MOAYW – Chapter Five

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As soon as we finished I made an excuse to go outside knowing that he would follow me. I didn’t even hint for him to come but men are like that when it comes to courting. In the parking lot he asked me why was I ignoring him of which I replied by asking him why didn’t he tell me he was married. He told me that it is because I never asked which was true but in my defence I never assumed that it would end up in a kiss goodnight. I asked him if he wore a ring on Friday night and he said no because usually when he goes out he does not wear it because he had once been robbed and the first thing they went for was his ring. Liar! They go for cell phones! I told him that from now onwards are relationship was strictly professional as already we had crossed the line. He said he agreed with me it had never been his intention to bump into an old friend who he never realized was so smart and beautiful. With that he walked away. Flattery will get you everywhere! When last had Mthobisi told me I was beautiful? It was as though he had joined a new church that did not allow men to compliment their women. The pregnancy I think had turned him against me. You know how we are hormonal during pregnancy, I think in from my 2nd trimester we only had sex once till about two months after I gave birth. He loved the baby so much and me, well things had changed I felt.

I tried to do everything right. Hardly drank and never smoked. I wanted to have the good girl thing because that’s what we were taught growing up. Good girls make for good wives and get good husbands. University was an eye opener for me. I didn’t know that a woman can be an aggressor and go for the man she wanted. Growing up I was led to believe that a good woman waits for a man to tell her he liked her no matter how much you liked man. Azanda especially taught me that only a fool does not follow her heart and does not go after what she wants. These were not the middle ages where you wait to be noticed like a zit on the day you are giving a public speech! This is how I met Mthobisi. He was with his friends and I had noticed him on campus. He had a girlfriend at the time and much as I was crushing on him he never noticed me once. Obviously my friends knew about my crush and would try get his attention every time we saw him for me but you know with a bunch of girls its all goofing around and making sill gestures. Yes we were not ladylike at all. I really liked him though. Every morning I would pass by his lecture theatre just to catch a glimpse of him. One Friday night we went to Stones. I didn’t drink at the time so I was escorting Azanda and the crew. I had Coke every time we went out and didn’t mind it at all. Stones is very close to campus so we don’t have to dress up. When the girls saw him they declared that tonight was the night. I was so scared I recall but because we were a group of girls and they were a group of guys it was simple for us to talk to them. Initially it looked as though he was more interested in talking to one of my friends Nondumiso but that was short lived for I was a girl on a mission. At some point we switched and that night when they walked us home I got my man, we kissed even and come to think of it Nondumiso ended up dating one of his friends Lesiba from Mokopane. So to cut a long story short the one time I let my pride out of the way I went after what I wanted, approached the guy that I knew was meant for me and came back with a husband.

Most marriages are a train rack from the get go. They are built on a fallacy of what is love and family. What’s the point of getting married and then waiting five years to have a child. Its like planting the seed for your partner to leave the door open and invite others in. I know what people say that a child does not fix a bad relationship but in a marriage not having a child usually pushes your relationship into becoming a bad one. The pressure starts off externally with people asking when are you growing your family and for a while you laugh it off saying you are still building your reserves. At some point your man starts asking for a baby and much as you want the baby usually you are now getting comfortable with your career it seems like he is being unfair. The odds as a woman are stalked against you to be honest worse so in marriage. At times I look at first time single mothers and think maybe they got it good because they did not get to be timed or forced to volunteer to “grow” the family. As women we see love as this all defining force and are naΓ―ve enough to think that our men see it exactly the same way. Mine wasn’t. We had already gone through a lot and were very close. We loved each other’s company and had fun together. We used to go out and visit friends even when I was pregnant. During the engagement stage I was the most loved woman in the world and yes even Andiswa said I had it good. My girlfriends would come over a lot, Nondumiso included and tell me how much they envied me. Nondumiso had recently gotten born again so she was on that tip that she was going to get a brother from church to marry her. Fools gold I call that but we were happy. Then came the baby. Its like overnight my loving husband forgot what affection for his wife was. He made me even jealous of my baby. At some point we decided that we can’t stay in an apartment forever and needed to put in extra shifts. My mother and his mother competed as to who would stay with the baby and my mother won. There was so much love. So we were back to being the two of us only difference was now we had so much work. He started traveling a lot.

