The rest of the weekend I was not focused. It felt as though everyone was looking at me as though they knew my secret. I was extra careful with my hubby so that he would not find out about my incident. I knew he was leaving on the first flight out Monday morning and funny enough I wanted him to go so that I can sort out my emotional mess before he noticed something has gotten to me. Whilst we were having breakfast on Sunday his phone. The caller I.D. said Pamela. He picked it up and started talking to her in front of me. For some reason I felt jealous. He had never given me a reason not to trust me but I felt so uncomfortable. I got the impression that because I had done something then what if he was too. I mean he had ample opportunity to do so since we were so far apart. As soon as he hung up I asked who Pamela was and why she was calling a married man on Sunday. I think more than anything he was surprised by my question. Usually I never ask because although his team is small he work with different people when he is on location. He said I should call her back and ask who she was because even he said she was yet another name he worked with I would not believe him. I felt kind of bad when he handed me his phone smiling and he walked out of the room. He never hid his phone but one thing I know I had noticed was that he took special care to delete all of his chats even on social networks. It was very off for me but I chose not to point out to him because it would appear as though I was trying to monitor his calls.
I spoke a lot more times to Azanda. She kept on saying am panicking for nothing. I had been telling her my problems with my husband and all his short comings in marriage. There was very little she did not know about my marriage. To be honest she was very supportive of me always and was always willing to lend advise. Its true that that those who can’t do teach. A lot of people confided in her about their marriages and she always said it was because of them that she felt marriage was not for her. She said people have so many problems once they are married and are often miserable or bored to death before they even finish five years together. I looked at my own marriage and even though we were young and had a few coins to spare I already felt like an old woman. For young people routine is the most dangerous thing to your marriage. Doing the same thing everyday though safe becomes boring and you get restless. Even the fights with your partner start to creep in because of that hidden frustration. Being a wife does not make you less human for most people believe and a whole host of things a good wife should do and not do. It was through Azanda that I let out most of these frustrations. Having a partner in crime however is not always the coolest thing for most of the bad decisions you make come from the influence your friends have over you. We all have names for it, taking bullets\watching each other’s backs you name it. However, and this is the unfortunate bit, when you are home alone at night and you think of your last night’s actions, you are all alone. You find that you have a lot to answer to and the guilt is yours. That is why much as I love Azanda I did not over involve her in my marriage. I know it was not a wise idea telling her but misery loves company and she was best positioned to tell me what I needed to do.
When I got to work that Monday I was pretty nervous. I immediately went to see my boss before everyone else got there. He was always early so it was a good thing too. I told him that I could not work the account because of personal reasons. He told me that everyone else had assigned tasks and this was my chance to catch up with them. He said as the memo had already been sent to the other company and been approved I did not have much of a choice lest it be unprofessional. He then told me to leave my personal issues at home.
Cindy was pretty excited about this. She was also single and had made clear she was looking to settle down. She said working with engineers put her exactly in the right spot for her to get picked up. Although she was modern in most ways, she strongly believed that a man should approach her not the other way round. It was kind of tricky though because through her family plus work she already drove a BMW 3series which made her quite intimidating for most guys. Its a fact much as men want a woman who contributes financially in the family they are not that confident around a woman who competes with them at that level. It’s funny how it was not even her money that had paid for most of her car but because of what she drove she was already considered a powerful person. Cindy suggested that we have a meeting with the company so we can formalize the work relationship as we were now the two in charge of this audit. It made sense and I could not say no.
I had to compose myself. I could not run away from this as I indeed had started it. I called my husband to check if he had arrived ok. He was still a bit offish after the whole Pamela interrogation but he said he was ok. I really felt bad so I decided that I should confess but only when he gets back. I told him though that I had something important I needed to talk to him about.
Finally we went to Mfundo’s offices. He was there with his team as agreed upon. It was so awkward to say the least. He on the other hand acted as though nothing had happened and hardly acknowledged what had happened. We were very professional about it and I was glad that it was over. He made no hint whatsoever that we had met outside.
It was at the very end that I saw it. I do not know how I missed it the first time. He was wearing a marriage ring! I am almost certain that night on Friday he did not have it on. I was so angry with myself. I had done to another woman something I feared so much could happen to me.
I wanted to confront him when we walked out! He was such a dog I felt for doing that.
But what did that make me?
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
Question: The bible teaches a lot of things and does not encourage a lot of things such as divorce, promiscuity, sex before marriage and a lot more things. With that said and all these part of our daily lives, how then does the Holy Book remain relevant in your life if all its teachings most of us Christians take for granted and only remember on Sundays when we dress up for church? Do you think a couple that prays together stays together with the high infidelity rate amongst the church leaders themselves setting a bad example?