MOAYW – Chapter Four

Posted on Posted in Missteps of a Young Wife

The rest of the weekend I was not focused. It felt as though everyone was looking at me as though they knew my secret. I was extra careful with my hubby so that he would not find out about my incident. I knew he was leaving on the first flight out Monday morning and funny enough I wanted him to go so that I can sort out my emotional mess before he noticed something has gotten to me. Whilst we were having breakfast on Sunday his phone. The caller I.D. said Pamela. He picked it up and started talking to her in front of me. For some reason I felt jealous. He had never given me a reason not to trust me but I felt so uncomfortable. I got the impression that because I had done something then what if he was too. I mean he had ample opportunity to do so since we were so far apart. As soon as he hung up I asked who Pamela was and why she was calling a married man on Sunday. I think more than anything he was surprised by my question. Usually I never ask because although his team is small he work with different people when he is on location. He said I should call her back and ask who she was because even he said she was yet another name he worked with I would not believe him. I felt kind of bad when he handed me his phone smiling and he walked out of the room. He never hid his phone but one thing I know I had noticed was that he took special care to delete all of his chats even on social networks. It was very off for me but I chose not to point out to him because it would appear as though I was trying to monitor his calls.

I spoke a lot more times to Azanda. She kept on saying am panicking for nothing. I had been telling her my problems with my husband and all his short comings in marriage. There was very little she did not know about my marriage. To be honest she was very supportive of me always and was always willing to lend advise. Its true that that those who can’t do teach. A lot of people confided in her about their marriages and she always said it was because of them that she felt marriage was not for her. She said people have so many problems once they are married and are often miserable or bored to death before they even finish five years together. I looked at my own marriage and even though we were young and had a few coins to spare I already felt like an old woman. For young people routine is the most dangerous thing to your marriage. Doing the same thing everyday though safe becomes boring and you get restless. Even the fights with your partner start to creep in because of that hidden frustration. Being a wife does not make you less human for most people believe and a whole host of things a good wife should do and not do. It was through Azanda that I let out most of these frustrations. Having a partner in crime however is not always the coolest thing for most of the bad decisions you make come from the influence your friends have over you. We all have names for it, taking bullets\watching each other’s backs you name it. However, and this is the unfortunate bit, when you are home alone at night and you think of your last night’s actions, you are all alone. You find that you have a lot to answer to and the guilt is yours. That is why much as I love Azanda I did not over involve her in my marriage. I know it was not a wise idea telling her but misery loves company and she was best positioned to tell me what I needed to do.

When I got to work that Monday I was pretty nervous. I immediately went to see my boss before everyone else got there. He was always early so it was a good thing too. I told him that I could not work the account because of personal reasons. He told me that everyone else had assigned tasks and this was my chance to catch up with them. He said as the memo had already been sent to the other company and been approved I did not have much of a choice lest it be unprofessional. He then told me to leave my personal issues at home.

Cindy was pretty excited about this. She was also single and had made clear she was looking to settle down. She said working with engineers put her exactly in the right spot for her to get picked up. Although she was modern in most ways, she strongly believed that a man should approach her not the other way round. It was kind of tricky though because through her family plus work she already drove a BMW 3series which made her quite intimidating for most guys. Its a fact much as men want a woman who contributes financially in the family they are not that confident around a woman who competes with them at that level. It’s funny how it was not even her money that had paid for most of her car but because of what she drove she was already considered a powerful person. Cindy suggested that we have a meeting with the company so we can formalize the work relationship as we were now the two in charge of this audit. It made sense and I could not say no.

I had to compose myself. I could not run away from this as I indeed had started it. I called my husband to check if he had arrived ok. He was still a bit offish after the whole Pamela interrogation but he said he was ok. I really felt bad so I decided that I should confess but only when he gets back. I told him though that I had something important I needed to talk to him about.

Finally we went to Mfundo’s offices. He was there with his team as agreed upon. It was so awkward to say the least. He on the other hand acted as though nothing had happened and hardly acknowledged what had happened. We were very professional about it and I was glad that it was over. He made no hint whatsoever that we had met outside.

