YES 216

Posted on Posted in Young Employed and Single

I think abuse in South Africa is so common we take it for granted now that’s why it

does not shock most people anymore. Don’t be fooled by this people who wear too much make up at work every day because some of these people use it to hide their scars. The sad thing is most abused people the signs are there from the beginning, you can actually see it happen and build up. These are the same people who will sit with you and condemn Tebogo on The Queen with you at work whilst at home they are Keabetswe. The men are part of the people that #notinmyname with all of us on Twitter knowing truly well that we don’t even know his name as his wife will never say a word about it. All abusers justify their actions with the same phrases,

“Wamphaphela!”

Or

“O ya telela!”

Are the favorites. Men who say this have hyper egos that tell them that women cannot talk down to them. Don’t let them fool you by the way because white men are even more abusive than our men it’s just that their women are so humiliated and racist that the thought of reporting this abuse to a police station, to a black officer is often too overwhelming for them to break free of the shackles. I also don’t think black officers like having to confront those angry abnormally large Afrikaners with ten other people to back them up.

“Nthabiseng!”

I said as soon as I called my lawyer friend and she picked up. The more I had thought of my sister the more I thought of taking action.

“You know every time I pick up my phone you call out my name?”

She said laughing.

“Huh?”

I asked her.

“Yeah it’s so weird it’s like you think someone else will pick up my phone or something but its ok!”

She said laughing.

“So what’s up friend?”

She asked and from the sound of it I could hear she was driving and she was in a good mood.

“Eish it’s my sister. She went back to her husband remember the abusive one?”

I asked her.

“Yes I do. Goodness why would she do that though?”

She asked me which is what anyone would have asked under the circumstances.

“I don’t know and I am hurt by this. He won a bit of money in the Lotto and he came back and said that he wanted her back and he was sorry. She did even ungathi ipanty ya se Jet!”

I said annoyed and Nthabiseng.

“Why are you laughing I am serious?”

I told her.

“Panty ya se Jet where do you get these things?”

She asked me. I had not even seen that I had said that and when she said it I also laughed.

“I am serious Nthabiseng what can I do to protect her?”

I asked her.

“I don’t think there is anything you can do within the law apart from advise her!”

She told me.

“No right now I don’t need my lawyer I need my friend. I am going to ask you now as a friend, what more can I do to protect her!”

I asked her. She kept quiet for a second before she spoke again,

“Ok I know a client who was being abused. She tricked her husband into signing his wealth into a trust with her being the second respondent. When she divorced him he obviously did not want her near him but because their assets where in a trust he could not do it without her. She got more than the half the marriage entails! Hitting his money was where it hurt most!”

She explained to me.

“Goodness Nthabiseng those are too many moving parts though isn’t there something simpler like sending someone to threaten him?”

I asked her. She made and a mumbling sound and said,

“Nah not really. Threats don’t hit the pocket and if he is scared from that threat it will only be effective the first time he hears it and for a while before he goes back to his normal self!”

She explained,

“And besides be smart that’s why you have a brain, use it! A trust like I mention will work as a permanent solution. I am sure right now since he just got her back he is showering her with gifts so now this is the time to strike!”

She explained.

“How am i going to convince her though because my sister when she is in love she is all in and naïve?”

I told her. I did not want to mention the fact that she was probably cheating on this so called husband with Mbuso as it would mean like we were trying to trick him out of his money. It was already late evening at this stage and I was still expecting Simba and his sister. They had said they were going to come that’s if they had not killed each other already. They were late though so I called Simba,

“Dude you said you were coming what happened?”

I asked him.

“She fell asleep on me and I let her sleep. She is up now though so we will come but I am afraid it won’t be for supper as promised. I am taking her out of town for rehab I made arrangements at a 24 hour centre in Rustenburg!”

He explained.

“Why there? Does she need to be closer to you?”

I asked him, it felt like he was trying to get rid of her I mean they had just started talking again.

“No. She needs to be out of Johannesburg away from her crowd!”

He explained to me. I was not going to argue. Most people have sisters, friends and colleagues who are de facto prostitutes with the way they sleep around the only difference being they don’t stand at the corner and flag own down cars. Nowadays every one wa feba so I don’t think the rehab was for the prostitute side but more for the drug habit.

