MOAYW – Chapter Two

Posted on Posted in Missteps of a Young Wife

I am not a liar by nature. I have always been caught out each time I tried to do it so I figured either I was a bad liar or I could not carry a lie… Or at least I thought. I decided to go with the truth and told him I was with Mfundo we attended school with him. At first it took him a while to figure it out who Mfundo then it hit him. He remembered him and exclaimed surprise as to what I was doing with him. I explained that I had left him a message saying I would be going out since he had been underground. I also told him how Mfundo’s company had been doing a presentations at my work place that’s how we had met and decided to catch up. I also included that we were in a group and Nkululeko Nkutha was there which was also true. Nkulu had been friends with Sizwe for a while even back then and seemingly their friendship had extended to business. We knew them through Katlego who at some point was my flatmate and this was her crew. He said I must tell him when I got home and not to forget to water the pot plant because it was wilting! Yup, that is what he said! Pot plant. Don’t even think that he had green fingers for I had never seen him once water it but because I was now the wife it was my job.

The evening was very pleasant to be honest and I had so much fun. Its good to catch up. We spoke about everyone we could remember, Lynn Fester, Sanchia Van Staden, Nthabiseng Mokwebu all old friends from back in the day. Most people were still unmarried but kids were starting to pop in. The thing is when you are young and working, if you get pregnant even to a loser, you keep your baby because you can take care of your baby. At work alone if we could form a single mother union they would overthrow the company shem. I therefore was considered lucky to have a husband. It is weird hey when you think about it, most girls in their mid twenties at work start to compete to get married. November especially is a nightmare for the singe middle 20s because its wedding season and the pressure just mounts. Even their boyfriends don’t want to take them to weddings anymore because the hints get louder and louder. I think with me my marriage was already spoken for in university. We were that couple that everyone thought was going to end up together. My husband, Mthobisi, graduated before me meaning he went to work before I competed. His first job was in Secunda. Settling for him was not the easiest thing because he called everyday saying how he hated this place without me. Then the calls started to get less and less. One day I visited him at his place in Secunda. I did not go there often because I was now doing my PGDA so I was quite busy. When he had gone to work I did what any self respecting girlfriend would have done, I searched his house for signs of another woman. I don’t think I was really surprised when I found a woman’s overnight bag at the back of his wardrobe. I can see he had tried to hide them. I didn’t have money to leave so I put the bag at the entrance of the door. It will be the first thing he saw when he walked in the house. Needless to say we had a huge fight in which I demanded to be taken back to Johannesburg there and then. Eventually we settled on the following morning and I slept on the couch. Told him I was not going to sleep in the bed he had been sleeping with his mistress or had I now fallen from girlfriend to mistress? After I left for seven months he begged for my return every single day until eventually I forgave him. It is weird really, we can all forgive a man who cheats but we never forget. That seventh month sabbatical from him was like an eye opener and I had my fun. I didn’t spend my time mopping around. I was not cheating on anyone but I must say at some point I got carried away. I did a lot of firsts. When we got back together it was not long before we got married.

There is this misconception that the day you get married you are cleansed and are a brand new person. If you are black you are lucky if you even get a honey moon otherwise you take a week off work, go home then go back to work. Nothing really has changed. Maybe the bible was right when it said no sex before marriage because at least then you had something to look forward to. Now, you are shagging the same man and only difference is that you have a piece of paper telling you that you can change your surname now. You are not rich enough to buy a new house as Mr. and Mrs. but who cares you just go back to the same flat, lucky for you if its a house, where he was already enjoying your benefits. That’s black marriage and that was my reality. If you are a man it triggers some instinct in you that now that you have put a ring on her finger stop paying extra attention to her. The outings literally dies out. Instead your conversations are replaced with discussions on the bond, debt, kids and family functions you can’t afford to miss otherwise they will say “Makoti wa ke pona, le gona o nagana gore o re phala ka moka.” Men don’t get it, for a woman getting married means you sacrifice more and kiss more ass just for acceptance. One mistake and you will be hated by his family and they have a way of making your life miserable. No matter what you say, once your are married you cannot say you will not involve in the rest of the family’s affairs because they involve you. Its worse if you are married to a man who has a semi rural back ground because they have traditional ceremony after traditional ceremony. As a makoti they work you hard, alongside other makotis to be fair, whilst the hardest job the man do is slaughter a cow if at all! When you then tell your husband that for the next event you do not want to attend he makes it seem as though you do not want his family. That was my reality! Kissing ass to my in-laws!

Mfundo was great company. He reminded me of how it felt like to be young and carefree. University had been the best years of my life. I had so much fun and grew up a lot whilst I was there. Mthobisi back then was this outgoing person we would go clubbing together even and when we got back together we used to go out a lot but the moment I walked down that aisle the man just switched off his fun button! He never said do not go out, nope, he stopped going out meaning as a wife it is not the easiest thing to do. At times I would persuade him just to have him leave the house on a Friday night but it was not easy. With the baby now here I guess he dug in his heels even more.