His statement had made me feel beautiful again. Its funny really because it’s not like I didn’t know I was beautiful but having someone else point that out just makes it seem ten times more real. I couldn’t stop blushing. On the way back to the office Cindy asked me why I was so happy but I denied it. She said she could see a sparkle in my eye she could swear was not there in the morning. I just joked and said she was seeing this.

In the parking lot at work Mthobisi called and said that there had been a problem at work meaning most likely they were not coming this weekend as now they was a delay. I reminded him that we had plans and he told me that I will have to put them on hold because he was doing this for us. I did not want to fight with him. I said ok and hung up. i was gutted.

My boss, Andile was waiting for us in her office when we got back. She said she was pleased with the work we were doing and this was definitely a good line to be in for promotion.

She asked me in front of Cindy if I still wanted to be shifted like I had asked in the morning much to Cindy’s surprise.

I said No!

****The End****

Michael Nkululeko Maphoto

Question: Today its not a question per se, we are helping someone graduate so will copy and paste… And pls pls answer her questions…

Good day Mr Maphoto

Firstly, thank you so much for the books that are entertaining and educating our society and our youth. Congratulations on what you have achieved with the blog thus far.

I am doing my postgraduate research project at the University of Johannesburg on New Media and the Public Sphere; so I thought it would be worthwhile to focus on your work. What I find interesting is the comments that the readers post; especially when they share their personal experiences. I have noticed that most of the readers do not use their real/ full names and make use of pseudonyms or aliases. I am interested in finding out if this makes it easier for them to share their experiences and opinions on your blog.

Accordingly, my research question is:

Does digital anonymity affect how South Africans use the comment sections on the Diary of a Zulu Girl blog to communicate/discuss issues of sexuality?

Essentially, how does the idea of being anonymous affect how they interact on the blog? Does anonymity help them be more open?

I will really appreciate it if you and your readers could participate in my research because:

1. I believe social media is empowering and giving a voice to people like you and me who are not journalists nor media moguls.

2. People can make their voices and opinions heard by simply taking part in or initiating dialogues around issues that interest or concern them on public forums.

3. Along the context of a society that is rapidly rebranding the attitudes towards open discussions around sex related issues; issues which were previously stigmatized, like sexual relations and sexuality, HIV/AIDS and sexually transmitted disease, such discourse is important for educating and informing society.

Hoping that you can assist me accordingly. Feel free to contact me if you have any questions.

Many thanks,

Rekgo Machika

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108 thoughts on “MOAYW – Chapter Five

  1. Being anonymous on social networks has become a natural thing. Its social and has never been formal, so people say whatever!! Most of which would never breath in face to face confrontations

  2. yes being anonymous when sharing your personal feelings does help one to be honest and open without holding back, if somebody were to go on the blog and know who I am and know my personal feelings I can be judged in a good or bad way. by being anonymous they can judge all they want but they don’t know who you are which is fine. and as someone who’s asking questions that needs answers you obviously want them to be answered with honesty for you to get a better understanding

  3. Is it just me or Moayw is more like the movie Tempations by Tyler Perry#if u watched the movie u would understand wht am tlking abt.

  4. Ooohh yes……anonymity helps us 2open up……it help us to talk abt things dat we nevr thot we wer gonna share wit any1……its easy diss way as no1 will knw hu u r,cos if dey do dey’ll pass judgement n even nasty comments

  5. Dankie Mike πŸ™‚ …

    Well iam using my real name iam a blunt person i don’t care if there’s anyone who knows me iam doing me and if you got a problem well that’s your baby Nurse it πŸ™‚ , I don’t like beating around the bushes its time consuming so if anyone judges me I really and truly am not moved by such …

  6. This women already wants us to see why she will end up cheating on her husband, cha cha cha sis, uhambe wrongo shame.

    Being anonymous means no judgement from people you know who pretend as if their lives are so perfect. You get a sense of freedom in saying things you are too afraid to say in front of people you think might be too conservative for your raunchy comments.

  7. @ Rekgo
    being anonymous does help me to answer and comment as honestly as i can because new south africa or not, there is still stigma attached to a female that wants to talk abput sex. females are given labels while when men talk about sex its brushed off as something that they do naturally so it is accepted. on this blog no one can judge my comments and even if they do i still get the opportunity tto express myself without the snide comments, sideway glances and labelling from people. being unknown allows me to speak my mind without the judgement.
    i really hope this helps
    good luck πŸ™‚

  8. HAAAA, so this galz into the new colleague, lyf at its best!!!!!!! and she has all the answers to her infatuation tltltltltlt.

