What had just happened? I froze and I could not think let alone move. I stared at her and the way she looked so beautiful
standing in front me did not help either. She was not Londiwe let me start there. Joburg girls are different in dress and style from KZN girls that’s for sure. I loved Londiwe’s style I mean I dated her and I was married to her but she was 1phone 5 whilst Naledi was an Iphone 6 (not 7) if not better. I have said this before that I do attract my fair share of women I mean it’s very easy to do so in Joburg if you have a job and a car. Women nowadays tend to be the ones who chase and I know many deny it but reality is we are hunted just as much as we hunt them. Naledi however was different. There was definitely something about the way she carried herself. When I first met her she looked as though she was high maintenance from the get go and super confident about whom she was. She had an aura that Joburg girls often have which is one of being bossy and entitled yet classy and understated. I actually did not like her that much or rather in that way because why would I, I knew where my bread was buttered. Anyway I digress; sleeping with this girl would be like sleeping with a totally drunk person as she was no way near capacity to give consent. She had admitted to a mental illness right meaning I would be take advantage of her if I do. What worse and unlike a drunken person of course was that I was married?
“Do you believe anything I have told you?”
She asked me nervously as though I was about to run away or something.
“What do you mean?”
I mean really what else could I say with such an incredible story. I already thought she was manipulative with the way she had lured me here and there is no way she suffered from depression. The times I had met her she had always seemed happy so it could not be true.
“The truth is I don’t know. I have never met anyone with depression before and if I have they have never confessed that to me.”
I told her and she scowled a little in her nervous movements.
“I don’t blame you for thinking that though because I would not believe myself either if I told myself the story!”
She said walking away before coming back looking a bit more aggressive. You would swear she was someone on drugs who needed a fix.
“How would you like me to prove it to you? I have my meds over there you can Google them and they all have my name on them as they are prescription based! I am tired of looking like a liar and a fool. Is this my fate? Please look at my meds?”
She offered and much as I wanted to go and prove this it felt awkward doing so. If it was true then I would look like a loser for checking in the first place.
“No its fine. You have no reason why to lie to me so why would I doubt. If you say you are not well then love you are not well!”
I reassured her. It’s the least I could and I hoped she had forgotten the last part she had said about wanting me but oh well I was wrong because as soon as I thought it she said it.
“…And the part about me wanting you?”
She asked me.
“I am not even asking for a relationship I am just asking you for a bit of relief. I don’t sleep around and I want someone I can trust to be a gentleman about it after all is said and done. I don’t want someone who will make me look and feel like a slut!”
She explained. I could see why she would fear that because truth be told this made me question how many guys she had slept with because of her illness. Could she even remember them all since she was not herself.
‘Shit think shit think!’
A little voice said to me inside my head. I had to make sure I did not say the wrong thing.
“I want you too but I can’t you know I am married right?”
I asked her. She stared at me blankly as though she had not understood what I had said. It’s like it completely had not registered.
“Naledi are you there?”
I asked and it already felt as though that was the wrong thing to say. It really did because that was already implying she was not all there mentally. This was getting complicated.
“You are married? Is this your way of rejecting me, why does everyone reject me?”
She asked me but walked away looking down as though she was talking to herself. I could see this new part really distressed her. I did not know what to do.
“But you have never asked me for my situation before you just assumed I was alone. Why?”
I asked her. I was asking an already unstable person this question at this point.
“Because you always flirted back! It’s not like you did not encourage me! Besides where is your ring? You don’t wear a ring oh God it’s happening again!”
She said in panicked protest. Was I guilty of omission though? Should I have led with I have a girlfriend when I met her.
“I am sorry I led you on if that’s what you thought. Had I known that this is where your mind was I would not have come here today? I came here as a friend!”
I tried explaining to her. I was horny as fuck but this really was not the type of setting I wanted.
“If you are married how come you are here? Where is your wife? Did you leave her at home?”
She asked me.
“No not really. She went to her sisters. We kind of having problems right now so it’s complicated! I was alone!”
I told her the truth. I don’t know why lying is often favoured because there really are times when the truth works in your favour.