Every young woman wants to be complimented. I love compliments. I love being told the effort I put into gym after I gave birth paid off. I love being told that the outfit I am wearing looks amazing or my new hair was made for me. Small things. Mthobisi’s teeth I am almost certain would fall out if those words passed his lips. He was not a bad guy or a reserved guy funny enough. We had good conversations and laughter too but compliments were not his thing. Mfundo on the other hand was a flirt. He showered me with compliments and made suggestive jokes. I was quite tipsy.

We agreed that Nkululeko should drive my car since I had a bit much to drink and I would drive with Mfundo. I would lead with Mfundo and fortunately I did not leave far. When we got to my place I went in through first with my tag and because the security knew my car they opened for it as soon as it got to the gate.

He gave me back my keys as I came out. Mfundo insisted on walking me to my door and I don’t know what got into me when I said yes. Yes we had been flirting but walking me to my door was a bit much. It happened really quickly though and fortunately not outside my door because I was not comfortable.

It was two doors away when I stopped. I am not sure how it happened but going in for the hug, I allowed him to kiss me! It was not that slow romantic kiss you see on tv but that fast, hard passionate one where his hands are all over you! As quickly as it started he stopped, turned back and loudly said,

“Goodnight Mrs. Jumbe!”

And walked away. My marital surname is Jumbe! Was he mocking me? I was all kinds of confused as I staggered to my apartment.

I walked into my apartment and there sitting on the couch was Mthobisi smiling from ear to ass,


What an idiot! I was turned on by another man and I just pounced on him and screwed my husband hard!

It is called guilt!

Problem is, in all that session, it was Mfundo I was picturing inside me not my husband!

I knew I was in trouble!

****The End****

Michael Nkululeko Maphoto

Question: Do you think people today marry too early without getting the basics right if you look at all the divorce and cheating? What needs to change for us to return the sanctity of marriage to what it once was?


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Thank You

Mike Maphoto

157 thoughts on “MOAYW – Chapter Two

  1. ppl get married for the wrong reasons n sum rush into marriage. n wyl in the marriage thy no longer communicate wit eachada wch leads to alot of fightin dan cums cheatin! its rili sad* we nid to myk a change

  2. Nice one Mike, its wise to get married after u had all fun to avoid infidelity and being promiscious in yo marriage life.

  3. Yes young people are rushing into marriage,I think we should try and truly wait for the one…marriage has become such a competition that the first person who proposes we say yes without even thinking twice about it

  4. The problem lies in the two people and choice is urs marriage its frm a trusting bf gf relationship throgh the challenges fights arguments misunderstanding and shoult put God or invite him in ur relationship and b4 one should ask himself or herself if he\she is ready for marriage.Difference Between A Husband And A Boyfriend
    A BOYFRIEND lets you meet his friends, a HUSBAND lets you meet his family.
    A BOYFRIEND takes you out for dinner and places, a HUSBAND makes sure there is food in the house.
    A BOYFRIEND has sex for fun, a HUSBAND has sex to communicate and bond.
    A BOYFRIEND laughs at your flaws, a HUSBAND understands your flaws.
    A BOYFRIEND leaves you when you need him the most and a HUSBAND never leave your side in hard times…. ARE YOU with a HUSBAND or BOYFRIEND material?
    ARE YOU a HUSBAND or BOYFRIEND material? So if u have all of the above b4 u commit urself then mike things can go back to the way they where and there won’t be so many divorces

    1. thats true dear, i was married at young age and let me tell you i am still happy and i even forget that it was 2002 when i said i “do” to my husband … and not once have i went home crying, not one have a threaned him to leave my house…. make God the foundation and trust in trusting ur parter and be honest to each , and i dont regret married my husband at all.

  5. nice read, however i feel like there’s too much explaining happening. the same as diary and confession. it’s only the first few lines and the last few lines that are actually interesting, the rest is explaining and it comes accross as you have ran out of words. i just feel like the explainig should be less. dont get me wrong, i like all books however it gets boring at times. just my opnion

    1. I understand what you are saying but I think that is the aim…Mike is telling a story and at the same time he lets people in to the character’s thoughts and how the perceive things. He familiarizes his readers with other cultures and how things are done in their world. You can imagine the readers are from different backgrounds and cultures so the “explaining” is very important and informative. Just go with the flow…

      Mike….you are amazing!!! You say the things that married people are afraid to say…keep up the good work!

  6. I think the divorce rate is cause by lack of respect by both parties and not realizing what really go on a marriage. And in woman these days won’t stay if they see a man is not treating her well into yonyamezela yaphela because we have became so indepent

  7. Ooopsie,u sleep u looze out!
    ANS: pipo ds days are either ignorant or hav forgotten d fundamentals of the constitution of marriage as intended by God. Marriage 4 oda reasons other than love – because of children that r a result of fornification is in its own a sin, so usually divorce or cheating is where it will end. I think things wuld b different if we went back to d true gospel and avoided d sex before marriage, get married pure and watch as God blesses our marriages more n more!

