Mthobisi asked me what had turned me on that much. I told him it was the wine and he even said I must drink wine more often because that was awesome. Passion at times is taken for granted. He told me that they had finished early that’s why he decided to come home and spend time with me. I was happy to see him because when temptation starts creeping into your life you want your man to be there next to you. He also had good news he said. They were way ahead of schedule meaning that he would be home sooner than I thought. I had missed him so much and him saying that was such a huge relief. I wanted my husband next to me and not far away. I asked him if we could go shopping the following day but he said no because he had to go see his brother who was going through something with his wife Koketso. Typical. Only home for a few hours and already he was running off to his family. I needed him here saving his own marriage not saving others. I know its selfish but i really needed my husband right now. He promised he would make it up to me but in all fairness that joy was gone because I knew it would never happen. I felt as though I was being taken for granted.
There is such a huge difference between dating and marriage. A lot of people of people have this misconception that you just slide in from being a regte (main girlfriend/boyfriend) to being a wife. When you are a girlfriend say in your mid 20s and you have been dating a man for three years and above expectation start to rise and usually it does not even come from you but from the people around you. Your friends, girlfriends especially start making suggestive comments that you are next, or how they are waiting for a huge wedding because according to them the two of you have been together long enough to make your relationship the real deal. When you look at your friends they are surrounded with carcasses of dead ex relationships and it seems like misfortune seems to follow them. They even reach the conclusion that they are cursed with bad relationships and attract the wrong guys. I believe you mostly attract the right person but it is what you do with person that turns him to be either so wrong or so right for you. That’s the pressure in relationships. marriage on the other hand, first you are met with the relief of being one of the lucky ones because let’s face it, nowadays to get a good man to propose timeously its fortunate indeed. Then there is the engagement period, if you wait too long to evolve the engagement into a marriage then you might just as well be single because everyone starts to say the relationship is doomed. our man and you start fighting because lets be fair, three years under engagement is a pretty long time. Even if you move in together, should you get pregnant during that stage without a wedding in sight then in layman terms, you fucked up. Then comes marriages itself, the pressures that come with it are mostly at the beginning because even you love each other you do not quite yet know how to address each other. Your husband now wants to be the man all domineering and run the relationship like how he saw his father doing it growing up and stops being that guy you used to have sex in the car with. As black people once the wedding is over we switch off completely our old selves without actually realizing that it was that old self that made you work so well together. I look at other married people especially those that married whilst I was there and the sparkle is gone.
This was definitely a tell someone moment. Internally I was panicking for I had so many thoughts going through me. I called my best friend. She always told me I married too early but different strokes I guess. Her name was Azanda Nduli and we went to school together and had been friends for years. Her philosophy in life was different. She believed she could play men at their own game and her motto was whatever men can do she could do better. The modern woman, she called herself. She successful in her own just not conservative in her thinking. She had never held back her words when she said she thought I got married too early. She told me as a young lady I should have enjoyed my money for a few years, had my fun then settled down. She also said that much as she disagreed with my choice she would support me fully. As soon as Mthobisi left I called her and told her about last night. She could not believe me and wanted every detail. She said that with most marriages either you get bored and cheat (which was definitely me) or you divorce him just to be happy especially after you have been fighting to get off the couch!
Yes the couch, nowadays you don’t have men that do the garden, they hire someone else. That’s good that’s employment creation but if your man can only get of the couch to go to work or if you are lucky to gym them you have a problem. Mthobisi did not like going to gym with me because he called it his time, deep down though I knew it was busy he did not like the fact that other guys started at me at gym. So we went separately and as we both had cars it was pretty simple. All he did was come home from work and go through all the channels. I wasn’t much of a tv fan but the man was killing me. I tried to talk to him about his addiction to soccer but it turned into a fight. To his credit though every now and again he would suggest dinner or a movie but if I already cook every night and am not a tv person how is that entertaining! When we dated we did Cubana especially every few weeks, we were surrounded by friends and that was what added impetus to the relationship. There was never a boring moment because we always so much to talk about or rather gossip about. Yes, no one gossips more than married people because you start to see the world the same. Maybe that was it, I was failing to see the world his way for it had blinders!
Azanda asked what I was going to do next. I told that I wanted to confess because I was feeling so guilty about what had happened. She told me in no uncertain terms that it will be end of my marriage if I do so. She told me she knew so many girls who thought the love they thought the shared with their men will save them once they confessed but it ended up disastrously so I should just keep it to myself. I told her that I had no intention of seeing him again and I was happy with that decision. She laughed and said that would be a wise decision because once you open that door, closing is such a hard thing. I loved her, she seemed to have everything figured out. I asked her where she was and she actually surprised me because she was at a wedding in the Eastern Cape and not away with her new boyfriend. See, because I married so young I skipped all this going to weddings with my friends and meeting different people. I was shelterd and could hardly tie my own shoe laces without my husbands help.
I had a few groceries to do so decided to go to Pineslopes which is behind my place. Wifely duties I guess. I love the Spar there they always have the freshest of everything.
Whilst I was busy in there I got a call from Cindy, one of the girls we work with and she told me that we had been put on the contract to work with the company that did the presentation. She didn’t even have to say the name.
It meant for the next two months at least I would work hand in hand with Mfundo!
I was going to request a transfer on Monday!
Mike Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
Question: Anonymous: The pastor and founder of my church is sleeping with all the girls. he even slept with my aunt and tried to hit on me. I have so much evidence but I am scared of exposing him even though he is ruining a lot of young girls lives. He is married by the way. is it just in my church that this happens because my parents love him and I know i will be shunned if i publicly shun him. what must i do?