YES 161

Posted on Posted in Young Employed and Single

Nthabiseng came to help me in the bathroom. I really should stop drinking like this ah. It must be the tequila after all. When we stepped out we found a cop talking to Simba.

“Look there is a new scam in town. What they do is a guy dates a new girl. She sleeps over. He has to leave her at his place so he can go to work. He does that. She creates an emergency but most importantly leaves the key somewhere for him to find. From there she has the perfect alibi and is available when questioned later. She walks away scot-free and there is nothing that links her to the crime!”

He explained to Simba. I just stared at him blankly and even Nthabiseng was stumped.

“Was there an emergency she had to attend?”

The cop asked him.

“Yes there was but…”

He responded,

“Did she leave your key somewhere?”

He continued,

“Yes he did even though…”

he tried to explain but the cop cut him off,

“Ok let me ask you this, did you invite her to sleep over yesterday or did she come to sleep over?”

He asked her. With the way he was asking these questions Simba would have to be incredibly stupid or loving of me if he did not see what he was being told.

“Lungi, this guy is saying…”

Simba tried to report what was being said in front of him. I could see he was confused. If it was me being given these facts though I think I would be hard pressed not to believe the cop. He had described everything that had happened between Simba and me to the tee and if there really was such a scam I could see why it was believable that I was involved.

“Lungi, please tell him that what he is saying is wrong!”

“Are you accusing me having robbed you?”

I asked him incredulously! I looked at him like he was crazy for even thinking that it could be possible.

“Come on now, why would I do that? I know you and I know your background so no I would never do that!”

He said with pretty much a guilty tone. It was easy for me to get angry at him but like I said even if it were me hearing this story I appeared guilty.

“There officer she has said it, it’s not her! I would like you to leave now my insurance will cover this!”

He said protecting me.

“I am afraid it’s not that simple. There is a syndicate that is doing this and this is what we call a break in the case! We have to pursue it!”

The cop explained. Again I wanted to lose it but I did not do it. I held my composure.

I can clear all this. Please call Detective Mbilahelo Mulaudzi from Hillbrow Station. He will tell you what’s going on!”

I told them before these fools arrested me. They looked a bit confused.

“He is from IPId!”

I explained further. I did not even hesitate to call him.

“Hi, I need you I am in trouble!”

I told him. He was not far and said he was coming.

“Can you please explain what’s going on because I am so confused right now?”

Simba said when he managed to get me alone.

“I am not sure too but I think I was targeted!”

I told him.

“Is it the same people from the last time? Those white people really want you gone hey!”

He commented. He was clueless really but I did not want to immediately say I had a gangster who wanted me dead. He will probably run away at this stage.

“I am really sorry for this hey. It’s not what I want you to see of me and it’s not even who I am!”

I tried to explain. I really wanted to cry at this stage because this was too much but he surprised me when he pulled me into his arms and said,

“Don’t worry, we will get through this!”

The emphasis was on the word we of course and I heard one of the cops say in the background,

“Bamudlisile!”

Which was not flattering at all. As with all things my life the timing is never right for anything. I always get caught doing what I do not want to get caught doing by the wrong people.

Enter Mbilahelo.

“Lungi what’s wrong!”

He said literally running in. Even Simba was taken aback by it as I pulled back out of his arms.

“It’s a long story!”

I said to him. He introduced himself to the other cops and called me outside. I told him everything that happened including the embarrassing part of me sleeping over! His face literally changed colour.

“How many guys are there Lungi? It’s the Mbuso guy, now this guy and let’s not forget me?”

He asked in passing but I did not need to entertain that right now. It was a fair question but not at a fair moment. He should learn to pick his battles well with me.

“How come Mthobisi is out? That’s what I want to know from you! I mean he stalked us yesterday, he pretended to be a police man even in a police station yet today he is out already to terrorize me!”

I asked turning it squarely on him. I knew he could not avoid that question.

“We had nothing to hold him on. The impersonation thing was just a fine because they argued no damage was caused! He was let go two three hours after you left!”

He explained!