  8. What a nice suprise 🙂 . Marriage is a gift for two people. Its the unity of two families.when u enter into such you are making a conscious decision to be faithfull to your partner and forsake all others. Now I think some people enter into it without considering the forsaking others part. When one says their vows one must mean it. For richer or for poorer in sickness and in health for better or for worse till death do us apart. Its not just words its the very foundation the very core of what marriage entails. When I get married it will be for love.I seek a man who is after Gods heart. Who is very rooted in all things eternal. We tend to forget that the flesh is weak. The biggest downfall for every cheater is the failure to be content with what they have.

  9. Do you guys ever read these blogs 1st without commenting on being the first one to comment I don’t think that’s the use of the comment suggestion cause all u say wen commenting is how you all made it into the top 5 or top 10

  10. A lot of young people now get married just for personal gratification without looking beyond the functions of the event/day. People confuse MARRIAGE with a WEDDING and although they’re in close relation to the other, they all differ on several aspects. If the foundation is not built on solid ground, then you marriage is bound to fail hence the high divorce rate in our generation and community. Age and social status seem to be the main attributes to people rushing to walk down the aisle and be seen as having reached that “lifetime achiever” award. Sometimes women tend to lose their identity and become a shadow unto their own husbands while others “settle” into their new domestic status and roles, and abandon their personal interests, which I believe might also be the reason why men cheat, because if you look at the mistress, she is basically a replica of who you were before you got married.

  11. The first thing they need to do before getting married is to go for
    marriage counseling its very important to do so to avoid any setbacks , divorce and cheating its rather Crucial

    🙂 loving the new story

    1. yoh im shit scared. i went through all the comments and i am scared. i am about to get married and well i am a young adult. financially i am ok, my career just stated and i love my man. yall just took to another planet. thnx Mikey

  12. Ook I am so lost why are we not continuing from what happened at the end of chapter 1? Who are all these people what happened to Malume Rodney and the rest of the crew and to think I was so looking forward to this chapter I’m so dissapointed

  13. It is not the matter of getting married while still young. The problem is people do change aftr getting married. No more fun, e ba mme le ntate. Kante monate tshwanetse o tswelle pele. E nna gore batho ba tlareng ba go bona ko night club o le mme wa Lapa!! Le families ba tsenya pressure, motho o go thotse o apara marokgwe le di mini, nou that u r married to a pedi clan or sotho clan, tshwanetse o apare skirt tsa go fitlha mangole. Bullshit die ding. Bona ga gwa tlamega go fetoga, tshwanetse le oketse.

  14. BF and husband should read these one, definitely will help, will open an eye to most people out there. Shame go utlwisa botlhoko gore o re o dijetse ebe go sena complements, or ebe o thola complements ko ntle, ba mo ntlong ba sa bone sepe.

  15. dankie bhuti
    A: i’m no expect but these days people just seem to be cheating for fun; it is sad really; people should just stop being selfish and think of other people’s feelings and concequences. enjoy your own company, think really hard b4 u get married weigh your pros and cons; go for counselling and dont feel under pressure just coz ur biological clock is ticking there are a lot of late boomers yes there are risks but with the advanced medical interventions these days it is possible to have a child at 40 instead of 22 *so says a happy thirtysomething single woman* *smiles*

  16. @Mbali, u r lost my dear. This is a new book, MISTEPS OF A YOUNG WIFE. Ya boMalume Rodney re tswetse ga nnyane. That was the end of chapter one. Let’s hope will get chapter Two in future. Cause le nna I can’t wait to know what happened to them.

  17. Not to squash the rights that women have fought so hard to establish, but women lack respect for their husbands. Nevermind that you cook for him and wait on him hand and foot…but a body can only have one head? There can only be one man in any home. Anything with two heads is a monster. I don’t think people are getting married too early either, it worked before in our grand parents generation, but we have lost the plot. And one of the problems stemming from our parents generation perspective of marriage…don’t get me wrong, every mother wants their daughter to have that white wedding, but every mother insists on their daughter having a good education and job in case the bastard walks out. We go into these marriages with back up plans. We know we’re able to stand on our own two feet when he messes up and we do not hesitate to walk out when he does because we need nothing from him. I am not saying women should be walk overs…but I think that is half of the problem from a woman’s perspective. Men have the same age old problems…cheating, lacking affection, etc but those are problems that have existed since Shaka’s and even biblical times so surely by way of elimination, even though that behaviour is in itself wrong and disgusting…i think its the response mechanisms that women now have to this behaviour that shortens marriage life spans. And children being able to legally have sex with each other from age 12? Honestly, with the upcoming generation…there really will be no need to get married at all!