    A:it helps to be anonymous bcoz u tell it as it is, open to share things uv never shared with friends or family.

  9. Thanx Mike.

    I want to agree with Nana, being anonymous really helps. What people fear the most is being judged, which leads to ppl holding back from expressing themselves. I for one wil never express myself 2 ppl who knw me. So it makes it easy to share your experiences and views on a subject.

  10. wow ma 1st tym comment….tah ansa ur q i thnk bin anonymous is a best way go, cz u bcm free tah share thngs uv eva shared wit any1…

  11. Makes me wonder if you are ever going to regret making the decision of refusing to be shifted into another company. Just because your long last friend complimented you on your looks and intelligence.
    Thanks for the amazing chapter Mike

  12. I think the alias gives u a chance to say what u really want to without fear of repercussions from so many angles. Some issues/questions r so personal & involve other pple so wouldn’t be fair for them to possibly be recognised by association… Also some personal business should just remain ‘personal’ lol. Who 4 eg in their right mind, would like to get up onto a stage in front of a large audience & say, I’m cheating on my husband/boyfriend right now because, or my husband/boyfriend is useless in bed as well so I identify with Mrs. J. So I guess maybe like a person who gives the police/papers a tip off, u want to help but don’t want to go public & put yourself out there. Commenting or participating without any fear of how the info or feedback supplied could be used against u.

  13. Thanks Mike: like every one has already said being anonymous helps u open up. Not many people like being directly judged. Being anonymous gives us the platform to let all of it go. But this says alot about society, it simply says that people aren’t ready to be honest with themselves, thus we hide behind names and such. On the same token it helps in creating conversation, and getting ourselves healed. Slowly we will get there

  14. Nice chapter….. very interesting.


    Rekgo I think its all a matter of what comes quick really, My name is Asanda Jack and i dont mind putting my full name in while commenting but im known to friends by my nicknames which are Jackzorro and Jackass. Jackass didnt seem appropriate but its not a matter of me hiding my true identity in order to voice my opinion, thoughts or experiences. Some people do hide behind aliases and for good reason too cause society nowadays yaphapha. I totally agree as far as how educational these blogs are and what they accomplish in educating the masses. Some comments, except for those im first yeppe,top ten or whatever, are real and people learn from them. Big ups to Mike for starting this and may it grow more and more. I just hope the lessons learnt arent for mischievious ways that people have been accustomed to offlate.


    The Real Mr Jack

  15. BTW wifey here kind of desperate & clearly looking for attention in the wrong place. Would be insulted if a guy told me he ‘never’ realised I was so smart & beautiful lol…

  16. Thnx Mike..loving ths
    Q&A: yes dear I open up a lot more when anonymous..I don’t want people searching me on facebook and writing about my business.

  17. i know the feeling of trying to ease yo guilt because of yo mans behaviour. im currently in that situation right now. i want to stop, but the other just says and does the right things to make me feel good.

    im using my real name on this site, but i take is theres many pabis out there. only the people that know my personal life will know who i am when they see some of my comments. but on other sites i’ll use a pseudonym if i want to go in depth about my sexuality or want to comment about some1s life who i personally know.

  18. I think anonymity is a protective umbrella from societal persecution because it shields issues such as age, race, social status, sexual orientation inter alia. As people in this era with constant focus on our lives on social media such as facebook and twitter only to mention a few, sometimes its important to ensure a degree of security on your thoughts particularly where mundane details are concerned. Take for instance its difficult for us to divulge how we like our kisses down low because cultural we are still a tad bit restricted and worry what image it will potray of us, whereas miley cyrus can lacadasically fling her sexual preferences casually in the light of day… For me its more about image security then the comfort comes along second.. Love your blog mike. Its absolutely amazing, your perception of the female mind is on point, right on a tee…

  19. i think this book is boring, i dont know why maybe i’m used to confessions and DOAZG but i will give it time.
    A2Q:i open up a lot more when anonymous, i dont use my really name and i will never use it.