“Ok then so when are you coming?”

I asked him.

“Give us about 45 minutes please!”

He said and with that he was gone. I was ok with it as I wanted to relax. I was actually feeling maternal today and I wanted to research this pregnancy thing. I had so much going on I had even forgot this baby part. When you think about it pregnancy is supposed to be a joyous occasion and with me not knowing who the father was and everything else I had not gotten a chance to embrace it.

“I am going to be a mum!”

I told myself. Why was I not feeling celebratory though because I had accepted it now so I should be happy that a baby was on its way? This will be my child and I was not going to share my baby with Sfiso I told myself. There is just so much information on pregnancy on the web but the most important thing was to join these classes for pregnant women. It was just awkward that I did not have someone to attend with but my sister will do just fine. I called my sister as what Nthabiseng had said was circling in my head.

“Can we go out tomorrow for lunch or something?”

I asked her.

“I have a few things to do but for my little sister I will drop them of course!”

She told me cheerfully.

“Ok then!”

I said as I hung up. I did not have to wait too long for Simba and his sister to arrive. In fact it almost felt as though they were already on their way.

“Hey guys!”

I said as they entered. Simba was a lone at this stage,

“Where is Tsitsi?”

I asked him. He looked back and said,

“I thought she was right behind me but she stayed in the car. I am going to take her!”

He said and went back out. I guess she was just being shy.

“We will just be here for two minutes!”

I heard him say as they walked back. He knocked again and I told him to enter.

“Sorry about that she is shy all of a sudden?”

He said as they entered.

“No am not I am just tired that’s all!”

She said rather weekly. His sister looked withdrawn and almost like she was going to breakdown. She was shivering.

“Are you cold? I can give you something to wear if you would like?”

I asked her. We were not the same size but I am sure one of my older sweaters would fit her.

“No I am not, don’t worry I will be fine this happens sometimes.”

She explained. This girl was not fine I don’t care what she said. It was right in front of me.

“I think she needs to see someone ASAP!”

I told him.

“That’s what we are doing. I am leaving now remember I just wanted you to see that I am taking her.”

He said. He actually looked tired and scared and I could see why. This girl could lose it at any time.

“Wouldn’t an ambulance be better for her or something?”

I asked him because I was getting anxious too at this moment. I didn’t want anything happening in my house. I did not want that at all now you will be filling in forms and what not.

“You clearly don’t know how this works. Lungi I can’t stay long I know I said I won’t ask again but that job I told you about please just give them a call and cancel at least. Make up any excuse please!”

He pleaded with me. I had even forgotten. How deep is that though? Forgetting an employment opportunity.

“Ok I will!”

I told him. There was a knock on the door and I didn’t have to be told who it was as the voice of its owner rang through immediately after it.

“Hey Aunty Lungi!”

Ntheteng said bursting in. She ran up to me and gave me her trademark huge hug.

“Hello sweety how are you?”

I said greeting her.

“I missed you today and I told dad I was going to come see you later!”

She told me. I knew she was not allowed out alone on her own so I was not surprised when less than a minute later Mbuso knocked and walked in too.

“Sorry Lungi this little one had to…”

He stopped and looked at Tsitsi,

“Its you!”

He said slowly at first then angry the next!

“Its fucken you!”

He screamed.

“You what? What are you talking about?”

Simba asked the question that was also on my lips. Tsitsi ran behind her brother,

“Keep him away from me! I am sorry! I am sorry!”

She said crying but Mbuso was not having this.

“You did this to me! You did this to us! You took my wife and my daughter’s mother! It was you, you witch!”

He screamed at her angrily. I was so confused. Simba was confused. Ntheteng was crying.

“Wait…you never showed up for court meaning you are still wanted by the police! You were arrested on the scene and then disappeared!”

He said picking up his phone.

“Police, I want to report a fugitive!”

He said as soon as 10111 picked up!

**********The End************

@diaryofazulugal
Mikeatdiary
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
Mike@diaryofazulugirl.co.za

Dear Mike

Thank you for your time I am really grateful.