    1. I hear you, but is it not for the best though that woman are able to stand their ground? Is it at all fair to say that its discrimination that men’s flaws are accepted because they are ancient, and woman’s flaws are rejected merely because they are women? Tolerance is lacking i agree but what are the fundamentals in getting married? I dont think cheating is one of them so therefore why do we crucify our women when they do the same thing that men do? or having back up plans in case his sorry ass screws up…. This backward mentality is the reason why people’s minds are still in the gutter and the reason this country is on a slow progress. Its 50/50 and being a father, i wouldnt appreciate my daughter stayin with a no good of a husband just coz he paid lobola, hell i’d give him his damn money back or whatever the case may be. Times have changed and the solution and is to adapt, if we fail that we shall fail everything else coz times have changed since before christ, after death and shaka’s time.

  18. I can simply say, I relate to this womans life, being married young and all and the changes that happen in the relationship, I’m not sure but I think man change a lot after you have taken their surname, maar!!!
    I’m going to enjoy this new book, thanks Mike!

  19. This only gets interesting..marriage is a big challenge nd inorder to make it work ppl should know who they r marrying nd if love is the key thn everything will run smoothly!!

  20. Nice 1 sir…..ppl dnt get married for wrong reasons…if so then they have got money nd time to waste shem…bt MARRIAGE in our day nd age go wrong bcoz ppl change nd try to please the ppl watching

  21. So thandeka Mkhize is dead 🙁 anyways Mike I really enjoyed reading this chapter since I have being impatiently waiting for it. Thanks Mike

  22. I like your question cause I was going to comment on something related to it and that’s the fact that couples are now living together, having their very expensive weddings then going back to the same houses/flats they had been in before. No honeymoon, no progress, those who were renting stay rating unless they had peer pressure to buy.

    Truth is the problem isn’t young people getting married, it’s the fact that they don’t have Christian values in the marriages. I’m also not talking about those who go and maybe serve in church but they still having sex and living together outside of church and feel no guilty about it.

    If you want marriage to be how it was, if you want a honeymoon and something exciting and new after marriage you need to go old school. My born again Christians friends are getting married soon, they are having a honeymoon cause it will be their first time and they don’t want family or friends showing up while they are working out what they like sexually. They believe divorce is a sin and I truly believe no matter what happens they won’t get divorced, after all they were able to avoid the temptations of premarital sex into their 20s.

    It’s not young people getting married that caused more divorces after all before people used to get married at 18 and they are the ones you see in their 80s still together. The issue is we stopped taking marriage seriously, we stopped giving it the respect and work it needed, we stop valuing each other as a couple, you start to love your kids more then your partner so you give all your energy to the kids and nothing is left for your marriage and we start falling for the lie of the one and that’s what makes you start looking to others things.

    1. I hear what you are saying Lee, However I also have christian friends who ‘i believe only indulged after marriage. Some have divorced and some are still instituting proceedings. I believe that christian marriages are the largest of marriages who are ridden with problems mainly because ‘Divorce’ is frowned upon, so they stick it out till they eventually get divorced.

      i believe the trick is in how our parents did it, yeah equal rights bla bla bla…… however when it comes to marriage, the man is the head and the woman is the neck. With persuation the head will always look the direction dictated by the neck……. So everyone wins…..

      I married at a young age, have 1 child and expecting another soon, marriage is no walk in the park. We fight and yeah whatever, but we also have a good time and create memories. Its easy buying a house but difficult creating a home for your family. So those who go back to the flats and whats so not, hey maybe they are going home and you who has a big mansion, well you are going to an empty house with the wife/husband that you truelly resent…….

      Well when DOAZG began it was realistic, though my man Mike soon lost direction and succumbed to the pressure, created zillion cliffhangers that would never be untied neatly for an amazing ending, hence Thandeka died. I hope this one will improve.

      Ps before Mike’s bodyguards reap my head off, I believe thats why we are able to comment, and ironic enough the bulldogs, or sorry bodyguards are your tipical ‘i’m first wara wara’


  23. I think marriages don’t work nowadays cos people don’t take time to know each other and go through counseling to know the basics of marriage…. Marriage is tough so you need to be emotionally, physically, financially and sexually ready to sacrifice a lot

  24. Thank you Mickey

    Looking forward to reading about Mrs Jumbe.. Mybe this will enlighten me about marriage. I have a phobia of getting married due to things that are currently hapening with our peers who are married….

  25. Thanx Mike. Names in MOAYW ring a bell so i think that these characters are all linked simce previously mentioned in N Confessions, interesting… Funny was tidying up & came across an old paper which I’ll quote from ‘it’s a massive own goal on my part. We all do these things in dark corners & when they come out lots of people are hurt…I am only human & fallible. I am no saint. (Vavi on ‘cheating’) So to be honest I think it’s certain people with certain ‘habits’ who give marriage a bad name. As I commented before after a different chapter, once a cheater always a cheater. Also some people don’t get married for the ‘right’ reasons, while some people should just never get married buy do so due to societal expectations, hence the results as we see them.