  20. Nice chapter, so looking foward to whole story, n those who critisized her cheating, its easy to jugde if u have never been in a situation, keep it up Micheal u really good

  21. Thanks Mike keep up the good work,
    Generally speaking , some people have a low self esteem in such a way that if you where to comment honestly without hiding your identity, the criticism (negative/positive) crushes them down and judgment passed makes them hold back the speaking out that was done initially . So in my opinion, anonymity comes with self esteem and a lot of other factors

  22. Mxm…Lesedi o maka…o rata Mfundo. That’s y she’s not asking 4 a move anymore. A lot of ish gonna hit the fan here. He turned him on last Friday when they kissed & I think it was all sealed there.

    As 4 psydonyms, they allow 1 a freedom of expression without fear or favour. U know U not gonna be labelled nor gudged. Shud U need advise maybe on a private matter, U R sure it will be sincere coz ppl will be giving it as if it were theirs & they will also go all out as they R also on alias.Hope that helps U darling! Gud luck!

    Morwa Mophoto, I’ve been telling U what a gr8 job u R doing! Keep it up broer!

  23. Well it sometimes help people to express their true opinion but at times it gives them an excuse to just write or comment without thinking , so it just 50/50 but I belive it better to comment using our true identity because it helps to be honest always.

  24. Being anonymous or using a false name gives one the freedom to say whatever it is that is on their mind that they could not otherwise say in public or to those who know them for fear of rejection or being ridiculed or judged. It carries a large amount of bravery.

  25. We are still stigmatised so its better if I used my pseudo name to comment. Don’t want to attract attention on myself but I still want to interact and comment.

    nyc read mike!!! waiting for the next chapter, but still miss Thandeka big time!!!!!

  26. I’m using my real name simply because its a very common name, bt I feel that it is easier to comment n 2 share personal experiencies without being judged by da people that know me. Another thin is that I am also giving those sane people a chance to also relate or comment on my issues without holding bck jst because they knw me.
    Well with the topics that r stil sensitive in our society, it is easy to jst talk bout them in ds blog coz everyt1 is free to talk n share. Its also an eye opener to read some comments coz some r funny n some r very educational

  27. Yes being anonnymous helps a lot, coz u feel free to open up n share ur views knwing dat no 1 is gona c who u r really r, n t helps coz uyakwaz ukthola izeluleko kwabanye abadlulile in dat situation dat u been through

  28. Its sad how once we have found the one we tend to let ourselves go and forget that although you are married , this is just like a normal relationship that needs affection , sex , and excitement .Ladies if you feel like you are lost in this marriage thing , take a step back and recalculate your moves and re trace your steps .

    As much as you would like to blame your partner for you changing , you need to check yourself as well too . He maybe feels the same way .

    And one very important thing , Nothing beats the power of parayer , Invite God in your life , marriage and your home .

    Thanks Mike , keep it coming πŸ™‚

  29. Nice onee Mike. Once again you have got me hooked…. To answer the question. Most people do prefer 2 use an alias when expressing their personal feelings or disclosing personal information. It, in a way, protects them from being judged or having someone recognize them by name and knowing their personal information and spreading this amongst other ppl in the community/work/school etc. An alias allows u 2 be as open as u wish, without being stigmatized/judged.

  30. I use my real name on sites but not my surname. Most people who know me and share the same intersts as me will know that it is me posting.

    I am a very open and opinionated person and i am not afraid to voice my real opinions whether it be to strangers or people who know me. It also helps me to sound out my views and re-affirm my values without being narrow minded or compromising my beliefs. So i try to have the same online persona as what i am in real life

    However some people I feel use the annonymity to fully express how they feel without a fear of being judged and ridiculed.

    However in some instances and in other forums this can be used to be mean, for bullying and to belittle other people. Things like racism, tribalism and Homophobia and Zenophobia are often perpetuated by these people. especially if they live in an environment where they feel their voices are not being heard or they are being ignored.

  31. I dont know if its just me but Im not as fascinated in this book as I am with the other 2. I actually find it a bit boring, or is it coz I cant relate? I do have a suggestion however…. Mike, why dont you for a change write a book from a guy’s perspective? I think it would be more interesting reading a book like this from a guys point of view. And as a guy Im sure you have plenty of insights…… But thats just my 2 cents, use it, dont use it.

  32. Regarding the story, we always complain when people cheat on us, but what i have learnt is that most people cheat because they don’t the attention they deserve, we all busy with our lives and we all come back tired, but having that time for your lover does not hurt, telling someone they beautiful also does not hurt.