It was at the very end that I saw it. I do not know how I missed it the first time. He was wearing a marriage ring! I am almost certain that night on Friday he did not have it on. I was so angry with myself. I had done to another woman something I feared so much could happen to me.

I wanted to confront him when we walked out! He was such a dog I felt for doing that.

But what did that make me?

****The End****

Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)

Question: The bible teaches a lot of things and does not encourage a lot of things such as divorce, promiscuity, sex before marriage and a lot more things. With that said and all these part of our daily lives, how then does the Holy Book remain relevant in your life if all its teachings most of us Christians take for granted and only remember on Sundays when we dress up for church? Do you think a couple that prays together stays together with the high infidelity rate amongst the church leaders themselves setting a bad example?


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114 thoughts on “MOAYW – Chapter Four

  1. thanks Mike,
    i recently got married and me and my husband we pray everyday 2gather, in the morning before leaving the house and in the evening before we sleep and we realised how powerful it is when we do everything 2gather
    i would encourage other young couples to do the same as this will strengthen their marriage

    1. Hi Thandie,

      I could not agree with u more. I’m 17 years in a blissful marriage because of prayer & doing things together. Keep up the good work. May God strength ur union with hubby

    1. Am with you on that Lesego, I just cant get over it and MOAYW does not satisfy the hunger I had during Diary. . . Perhaps its cz am nt married . . .

  2. Guilt is consuming you already even before you’ve dropped your panties!! Wow!! For your sake I hope that you can fight off this temptation. Mmmmhhhh Mike, religion is a thorny one which still confuses me even today. I pick ‘n choose when it comes to the Holy book and only use, practice or remember what is applicable to me at that moment,..

  3. Hi Mike, thanks for the great read as always. My partner and I have been together for about 6 years and I can totally relate to things becoming routine…I think the best way is to constantly going back re evaluate ur relationship. Praying together is a big plus because it means you are on the same page when it comes to spiritual things.

  4. ita all a matter of choice, if you believe ib something the. you will stick to it but if your pretending to be a believer, well then the bible does say you reap what you sow.. WORD!

  5. well so glad to be one of the first few to comment.. this new story looks like its gonna be quite interesting.. im about to be married, and I just pray that none of us fall into the trap.. lol

  6. eish the things we do as women..decisions we make because of emtions do not get us anywhere for real. mara guilt will eat you up until you explode.this is nice mike thank you so much. mina am scared of a boring marriage and divorce is a nightmare kodwa mmmmmm

  7. Thank you Mike. Problem with young people we become to comfortable, 4 1 I used to keep in shape, most of the time women do most of the housework and men don’t help much. Repeating the samethings everyday gets to you, you need to plan some time were its just going to be the two of you, reconnect n find each other again because we take each other for granted

  8. First of all sometimes in life we need to understand that if God did not love us He wouldn’t have wrote down the rules of holy living as to protect us from harm that has spread in the world of today. Let’s for instead observe a person who gets involve sexual before marriage as to what that person can obtain like HIV or STD’s , unexpected pregnance and even en early grave but if that person did follow God’ s rules then He or She may have not been exposed to that danger. I understand you may say now what about the infedility in the marriage then I would unswer you again by what the bible says when it comes to the rukes of holy living where by it states that the man and woman will became one in body and it is very important for them to stay pure. But if infidelity does happen in your marriege then again we must go back to the word of FORGIVENESS and understand that it combines all the pains that one had received either from a friend, church or your marriege. I for one do not believe in divorce and if my husband wants it then he must make sure that he gets the best lawyers in the country because this lady says ” Forever till death do us apart” regardless if he cheat or abuses me. I KNOW YoU THINK THAT STUPID but let me tell you, I WILL ALWAYS LEAVE ACCORDING TO GOD’S WORD not what man say.

    1. The Holy book does allow for divorce in the case of adultery, staying with a loveless, unhappy, abusive and cheating man by force doesn’t make you a martyr and will not earn you points for heaven. God does not want his children to suffer in pain and humiliation and that is just but the wrong message to be sending in a world full of physically, verbally and emotionally abused women, all in the name of “following” the Bible #myhumbleopinion?

