“A man who does not try to make you feel and look beautiful is not worth your time. It’s not about money, it’s the small things that makes you feel that in his eyes you are the most amazing person he has ever seen and that ladies, goes a long way!” Mike Maphoto
Isn’t it always amazing how someone else’s man looks so amazing from a distance? Think about it, when you see them walking together hand in hand you tell yourself you wish you had a man just like him. You compare him to the so called loser that you have at home and automatically you feel like you made a bad decision. In your head you ask yourself why your man does not want to be romantic and instead behaves as though he was from a long gone era. It’s the small things that you see other men doing from a distance that just seem to rub it in, in your face when you someone from a distance. What you fail to understand is that most things look better from that distance. They do. Here was Mbuso, he was fine, responsible, sexy and caring from a distance but the closer I got I realized that he was boring and paranoid about stupid things. Imagine being scared what the neighbours would think in this day and age! Come on now. When I had seen him with Esihle the jealous levels had risen. I wanted him to hold me the way he was holding her even though she was probably forcing it. The attention he had given her I wanted him to give it to me too.
“Thank you so much I had splendid time!”
He said when we got back to the estate. He was so calm and genuine in how he said that it was like he did not see anything wrong in his statement not that it was wrong. I was just feeling offended by his lack of action. Two women had obviously fought for him, no secret there, so act like it.
“I am glad you had a good time too. It was a very eventful afternoon indeed at least tomorrow we sleep in!”
I said with a smile on my face. I did not want him to leave the car.
“I don’t get that luxury. I am going to church. It’s better than sitting in then will go pick up Ntheteng. The house feels so empty without her!”
He said. I was still a bit sensitive about talking about Ntheteng considering what I said earlier on. It had not come out well.
“That’s nice. I can imagine. Do you go to church every Sunday?”
I asked him.
“Yes I do, you don’t?”
He asked me. I had fallen into that one and it was all by my own making, this church topic, sigh!
“I won’t lie, I don’t always get a chance to but I would love to go more often, I think we all do!”
“So what’s stopping you? You have a car; there are more churches than schools meaning you are not stuck!”
This guy and his questions,
“Nothing is stopping me I guess but will work on it. Maybe you will invite me to yours and then we can car pull.”
I said obviously cracking a joke. I did not know what else to say.
“You, me and Ntheteng?
He asked me. I think when he told me about the rape he had moved on from it in his head but I had not. It’s not my business I know but it was such a hectic story. Imagine raising the child of a man who raped your wife and then your wife dies giving birth to that child? Wow, I would never be normal again. I would die inside a million times over and hate everything about this world. Here was a man who had overcome that and genuinely loved the child. I can’t even applaud for him because that’s how weird this whole situation was the more I thought about it. It was awkward so I quickly moved on,
“Yes the three of us. We can’t leave her behind obviously dude!”
I said laughing. He looked around as though uncomfortable so I asked.
“Are you not worried about what the neighbours will think if we walk out of the same car right now?”
I asked him. I was obviously being sarcastic and sour but it totally flew over his head.
“It’s dark now so no one will see us.”
He said. We got out of the car together and when we got to my door he said,
“See you tomorrow then!”
He said getting out of the car and just walked away. I did not know what to do. Had I said something wrong? When I got to my house even my key would not go in the keyhole the way I was shaking mad at this man! What was wrong with him? I entered my flat and suddenly it felt so big and silent.
“See you tomorrow then?”
I mimicked him as I walked in switching on all the lights, sorry Eskom! I can’t sit in the dark, it’s scary.
“Did he just dismiss me like that?”
I asked myself out loud. I tried to calm myself down but that rush of blood would not calm me down. Nope, I was not going to be toyed with like this. Some men need a woman who will get them out of their comfort zones. I took my keys, locked my place and I marched to his place. When I got there I did not even hesitate to knock! I could him screaming he really was watching soccer!
“Hi! Is something wrong?”
He asked me surprised to see me standing there! I pushed him aside and marched right in and said,
“You are not going to tell me about the fucken neighbours after making me send everyone home so that I can spend time with you!”
I told sternly but I did not raise my voice because then his neighbour fear would become reality.
He started to protest!
“Don’t But Lungi me! I am here now. Close the door, we are watching soccer together like adults and then when it’s done I am going to walk to my place and sleep. Neighbours my ass! Do you even know their names or where they come from? Don’t get me started!”
I told him. He was stunned and he froze standing where he was. As women we talk about how independent and strong we are but why is it when it comes to our own hearts we don’t have the guts to go for whom we want? It is the stupidest thing ever. The one thing that should matter most as it determines our happiness is the one thing we hide behind every culture and tradition for!
“Close the door Mbuso, its cold!”
I told him again. This time he moved and on the way back he found me sitting on the couch already.