    As for commenting with non real names, sometimes its easy to say whatever you want, sometimes you relate to the story and you don’t want people to know its you. We are society which judges and its not so good to other people.

  33. I think anonymity is basically a double edge sword depending on how u view it. Yes it allows for freedom of expression and unbiased advise but on the other hand, some comments are so superficial or so prejudicial that u cant help but wonder if its because the person commenting is pretending to be as such or if they are being true to their character. its easier to hide behind anonymity therefore can influence comments in a negative way, not reflecting the true character of the said participants.

  34. by the way, I took the liberty to comment even though I am not part of the target population because I am neither South African nor am I residing in South Africa.

  35. Mike!!!! Love the blog!!!!!

    But… Yeah u said her boss was a male and he said she must leave her personal issues @ home today her boss is a women,,,, soooo confusing

  36. not using real names or cutting them in one way or the other, helps to express urself knowing that there wont be any judgement, especially when it comes to personal feeling or matters that present who you are.
    theres nothing that can overshadow ur thoughts by people posting or commenting nasty about u

  37. My gut feeling tells me hubby dearest is up to no good. If he is absent emotionally as Lesedi says, its more than just his demanding work, marriage life n arrival of the baby. Its for that reason am gonna reserve my comments about Lesedi n her Jezebel ways…

  38. Hi Mike. Not sure if I’m liking the new blog, it seems off to a slow start. Toooooo much background detail aka “verbage”, most of which could be brought in later in the story – it didn’t catch my attention like the other two. But you’re right about how/why the lead character is cheating. Sometimes women feel under appreciated, we enjoy compliments and neeeeeed to be needed. When a guy compliments her on her new dress, she’ll wear it again…just to get another compliment from him. If you comment that you like her hair a certain way she’ll wear it the same way again. I’m sure you get my point -so I have to compliment your excellent research πŸ™‚
    I’ve been a loyal reader from the first few days of DOAZ… And due simply put, you’re gifted.
    To annonymous… Part of the excitement of a pseudonym is that technicallyy no one knows you. Its an escape in part, and then a defense in part. Yes we don’t want to be judged, but we also comment on things that affect others and so we don’t want them hurt by us. We want to remain annonymous to remain “loved and accepted”. Society is too judgemental. Period.

  39. A2Q..I tink it depends on the individual. Some individuals dnt need an alias to express themselves. They are naturally outspoken and speak their mind. There are however individual that are shy and grew up being more reserved. They cannot say someting for fear of how they may b perceived .. So in this regard an alias may assist. Also to protect ones families and loved ones when u are doing what u shudnt b.

  40. Anonymity helps me open up and be more honest in these discussions. I do not want to be judged for saying this or that and I don’t know who else I know might be reading this (perhaps my stepchildren) *hiding*. Besides at times I feel that I may be over the blogging age limit -if there is any especially when you read “Yipee -I’m first comments”.

  41. I’m married & It’s like u r telling my story Mike. Men think its all about bringing money at home, they will neglect u uzibone sele usenza izinto that you never thought you would do …great story tata…
    A2Q : yes being anonymous helps, you become free & you get real stories frm people which is what our society needs. In gatherings we go to , eg couples seminars- you find that all the couples are living perfect lives, comments are too good to be true. nobody seem to have problems in their marriage. the next thing you hear , ppl are divorcing. So being anonymous here gives us freedom to be honest Without being judged. We don’t hold back info. & we learn from each other’s experiences . My cousin, sis inlaw are also reading Mike’s diaries. So imagine that!!!

  42. Hey der. I am using my FB,BBM name here so if u r my 4rnd on bth ths social network u wll knw dat its me. N bcos of dat reason I sumtyms hold bck my comments bcz I dnt want ppl 2 knw more abt my lyf n wht I thnk.

    So wht m saying s dat nt using 1’s real name helps in commenting honestly wthout being scared of being judged.

    I hope ths will help u. N gudluck wth ur studies.

