boundaries. If it happens that you set certain boundaries for your family or friends regarding you love life, financial life or anything in those lines, your friends and family will find it hard to respect the boundaries you have set. I don’t know why this is so but maybe family and friends assume that just because you hold them close to you heart, they have a right to be involved in your entire affairs.

It is even worse if your friends don’t respect your relationship and think that they can be all buddy buddy with your man. I have said a few times that I don’t create friendships with my man’s friends and I don’t want him to create friendships with my friends because that has a lot of negative consequences. Firstly your friends will become too involved in your relationship and will be giving unnecessary advice and comments. Secondly some friendships progress from innocent friendships to secret love affairs then suddenly it is a steamy romance. You will be left shocked and depressed when your friend and boyfriend are suddenly dating and you are told that ‘we didn’t want to hurt you but we are inlove.’ I have been through that and I don’t want to go through that, so I am always making sure that my friends don’t create any bond with my man.

Sihle wasn’t like me, she didn’t mind us having deep long conversations with her man while she was sleeping or catch a lift with her man while she stayed at home. We all had his number because Sihle always emphasised that we might need it for an emergency one day, which was true because they day she was mugged I was able to call him and tell him. Although I had his number I never used it for unnecessary reasons and I thought Tsiamo had the same mentality I did. I was very disappointed to see that she saved Tshepo as ‘FUTURE BAE’, and it was obvious that she wanted him.

Based on the fact that I didn’t want to jump to conclusions I continued to read the conversation between them.

“I really love you Tshepo, please say something.”

Tshepo asked who was he talking to, she told him and he said “You should be ashamed of yourself Tsiamo. You are one of my woman’s best friends and for you to even allow yourself to develop any feelings for me is disturbing. I love Sihle and I will not cheat on her with anyone, especially not her friends. So please stop what you trying to do because I am going to tell her”

Tsiamo texted back and said “I didn’t plan to fall inlove with you but it happened and there was nothing I could do. I know you think I am betraying Sihle, but what must I do? I have never loved anyone the way that I love you Tshepo. I know I look like a boring girl, but I’m not. I’m actually a very fun person to be around. I will prove to you that I love you.” That text was followed by a picture, a naked picture captioned ‘this will belong to you’.

Tshepo responded by saying “Please stay away from me, and delete my number. Let me tell you this and I hope it will be engraved in your mind forever. I love Sihle, I love her more than she knows. She is the only woman I have loved this way and she has showed me that love is a beautiful thing and should be celebrated. I will never in my life intentionally hurt Sihle because she is a blessing to me, I’m not the type of man who will cheat on a great woman like Sihle. Please delete my contacts and stay away from me because if you ever send me another text I will show it to Sihle.”

I think he blocked her number after sending the text because all the texts she sent afterwards didn’t go through. I was impressed that Tshepo proved that men aren’t the same. There are men who would happily cheat when presented with the opportunity, but there are men who try hard to avoid temptation in all ways possible. I always thought that only Christian guys were able to avoid temptation but I guess I was wrong because Tshepo was not a Christian man but here he was doing the right thing. I was very proud of him and happy that Sihle got herself a real man.

I was very disappointed in Tsiamo, how could she do this to Sihle? We were all so close, almost like family. I considered them to be my sisters, to me they were far more important than most people in my family. I was seriously way beyond disappointed and I didn’t know what to say or do. I also didn’t know what I was supposed to do because I felt obliged to tell Sihle but I didn’t want to cause conflict between her and Tshepo because I assumed that he didn’t tell her. I will also feel guilty if I don’t tell her because she has the right to know that she has a Jezebel as a friend. I decided that I will make Tsiamo aware of the fact that I know what she is trying to do and I will be keeping an eye on her. I wanted to actually kick her out, but if I did I wouldn’t be able to keep an eye on her and make sure she stays away from our men.