  26. I don’t think it is getting married young that is the problem, my grandparents married very young and they were married for over 50 something odd years and they were parted by death. I think marriages get destroyed because they foundation is not right, you can’t build something solid if the foundation is rocky. We need to understand what it is that you want from a partner (the non-negotiables) faith, love, a man after God’s heart, respect etc and don’t compromise on them for those are the founding things that the relationship will be based on, after that you can look at the other things that you can compromise on.

    Again, I also think that our parents relationships were kept together because the women tolerated a lot more than we want to tolerate. A cheating husband is a deal breaker, alcoholism is a deal breaker, a lot of things become deal breakers and we are now in better positions to leave marriages/relationships that no longer meet our needs unlike the older generation.

    I am all for better or for worse, but for worse is not me having to understand that you got bored and got Susan on the side. For worse, is you getting sick, is you losing a job not you making a conscious decision to go cheat on me and then expecting me to understand. I guess if we all went through the courting process properly, went through the marriage counseling to iron out the lil bits and our separate understandings of what marriage is about and try bring it together then I think we are on our way to building longer lasting marriages. I haven’t got it right yet (especially on the relationship department) but from what I have heard people speaking about this I think I need to keep it in this direction.

  27. Thanx mike, im really enjoying the Misstepeps, cauze i can relate to the changes that happen after people have been together for a ling time! (it gets pretty boring ) and that’s when the temptations of all those guys that you could have had more fun with come in.I hope couples don’t stop having fun through all their personal changes….

  28. Mike the problem is that once people get married they stop having fun, they stop flirting with each other and yes men stop complimenting their wives. Women get bored and end up cheating wit someone who will tell them that they look good, their hair style suit them, they have a nice butt etc.

  29. Marriage can be fun if both partners make an effort to keep it the flame burning. I am 37 and have been married for 12 years. We have 3 children. I still find my hubby attractive and yes we often fuck each other like mad in bed, on the floor, in the shower, in his office, in our car!! You name it!

  30. Bair dankie Mike gud job on yet another grt book
    A: woman and man these days are very independent and do not consider each others feelings, in most cases its a matter of if you dnt do this then ill find sum1 else who will, respect for culture is not there anymr aswell people rnt scared of getting caught or shaming their families.
    its not about getting married young its about getting married whn you know your are not personaly ready for it (pressure from family & frnds) but you stl go true with it and you find your self either bored or just wanting more and more of the things you not getting in ur patner.

    Mike cnt wait for the next chapter this is gone be very intresting and also an eye opener

  31. Wow great read Mike, about the Question: Whatever happening now concerning the marriages or relationship, it not a new phenomenon or curse from planet hell or something which needs sangoma intervention. Our parents went through similar heartaches and hardships,and must I say they were good in pretending/ acting or they were taught to well to do so.But in all they protected us so much then they forgotten to teach us about the eventuality of the married couple. There’s no living happily ever after in this institution, nor the glamour which mostly publised by married couples( My husband this yeah yeah….kuyanyiwa survival of the fittest….wena owabona izilwane endle zibangisana ngokudla) umshado ke lowo. As the new generation we are more expose to information, ukuthi ke le information ifika kanjani kubani ngasikhathisini okwakho lokho, nokuthi how does it affect your perfect marriage its a personal discretion. I can use the information provided to me to rebuild my marriage or it can distroy it in totality. Information is a very dengerous weapon if it is not handled with care or not in the hands of the creator. So in essence our parents were sheltered and protected between the rock and hard place and with us we are loosely bombarded with information of what to do or what nots…. And at the end of the day one thing that differentiate us from animal species is the brain, other than that shagging plentiful as we can is genetically modified in our DNA. Its just that we were robbed by civilization and the economical implications, whereby the rules and standards of having one wife per household were permitted, over and above that we remain the same species who can’t be satisfied by one man/woman for the rest of our lives.

  32. Some people get married because they in a competition with their friends and they not yet ready. they still envy others properties

  33. well said Mmage marriage counselling is the way to go, on the other hand other partners do it for the sake of doing it or to get their wives/ HUSBAND to be off their backs. Truthfully it is a great process that need to be visited, but most couples get distressed about post marital challenges. Especially amantombazane ahlanyiswa igama lokwenziwa umfazi……….indoda ifike ithi ngiyashada la! nawe ujabula. You did n’t even ask him about his financial status, about his previous relationship, about his family background, about his wellbeing, ubani lo omshadayo, what is he made of, or you are just inviting terrible and misery in your private space, my mom always tells me that akukho umuntu owake waphuma ngebhokisi ekhaya ngoba e Single, rather give yourself time to gather vital info/data about your possible partner then committing for the lifetime to the unknown entity………..

