As soon as we finished I made an excuse to go outside knowing that he would follow me. I didn’t even hint for him to come but men are like that when it comes to courting. In the parking lot he asked me why was I ignoring him of which I replied by asking him why didn’t he tell me he was married. He told me that it is because I never asked which was true but in my defence I never assumed that it would end up in a kiss goodnight. I asked him if he wore a ring on Friday night and he said no because usually when he goes out he does not wear it because he had once been robbed and the first thing they went for was his ring. Liar! They go for cell phones! I told him that from now onwards are relationship was strictly professional as already we had crossed the line. He said he agreed with me it had never been his intention to bump into an old friend who he never realized was so smart and beautiful. With that he walked away. Flattery will get you everywhere! When last had Mthobisi told me I was beautiful? It was as though he had joined a new church that did not allow men to compliment their women. The pregnancy I think had turned him against me. You know how we are hormonal during pregnancy, I think in from my 2nd trimester we only had sex once till about two months after I gave birth. He loved the baby so much and me, well things had changed I felt.
I tried to do everything right. Hardly drank and never smoked. I wanted to have the good girl thing because that’s what we were taught growing up. Good girls make for good wives and get good husbands. University was an eye opener for me. I didn’t know that a woman can be an aggressor and go for the man she wanted. Growing up I was led to believe that a good woman waits for a man to tell her he liked her no matter how much you liked man. Azanda especially taught me that only a fool does not follow her heart and does not go after what she wants. These were not the middle ages where you wait to be noticed like a zit on the day you are giving a public speech! This is how I met Mthobisi. He was with his friends and I had noticed him on campus. He had a girlfriend at the time and much as I was crushing on him he never noticed me once. Obviously my friends knew about my crush and would try get his attention every time we saw him for me but you know with a bunch of girls its all goofing around and making sill gestures. Yes we were not ladylike at all. I really liked him though. Every morning I would pass by his lecture theatre just to catch a glimpse of him. One Friday night we went to Stones. I didn’t drink at the time so I was escorting Azanda and the crew. I had Coke every time we went out and didn’t mind it at all. Stones is very close to campus so we don’t have to dress up. When the girls saw him they declared that tonight was the night. I was so scared I recall but because we were a group of girls and they were a group of guys it was simple for us to talk to them. Initially it looked as though he was more interested in talking to one of my friends Nondumiso but that was short lived for I was a girl on a mission. At some point we switched and that night when they walked us home I got my man, we kissed even and come to think of it Nondumiso ended up dating one of his friends Lesiba from Mokopane. So to cut a long story short the one time I let my pride out of the way I went after what I wanted, approached the guy that I knew was meant for me and came back with a husband.
Most marriages are a train rack from the get go. They are built on a fallacy of what is love and family. What’s the point of getting married and then waiting five years to have a child. Its like planting the seed for your partner to leave the door open and invite others in. I know what people say that a child does not fix a bad relationship but in a marriage not having a child usually pushes your relationship into becoming a bad one. The pressure starts off externally with people asking when are you growing your family and for a while you laugh it off saying you are still building your reserves. At some point your man starts asking for a baby and much as you want the baby usually you are now getting comfortable with your career it seems like he is being unfair. The odds as a woman are stalked against you to be honest worse so in marriage. At times I look at first time single mothers and think maybe they got it good because they did not get to be timed or forced to volunteer to “grow” the family. As women we see love as this all defining force and are naïve enough to think that our men see it exactly the same way. Mine wasn’t. We had already gone through a lot and were very close. We loved each other’s company and had fun together. We used to go out and visit friends even when I was pregnant. During the engagement stage I was the most loved woman in the world and yes even Andiswa said I had it good. My girlfriends would come over a lot, Nondumiso included and tell me how much they envied me. Nondumiso had recently gotten born again so she was on that tip that she was going to get a brother from church to marry her. Fools gold I call that but we were happy. Then came the baby. Its like overnight my loving husband forgot what affection for his wife was. He made me even jealous of my baby. At some point we decided that we can’t stay in an apartment forever and needed to put in extra shifts. My mother and his mother competed as to who would stay with the baby and my mother won. There was so much love. So we were back to being the two of us only difference was now we had so much work. He started traveling a lot.
His statement had made me feel beautiful again. Its funny really because it’s not like I didn’t know I was beautiful but having someone else point that out just makes it seem ten times more real. I couldn’t stop blushing. On the way back to the office Cindy asked me why I was so happy but I denied it. She said she could see a sparkle in my eye she could swear was not there in the morning. I just joked and said she was seeing this.
In the parking lot at work Mthobisi called and said that there had been a problem at work meaning most likely they were not coming this weekend as now they was a delay. I reminded him that we had plans and he told me that I will have to put them on hold because he was doing this for us. I did not want to fight with him. I said ok and hung up. i was gutted.
My boss, Andile was waiting for us in her office when we got back. She said she was pleased with the work we were doing and this was definitely a good line to be in for promotion.
She asked me in front of Cindy if I still wanted to be shifted like I had asked in the morning much to Cindy’s surprise.
I said No!
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto
Question: Today its not a question per se, we are helping someone graduate so will copy and paste… And pls pls answer her questions…
Good day Mr Maphoto
Firstly, thank you so much for the books that are entertaining and educating our society and our youth. Congratulations on what you have achieved with the blog thus far.
I am doing my postgraduate research project at the University of Johannesburg on New Media and the Public Sphere; so I thought it would be worthwhile to focus on your work. What I find interesting is the comments that the readers post; especially when they share their personal experiences. I have noticed that most of the readers do not use their real/ full names and make use of pseudonyms or aliases. I am interested in finding out if this makes it easier for them to share their experiences and opinions on your blog.
Accordingly, my research question is:
Does digital anonymity affect how South Africans use the comment sections on the Diary of a Zulu Girl blog to communicate/discuss issues of sexuality?
Essentially, how does the idea of being anonymous affect how they interact on the blog? Does anonymity help them be more open?
I will really appreciate it if you and your readers could participate in my research because:
1. I believe social media is empowering and giving a voice to people like you and me who are not journalists nor media moguls.
2. People can make their voices and opinions heard by simply taking part in or initiating dialogues around issues that interest or concern them on public forums.
3. Along the context of a society that is rapidly rebranding the attitudes towards open discussions around sex related issues; issues which were previously stigmatized, like sexual relations and sexuality, HIV/AIDS and sexually transmitted disease, such discourse is important for educating and informing society.
Hoping that you can assist me accordingly. Feel free to contact me if you have any questions.