You know when you have been fighting with your partner a lot sometimes you need to take a step back and assess the
situation to allow it to calm down. You can’t keep on butting heads and expect things to work out. Right now with her talking to her stupid sister I could choose to go in there and explode on her but what do I achieve. She was pregnant and any further stress would mean that we could both lose the baby. I did not want to live with that guilt for the rest of my life but I could not let it go,
“Londiwe why must I hit you?”
I asked her. She was so startled she jumped up and I think she clicked the speaker voice by mistake and dropped the phone on the floor. It even slid under the bed shem.
“Londiwe you need a different plan this won’t work. Vusi is such a good guy to the point of being stupid. He does things the right way and don’t get used to all these kasi boys who used you as a punching bag!”
Nonjabulo said as Londiwe rushed to hang up the phone. Hearing someone call you stupid is not a nice thing at all but Nonjabulo was not my problem for now.
“Baby you were not supposed to hear that! Goodness why is this happening?”
She said immediately trying to step towards me but I lifted my hand up to stop her…
“Hear what? The fact that you want me to hit you so you can achieve what Londiwe? Is that what you and sister conspire behind my back. I was in the car with her today and she practically begged me to beat you up and I had I been someone else I would have complied!”
I asked her and told her at the same time. This was stupid indeed. She started crying,
“Why are you crying now? I haven’t touched you nor have I said anything? Tears won’t get you out of this one and we are not going to be chasing each other around the complex like before! Tell me what’s going on or leave this house!”
I said without moving from where I stood. I was very stern with what I said and even how I said it too her by surprise. I had never given her such an ultimatum before.
“Simon was not the first boyfriend who used to beat me up.”
She started to explain. I had heard the Simon stories before so I was not moved at all.
I asked her coldly. I could see that question stung her but oh well today was not about that.
“Every guy I ever dated abused me in one way or the other. I got so used to it that was normal for me!”
She explained further.
“Get to the point to where this is important to either one of us especially to where why today I should have beaten you up!”
I told her yet again. I think the way I was responding to her was new to her. She was used to me feeling guilty for what she had endured hence the way I was talking today was not helping.
“You don’t have to be rude about it I am trying to tell you something close to my heart which still gives me nightmares and you are throwing in my face at every stage!”
She complained eventually.
“Londiwe right now with the way I am feeling, I really don’t care! Can you respond to what I asked you and stop going around in circles?”
I said to her coldly as with all the other times. She hesitated and looked for warmth in my face but there was none.
“It’s just that I don’t know how to explain it without looking stupid!”
She said and still I did not say anything.
“Can we please let it go?”
She asked me and this time I responded.
“No we cannot let it go! I want to know what’s going on and why you have been acting so weird. Londiwe this has better be good or else we are done here. Do you understand me?”
I asked her. I sat down naked as I was like that so that she could see that this was really happening.
“My sister is right about me wanting you to hit me but it’s not what you think!”
She started explaining.
“What is it I think?”
I said my tone failing to mask the anger that was rising inside me with all her games. Something shady was going on and the more she kept on doing these things the more apparent it good.
“I do want you to hit me!”
She said and I just did not get it.
I asked her.
“Well please promise me you will not dump me after I say it. That’s all I ask, it’s very complicated!”
She explained. I could feel my insides knot up as she said that. This was going wrong. What was so serious that she feared I was going to dump her? Was it the baby?
“I promise I will not dump you!”
I told her but part of me was lying. I could not help but remember how my mother had questioned whether she was pregnant or not. What if she was about to tell me that she had lied all along? I would dump her for sure!
“Ok then. Here goes…”
She said looking at me then she put her head in her hands and started crying. My mother was right it had to be it.
“I grew up being abused so much that it’s no longer normal for me to not be abused. Every guy who I dated who beat me up for whatever reason to make it up to me almost always wanted sex afterwards.”
“I don’t follow!”
I told her and its true I did not.
“I like being humiliated, tied up and beaten up during sex!”
She said and for a moment there it flew right past me. It’s not what I had expected her to say at all and what kind of Satanism was this that she was talking about. My face betrayed how confused I really was,
“I don’t follow!”
I said to her. I had heard her of course but I was not sure I had heard what I heard correctly.