  34. great read mike as always…

    A. im not married and im am by no means ready… but wat i think is the prblem people change once theyv gott en married, they become uptight, now that im a makoti and hs put a ring on it iv got him and he is all mine and vise versa to guys.. they effort is no longer there to impress to look good to smellgood to look sexy to go out and have fun.. all the romance is out the window, then u feel as if u married the wrong person kanti no u married the same person mara now they feel to comfortable and loose al the excitement u saw in them, then u find other attractions and distractions which leads to cheating.. us the youth asikwazi ukubekezela, we give up to easily kanti back then our mothers n fathers fought for their lovers and families and made things work through think and thin.. now there are waaaaay more single parents thn there were before and way more divorced couples thn before.. now u have to try your mighty all to keep ur husband or wife because the competition is tough and we have wondering eyes, its seldomu find some1 that is 100% satisfied with wat is infront of their eyes… #fact

  35. Siyabonga Mr Maphoto.

    Now for the Q&A: Expert advice.

    When you get married, it is a holy union blessed in the name of our father, it is sacred and bounds families and ancestors through the profound love shared by the groom and bride.

    Your vows are are sacred, or atleast they should be. When you say i do, you sure as hell better be prepared to continue honoring those vows til death do you apart.

    The problem with marriage nowadays is just that…. MARRIAGE. You have an idealistic picture of what your partner should be like, as if your perfect. You have restrictions and rules of things your partner can/cannot do. Alcohol becomes a problem, braai with the ouens becomes a problem. This is not a chick flick its real life, and i will be politically incorrect by saying God aint gonna help you.

    Whether your a born again, virgin or a cheat, post wedding is the most critical aspect of your love life. You gotta be able to sacrifice, communication will be your ultimate key to survival. If you not willing to accept,adapt and grow fond then you have no hope shem, coz church and those church folks aint gonna help you.

    Your man is ur man, same for the woman. Love dear, hurt little, cry with, laugh and dine with, most of all, you gotta enjoy each other’s company 5,10,15 years on coz if u get bored, you might as well invite cheaters.

    Remember that we are who are, so if you dont accept who you are you aint gonna accept the next person’s identity. If you wanna get married, dont let it be for show or because u got enough dough to settle down. Marry because you know inside you that you can wake next to that person for the rest of your life. If you not comfortable now, what in the heavens makes you think you will be with 3kids runnin around makin noise…. Lets just accept that some people are just not marriage material, dont force it coz your mom wants to see her daughter starting her own family. The climax and aftermath of a divorce is just not worth the trouble.


  36. Mike dis is true talent my brother. Loving it.

    Ansa: I think young ppl js rush to get merried js for status not bcz dy love de person dy choose to spend their lyf with.

  37. Hiy mike.. I can only relate in getting married at the young age(at 20 after school and lending my first job) and to me I got married with a person who made me complete. Everything to us happened without the other one asking and it was like we could read each others mind. Many people though it was a joke and we would fall apart but they forgot to see that the formular we where using was trusting everything in God and to be open when unhappiness falls on us. To me I believe if He or She is the one that was made for you, tempatation won’t stand a chance bcoz in your heart you will know what’s right and wrong and you will learn as to separate lust from love.

  38. Wooow big up to that mike.. Thanx u for creating this book we r going to learn alot about marriage,,how we have to avoid stupid things that lead us to regret dispute how sum ppl they find this book useless but for me or sum who r willing to get married its useful… My point of view I think most of men dis days there nt willing to give it all,,still caring that high school mentality sleeping with lot of gals its top man must grow up a bit… I’ve been in a relationship for 3years but the man am with forget that I am a human doesn’t want me to go out his the only 1 must enjoy life but the day I will opt out hehehe.. Man must stop having those lousy mentality that woman must stay in the house that fucken bullshit then is wen the divorce knock in the door

  39. Abby KM and Lee, i concur with you 100% i remember when one of my friends was getting married, she asked what if she and her husband to be were not sexually compatible, what’s going to happen.

    i remember telling her that much as we think we have it all figured out, we have actually lost it so bad. Christian or not, can you imagine what would happen if relationships were not consummated prior to marriage?

    it has nothing to do with age but everything to do with eating the cookie before time. how would you know that you are not compatible unless if you have something to compare with/to?

    Truth and fact remains, do not engage sexually until you are married. what’s the point of honeymoon when you’ve already engaged?

    bottom line, marriage is for sex and pro-creation, klaar!

    husband = head, provider and lover
    wife = helper to hubby, submit and build with the resources that hubby brings and = neck (head is helpless without neck) AHA

    let’s go back to our basics/roots and do it the way our great great grand parents did it, he chose, fell in love, married and provided. She didn’t love him but was told how good a husband he’ll be because he will provide for her and take care of her. They were separated by death………. no romance just respect, companionship and love.

  40. Mrs Jumbe man she sounds like sm1 I knw too well
    Marriages bcoz of our lack of understanding,compromising,cheating,dissatisfaction,comparing our lives 2 friends,the list is long and yes we marry too young,mostly we wnt weddings not marriages bcoz of pressure that our peers ar doing it so why I’m a staying behind?most young couples ar nt financially,physically,emotionally ready 4 it all…get marriage counselling b4 u say I do,women b sub missive 2 dese men evn whn dey ar wrng,den tell him ltr dat he ws indeed wrng,brush his bruised ego!

