*Anginamazwi for the bile Nonjabulo had just fed me* but looking at Londiwe right now acting as though she had not
just disobeyed me when I said she could not go there just made my head spin. Was I less of a man because I could not control her? Did she have any sense in what she said when she said women who grew up in communities were abuse is rife expect it in marriage? I was confused and looking at her I could see my hand shaking. I wanted to clap her but I could not even do that.
I told her.
She said crossing her hands across her chest and rolling her eyes!
“I said sit down!”
I screamed and she literally jumped and sat down in the chair in front of me.
“What has gotten into you? You don’t talk to me like that I am not a child!”
“I will talk to you in whatever way I want do you hear me!”
I said shouting and I banged the table once with an open hand. Ouch that hurts. It looks less painful when they do it on TV.
“I am sorry I…”
She said but quickly kept quiet.
“Where were you?”
I asked her.
“I went to…”
“I told you though before I left!”
She explained. I wanted to strangle her. Every bone inside me was saying strangle her.
“Did I not tell you not to go?”
I asked her trying to calm myself down but it was not working. All it was making me do is breathe harder and harder.
“You did but I told you I was doing it for us!”
She said trying to defend us.
“Doing what for us?”
I asked her.
“Going to sle… I was …”
She stuttered again and looked down at me. She had that guilty look instead of that defiant one. Something was not adding up. Londiwe was the type of person who when she is not guilty of something she will go on the attack. She does not like being accused of something she did not do.
“I begged you but you still did it anyway!”
I reminded her.
“I did not sleep with him I promise! I went to his place with the intention of it but half way through I changed my mind and decided that I needed to go tell him off for even suggesting it!”
She explained but I just looked at her justifying herself.
“Why was your phone off?”
I asked her.
“Well I knew you would try to change my mind and I was determined to go and close this chapter!”
She explained. I don’t know why but somehow I did not believe her at all. It felt as though that was a prepared answer and the way she answered it sounded so similar to how Simon had answered.
“I know it sounds like an excuse but I am tired of us fighting. We do this all the time and I don’t want us to be like our neighbours!”
She explained. Crap I had forgotten to check on them since I got back. Last time Nobuhle was having a miscarriage or whatever so as a good neighbour I needed to go check on him.
“Do you really think I want that for us? You are the one that keeps on putting our relationship in danger. I can’t have a wife that thinks that it’s ok to sleep with another man for whatever reason!”
I told her.
“Baby I am sorry!”
“I am sorry too! You think just because I don’t fight with you it’s a sign of weakness! It’s not!”
I stood up.
“Where are you going?”
She said crying. She was sobbing out loud. Normally I would jump to go hug her and console her. I just walked out ignoring her completely. She really had to sit there and see where this was taking us.
She called out and ran after me. That one I had not anticipated nor expected.
“I am going next door to check on Nobuhle! Is that fine with you?”
I asked her annoyed she had come after me.
“No you are not, you are trying to leave me and your baby?”
She said sobbing out loud in the hall way and as if that was not enough she came and she knelt in front of me holding my leg.
“Londiwe what are you doing?”
I asked her deeply disturbed by this and taken pretty much of guard.
“Please don’t leave me! I am so sorry!”
She cried out loud as though someone had died.
“Londiwe please stop this!”
I said in a loud hoarse whisper because I did not want people to hear but who was I kidding. This was very embarrassing as with every residence with many people, people like things. Doors were already starting to open so they can see the drama unfold. If I walked further she was going to cause a scene. I had no choice but to walk back to my apartment.
“Londiwe if I wanted to leave you I would have left you! Am I remotely the type of man who leaves his woman after an argument?”
I asked her. She was sobbing out loud and I know the neighbours could hear. Some people when they cry it’s like someone died and Londiwe was like that.
“But you were going!”
She cried. It took a while to quieten her and at some point I was the one begging her.
“Baby please come on its not what you thinking! You are putting the baby at risk by being too stressed!”
I said in my plea throwing everything I could to calm down the situation. She had managed to completely turn it around and the blame was now on me. It did not end there; there was a knock on the door.
“Security! Please open up!”
A man’s voice called out from outside.
I found myself saying back. Now this was humiliating. I drive past these people every day and they will always remember me as that guy.
“Yes sir what can I do for you?”
I asked him trying not to sound annoyed and impatient.
“There has been a noise complaint about a woman crying is everything ok.”
He asked me.
“Yes and No. It’s my wife she is crying but we are sorting it out!”
I explained to him.
“Is it ok if we see her? We can’t leave a woman crying like this.”
He said calmly. A lot of people can tell you that these security guards actually have a bit of power. Don’t underestimate them just because the open and close the boom gate for you. If you live in an estate they can cause problems for you with the body corporate.
“Sure come in!”
I told them. When they walked in they found Londiwe sobbing silently sitting on the chair.
“Madam are you ok?”
One of securities asked her. I was so embarrassed at this stage because this now meant we had someone else in our business judging us.