Ok so here I am knowing all the bad things that could happen but I am here. I have been dating this guy since childhood basically. Our families are close and I can pretty much say they are like family already. We are both 26 and I ‘think’ I love him. I say this because he is the only guy I have ever known or been close to. If you ask me what love is all I can is its him because that’s it for me? The problem is I am not entirely happy. I find myself often daydreaming of cheating and sleeping with other people. A year ago I went to a party where I kissed a guy. It was just a kiss nothing more but to this day when I close my eyes it’s the fantasy I have. Please note my boyfriend and I have never broken up since we started. It’s a miracle that I even went to that party alone because I am generally not allowed to party by him. It’s not like it’s a fast rule he just guilt’s me into staying and if push comes to shove he will go with me. I don’t even if this behavior is normal. I feel so claustrophobic right now and could really with your advice since he proposed to me on Easter in front of the whole family and obviously I had to say yes. I am really torn over how I feel so please please I need second opinions.

Thank You

Trapped

11 thoughts on “YES 216

  1. @trapped, you love him but are not happy. I dont think you love him, you feel comfortable with him but love, NO. I suggest you break up with him because you will end up cheating on him and your relationship will end badly. He is supposed to be a friend not lover as i see it.

    Lungi, the more you stay in your house, the more drama. Why did you even insist that Simba and his sister come visit you. Go to your initiation and all will be well again.

  2. Abuse in South Africa has become a norm it’s scary and this #notinmynamane is just for Twitter, in reality, most men just stand on the sideline and watch the abuse happen. Just yesterday I saw a huge man manhandling a woman he doesn’t even know threatening to stab her. I don’t know how the altercation started but people were just staring no one helped this kiosk attendant. you could tell she was petrified, trying to defend herself. what is wrong with our men 🙁

  3. Lungi shem your house should be turned into a theatre the drama that goes on there is more than mzansi magic can take….@ trapped keep this engagement as long as you can till you are certain it’s what you want,remember it’s all about you,your family shouldn’t control your future it’s not easy but it matters to put yourself first,you still young your allowed to explore.

  4. Then there are men who kill women over divorce settlements **sigh**

    Ask for a break to find yourself outside of him before you commit to marriage

  5. Thank you Bhut Mike for the daily dose 🙂 … Lungi and the drama that attracts her though …shuuuuuuu

    Trapped : Ypu know with relationships, especially long standing ones like yours…the butterflies fade away…that euphoria of …oohhh im sooo inlove with my boyfriend, that excitement you get when you see his name pop up on your phone screen when he calls …it disappears…. There comes a time when you CHOOSE to love a person…because butterflies aren’t gonna be there forever… You need to try and recreate that , bring back the spark I your relationship….yes you have known only him and its been a while since you guys have been together so naturally you miss that…Ohh I have a crush on someone felling……that euphoria!!! Create it…Happiness is something that you chose…the minute you “expect it” from someone else, then my dear you need to look at yourself and ask what it is that you really want….

    Do you think the people that are married for over 20 years or so , are always happy with their partners?? Or they still have the butterflies they had when they first met their partners?? No ..I don’t think so…. Im not saying stay….and I am not saying walk away either….But try and work on your relationship and walk away knowing that you gave it your best!!!

    Relationships are hard work…and need constant service to ensure that they ride smoothly!!!

    All the best love
    PillzBerry

    1. Tell her PillzBerry.

      That is normal, all she needs to do is take your advice. Girls like her think grass is greener out there, only to be heartbroken after guys have played with their hearts.

      Butterflies and spsks and rainbows do not last forever. The feeling of new love fades with time. The good thing is that they can come back if you work on it.

      1. I’m one of those girls. I had been with my boyfriend for 6 years when I decided I was tired and I was “in love” with some idiot that had been after me since forever. So I left. I dated this idiot for about 3 months. I was excited for the first 2 months lol but month number 3 showed me that I didn’t even like this guy let alone love him. I couldn’t stand him. He annoyed me and I found myself comparing him to my ex and until I left.
        It seemed my ex had also tried to move on but it also just didn’t work out for him. We stayed separated for a further 4 months after this where we pursued a friendship. We then realised we were always bestfriends and we are now back together happier than even. I was fortunate that he loved me enough to want me back after that.

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