Growing Up Relevant

Growing Up – Chapter 43

The worst thing that can happen to a couple inlove is for them to find out that they are actually blood relatives. Imagine how it feels like to find out, on the morning of your wedding day, that your fiancé is the brother that your mother kept a secret, the child she gave birth to when she was too young and ended up giving up that child for adoption or the he is the child that your father took away from your mother when they broke up. What if you guys already have children? Will you now be expected to break up because you are related?

In this age of the sugar-daddy syndrome growing rapidly, I wonder what a sugar-daddy would do if he were to find out that his ‘girlfriend’ is actually the daughter he abandoned. That would seriously be awkward. What is worse, knowing that you as a father slept with your daughter? Or the fact that you know that your daughter likes older men so even after you have broken up she will continue date old men?

Hearing Apostle call Bab Pat ‘DAD’ was an extremely scary experience. Bab Pat is old but I never thought that he had a son as old as Apostle Thulani. If he married my mother, the Apostle and I would be siblings by now. Maybe then I wasn’t going to find him attractive because I would think of him as my brother and he was going to think of me as his sister. But actually I think I was going to be still attracted to him because this man is hot, maybe even his sisters wish they weren’t related to him.

“This is a small world son, where did you guys meet?” Bab Pat asked, Apostle responded

“We met when she came to visit at my church and I fell in love with her as soon as I met her, but I think she doesn’t love me as much as I love her. She doesn’t seem ready to make me the only man in her life.”

I just stood there and didn’t know what to say, I had a feeling that this man told Bab Pat everything about us, and I never wanted Bab Pat to know that I have sex. I think when an adult knows that you are sexually active, they tend to change the way they treat and look at you. Bab Pat almost became my step-father and I respected him like a father, so he was never supposed to know about my sexual life.

Bab Pat said “I think the Zulu women have some power over the Zungu men. I also loved Hlengiwe’s mother, I probably still do, but she didn’t love me enough to make me the only man in her life. She kept on making me fool and people kept on warning me about her but I never listened because I loved her and believed that she was meant to be the love of my life. I showed her that I love her, I treated her with respect and made sure she was happy, but she kept on sleeping with those bad boys she liked so much. I guess that it’s true that the good guys always come last and that people love those who hurt them and hurt those who love them.”

He paused, the way he spoke about my mom made me think that he wasn’t really over what happened and he hasn’t healed form my mom’s betrayal. He spoke with so much pain in his voice and there were some tears threatening his eyes while he spoke. There was so much truth in what he said, he did love my mother and treated her with so much respect. Bab Pat was also good to me and my sister, he was the perfect step-father. He tried to make my mother spend time with us, he tried to show her the importance of family but my mother made it hard for him. I think my mother is one of those women who don’t appreciate simple sweet love, she didn’t appreciate Bab Pat’s love for her. I think she was going to accept his love if he treated her the same way that her other boyfriends treated her, like shit and a sex-slave.

“It’s not that I don’t love Thulani, I asked him to give me time to think about it. He needs to consider the fact that I have been with Philani for a long time and he can’t just expect me to up and leave him for someone I have known for a couple of months. He just needs to be patient with me. Honestly Bab Pat I don’t appreciate you comparing me to my mom. I’m not anything like her.” I said.

I didn’t believe that I was explaining my relationship dynamics to Bab Pat, he honestly didn’t need to know anything.

Bab Pat continued to say “Hlengiwe I’m not in any way trying to compare you to your mother, you have grown to be a completely different woman. What I’m trying to say is that you have to make a decision about who you want between my son and your boyfriend. I believe they are both great guys, but I would encourage you to choose my son because he is a man of God and he will never cheat on you or treat you unfairly because he is guarded by God and was raised by a good man.”

What he is saying isn’t entirely true, being a man of God doesn’t mean that a person will love or treat you the way you deserve. There are so many men and women of God who have the cruellest of hearts and do not treat people the way God wants them to. So dating or marrying a Pastor doesn’t guarantee you a great life. But Apostle seemed like a very good guy and I did love/like him.

While we were still talkin, Philani came to us again. This guy was probably suspecting that something was happening between the Apostle and me.

When he got to where we were standing he said “You guys seem to be getting very close. Every time I come this side, you are standing together.”

“Hahaha no baby,” I said, “You remember I used to tell you about Bab Pat?” He seemed confused, so I reminded him that Bab Pat was my mother’s ex and I normally spoke about him, then he remembered.

“Well this is Bab Pat, he came to pay his last respects to my sister. He told me that he wants to introduce me to his son and to my surprise Apostle Thulani is his son, small world ne? Bab Pat this my boyfriend Philani, Philani this is Bab Pat” I said and he responded

“Oh Wow that is awesome baby yoh. It’s such an honour to meet the man who had a positive influence on my woman and having raised such a powerful man of God. You are indeed a great man, I’m honoured to finally meet you baba. The Apostle is always talking about you at church when he makes an example while preaching, you really mean a lot to him.”