“You are crazy you know that!”
He said laughing. This was the first time I had actually seen him laugh in a genuine manner. Maybe I had finally broken that ice that stopped him from opening up.
“Let me get us a blankie as it’s a bit cold.”
He said. I did not stop him. He went into what I think was his room and he came back with a throw.
I told him. He sat on the same couch as me but because his match was so exciting he kept on jumping up and down. Watching a man watch soccer is so fascinatingly frustrating because you can seem him so happy and so sad at the same time but you have no idea why they could have so many emotions over something so stupid. He cursed and jumped up and down at the same time several times. At some points he tried to explain how the coach had bought well but ah, for me it flew right past me.
“Can I lie down?”
I asked him after the soccer finished. He was watching some documentary and he looked to be paying so much attention to it!
“Of course you can. Let me just get something from the kitchen and you can lie on my lap!”
He said. I had not thought that far. I was going to take a cushion. I wanted to lie down because I was tired not because I was still playing the game.
“Are you feeling ok?”
He asked me when he sat down.
“I am fine. I see you love your soccer!”
I told him jokingly.
“I do hey. It keeps me company. I don’t have to go out and spend unnecessary money on weekends.”
He told me. It made sense to me. Most money gets spent on unnecessary things which kill people’s budgets.
“Let me just finish this documentary. It’s about the orphans that were left behind after the Ebola crisis. It’s really sad!”
He said. Goodness this guy can depress you. He had girl sleeping on his lap and he wanted to watch Ebola. I lay on his lap and he covered me properly with the throw. He rested his hand on my stomach and guess what, I passed out! I don’t even think it took me five minutes. Is this the exhaustion that Esihle had spoken about?
The dream came back.
We were back at the river and nothing had changed from the first time. My grandmother was there as though she had never left.
“I am still waiting for the stone!”
She told me as soon as she noticed I was looking at her. This could not be real.
“Gogo, I am scared of getting the stone. The water is flowing too fast. I think I should go back!”
I protested. I could feel the cold water on my feet. How did I end up in the water? I seem to remember being on the side of the river.
“Go back where? You belong here, with your family.”
She told me.
“I want to go back home to my mother and to my friends. I don’t belong here!”
I told her. She laughed at me and said,
“No my child, this is where you belong. Your family is the strongest bond you can ever have!”
She said. I wanted to ask her what she meant but I felt myself shaking.
“Gogo what’s happening. I am scared.”
I told her as I tried to look for something to hold on to but there was nothing. As suddenly as the shaking started I stopped. I woke up startled.
It was Mbuso who had been shaking me to wake up.
“Hey there, are you ok?”
He asked me.
I asked him.
“You were talking in your sleep!”
He told me! What? Again. I was so embarrassed.
“I have to go home!”
I told him and stood up immediately. Did I have the same dream because I had been worried about it after I had it the first time?
“Just like that after the way you insisted on coming in?”
He asked me a bit surprised.
“Yes just like that, you don’t want neighbours knowing you are a grown up man remember!”
I told him cheekily as he walked me to the door.
My mind was not right!
I was scared!
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
Thanks for your wonderful blog and amazing stories which inspire us daily.
I’m a 25 year old independent woman who works for herself and gets paid very well, here goes my story. I’ve been dating this guy for 7months and he is not working, in march he went quiet for 3 days and when he called the fourth day he said his phone fell into the water and I just let it be, he forced me to introduce him to my parents in April and I did, he took me to his family also all was good until end of April he went missing for 7 days after getting calls from his ex girlfriend whom he told to stay away from him in front of me and when he came back on the 8th day n called me he said he went to look for work and I would have had a lot to say if he told me he was going for a week my problem was he did not answer my calls and only answered when he was on his way home. From there on things never went well with us, he never came to me again. In July he said we should try again n I said its fine, this month I found out I’m 3 months pregnant I told him and the guy said its fine just like that. He started to ignore my calls and even blocked my calls and started to post pictures of him and the same girl she said it’s his ex gf, I checked his Facebook and I inboxed the gf and told her that her bf made a child in Kimberley and the girl said it serves me right to make a child with someone who has a gf and she is also pregnant and they have been dating for years now. The guy sends me a whatsapp message saying I had no right to tell his gf about our child if I don’t stop he will do something to me.
What bothers me was I didn’t know he was still seeing his ex gf, we never had a fight, and he kept posting my pictures for the period we’ve been dating since January and so on.
Now what do I do with this whole situation it could have been better to walk away n get over it if I was not pregnant but I am and I can’t terminate because its already late, I cry a lot n stress to much which causes pains in my stomach. I don’t want to hurt my unborn child and can I go to his family he introduced me to or what because this thing is too painful…please advice.
Hurt mother to be😥