I am one of those girls who says I will never let a man walk all over me. I will never be played and accept. If he cheats he must walk. It’s a nice thing to tell myself that I am empowered and can do as I please. However, reality is, now that I was in that very situation I felt like holding on even closer. We had worked so long and hard for this relationship, with a baby on the way meaning getting married should be the next logical step. Why then was breaking up the only thing he had on his table? Come on now. The reality I had just learned was that if he cheats and you love him, walking away is not easy especially if you are pregnant. I was not staying with him because I was scared of the economic implications of it even though I strongly considered it but because I loved my man and at that moment it felt as though I will be damned if I allow another woman to just waltz in and take him from me. Hell no! Sigh! The joys of being a woman.
In the morning I did not receive a message from him or call. This was not unusual though as he sometimes did that? Around ten someone knocked at the door. It was Aurelia. She had come all the way from Jhb to see me which was such a relief. I needed someone. When she saw me she just hugged me. She too started crying and that made me cry too. It’s weird though because Aurelia was the one we considered the selfish proud one yet she was the one most available. She had brought with her groceries which made me laugh because I did not understand why. She explained that I was not alone in this so whatever she can help with to get her niece born she will do. Oh I was expecting a baby girl by the way. I know some people are superstitious about revealing the babies name, touching their pregnant stomach or even taking pictures of the baby within two months but I am not one of them. Come on now! That’s ridiculous! I already had names I was playing with in my head so I did not really care.
“I want to take you out. You can’t stay in the house so today you and I are going shopping!”
She said cheerfully through those tears. She was trying to lift up my spirits but I was feeling so low I doubt she could.
“You can’t go shopping when you are pregnant. You get tired easily and nothing looks good on you.”
I told her. She obviously would hear none of that. She forced me to bath and get ready. When I was done I asked her if she had called the cab already. She laughed and said we did not need a cab. We had a car. A car? From where. I asked her if she had bought a car or borrowed it. She said it was hers, in her name even and no her parents did not buy it. She looked at my face for approval. I knew exactly what she was telling me. Some rich man had bought it for her. This is why I say that Aurelia changed on us. Her beauty attracted so many rich men in our first year clearly she had failed to hold out. Now however when I looked at it, she was better off with her rich guys than me who was pregnant, with a cheating man who could barely afford us as is. I could not help but wonder if a rich guy like hers had made me pregnant would I be bound to suffer like I was now. At times our pride gets in the way of reason. When we got downstairs she had a white 1series. It even had her name on it as number plates. I asked her where she got it and she said she was dating some rich guy called Frank.
“He is not old at all. He is 48 and recently divorced!”
I don’t know about you but being 23 meant for me he was flipping old. I did not want to criticise her because with my young guy I had not fared better. Most South African guys are losers I now totally accepted, no wonder why these foreign guys come and take all the beautiful women! They don’t appreciate us! I wanted to cry again but did not want to mess up her red leather interior! O what it means to be poor!
We went Menlyn where we had lunch. It was fun though. Never seen so many black people in one mall at one time! Ok I lie, go to Pavilion in Durban if you want to see more! We couldn’t even shop because it was too packed. Most people were there to just window shop so the crowd kept moving. After a few hours she took me home. We spoke about everything except for what had happened which I think was cool because I did not want to cry again. She had to go through which was rather sad but I will be fine. When she left I unpacked the groceries she had brought but before I could sit down there was a knock on the door.
I went to open it and there stood Zama. Really! After the day I had had!
“Please can we talk?”
She asked me from outside the door. There really truly is a thin line between love and hate! I loved this girl once so much now I hated her!
I slammed the door in her face!
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
Hi Mike first and far most let me apologise for my long email, I always read up other people’s letters and I thought I should also put my story in writing so I can also be advised by your readers. Let me start off by saying I have come to notice how being a yellow bone or light skinned women has taken the lime light which is a good at times and a bad thing sometimes I guess… I am 31 years of age, successfully independent, no child but single not by choice but circumstances…. Guy 1 (successfully independent + no child) we both loved each other but we couldn’t date because he was in a relationship out of respect I didn’t want to be the reason his relationship ended….I know some people always say you get/ snatch a partner from another person but I believe that do to others as you would have them do to you….so that was it at that moment… Guy 2. (Not independent /Unemployed + Child) we dated for almost a year and found out that he is not who said he was about his family, child, education and work…. I felt betrayed and as a result the relationship ended simply because I was scared of this person and I did not trust him anymore…Guy 3 (Successfully independent, no child) I have known him before guy 1 & 2 and he always showed interest in me but the reason I never took him seriously is his behaviour or rather how he has been dating different women same area as myself…as such I concluded that he is a player….I know sometimes we women ask for too much but sometimes before you date a person you want to track his behaviour or how he handle themselves and as a result no women or rather I cannot consider giving a guy who has been with most women in the same area a chance to be my man….. you want a man who has less drama….. so guy 3 is in a relationship with another women but now that he knows my relationship with guy 2 has ended he wants to be in a relationship with me + he wants to end his relationship with his women because I am the only women for him….I like guy 3 as a person but I can’t bring myself to fall in love with him or consider having a serious relationship with him. Guy 4 (Not independent /Unemployed + Child)- after guy 2 experience I asked all the question I wanted to know about guy 4 just so that history does not repeat ….well the guy is not working and have no qualification of some sort to earn a living…..he has a child and he told me about his music career dream and how he will be making money……after our date I became honest with him that I am not ready to date while I know the issue is not that…..I know some people will call me unfair or I have standards….. We live in a society where at my age the expectation is that you should be married and you are settled with your own family…..which is why sometimes women end up finding themselves in situations of guy 3…..you desperately want to be in a relationship so bad that a typical male fool you about their identity…. What hurts me most is I have been raised to be a women who has self-respect meaning one man at the time and no cheating or wasting each other’s time…also go to school and be independent so you could be a good help to your future husband but the guys I meet except for guy 1 & 4 they are complete jerks… also it seems like guys who are Not independent /Unemployed + Child is a trend ….. I don’t know if its places I go to or maybe being a so called yellow bone and being skinny makes one attracts guys who have no goals or ambitions in life …… having a child and being an independent guy is something else but have both vs me who is independent and have no child how is that fair though ? … love on its own is not enough considering that I want what’s best for my future family and the fact that I grew up in a poor family and getting to where I am today I worked hard which is why I wouldn’t wish my children to grew up the way I grew up….
1. I know it’s not easy or usual to find an independent guy who is single / single without a child but I am not a home wrecker which is why I am don’t have interest in married men and the connections/ bond between me and guy 1 is still there because of how we behave around each other till this day BUT I find it difficult to be a side dish with the aim to snatch a guy from his woman…….
2. Yes I am independent and after what I have been through I refuse to settle for less ……I often hear people talk about lowering the standards….what standards though? is it a bad thing to look or accept a man who is independent/ legally hustling (Not rich ) and who will be able to provide for his family?