  9. Ewuu After such comments abt marriage thow 0_o?//?Ayi Man Thow Mara Lo Andiswa wakho be carefully she myt destroy ur marriage if you disclose everything #MOAYW

  10. Including Christ in yo plans as a married couple is very important,caus @ times He wil help u 2 avoid temptations dat wil destroy u.So prayin 2geda is a must!

  11. Gr8 read mike.e answer ur question.before u becum a prayin couple u need 1st 2b a praying individual,then acknowledge that evn tho u pray,u aren’t perfect.I think as christians,we tend2 4get that we blv in Jesus bcz we knw we aren’t perfect bt thru His grace we are made whole.most of us christians blv that prayr without action solves everythin,which isn’t true.goin2 counselling when things start goin bad in ur marriage is needed.its a sign of faith,which means u have faith in ur marriage& that God will help save ur marriage.2ndly:a lot of us christian women hav convinced ourselves that not looking good(not goin2 gym,puttin on make-up etc) is the right thing4 ur marriage.ur christian husband is still human n he’ll leav u 4that lady who doesn’t knw the door2 church jus cz of hw she do the same2.lastly,churches r runnin away frm talkin about sex in marriages.I blv that a healthy sex life in a marriage is manditory.wear ur lingere 4ur husband girl!if u dnt he’ll find sum1 else who will.n boy get her sexy lingere u like seeing her juanita bynums preaching on hw2 b a good wife.the problem with us females is that we tend2 promote boyfriends n make thm husbands thn wen its tym2 treat ur hubby/wife lyk a husband,u cnt anymore becz of what/how ur ex hurt u

  12. Thanx Mike! NB: Andiswa – the boss lady who thinks she shits chocolate in chapter 1 & Andiswa – the choma with naughty advice to Lesedi is gonna get us confused…like now U stated the boss as a man…but in chapter 1 it was a she….just saying.!

    There’s nothing frustrating like a boring marriage..rather find out how U can spice it up…or you’ll be forced to cheat..the ? is…did U get married for love or status?…

  13. Oh man I’m so inlove with MOAYW. You know Mike I wouldn’t complain if you were to stop writing Confessions of a sugar baby and you carried on writing MOAYW. I can read MOAYW the whole day and I wouldn’t get tired of it. Your work is absolutely amazing. You know what Mike you deserve an award for author of the Year. #JealousDown

  14. E verything in the Bible is relevant, esp the new testament!! M not married but I knw that praying togethr does help keep things good in any relationship, my spiritual parents, 13 yrs in marriage, 3 baby girls later, and its as if they met last werk n got married yesterday!! Everyday is a joy seeing em togethr, they are spiritually rooted n pray for n with each othr!! I always say wen I get married, I want a marriege like theirs 🙂

    1. And God will grant you just that he hears our prayers and will give us the desires of our hearts if we serve him in truth and live as He would live.

  15. Mike good work but pls papa double check your work cos Andiswa a SHE is her boss on chp 1 and nw she has a best frnd named Andiswa and now the boss is a HE *confused*

  16. I’m not married, but I strongly believe in prayer. The word says put God first and everything else will follow. If a couple prays together, and includes God in everything that they do, then that will strengthen their relationship, not only their relationship together but with God as well. Not every man cheats, and not every woman cheats. Anything and everything is possible with God.

  17. Awesome read!! I can’t believ how fast I read the zulu girl goes to jhb.. It took me 2 days.. And yes, I want more. However, I have a thing to say abt marriage. I have been married since 2006 n now I’ve filed 4 a divorce cos in all fairness, this shit don’t exist. When a man marries a woman from tht point on all he does is lie, disrespect her n cheat on her like she’s not a human being! Come to think of it, I never expectd tht de only man I’ve eva loved wud hurt me lyk this? I am mu mother’s daughter after all. Ppl are dangerous I tell ya.

  18. I’m really not feeling this MOAYW

    Its nowhere near Diary of a zulu gal and confession of a sugar baby shem.

    Its just not doing it for me. maybe its bcos im not married

  19. what we tend to forget is Christianity is a lifestyle and not a Sunday event. One thing our pastor also tells us is “when you become fully committed in your Christianity Satan will throw challenges at you that will test your character as a person and your faith”. I think we have let sex and money overrule our lives. if you are bored within your marriage why do you have to go and sleep with someone else to have fun? you are not solving the issue. people are scared of dealing with the real issues. Bible teachings are relevant in today’s life only if we want the truth as it is.