“And you didn’t see it fit to warn me that the psychopath was out?”

I asked him.

“I tried to last night and your phone was off!”

He told me.

“Now I know why!”

He added taking a dig at me. Men with fragile egos!

“Dude we are not dating and no number of ancestors would make us date if you keep up like this!”

I warned him.

“Are you going to arrest Mthobisi now?”

I asked him angrily.

“Of course not! What grounds to we have arrest him?”

I asked her.

“This is your entire fault and your little brother. You brought that man to my doorstep please get him away from him!

I shouted at him.

“How is it my fault that you were sleeping at a guy who you say is not your boyfriend’s place!”

He asked me angrily. He did not approve of this clearly because he was interested in me. He was hurt.

“What did you want me to do after that maniac chased me around Joburg? I was never going to sleep at home and I didn’t see you offering for your police force to come protect me!”

I told him angrily. Why did I feel this need to explain to him though?

“I am going to tell the cops what happened and I am leaving! Tomorrow they might want another statement and you must give it. Your lawyer should help you there!”

He told me as he walked away angrily. Was I crazy to think that the world was conspiring against me and I was too weak to stop it?

“Is everything ok?”

Simba asked with Nthabiseng next to him.

“Yes everything is fine he is sorting it out!”

I told them. Nthabiseng came over to me and hugged me.

“Can I talk to you as my lawyer right now?”

I asked her.

“Yes sure. Simba can I please have a moment!”

She asked him politely. He had to go in any case as the cops talking to Mbilahelo were calling him over.

“You need your lawyer dear?”

Nthabiseng asked as soon as he was out of earshot.

“No not really, I just did not want to talk to Simba right now especially with Mbilahelo here.”

I explained.

“Wait; is this the cop we discussed at dinner, the other option?”

She asked me. I had not properly introduced them but now it seemed pointless.

“Yes it’s him!”

I said a bit embarrassed because this was pretty awkward as is if I can say so myself.

“He is hot though hey! Lungi how do you do it though? You have guys everywhere falling all over you and you act as though nobody wants you?”

She asked me a bit surprised.

“Do I want them that are the question? Last night for a moment there I thought I could settle for Simba but now I think of it I am not sure!”

I confessed to my friend.

“Why? What has changed?”

She asked me I think surprised by my sudden change of heart.

“Well for a moment there he seemed to believe what the police were saying that I burgled him!”

I told her.

“Frankly speaking I would have believed them too with the way they explained so no, you don’t get to judge him like that. I love you my friend but in this instance you are completely wrong!”

She told me holding me on either side of my shoulders.

“Ah Nthabiseng, you supposed to be on my side!”

I told her surprised she had said that.

“I am on your side and being on your side it doesn’t mean I should give you the wrong advice just to feed your ego! He did nothing wrong and if anything he stood by you when they accused you! If that’s not a real man then those guys don’t exist!”

She explained making me feel guilty and small at the same time. We always say men are scared of commitment but I actually realized something, with the way I always makes excuses so was I or rather some women are too.

“Maam you can go. It’s all sorted.”

The cop who had been calling me the suspect said to me.

“I am sorry about how I treated you. I was just doing my job but the detective cleared everything. You are good to go!”

The cop said.

“Its ok, where is he the detective?”

I asked him.

“He left. He just walked out!”

He told me as he walked away from us.

“Trouble in paradise. You need to fix this. Tomorrow you call him and thank him for how he helped you. Swallow whatever pride you have!”

Nthabiseng advised me.

“I also have to go now!”

She said looking at the time.

“The driver is passed out in the car and its way past his knock off time!”

She said. I had not been looking at the time but indeed it was dark already. I hugged her and she walked out leaving me and Simba. Even the cops were leaving. It took about 30 minutes before no one was left.

“Simba it’s getting late I have to go as well.”

I told him finally as the last cop stepped out. I could see why he was disappointed. Yesterday this place was full of furniture and today it was like that twitter girl who lied and said her boyfriend got her an apartment only for it to turn out that it was that guy’s wife’s house! Febanation really is thriving in Satafrika I tell you.

