Its weird how when a woman speaks about why she cheats or cheated all other women accuse her of justifying cheating. Not one sits down to look at the contributing factors that led you from saying I do to your husband to saying yes please to another man. Men don’t need a reason, as long as it has boobs and opens its legs its fair game! That’s usually true. With us, instead of advising you all they are good at is bashing you for trying to get a bit of freedom back into your life. Women hate other women in such a way that even if they see your reason as long as you have breast like them you are some sort of witch which must be vilified. The very same women towards their divorce will cheat on their man and say “just wanted him to get a taste of his own medicine and I really enjoyed it!” Double standards to say the least because your girlfriends will justify it with you as they now have a collective hatred for your soon to be ex husband. That’s the only time other women stand with you, to celebrate and cheer on your soon to be dead marriage. We love downfalls more than anything else when it comes to other women. I am not being cynical. If a girl fixes her hair better than how you did yours, yes you will compliment her but tell yourself it will probably look better on you. This therefore means when it comes to cheating usually you have no one to ask or dissuade you without fear of being judged and gossiped about by your confidante. It would be nice to ask another cheating wife how the hell they got into that space and how to avoid temptation. You can’t ask someone who is not married to fully understand the pressures of marriage for they have a romantic and such a childish view of what marriage is. With that said much as I loved Andiswa and all her theories on life and relationships she was out of her depth here.
In the canteen sitting with my other colleagues for some reason the topic on everyone’s lips was cheating wives. It almost felt as though they knew what I was going through. With women when we are in a group we all hate mistresses and cheats. We are vehemently opposed to them and in discussions we wish such women the worst. Advaita spoke the most. She was an Indian woman from Ixopo who was usually very vocal about such things. She was not your typical sari clad indian but more of these modern ones and dated white guys as well. It was very interesting hearing her views because stereotypically you would expect her to hid behind culture and traditions. However she was more of the view that whilst divorce was a means of last resort if he cheats first time you forgive him, second time you make him suffer for it and third time is when you consider divorce. She kept on emphasizing that once you have a family your first resort should never be to pack your bags and leave. It’s so weird because I would expect to hear that from the black girls. They were of the opinion if it cheats it must walk. Is that not the view though of most of these young professionals who now because they have a degree and a car they think they know more about marriage and tradition. Through thick and thin means very little now to these new young professional for if the going gets tough dump each other and go looking for greener pastures. That’s how fickle marriage is today. Advaita had been married now for eight years and she seemed to know about the pressures of marriage. The woman had theories for days and she seemed quite open to talk about it. We all knew when her husband was in trouble because she would vent it out but what I noticed is that she never ever spoke about any other people. I knew people confided in her so that means she must be very discreet. Every office has an agony aunt I guess she was ours.
I was not really close to her but I really needed help and some solid advice. I cornered her at the end of lunch when all the other ladies stood up to leave. She laughed at me but in a supportive way the moment she knew what this was. She told me that she always thought I was so settled and happy but I told her that when you are married that, that is the image you portray to the world so as not to be shamed. I told that my case was different because my husband was neither cheating nor abusive though he was never present. She laughed at me again and said that was a fallacy, most women don’t cheat because he was cheating too nor was abusive. Most women cheat because of the neglect and emotional unavailability of their partners. The thrill of a one night stand is that you can do whatever you want with it and spit it out when you are done but a husband you have to nurse love and care for him even when you think he does not deserve it! She said it was worse if he wasn’t a talking husband because you can never fully express your problems and desires to him because you are never sure when he gets you or not! She reminded me that I was not a school girl so I shouldn’t get lost in stupid school girl fantasies. No relationship is black and white, there is always a shade of grey you all have to manage. My marriage was important I need to spend as much time as possible with my husband she reminded me. That’s the best way to fight temptation There it was again, spending time! In today’s world you take a job anywhere just to make ends meet. It’s not like I did not want to be with him. She said we would speak later as lunch was over.
Now that we had a new project of our own, Cindy and I were moved from a cubicle to an office. On my way there I had to stop by a friends to pick up her baby showers invitation. She had been trying to get me for a while but for some reason we kept missing each other. And yes, the baby daddy bailed the moment she got pregnant so she was yet another statistic. Yay, lucky me for being married!
As I entered our new office I found Cindy sitting talking to someone.
It was Mfundo!
He was always here but where was my husband?
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
Question: Lebogang 28 (married 3years) There is a guy at work that I haven’t even flirted with but I can’t stop fantasizing about. Yes I am married and yes I masturbate at times but I don’t seem to fantasize about my husband whom I swear love very much. Is it cheating if when you fantasize it is not about your own partner but another man or woman? I know I won’t do anything about my crush but the way I crave for this man I don’t know what to do. I am afraid people will start noticing or worse he will notice. What do you advise Mike? Pls ask your readers.
Time flies really fast I must say. We would like to do a christmas drive. We would like to collect as many things as possible for different charities. It can be anything from clothes to sweets, bricks to toys absolutely anything. We will package them accordingly and find them a destination this christmas. You can nominate charities that you have in mind to receive these donations. Please give with your hearts Christmas is just around the corner and remember is anything and everything.