“Thank you for being honest with me but that still does not mean that I don’t still want you. I know you want me too and I see this by how you always look at me!”
She said to me of which there was a bit of truth in what she was saying. I did want her.
“Even if I wanted you Naledi, right now if I slept with you in the state you are in I don’t think I will ever forgive myself!”
I confessed to her how I felt. I was hoping that me telling her I wanted her would not be seen as a rejection, her condition would come across as a barrier for now and yeah, I was good guy all round.
“You are rejecting me on basis of my condition not because you are married meaning then that there is hope for us!”
She said and for the first time since I got here she actually smiled. I had managed to make her smile and this is something I considered a victory because considering the state I had found her in it was a miracle.
“Perhaps but let’s talk about it another day or time not now. Its inappropriate and deep down you know it!”
I told her. She stood still, hands on hips and then she let out a deep sigh.
“It’s cool then. Can I take my medication first though so that I can maybe calm down a little?”
She said as she stepped into the kitchen. It was open plan so I could see and indeed there were meds and I saw her drink them. It was so disconcerting and for now I had dodged a bullet. I just wanted to figure out how to get out of here now without being rude.
“Tell me about your wife? What has gone wrong?”
She asked me. I wanted to tell her it’s inappropriate to talk about her but her but oh well,
“She thinks I am cheating on her and I have never cheated a day in my life!”
I told her.
I could hear the disappointment in her voice as I said that. She really was on a mission.
“Who does she think you are cheating with? Do you have some secret concubine somewhere?”
She asked me. There was no humour in her voice at all it was as though she was going through routine questions.
“Funny enough she thinks I am cheating with you!”
I told her and she walked briskly towards me,
“Me? I don’t understand?”
She asked me and I laughed,
“I know hey. You called me when I was in the car and she was there so she asked me questions about you. I tried to explain and even offered to call you for her but she refused!”
I told her. She laughed as I said this. She really was not well because how can you laugh at that.
“I would have refused too because it would seem planned.”
I asked her.
“Well think about it though, if you called me and asked what we were I would have said friends or business colleagues. To her it will register as though it was something rehearsed!”
She explained to me and it’s something I had already thought of. She calmed down a lot after those meds and eventually passed out on the couch as we talked. I took a blanket from her bed and I left. I could not lock the door from behind though and she did not have that latch that automatically locks. I was not going to take a chance and wake her up. Driving home was the best feeling ever. I had survived that moment and I was tired. I just wanted to pass out after this. I walked into the house and I was startled for days.
“Good Lord you scared the crap out of me!”
I said with very startled when I saw Londiwe sitting on the couch actually reading a book. She never reads. This was bad.
“Where were you?”
She asked me. She did not sound mad though. I walked towards her and put my things next to her car keys and phone.
“I took a drive I did not want to come home and be alone. I thought you were at your sisters?”
I told her as I sat next to her.
My phone vibrated. She was sitting between me and the phone so she reached over to hand it to me. She stared at the screen and her face went blank.
“Drive my ass!”
She said and threw the phone at me.
I looked at the screen.
“Thanks for this evening. I am feeling so much better. Feels great having a man around. N”
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
I have been a fan of your work for a long time and you have hardly ever disappointed me. Thank you for the daily dose and consistency. Hope you health is much better.
I am 26 and my boyfriend recently proposed to me. Boyfriend and I have been dating for 6 years now. We grew up in the same neighbourhood and he is two years older than me. Three years ago he cheated on me twice and we moved on from that. I was now in the relationship because it was comfortable and familiar as I did not trust him again. Last year I cheated on him for the first time. I felt very guilty but was told not to confess by my friends. The guilt did not come from the fact that I cheated but that I enjoyed it very much. The sex was so much better and before long I cheated again and again all with the same results. I now wanted to break up with my boyfriend when he surprised me and proposed to me. Apart from him cheating and what I now know is not the greatest sex we have never actually had major problems. We are like a professional couple who do their roles well enough in the relationship. He proposed at a family function of which there was no way I could have said no. Now I am here and I am questioning if this is what I really want? He has been talking about babies and all but to be honest I am not mentally there.
Should I break his heart and dump him or stay and break mine?