I am not a liar by nature. I have always been caught out each time I tried to do it so I figured either I was a bad liar or I could not carry a lie… Or at least I thought. I decided to go with the truth and told him I was with Mfundo we attended school with him. At first it took him a while to figure it out who Mfundo then it hit him. He remembered him and exclaimed surprise as to what I was doing with him. I explained that I had left him a message saying I would be going out since he had been underground. I also told him how Mfundo’s company had been doing a presentations at my work place that’s how we had met and decided to catch up. I also included that we were in a group and Nkululeko Nkutha was there which was also true. Nkulu had been friends with Sizwe for a while even back then and seemingly their friendship had extended to business. We knew them through Katlego who at some point was my flatmate and this was her crew. He said I must tell him when I got home and not to forget to water the pot plant because it was wilting! Yup, that is what he said! Pot plant. Don’t even think that he had green fingers for I had never seen him once water it but because I was now the wife it was my job.
The evening was very pleasant to be honest and I had so much fun. Its good to catch up. We spoke about everyone we could remember, Lynn Fester, Sanchia Van Staden, Nthabiseng Mokwebu all old friends from back in the day. Most people were still unmarried but kids were starting to pop in. The thing is when you are young and working, if you get pregnant even to a loser, you keep your baby because you can take care of your baby. At work alone if we could form a single mother union they would overthrow the company shem. I therefore was considered lucky to have a husband. It is weird hey when you think about it, most girls in their mid twenties at work start to compete to get married. November especially is a nightmare for the singe middle 20s because its wedding season and the pressure just mounts. Even their boyfriends don’t want to take them to weddings anymore because the hints get louder and louder. I think with me my marriage was already spoken for in university. We were that couple that everyone thought was going to end up together. My husband, Mthobisi, graduated before me meaning he went to work before I competed. His first job was in Secunda. Settling for him was not the easiest thing because he called everyday saying how he hated this place without me. Then the calls started to get less and less. One day I visited him at his place in Secunda. I did not go there often because I was now doing my PGDA so I was quite busy. When he had gone to work I did what any self respecting girlfriend would have done, I searched his house for signs of another woman. I don’t think I was really surprised when I found a woman’s overnight bag at the back of his wardrobe. I can see he had tried to hide them. I didn’t have money to leave so I put the bag at the entrance of the door. It will be the first thing he saw when he walked in the house. Needless to say we had a huge fight in which I demanded to be taken back to Johannesburg there and then. Eventually we settled on the following morning and I slept on the couch. Told him I was not going to sleep in the bed he had been sleeping with his mistress or had I now fallen from girlfriend to mistress? After I left for seven months he begged for my return every single day until eventually I forgave him. It is weird really, we can all forgive a man who cheats but we never forget. That seventh month sabbatical from him was like an eye opener and I had my fun. I didn’t spend my time mopping around. I was not cheating on anyone but I must say at some point I got carried away. I did a lot of firsts. When we got back together it was not long before we got married.
There is this misconception that the day you get married you are cleansed and are a brand new person. If you are black you are lucky if you even get a honey moon otherwise you take a week off work, go home then go back to work. Nothing really has changed. Maybe the bible was right when it said no sex before marriage because at least then you had something to look forward to. Now, you are shagging the same man and only difference is that you have a piece of paper telling you that you can change your surname now. You are not rich enough to buy a new house as Mr. and Mrs. but who cares you just go back to the same flat, lucky for you if its a house, where he was already enjoying your benefits. That’s black marriage and that was my reality. If you are a man it triggers some instinct in you that now that you have put a ring on her finger stop paying extra attention to her. The outings literally dies out. Instead your conversations are replaced with discussions on the bond, debt, kids and family functions you can’t afford to miss otherwise they will say “Makoti wa ke pona, le gona o nagana gore o re phala ka moka.” Men don’t get it, for a woman getting married means you sacrifice more and kiss more ass just for acceptance. One mistake and you will be hated by his family and they have a way of making your life miserable. No matter what you say, once your are married you cannot say you will not involve in the rest of the family’s affairs because they involve you. Its worse if you are married to a man who has a semi rural back ground because they have traditional ceremony after traditional ceremony. As a makoti they work you hard, alongside other makotis to be fair, whilst the hardest job the man do is slaughter a cow if at all! When you then tell your husband that for the next event you do not want to attend he makes it seem as though you do not want his family. That was my reality! Kissing ass to my in-laws!
Mfundo was great company. He reminded me of how it felt like to be young and carefree. University had been the best years of my life. I had so much fun and grew up a lot whilst I was there. Mthobisi back then was this outgoing person we would go clubbing together even and when we got back together we used to go out a lot but the moment I walked down that aisle the man just switched off his fun button! He never said do not go out, nope, he stopped going out meaning as a wife it is not the easiest thing to do. At times I would persuade him just to have him leave the house on a Friday night but it was not easy. With the baby now here I guess he dug in his heels even more.
Every young woman wants to be complimented. I love compliments. I love being told the effort I put into gym after I gave birth paid off. I love being told that the outfit I am wearing looks amazing or my new hair was made for me. Small things. Mthobisi’s teeth I am almost certain would fall out if those words passed his lips. He was not a bad guy or a reserved guy funny enough. We had good conversations and laughter too but compliments were not his thing. Mfundo on the other hand was a flirt. He showered me with compliments and made suggestive jokes. I was quite tipsy.
We agreed that Nkululeko should drive my car since I had a bit much to drink and I would drive with Mfundo. I would lead with Mfundo and fortunately I did not leave far. When we got to my place I went in through first with my tag and because the security knew my car they opened for it as soon as it got to the gate.
He gave me back my keys as I came out. Mfundo insisted on walking me to my door and I don’t know what got into me when I said yes. Yes we had been flirting but walking me to my door was a bit much. It happened really quickly though and fortunately not outside my door because I was not comfortable.
It was two doors away when I stopped. I am not sure how it happened but going in for the hug, I allowed him to kiss me! It was not that slow romantic kiss you see on tv but that fast, hard passionate one where his hands are all over you! As quickly as it started he stopped, turned back and loudly said,
“Goodnight Mrs. Jumbe!”
And walked away. My marital surname is Jumbe! Was he mocking me? I was all kinds of confused as I staggered to my apartment.
I walked into my apartment and there sitting on the couch was Mthobisi smiling from ear to ass,
What an idiot! I was turned on by another man and I just pounced on him and screwed my husband hard!
It is called guilt!
Problem is, in all that session, it was Mfundo I was picturing inside me not my husband!
I knew I was in trouble!
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto
Question: Do you think people today marry too early without getting the basics right if you look at all the divorce and cheating? What needs to change for us to return the sanctity of marriage to what it once was?
Please inquire through Mike@diaryofazulugirl.co.za about advertising with us.