“I am fine”
She said still sobbing. That was the most unconvincing I am fine I had ever heard.
“Would you like us to call the police for you?”
He asked for her.
“Ah guys now you are going over the top, the lady told you she is fine.”
I cautioned them.
“Yes sir she did but does she look fine to you? It’s our job to offer this help so that we avoid another Reeva Steenkamp in our estate!”
He said sternly at me. He made sense too; I would want people to intervene if there are problems but not like this.
“Its ok I am ok and I don’t need the police. It’s a domestic matter and we will settle it on our own!”
Londiwe told them. She was looking at me as she said this with that pleading look. To someone else however it would have looked like it was fear she was showing but it was not. I know her and they don’t. To the security guards it looks like she was scared of the consequences of them leaving.
“Sir please stand outside so we can talk to her. We need to calm down the situation because we cannot leave her like this!”
The one who had been quiet said. He had seen exactly what I feared he might see.
“Ah guys is this necessary!”
I asked them as I walked outside and stood in the hallway like a naughty school child. I was beyond embarrassment at this stage to be honest. It didn’t help that it was a bit chilly and to warm myself up I had to fold my arms tightly. It took them ten minutes which felt like forever actually before they came out.
“Sir please keep the noise down we don’t want further complaints from the neighbours!”
The security said and they left. The cold air had calmed me down a lot. I walked inside and she was still sitting there.
“Go wash your face we need to check on our neighbour!”
I said calmly. I did not want to go back into the fight conversation because it would not end well. She went and washed her face and then we left. He was there and she was home.
“Are you ok?”
Londiwe asked her immediately going to hug her.
“I am not fine. I had an epitomic pregnancy and I lost the baby. I am cursed!”
“No you not cursed. I am so sorry though. You can try for another baby I am sure!”
Londiwe said comforting her. She starting crying and Londiwe started crying too. This quickly covered up her tears from me. I don’t know if they had heard us fighting.
“I love that woman and every time this happens I feel like I have failed her!”
He said to me.
“What do you mean every time?”
I was confused by what he was saying.
“This is the third time we have had this problem. I don’t know how much longer she can take this. The last time she said if it happens again we must break up and it has happened again. Now I have to fight for our relationship too whilst trying to get over this. It’s wrong.
“No it won’t lead to that though. Relax yourself. It will not.”
I told him. The TV was on and it was showing some nature show. There were silver back gorilla’s showing and they were trying to mate.
“This is pornography!”
He said and we both laughed it lightened the mood a bit. It was too tense.
“Would you believe some kids used to call me Gorilla because I was so big? Now look at me I feel so small when I can’t even protect my wife!”
He said the thought was actually quite harrowing. All he wanted to do was protect his family and with all his size and strength he could not.
“I am sorry my man!”
I told him.
“Sorry for which part? Being called a gorilla or not being able to protect?”
He asked with a wry smile.
I told him. We stayed a bit longer before we left. Londiwe had made Nobuhle tea and washed the dishes in their house in that time. They had piled up true but I am certain she was dreading going home with me. When we got back I went straight to bath. Seeing such a big man so heartbroken was actually quite disconcerting. I don’t know why we had judged the situation so bad at the beginning and accused her of trying to commit abortion. This is what happens when we jump to conclusion into other people’s business.
I left the shower water running when I came out because I remembered I needed to shave my armpits. I had new hair remover in the wardrobe the one in the garage was finished. When I walked into the bedroom I heard Londiwe on the phone. I wanted to eavesdrop so I remained quiet. She had not heard me as I was in the shower.
“He was supposed to hit me because I deserved it! Your plan didn’t work. I needed this beating Jabu ah! It would have taken all the tension he has against me out of his system at the very least!”
I heard her whisper.
Oh so Nonjabulo was right!
She was expecting a hiding from me!
What the hell was going on?
Was it the pregnancy hormones causing this?
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
Thank you for reading my letter. I hope I find you and the readers well.
I am a first year student in university. I started dating my boyfriend at the beginning of the year. We are good together and hardly fight. He is polite and a gentleman etc. About three month ago one of the popular second year girls started talking to him. They were never friends before and she went out of her way to start talking to him. At first we both didn’t mind and even joked about it. He got a new car you see so it was obvious what she wanted. She belongs to those crews that go clubbing and are big on Twitter and Instagram with many followers. They befriend guys with cars so they can call them for transport. My boyfriend was aware of this so he did not fall for it. A month into this new friendship she came to me and to my face told me that she is coming to take my man. She told me that he needs a real woman. I felt so disrespected so it got physical. They were three I was one, I lost. I told my boyfriend about it and he stopped talking to this girl. Her friends however have not stopped tormenting me. They pass snide comments about me when I pass and the girl keeps throwing herself at my man. I am not sure how long he can resist to be honest because these girls are over the top.
Is there any advice you can give me to get on top of this situation. I am really scared of losing him.