Upon discovering the texts I stopped cooking and decided that I will buy take-away. I was very anxious to speak to Tsiamo but I knew that she was going to arrive with Sihle so I was going to have to create a scenario where we could be left together, then I would be able to give her a piece of my mind. Sihle has been nothing but a great friend to both Tsiamo and I and she didn’t deserve all of this. Tsiamo was making me question whether she really didn’t have an idea that Thando and Mlungisi were dating when she started dating and sleeping with him. Maybe she was just this kind of a girl, the girl who believes that there is no single man so she must destroy other people’s relationships, which was a very stupid mentality.

I took a nap and was woken up by Tsiamo and Sihle when they arrived back from work.

“Are you fine sisi? Why are you asleep?” Sihle asked.

“Yes I am fine dear.”

Tsiamo asked “Hlengiwe haven’t you seen my phone. I was so sure that I forgot it in the kitchen because I was texting while having breakfast this morning.”

I said no and she said she will go and check in the other rooms. I stayed behind with Sihle and she received a phone call from Tshepo asking her to come over.

After she hung up, I said

“Since you are going to Tshepo, please come back with some food. I wanted to cook but I have a slight headache and we can’t ask Tsiamo to cook because you know how bad her cooking is.”

We both laughed after I said this, but I was telling the truth, Tsiamo was an extremely bad cook and it was always hard to eat her food. Sihle agreed to come back with food, she went to freshen up then left.

I went to Tsiamo’s room and found her searching for her phone.

“Sihle went to buy us some food but she will first go to see Tshepo, so she will probably be back in 2 hours.” I said.

“Oh,” she said, “I feel sorry for Sihle she is too committed to that relationship and I don’t trust that guy at all.”

I said “Is there a particular reason that makes you not trust him? I think Tshepo is a great guy and he loves her.”

She murmured something but I couldn’t hear a word she said, so I just let it go.

I took out her phone from my pocket, she asked me where I go it and I told her that I got it from the kitchen.

“I’m glad you found it, I wasn’t comfortable with it missing, there are private things in this phone.” She said.

“Private things ne”, I said, “Private things like your conversation with Tshepo our friend’s man. A private conversation where you are declaring your undying love for Sihle’s man? A private conversation where he rejects your advances and tells you how much he loves Sihle and would never betray her? Are those the private things you are talking about?”

I looked her straight into the eye and I saw confusion, embarrassment and shock written all over her face. She kept quiet for a while before she said

“Hlengiwe it’s not what you think, I can explain. Uhhhhmm….”

I said “Uhmmm what Tsiamo? Explain yourself, I’m listening.”

“You know me Hlengiwe, we have been friends for a long time now and I’m not the type of person who destroys people’s relationships. I think I was attacked by evil spirits and they made me do things I wasn’t aware of. Please forgive me and please don’t tell Sihle because she isn’t spiritually mature like you and won’t understand when I tell her that it wasn’t me but evil spirits.” She confidently said.

I just looked at her in shock, how the hell could she blame her stupid behaviour on evil spirits? She even has the nerve to say Sihle isn’t spiritually mature, she won’t understand and she even says she doesn’t trust Tshepo while she knows very well that he is a faithful guy. But I had to give it to her, Tsiamo was very creative, I mean who else would blame their stupid behaviour on evil spirits? She had the ability to think on her feet.

While I was about to continue the conversation, Philani knocked, I opened then he went inside my room and I followed. When we were inside, I sensed that he was angry but I had no idea why. I tried to hug him but he pushed me away and I almost fell. He came close to me and held my hand tightly.

“Philani you are hurting me, please leave me alone so that we can talk.” I asked pleadingly.

He looked at me and let me go, he sat down and buried his face in his hands and then said “Hlengiwe why are you so sneaky? You really thought I wouldn’t find out. What am I not good enough for you? Why did you have to go for someone I trust. I am going to kill him when I’m done with you. Your aunt told me everything.”

It was kind of obvious that he is talking about my affair with the Apostle but my question now is how did my aunt find out? And what was she trying to achieve by telling Philani?



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