“Lungi you can’t leave me here alone!”

Simba said surprised that I was leaving.

“What do you mean? Must we sleep on the floor?”

I asked him.

“Well I have nowhere to sleep and right now I can’t possibly go to a hotel!”

He said in what was not exactly a matter of fact but he got his message across. He had a point because at the end of the day it was me who got him here the least I could do was give him a place to sleep tonight. With the way Mbilahelo had behaved Simba could even get laid tonight Shem. He at least asked for my opinion and did not tell me what to do.

“Yes of course, please you coming with me!”

I told him. I didn’t have transport in any case. He locked up which again was not necessary because well, there was nothing to lock in. As soon as I got to my driveway I checked to see if Mbuso’s truck was there. It was not.

“Thank you for this. I will take the couch if you still not ready to share a bed!”

He offered politely.

“Don’t be silly Simba come on!”

I said. It was time I guess, not for sex but to share a bed. I fished for my keys in my bag as we walked to the door.

“Come this way!”

I told him. He had been here before but I just thought I should show him the way.

“Thanks!”

He said. He was exhausted, I was exhausted.

“We are here!”

I said as I put in my key, opened the door and unlocked. The light was off. I switched on the lights but immediately turned around to face him.

“The place could be a bit of a mess unfortunately please don’t judge…”

I told him but there was no blood left his face literally as his face had turned to ash.

“Lungi…”

He said looking right through me.

“What now?”

I asked him and I turned around.

“You have got to be fucken kidding me!”

I cursed out loudly.

Neatly packed in my apartment was Simba’s furniture and I mean all of it. Who ever had robbed Simba had turned my place into a storage unit. I will describe what I saw later but for now allow me to do this…

I fainted!

Black out!

***********The End*************

@diaryofazulugal
Mikeatdiary
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
Mike@diaryofazulugirl.co.za

Dear Mike

As far as writers go you have to be top three in South African literature. If I was not selfish I would advise you to stop blogging and publish directly but I am selfish and I love me my morning dose. You really are talented.

I am 25 years old and part of these so called slay queens you see on instagram. I was not really born in a poor background but like all families we had our financial issues. I went to varsity and I could not get a job. Enter instagram I started getting requests from rich guys and what not. I fell for the trap and next thing I was going on international trips with different guys. One of the guys was a rich Zambian guy. He offered to open a business of my choice for me. I opened the business. It was a cash injection based business so for a year it needed constant funding. This raised my profile with my other ‘blessers’ because when you have a business they feel it’s an even better challenge and more fun. With money coming in I bought a car and apartment. I told my family I had a job and when they came to my business and saw me hustle they were super proud. I even paid for my sister’s varsity last year and this year. A few months ago Zambian dude passed away in a car accident. I could not go to the funeral for obvious reasons but a month later I had a visitor, his wife! She is a formidable woman. She did not beat me up or anything like that. She said she knew who I was and how close I was to her husband. I was very scared. She said she had a business opportunity where she needed someone based in SA and it had to be me because the business I was doing with her husband was actually illegal. He was cleaning money through me hence money laundering. If I went to the police even to confess I will go to jail and worse go to jail in Zambia! I checked this with a lawyer friend of mine and he too is convinced she is right.

I don’t know what to do guys, I am in trouble and working with her means I am now owned by the woman whose husband I was cheating with. Is there a way out for me?

Please advice

Slayqueen

59 thoughts on “YES 161

  1. Hayi yabona wena Mike u’re a LEGEND..talk about gifted …this chapter was just on another level… Keep up the good work it’s really appreciated

  2. Hhayi bo, why is Mthobisi torturing Lungi like this though? Mbalihelo just slut shamed Lungi… I hope he’s out of the running now. #TeamSimba.

  3. Nd queen

    You got played hey.

    Firstly learn the true business so that you know the loop wholes and get out only if you want too.

    Am assuming you have savings.

    So that you become the boss not the employee.

    Secondly write a book get it published so those coming after you have full knowledge of what they are getting themselves in.

    Even if you manage to save just one girl it’s a life worth saving.