    Bra Mike thnx

  43. I think its much easier to comment annoymously because you get to say how u feel about something, say it like it is without holding back and anonimity allowas us to share our personal experiences much easier, we don’t get to be scared to really express our feelings without getting scared of someone who knows us gets to read our comments and blab about it

  44. Q&A anonimity definitley makes me feel like I can share honestly with no fear of having someone read something I’ve done or feel in secret. Often what is discussed isn’t something we would want just any person knowing,I feel its the one thing that makes reading the comments feel like ur learning,because there are soo many people aswell that speak their mind openly and honestly about things they wouldn’t normally say in a public forum.

    Lol I love have the formality of ur letter seems to have most people following the trend. (Being all formal in their answers.)

  45. Dis ppl who are always 1st to comment are really boring yazi. Sombody would say ” yeah I’m 1st” wheras da person is no 10. Guys y dnt u just take ur time n read da chapters,take part in answering da daily questions,add ur views n hav fun. Unless if der will be awards of being da best to comment 1st. Its so boring.

    A: being Anonymous really helps helps u to b open abt urself n ur feelings. Ppl who read abt ur situation dnt get to say those nasty comments to ur face,u dnt hv to be judged n doesn’t make u loose ur confidence πŸ™‚

  46. U no what amazes me is dat us women when we have a good man who loves us and is faithful we find him boring we always want the bad guys the ones that plays us its sad really I think we find pleasure in pain.

  47. Being anonymous helps a lot to voice your feelings,opinions and experience freely without being judged by your friends. Some People have the tendancy of behaving holier than thou especially when it comes to topics that involves love and sex. it is still regarded as something you can talk about in the dark not openly.

  48. Hehehe out of the sudden orata to work with mfundo…Q/A People out there have so much to say mara if only they could hide there real indentity Mara you learn alot from them in how they present themselves

  49. I am not using my real name and i have never used my real name. in my case most of my friends know the name i am using. but my boss will never notice that during working hours i am commenting on the blog because he does not know this name.

    also it help to keep your personal life linked to this name not my real name therefore no one will be sure is me.

  50. I think the alias gives most of us an opportunity to be as open as we possibly can with people we do not know. Phela this days people can google you… so imagine if i poured my heart out on the blog using my real names and next thing my collegues know about it, that would be depressing.

    FYI… ONYINYE is an Igbo (Nigerian) name and it means Gift / Mpho
    full name is OnyinyeChukwu meaning the Gift of God

  51. Gr8 read mike thou I’m a lazycat wen it comes 2 commenting, either way I read ur book everydae!
    Anonymocty helps a lot interms of make us the readers ansa the questions accurately and honestly as we know no one will knw our identity and cast judgements on the experiences we went thru! Being anonymous is like writing ur experiences on a diary, it gives us the platform 2 voice and share stories we’ve never shared wit anyone! It helps us too as they say tlkng helps while knwng dat no1 will recognize u walkng on the street! Anonymousity is the way 2 go!

  52. ai dis blog is toooooooooooo slow mike its not exciting as de other 2 i fell inlove wit dem ku 1st chapter nje but dis 1 we on chapter 4 now n im not buying hle

  53. I’m on da verge of getting married to da guy I love da most we’ve been together for 7months things r really good I don’t wanna end up miserable coz I married too soon he is all that in every way but I’m just a bit worried

  54. we certainly have more freedom keeping things anonymous, if we weren’t so worried about peoples feelings we’d be brutally honest & just get on with it…build or break relationships on the truth, should somethings really be left unsaid?

  55. Ta Mike.

    This people who are always complaining about those who comment first are just as boring as they think the others are. Mcim!

  56. nice chapter Mike, the thing is once the baby is born, the men would give too much attention to the bungle of joy because of the stress they faced during the 9 months of mood swings and tantrums… We do love our wives but they need to understand the level of stress we go through while being married, from providing to security….

    Anyhow good chapter, lets see where the 2 will end up since from the first chapter they we on heat like rabbits.

  57. Not using one’s name helps ppl say what they would normally say to themselves alone, not even to their friends. There was this one comment in one of the diaries that when I saw it my friend immediately came to mind so one can imagine if real names were used. As much as I would like to say I do not judge at times I do. Writing this comment right now I know even if my friends come across it they won’t know its me

  58. U r inviting trouble to ur marriage,if u think having an affair wl ever fix the problem. Communication in any relationship is vital, so alay ur concerns to husband & take it from there. Otherwise,u r heading 4 a disaster!

    Q&A: Being anonymous makes one free to talk about anything,without being judged by those who know them.

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