  20. I’m just happy ur advertizing my event#Ur a darling Mike!
    I’m starting to like Miss Steps ill eventually get over Thandeka

  21. I think if we pray together then it becomes a bit difficult to indulge in things that are not what you believe in,but let’s not forget that some of our church leaders and elders do not set a good example to us as well. It should be the individuals decision to do right within ones marriage for the marriage to be successful

  22. Gr8 work Mike ta, however, is Andiswa boss or colleague? She’s the one whose office was used for the ‘lovemaking’ in chapter 1…

  23. why do i feel like im reading the ‘Temptation’ script and the ‘Marriage Counselor’ scripty by Tyler Perry, but the South African version of the two…No offence

  24. going to church on Sunday doesn’t make a person a christian, christianity is a lifestyle one lives in their everyday lifestyle. Christianity will remain relevant to those who do according to Joshua 1:8, and those who are doers and nt just hearers of the Word.

  25. Nice read Mike

    The relevance of the Bible is relative both to individuals and the couple. The values that you collectively adopt as a couple are what will then influence the cause of the relationship. Witch intern brings us to a couple praying together, there is renewed union that comes with each contact we have with the Lord. God strengthens and renews you union each time you look to Him with gratitude and for guidance. Therefore a couple that WHOLE HARTEDLY prays together will definately stay together.

    I’m missing Thandeka myself hey…

  26. I dnt knw whether I’m a ryt person to comment on this one as I’ve been shagging a married man for over 7years now n we even have a child together infact we started dating even before he got married n at tyms I feel so guilty dat I even hate myself for doing it bt he doesn’t wana let go off me no matter how try to leave him so all I wana say is marriage is so difficult these days people get married for all da wrong reasons

    1. It happens to the best of us and we look back when its too late and regret the wasted time and energy. Questions to ask yourself 1)What happens ultimately when you want to get married? 2)Forget question 1 where and when will you meet Mr Right to marry you when your time is spent with Mr Married who goes home to his wife every night? 3)Its ok when baby is still young however at some point when they are older you are going to have to explain to them your relationship with the father whilst trying to teach them about morals and ethics. How will you be able to explain that? 4)Being 2nd best will cease to be attractive at some point 5)Should you meet a guy who will overlook this past and/or doesn’t know about it and marries you – imagine that happening behind your back and now its your man doing it? #foodforthought

  27. I am so enjoying this MOAYW! Much better than confessions. Please explain abt the 2 Andiswas and the now male boss as this doesn’t add up!

  28. i still dont get the hype around being the 1st to comment… at the end of the day what matters most is that opeople read the post and comment and Mike goes to bed happy… #kera fela wasnt being spitful

  29. DOAZG > MOAYW, however we need to give it a chance. Hopefully Mike knows gore ga ra itumelela the ending of the DOAZG… Would’ve been the best if we knew wat happened to S…. Anyhow, lenyalo ga se pap and vleis…

  30. I’m also confuse the boss was a she on chapter1 with the name Andile and here on chapter4 its a He. But I love this book even though I will say this is base on the movie temptation or rather I should say it has lots of similarities

  31. And there you are thinking that your husband is cheating,yet you are giving in to temptation… Possibly with a married man

  32. Hi Mike i really luv ur blogs hav been following all of them very intersting .here is a suggestion for ur next blog please do one thats written by a Man we ladies wud really luv know what really goes on with them.

  33. I’m not feeling MOAYW at all…..I think Zulu Girl left us with so many unanswered questions. One more chapter to explain everything would be much appreciated Mike. And maybe then I’ll start enjoying Lesego’s story…..

  34. In the first chapter her boss is Andile & is referred to as a woman & in this chapter her boss’name is not mentioned but is referred to as a man. Confusing much???

  35. I think we all enjoy the books we relate more too… @Lydia we appreciate that ure old and nearing marriage but for the youngins’ confessions is still very much relevant stop reading if yu dnt enjoy or relate 2 it, its really that simple hey 🙂

  36. I would like to know from all christians how people got married in the old days. Can some1 plz describe for me how in the bible two individuals got married.

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