  41. this is just an excellent read…you are so good!!
    i think we lack being humble because we cannot simply blame it on age since in the past people also got married young…i believe if most people can stop believing that they’re doing their partner a favor by marrying them then most marriages will survive

  42. To my understanding nothing much has changed even in the older days ppl cheated n married young its just that now women r educated n know their rights whiles in the olden days even when u knew ur HUSBANd was cheating u turned a blind eye that’s how women were thought!

  43. im shyat scared. i am about to get married. i dont have any doubts about my man and our relationship but your comments just scared the shyat out of me.

  44. I’m no marriage expert. I’m not married nor do I know any happily married people lol. And I’m too young to get married myself. However I’d love to get married one day. I’ve never thought much about the ceremony like most girls do (I think white weddings are stupid to be honest, I’d be good just signing the papers), but I often fantasize about being married. Cooking for him, cleaning, ironing his clothes (and I hate doing all those things lol but I think when you love a man, those are some of the things you do for him), kissing him when he comes home from work, cuddling on the couch eating ice cream, making love, fucking him silly, surprise blowjobs, being pregnant, raising our kids, arguments, etc etc lol. Maybe I’m weird for this, but I think most girls spend too much time dreaming about the wedding that they never stop to think about their future marriage. I believe its important to think of how you’ll give yourself to you future partner and what you need and would like from him/her.

  45. Hey mike. I think for me I got married before I was ready becos I thought getting married was the next step expected from home after university. Unfortunately with most marriages to be happy as a woman its either you get a devorce or cheat bcoz most man find it hard to be faithful. I am going thru a divorce @ the moment bcoz I don’t believe in cheating to be happy.

  46. Mike mike mike abut da Q if we were 2 do a savy nw abut our mothers an thier merrig’s most of thm will tell u tat if thy had a choic thy would have return 2 thr homes but we knw back thn it was a taboo for woman 2 do tat, ka sepedi bare (“libitla la mosad ke bogadi”)so nw we have tis woman who wont take shit 4rm man,woman who wont let man beat thm,cheat on so if u grow uo seeing ur parents beating each athr it doesnt mean its ok for u 2 go through tat also, if u dnt take a stnd an say no to beatings its nave gona stop, Mike nw we have sum-man who dnt wnt 2 grow an be responsble all thy do is sit an drink beer as if thy are da 1st 2 test it, i jst dont knw wats rong nowdays thing are fast n cheap, ppl jst dnt value life anymore so Mike “ke laka leo”.

  47. Wow! Good one once again!! To answer your questions: yes nowadays I think most people (not all) marry just coz of the status quo of being MRs mang mang, I feel some people do not marry for the right reasons its either pressure from home or friends, what else explains all this cheating and high divorce rate? Remember, Marry in haste repent at leisure!

  48. Good read this will be interesting …A2Q I feel that marriage should now be changed to a contract which can be renewed every year or so , if you see as a married couple its not working out can simply not renew the contract! Bcz ppl are really getting married for wrong reasons…Ppl forget that the wedding day only last for a few hours but marriage is forever! So now they think marriage will be like their wedding day forever kanti izinto ziya jika…

  49. I think people rush into getting married without Trully knowing each other & understanding each other’s personality. They therefore will have unpleasantries in their marriage, fight a lot which will eventually lead to cheating. One would therefore go outside to seek happiness & that marriage will be Doomed. Communication is a best teacher, if two married people don’t have that its the End. Cheating comes a long way from old generations it was just well put as “isithembu” (Poligamy).

  50. @MissTumz you should be careful not to take us back to the bad of those days. As women it’s good that we are independent and have our own goals and dreams and not just completely reliant on men. You said the man falls in love and marries then the women just go with whomever can provides. That’s the old Khanyi Mbau model of marriage, purely based on what’s in a man’s pockets nd that doesn’t last. Those people aren’t happy or truly in love, they stay only because they are forced to so they put up with cheating and abuse because they have nothing but their husbands.

    Both must be in love before getting married and they work to stay in love. Being a husband is about being more then just the head and provider but it’s also about loving your wife like Christ loved the church and remember He have up His life for the church. So it means as a man you make sacrifices for the good of your wife, you love her more then your own life. Christians like to point out how submissive wives need to be to their husbands and forget the verses mentioned just before it says wives must submit.

  51. If maybe I knew what those basics were I would be able to answer this question easily. For me I would not marry a man because I have a child with or because every1 thought we looked good together. He’s not perfect but good enough 4me. Good enough to respect & love me despite my flaws. For me to love him unconditionally still after every little fight or misunderstanding we have as a couple. I say ke month rata with all I have and our little family

  52. Thanx mike, this is indeed brilliant writing. Whilst most of us agree that there should be pre-marital counselling, the onus is on us to remind each other why were together in the first place, because a lot of couples are together for all the wrong reasons. Like staying together for thae sake of children and or money/ status. This is why in the end there is cheating, because this is not the person you truly love.