  4. But why is Mthobisi being so petty. I don’t think Lungi has anything to lose if she just goes and apologizes in person. She is not the one sleeping with his wife. Slay Queen I think you need a lawyer who can tell you the repercussions of telling the truth coz if you didn’t know surely you are innocent. How do you know that this woman won’t also continue illegal things using your name and she could throw you under the bus when SARS comes around. I think you need to talk to a lawyer who has deep k now ledge of this who can help you cover your bases etc.

  5. Huh bra Mike!!! “Yabona wena!! uRelevant.UneSauce.O knorrox wena san> You are the butternut to the seven colors,.Wakwa san?”
    This story just keeps getting great,you’re too good my good!

  6. Oh Mike, I never espethedit

    Slayqueen, go to another lawyer, do not let yourself to be used by a woman who will eventually take you to jail.

  7. Yhoooo Mike 🙂 undi dira in all the right places maaan wena, hawuuuuuuu 🙂 Mr Jumbe uhamba noLungi straaaaight and 2 beers shame!!!

    Eisht the things they don’t tell?warn you about, about these blessers and being a slayqueen 🙁 🙁 …I will stick to my boring inta and facebook shame and not have to worry about cops and wives!!!

  8. Best chapter ever Mike!!! I could read this book all day( even at work lol ). @SlayQueen get yourself a lawyer girl I’m pretty sure you can afford one. Don’t let her bully and intimidate you.

  9. Michael – you’re the boss, *raising a glass of the most expensive whisky* – forgetting I don’t drink whisky… Love your work! I just thought of all the famous late thieves: Annanius Mathe, Ch…., ….
    Lungi – call Mbilahelo, to help you out on this one (again). Kiss Simba goodbye forever, ayikho le way… stay single or stick to the Mbila cop, but your ancestors have no chill shame! Can’t they deal with Mthobisi once and for all, smallanyana car accident and he dies? How can one person terrorise ppl like this bakithi?
    @ Slayqueen – get another lawyer, preferably a particular ethnic group (am ashamed to even say them), but those ones are good when it comes to such messy things….

    Enjoy your day family…

  10. good work bra Mike…..am laughing my lungs out hey……….but Mthobisi’s childish shame how could he do such thing mara, just because Lungi lied to him

  11. Brada Mikie, I thot the last one was epic, now it’s like 3-in-a-row. What! This is like getting top starters, top lunch & top dessert at a 9star hotel. It’s the closest to climax. 👌
    Slayqueen, U made yo bed, time to lay in it. While U enjoy the laying part, get yoself sorted in all ways. Get the right friends in the right places, bodyguards, lawyers, bank managers, the works. Don’t become the next guptas in the process. Lay low while opening different businesses that are legit so U can step out of such businesses.

  12. Slayqueen, get the Interpol and collaborate with them. Who knows you might help bring down a syndicate of human trafficking. They will cut you some slack. Get advice from a lawyer.

  13. Goodness Mike 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

    Pregnant Lungi faints and the Drs will congratulate Simba? Then dololo wedding? 😔😔😔😖😖😖 D. R. A. M. A

  14. Lol slay queen repercussions of fooling around with people’s husbands. This woman has got you in a squeeze dear and to some extent you deserve it. Basically you’re her slave now. Ja neh it’s true there are no short cuts to anything worth having mo bophelong. You made your bed now lay in it.

  15. wow wow wow bhuti Mike you are the best. I never laughed so hard. You last paragraph killed me. I would faint also if was Lungi.

  16. Wow,is hot in here can it be Friday already.

    Slay Queen keep slaying my dear,don’t succumb into her threats. Open different company change numbers and block her. All the best

  17. Mike you are the best..hands down
    I’m so addicted to YES and today’s chapter was epic…I fainted with Lungi…cant wait for friday
    Mthobisi and Lungi s ancestors are from the same c lan shem

  18. Slay queen… Keen on a business partnership? Hit me up!

    Bra Mike and the team… Ya hey hats off nenza umsebenzi oncomekayo. Siyabonga

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