“I’m glad that I’m known for good things,” Bab Pat said “It’s also an honour to meet you my son. You must look after Hlengiwe, she is a special young lady and if you hurt her, I will make sure you regret it. I’m also glad to know that my son talks about me in the church.”

Haw Bab Pat just 2 minutes ago Bab Pat was encouraging me to be with his son, but now he is telling Philani to look after me. Hypocrisy ne?

Apostle spoke and said “Hai Philani stop lying to this old man, Baba I never mention your name at church, they don’t even know that I have a father.” They all laughed loudly after he said that and I forged a smile because I didn’t want to seem uptight or nervous. They continued to speak and share a few jokes, I excused myself and went to chill with my friends.

The day ended very quickly and my friends decided that it was time for them to go back home. After they left, I decided to go and sleep because I was really tired. In the morning I woke up and went to have breakfast with Mdu.

I wanted to leave but I was told to stay because they called an emergency family meeting. The maids brought us some light snacks and we headed to the dining area and we sat down. The people in the meeting were me, Mdu, his mom, his 2 uncles, my aunt and uncle. Mdu’s older uncle called the meeting and was known to be a person who goes straight to the point, so as soon as we sat down he started speaking.

“Msibi and Zulu family, I greet you all. It is unfortunate that we have to come together because of a tragic event. We lost our daughter, Thenjiwe became a daughter to us and we loved her. Our son lost his wife and child, Hlengiwe you lost your sister and niece. So throughout this meeting we have to keep in mind that Mduduzi and Hlengiwe are the ones who are hurting the most.”

My aunt spoke up and said “I am also hurt the most, Thenjiwe was like a daughter to me, actually she was my daughter and I also lost my granddaughter. So I think I am the one who is hurting the most as her mother and aunt, then Mduduzi follows after me in the hurt department because it was his wife and child, then Hlengiwe is the last one in the hurting.”

My aunt never seized to amaze me, it’s like she sits around all day coming up with idea’s to cause drama, or she was capable of attracting a lot of attention to herself. How was she able to diminish the pain we felt for losing my sister into some competition about who was hurt more and who was hurt less. She was really ridiculous but we all tried to not pay much attention to her because if we did, she would have got what she wants, which is attention and drama.

After she said that she sat down, and Mdu’s uncle continued “It doesn’t matter who is hurt the most or least, bottom line is we all lost someone we love. The reason we called the meeting is to discuss the way forward from now on. 1stly the most important thing we need to do is perform a cleansing ceremony for the family. We need to set a date that will suit all of us. We know that most of you are Christians here, so we will not do anything that will be in contradiction to your beliefs.”

This man was very reasonable and considerate to our feelings. Not all of us were comfortable with certain rituals and that is my personal decision, and I expect people to respect my decisions as much as I respect their decisions.

“We need to divide Thenjiwe’s clothes, futhi I believe that her clothes will fit me better than Hlengiwe. Thenjiwe and I have the same dress sense so I think I should get to take her clothes. Her other belongings like her cars can be given to me as her aunt.” My aunt said confidently, the Mdu stood up and said

“There aren’t any clothes that will be divided amongst family members. Thenjiwe had a women’s organisation she was supporting, so after the cleansing ceremony, I will donate all her clothes to the organisation. Thenjiwe was also planning to buy Hlengiwe a car, so Thenjiwe’s car, the new one, will be given to Hlengiwe.”

Yoh I was so happy after he said that, my sister had a very beautiful car. It was more beautiful than the one she borrowed me for time being. You should have seen the disappointment on my aunt’s face, she looked like someone stole her last penny. We set the date for the cleansing ceremony and then the other uncle stood up and said the most shocking thing

“Mduduzi since you married Thenjiwe but she is now gone, you have to find another wife after your mourning period so that you can be able to have children and expand our bloodline. As tradition, if you lose your wife, you must marry one of her unmarried sisters. Luckily for us Thenjiwe has one sister and she is unmarried, so Mduduzi the family has agreed that you must inherit Hlengiwe as your wife.”


6 thoughts on “Growing Up – Chapter 43

  1. Please don’t get into this bad habit of not editing. For people who want to be writers, you all refuse to do the one thing that will have taken seriously across all platforms. I am not a hater for telling you the truth, I want you to be better. Those who tell you it doesn’t matter, and they are okay with it, are crippling you, stifling your success and would be reach. Take correction and make yourself better.

    “…aunt never ceased to amaze me…” ceased not seized, cease means with not end, stop etc., seize however is to grab, take forcefully

    “Firstly…” not “1stly” no text speak in writing please.

    You have talent, but that is not enough. Polish your writing, your punctuation, your grammar – it will make a world of difference and allow you to penetrate circles you thought were beyond your reach.

  2. I have been waiting for this last line tjoo and am sure Hlengi will agree.I’m sure with her little dirty mind, she had secretly found her Brother inlaw attractive phela uzokumangaza that one…aunty is so Dramatic though

  3. Khanyi this is amazing, I’m hooked and its not even funny, editing is very important but do consider that this I a blog Neo… She’s speaking about her personal life I don’t think she is to be critised about her writing at this point

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *