Y.E.S 48

Posted on Posted in Young Employed and Single

“If you find yourself having to sacrifice childhood friends or people you have known for a very long time because your new man feels uncomfortable with them in your life then your man is not interested in trying to understand who you are or where you come from!” Mike Maphoto


There comes a time in life when you have to tell yourself that you can’t always pity and put other people first. Sometimes putting yourself first actually helps you achieve more. For some reason I was taught by my friends, need to go unfriend all of them actually because to think of it that was bullshit advice. I was taught that if another girl is competing with you for a man then you must back off because no man is worth two women fighting over. I was taught that as a lady if he does not pick you on his own then he is the one who he is blind. Now I realized that all those girls went on to marry the men of my dreams because they were willing to fight for him. I was left with my high morals and high standards tweeting about how I needed a man in one breathe and how men are shit in the other with all those bitter twitter people. The joke was clearly on me. I had been telling myself that I needed a man; a real one for such a long time and Mbuso was standing right here. Yes he had a child and I had said some things but he was a very decent man indeed. All the girls here saw it too no wonder why they wanted him. There was only one problem, he was not my man.

“Oh no I am fine; I need the fresh air in any case!”

I responded immediately. I even did that Rihanna no fucks given look, Babes Wodumo wololo leg up style with no hesitation. Ok fine I lie, I exaggerate, I did it in my head.

“But you said you were tired just now!”

Esihle protested. The drunken slur even left her but did I care, nope. How do you allow the neighbours bitch, I mean dog, to come eat food in your kitchen and then escort it back home with an even bigger bone? You know if your dog has puppies with the dog next door, the one who owns the female dog is the one responsible for those puppies. I was the one who was sick and she had said she was coming to check on me so I was fine now meaning I should escort her home to return the favour. It’s only right after all and I am a Christian too who was raised well.

“Yeah I think I was or I am but it’s also because I have been cooped up in this house all day. I am fine to drive!”

I said going to my room to put on my shoes before she could even respond. You could hear a pin drop. I think it was obvious to everyone what I had just done there. Zama was on the verge of laughing but she kept her composure. Of all the sins I think jealousy must have its own special place reserved because that section of hell is going to have to be packed. I wish it will have aircon because most of us are going there.

“So who is driving whose car?”

I asked when we got to my door. I was not going to give her a chance to back down. You never know with drunken people she might insist on driving herself after this little setback for her.

“I still wanted to relax a bit more, you know just to let the food settle down!”

She said. Settle down my ass. See what I said? She was probably going to drug me in some way just so like her I should not be able to drive. Fat chance that was going to happen. I know what Satan looks like and she wears a dress and a weave!

“But you the one who said that you needed rest Esihle now you causing confusion!”

Mbuso finally said frustrated. I think he was avoiding the obvious argument that was going to come with this. She looked rejected and betrayed but to her credit she smiled.

“Ok true, tomorrow is another day. Since Lungi is sober and Mbuso is sober I will drive with Mbuso and Lungi can follow in her car. This way we have less moving parts.”

She said,

“It was such a pleasure meeting you guys!”

She said hugging both Zama and Nthabiseng. I think had it been another day we probably would have liked her but men come first. There are so few men out there. Don’t be fooled by all the trousers you see out there, most of those things are not men, but shadows of what men should be.

“Don’t forget we said we are having coffee!”

Nthabiseng said to her. When had coffee been arranged now? It must have been when I was sleeping. This girl thought she could still my man as well as my friends too. Come on now! She was being ambitious. We walked outside to the cars.

“That was a sly move but we will discuss it on the phone!”

Nthabiseng whispered in my ear when she hugged me. I laughed but did not respond. Zama hugged me as well and said we needed to hangout again soon. Zama was hard to read seeing I had just met her but I liked her.

“Ladies let’s hit the road, I really want to come watch soccer!”

Mbuso said. She drove a red A Class Mercedes Benz. Mbuso got in the drivers sit and after a few moments they drove out with me behind them. I actually really needed that fresh air. It felt good to be out on the road. She actually didn’t stay far from us. When we got to her place she hugged Mbuso but that cold distant one and then said,

“Lungi can I speak to you please!”

I could sense the irritation in her voice.

“Dude what happened? Why are you cockblocking me now? Thought I was hooking you up to my colleague! What happened?”

She asked me very confused.

“Cock blocking? Where you interested in Mbuso?”

I asked her acting very surprised.

“Yes obviously, why do you think I put up with his dry jokes all afternoon? You simply should have told me to back off and honestly I would have. Now I feel so bad because I was throwing myself all over your man.”

She explained which made me feel kind of guilty. I had not declared him as mine so that meant he was free for all.

“I am sorry about the confusion. He is not my man true but we in that zone. It was my fault and I am sorry!”

I told her. Don’t think I was sorry though because she should have asked properly.

“I have to go but we must talk about this properly. I hate leaving things on a sour note!”

She said and she walked away. I could see she was hurt but oh well, victory was mine!

“I am driving!”

Mbuso said standing on the driver’s side of my car.

“Like hell you are!”

I told him.

“Its cool then I will take a taxi. I am not insured enough to have you drive me!”

He said and he walked off. What? Was he serious?

“Mbuso come on, stop it with the jokes. You can drive!”

I said calling after him. He stopped and came back jogging with a big smile on his face.

“I am just kidding. I wanted to see what you will do!”

He said and he got into the passenger sit and put on his seatbelt.

“Are you coming?”

He asked me. It was kind of funny I must say. I got in and felt a bit ashamed because I drive one of the dirtiest cars in Jhb. I have shoes, lunchboxes, and clothes everywhere.

“I am sorry about the mess!”

I said when I got in. It’s the polite thing to say to be honest but why apologize for your own property.

“Nope, don’t be sorry but can’t say I have seen worse!”

He said in an attempt to joke. Where these the dry jokes that Esihle had mentioned?

“That braai was nice though. I don’t think I have ever seen you have one at your place? Why is that? Don’t you have friends?”

I asked him.

“I do have friends but am not that much of a people person. It’s me and Ntheteng and I am done!”

He did not say much and I tried very hard to get him talking.

“So you want to watch soccer? What do you support Chiefs or Pirates?”

I asked him. I think every girl knows that South African men are usually in either of those two camps. The rest ah, it’s not even a topic.

“Neither. Manchester United. I don’t really follow South African soccer it’s boring and does not seem to have direction!”

He said confidently. I hated soccer but I found myself racking my brain to find something to say on the topic. Don’t think he made an effort to change conversations to try and increase or range of topics. I think I was being punished for insisting on stealing him.

“Let’s watch at my place! This way I don’t have to be alone and you my neighbour so you won’t be alone!”

I told him. It made sense. I would have been dead bored if I chilled by myself and it was only five pm.

“I would love to but I can’t. I don’t want the neighbours talking hey because you know what people are like. If we start watching TV together like this some of their kids play with Ntheteng I don’t want them saying bad things about her daddy!”

He said. I wanted to swallow myself because being turned down like that had been so embarrassing. How many more hints was I supposed to give this dude?

“You care about what neighbours think?”

I asked him incredulously.

“Yes I do. I am a father so I must put the interests of my daughter first. Imagine her hearing that her father is flat hopping in the estate? It’s a bad example!”

He said,

“Ntheteng is very impressionable I am sure you already noticed so I have to watch my behaviour around her!”

If Esihle thought she had problems she clearly did not, I had just been cock blocked by a 6 year old who was not even there whilst she had simply dodged a bullet.

I found myself utter one word from there which was,



*********The End*********

Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)

Dear Mike,

Bhuti Wam…..you have been blessed with an amazing talent and I thank you for sharing it with us on a daily 
Hello Diary family (JackZorro and PillzBerry hahaha)

My problem is…. I am 29 years of age and my boyfriend is 33. We have been dating for 3 years now (well this is our third year)
Yho guys my boyfriend is not romantic hey…like dry not romantic. He is an amazing guy yena but yooooo brother man lacks romance hey…Even the brenyakos lacks foreplay :’( … I love kissing and hugging, cuddling and have someone play with my nanana before the sex…But my boyfriend just want to “fly” in yena…I thought I could live with this non-romance but Yho haa I can’t deal anymore…. Guys how do I teach this man foreplay…. I once told him he can’t kiss *hides* okay not like that…but it came out like that and he was offended Shem….lol. I love him hey besides all this he is an amazing boyfriend kodwa hay sana I need to be kissed till my knees go weak…I need to scream from just a finger f….But where do I start na?? The brenyakos is good hey but eish the road to it or rather “flight” to it is so dry and boring. Please help me….How do I “teach” this man foreplay?
Do I just be straight with him and tell him what I like and don’t like?? Because showing him hasn’t really helped 
JackZorro and Bhejane I need a step-by-step guide hey iyhoooooo

Kind Regards,

Flight Girl

23 thoughts on “Y.E.S 48

  1. Lalela la sisi wama brenyakos! He is a person with a working brain therefore he has the ability to. Haha naye and tell him what you want then when you get to doing the deed guide him and make it a fun experience for both you you. See mustn’t seem like a chore but rather as an opportunity to to get to know your partner and have fun.

    Hamba ke uyodla ibrenyakos yakho!

  2. Great work Mike.

    Flight girl sometimes coming out straight honest with it might just be what you need to do. If your communication is good it shouldn’t be difficult. Tell your man how you want it, make suggestions and careful not to wound his ego. Instead of saying “I don’t like it when you do this”, try say “I would like it better if we try this”.

  3. Thanks Mikeesto, I actually missed Lungi hey.

    Flight girl, I wonder where Bhejane is hiding himself nowadays, Had some deep and mature advice that guy.

    Uthi your man is dry LOL!! Jonga your letter was comically crafted and it was joyful reading this on a Monday morning. Thanks for the good laugh.

    The most simple way of dealing with this is to get 50 Shades of Grey, make him read the book while you’re there. Then disturb him and ask him if all those things are what you desire and yena akazenzi uthi mawuthini? Like, you are longing for simple things really, a bit of dirty talk here and there, neck kisses and ear nibbles, fondling of your twins and maybe a finger nyana down there if his tongue is shy….. That’s not too much to ask for and him not providing such things is witchcraft. You are not asking him to take you to Dubai, you just want a romantic blesser, to bless you with foreplay and a muff . Introduce this blog to him even, take him to that chapter where Rudzani’s man was doing Lungi…. teach him how to be want you want, eyakho mos le ndoda so own his unromantic ass and make him a complete lover.

    Brenyakos.. LMAO!!! 🙂


  4. Flight Gal

    I’ve realised that with men you can talk until you’re blue in the face nothing will change instead he’ll think you’re nagging or you’re demanding. The only language they understand is Action sisi.
    Man is flying through foreplay because you let him (Forever Ready). What you need is a lot of Hard To Get, fake a headache here and there. When he starts going to the main course push his hand away n tell him “Not today” or “I’ve got a headache” or “i’m tired”. Initially he’ll be surprised and ask you “what’s wrong?”… don’t fall for this and start explaining your dilemma (words he won’t understand since he’s thinking with his small head aka “I need to listen to her, then she’ll let me sleep with her”) Instead go to sleep or get away from him after using one of the above mentioned excuses.

    What this does is make him realise you’re not “forever ready” forcing him to “Seduce you” so he can get what he wants. You get foreplay, he gets Brenyakos. Everyone is happy.

    Make him work for it, Every man knows how to seduce a woman otherwise they wouldn’t get laid. Less yada yada more action.

    1. hai hai hai.. Belara you’re suggesting that this lady play with fire..lol! i’ve got a headache? sex is the best remedy for headaches nje.. you can’t make a man act right by playing such games, he will only get frustrated and annoyed. She needs to talk to him and guide him.

  5. Flight girl, theres a board game called nookie or something like that, it has all sorts of kinky stuff you can try with your man, best way to teach him other ways of reaching the destination. Also it will make it easier to say “remember when we did this from the game, let’s do it again” n slowly but surely he’ll get used to the idea of incorporating new things in the bedroom. Dress the part nawe ke girl, tease him, suck him and only once your satisfied allow him the brenyakos

  6. Flight girl when he wants to fly in just tell him there’s no oil in the engine….make/teach him what u want, lead his hands to places u wanna be touched, do to him what u want to be done to u, motivate him, teach him how to kiss u instead of saying he can’t, rather kiss him n let him follow ur lead

  7. Morning all….Goodness me I just had an ab workout form these comments…. Where is Bhejane nyani??

    Flight Girl..hahahahha mxm they said it all girl….

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