“See you are already judging me and losing your respect for me!”
She said to me and she was not wrong about the judgment thing to be honest because that is not a black thing and to us it is definitely not normal.
“I just did not understand what you said!”
I told her.
“When my sister was talking about being beaten up, I told her that you don’t beat me during sex. She knows I like it but with you it’s hard to bring up because you are so uptight and decent! My body or my psyche has learned to associate sex with pain and with us the one is missing! I love you with all my heart but I haven’t enjoyed sex with you in a long time because something is missing!”
She explained and ouch on the last part. So all this time I had been pumping in and out of her with no results. She had been faking all those moans all along. As my Niger brothers would say ‘adonbilivit’ and really wow. I was not lost but I was totally flabbergasted.
“When you say being beaten up you mean like sexually?”
I asked her which in itself seemed like a stupid question. I was totally confused.
“Yes something like that. I know it’s not normal and that is what my sister was talking about. I am so sorry Vusi I know you want a woman who is as normal as possible!”
She said and at this stage she was as good as calling me boring.
“No it’s not that, how come you never told me?”
I asked her,
“We are engaged for crying out loud!”
I said to her and I was not fighting with her I honestly did not know how I would have responded had she told me this before. I probably would have laughed.
“How do you think that conversation would have gone though? I am so sorry I am an embarrassing person and if you think I am evil because of it you can dump me!”
She said. I looked at her and she was genuinely crying.
“It’s nothing to cry about. I will talk to you when I finish bathing!”
I told her. I did not know what to say and I even forgot the shaving cream that had brought me here in the first place. The water in the shower was running and in solidarity with Cape Town people I could not waste it even further. I ended up taking a quick shower but I sat in the bathroom a good 45 minutes after I was done. Something simply did not add up.
A sweet voice said from the other side of the door. It was her knocking.
“Is everything ok in there?”
She asked me.
“Yes everything is fine, tummy ache!”
I lied to her. It’s the only thing I could say. I sat there a further ten minutes doing absolutely nothing flushed and went to join her.
“Are you ok?”
She asked me when I entered.
“Yes I am ok! I was thinking on Friday we need to go to the doctor! I don’t want any more secrets and your games. If you are pregnant we must know together! Am I understood?”
I asked her.
“Must I book with my doctor?”
She asked me.
“No, we are going to my doctor! I am the one paying for it. I want the best for you and we will go there!”
I explained to her. She gave me a blank stare and the responded,
“Ok cool no problem!”
She told me. I wanted to put my mind at rest because my mother had gotten into my head. She really was messing me up.
“Yes we must do all the scans in front of each other like a real couple would and I don’t want Nonjabulo anywhere near us!”
I told her.
“But she is my sister?”
“Yes she is and not your husband! You don’t serve two masters!”
I said the last part being a pun on her liking being beaten. Either this woman had really suffered traumatic things growing up or she really was a master at being manipulative.
I was going to find out!
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
Thank you for allowing me a chance to share my story with you and greetings to you and all the readers.
We have a problem at home and it’s my 15 year old little sister. She is bitching around and has slept with several people already. I found this out when I went through her whatsapp conversation sometime in February. At this time she had not even turned fifteen. From what I read at the time she had slept with 5 guys two of whom were in their 20’s. I did what I thought was best and told my parents. The one guy was 29 and married. We reported the two guys in the 20s to the police and they were arrested for statutory rape. There were not from our community so it was not difficult. My parents gave her a hiding. Now she is back at it and I think it is to spite us. She is dating two married men that we know and are from our community. She is picked up from school in big cars and so on. We already have two people facing trial because of her and now must we add two more? She is the one who clearly has the problem. At home we are divided. My parents say we can’t do this again because she will just go get more men in trouble and we will finish the whole community at this rate but I say if we got the others arrested then these two because they are as good as being paedophiles. These two men are late 30s with kids. My sister at home is the quietest innocent person but out there from what people tell us she gets every man she wants. One of our cousins who schools with her says that she once went to a guy’s house after school and slept with 3 guys at once. What kind of a demon is that which possesses a child like this?
Has anyone ever had to deal with such a sibling or were that sibling? How did we get her over that stage before she gets pregnant or HIV? Should we pursue cases against these men?
Please help me save my sister.