  53. Yoh Mike…I swear you are talking about me!!!!I can soo soo relate to this woman…Most of the things she does, I have screwed my husband while I was thinking of another man…Shuuuuuu!!!

  54. Mike oh Mike you’re just unbelievably talented. Brother got me hooked…to answer the question:I for one think experience is the best teacher. I don’t promote cohabitation”living in sin” but I think one should test drive their dream car b4 buying… same applies to marriage. Truth be told most couples fall out of love and then divorce because of some minor details like behaviour;bad manners and sometimes the realisation of the fact that the couple is just not compatible try as they may. So 4 me stay with the person get to know them thoroughly b4 you commit your self to a life of misery. Jst they say lenyalo hase papadi.

  55. My two cents .

    Marriage is looked at as a right of passage in some way, an initiation for many ladies, an initiation of being a REAL woman. This initiation time seems to have to take place at a specific time 22-26 ( if it happens after that, you are said to be lucky) . Once you have passed this rite of passage you are validated as a woman not just female, you have been found worthy by a man to bear his name and his children proudly. You have passed the initiation with a distinction of note if you have a great relationship with your inlaws and they pride themselves in you being your makoti.

    You have received a cum laude if you are educated, financially stable, and yet still do the bare foot and pregnant in the kitchen thing well, and head all the makoti’s during traditional ceremonies.
    Many women marry to say that they are part of this initiated few.

    Thats why most marriages don’t work.Because half the time ladies rush to go through their initiation when most of the time they arent ready. When they dont really know what they will face.
    Also cause nowadays no one really forces you to stay in a marriage, I mean in marriages nowadays we know there is a way out. DIVORCE. People feel they have an option to leave yet they say in the beginning of their union to death do us part, between gritted teeth they say “u better not cheat or lose ur income cause then i will leave ur sorry behind*

    Marriage has become a semipermanent temporary affair, we cross our fingers that it will last forever.

    We are fickle and do not think hard about our criteria for our husbands and wives its about abantu and not about what we need, i dont think half the time we are truthful to ourselves about where we are in our lives, and where are partners are, wether our partners would be able to be life partners to us, whether they are ready or not.

    I think we take marriage, and its responsibilities WAY! to lightly and women marry men that do not love them. Thats why marriages do not work.

  56. It’s a tricky one. Marriage is not taken as serious as it deserves. We civilize everything and forget/overlook the basics. There is no commitment in relationships/marriage (not all of them though). We pick things on tv like having an open marriage.. What the hell is that? Divorce and single parenthood has become the cliche’#shrugs shoulders

  57. I agree with @pmz. Nothing in history has changed except that women have more rights. We are now able to work n support our families instead of staying in dead marriages or with husbands that will kill us. We have different support system to draw strength from other than families that will tell us to be strong because such is a wifes’ role while we are dying inside . Its all about the choices available. Just cause a marriage was long does not mean it was a good one.

  58. I think that the problem with many people starts with why they want to get married. i.e are you running from problems at home and hoping marriage will be your protector, are you having problems as a couple and hoping marriage is a miracle cure?
    The other problem is people want marriage but not to involve God in it, sorry ,but marriage is created by God as a gift to two people in it, if God is not your foundation try as might but you are headed for big problems.
    If you want to bring your own smart ideas and not start with the basics that God ordained then it will not work, 50 50 is for the corporate world not a marriage, A husband should be respected and catered for and a woman be provided for and loved.

    Basics to marriage
    God – Fear of God

    I have only been married for two years but i am blessed with a good marriage by following those basics

  59. I don’t necessarilly agree with the notion that people divorce because they got married too young or for the wrong reasons. the fact is with time, things change, and as a people we have evolved, and have let go of many beliefs that our elders clung to. For instance, these days women have rights, divorce has become acceptable even in churches.
    Back in the day, women would be frowned upon if they even suggested leaving their matrimonial house, they were told to take it like a woman, ka Sesotho “ba ngalle motsheo.” They were taught to put their feelings aside and not to disgrace their families. My granny married at 14, and she stayed with my grandfather for 63 years before he died. It was 63 years of lies, cheating, physical and emotional abuse, but she was told to bear it.
    The difference with our generation is that our minds are not oppressed, if the relationship doesn’t live up to our expectations we walk away, we are more in touch with our feelings and aware of our rights. We are not afraid to ask our men for sex, where as in the olden days it was taboo….Times have changed.

  60. I dont really like this more than diary of a zulu girl but will keep following maybe it will get interesting enough and win me over

  61. U nearly got caught Jezebel!

    Q&A: Marriage just requires a lot of commitment,from both parties. The problem from 2day’s marriages is that,only one party gets committed which affects the marriage badly!

  62. Yho mara Mike, I’m dying here Bathong. Chapter seven please, please!!!! Or is it cancelled????? Please let us know so that we don’t wait around for something that’s never gonna happen.

  63. We marry for diff reasons. Some for fame, riches, status, becoz I shld, love, getting old, coz i am pregnant, coz he is a nice guy, what if I lose him, etc

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