Lol have you ever started a sentence with a LOL. Don’t be fooled by these black Twitter editors who will be quick to
tell you that it’s not even a word. I bet you once upon a time they were the same bunch that said fuck was not a word. LOL is a word and all of us know what it means. LOL that’s how I start today. I am not the first woman who will ever say I have never been dumped before so this was all new territory to me. A lot of girls who tell you that they have never been dumped before, ba qamba manga! They speak lies! That guy who cheated on you, he practically dumped you problem is you don’t want to accept you lost to another woman. It’s humbling indeed so we reach out to our favourite hash tag how men are trash since they broke your heart when reality is another woman with boobs and an ass just like yours led to that. You might think she was not better than you but reality is this, if he left you for her then clearly she had something you didn’t have that is technically what we call better by the way. Anyway I had just been dumped and from the sounds of it not even friend zoned! My life really.
I asked myself.
“Will this be my life from now onwards if I become a Sangoma?”
The conversation flowed within me. I had so many questions now and a genuine fear. Imagine how many more people were going to shun me because of it. I was having a mini panic attack.
“I must call him!”
I guess this was the first stage of a break up with they call denial as I immediately called him back but the phone just rang and next it was off. I am one of those women who tell other women that you never ever chase after a man but the shock of what had just happened led me to want answers even though I had not been the one to wrong the other. There was a knock at my door and it was Miriam. She had already sent a message saying she was coming over and by the lateness of the hour I knew she had probably fought with her man. That’s how it always is right.
“I just wanted to ask if I can sleep over here today! My husband is being a dick right now and these hormones won’t stand for that!”
She said standing in the doorway with her overnight bag already in her hand.
“Do you even need to ask you already here? Mi casa su casa!”
I said and she made a weak smile as she walked in.
“Do you want some tea?”
I asked her. I did not want to go into her issues as I already was facing my own stresses and I needed the company. She was the perfect person.
“Of course you can sleep over. I can do with someone to talk to right now!”
I told her as she walked in.
“I am just tired of this. I tell him to do one thing he does the other. I need help in the house. With school and running around I don’t always get time to get home and cook. Guess what, he can work a half day, get home before me and still expect me to cook.”
She started complaining as I put the kettle on. It was going to be a long night I suppose.
“Have you ever told him that he needs to cook with you or clean with you?”
I asked him.
“Yes I have but it should also be common sense! He should know that I can’t do it all alone!”
“I disagree with that hey. You can’t call everything common sense. What might be sensible to you might not be sensible to him no matter how much you wish it. You grew up differently. You are a kasi girl and he is a prince or whatever meaning he grew up being attended to! Unless you sit down with him and you plan your household you will be squabbling over such things until one day it becomes a huge something!”
I explained to her. I don’t believe that there is anything called common sense as its relative. We do not think alike and we certainly do not act alike. We were all not raised by the same parents nor in the same community hence why common sense is not as common as people would like to think. In fact anyone who demands common sense out someone else is certainly the dumb one.
“Why must you always complicate things?”
She asked me laughing and we both laughed.
“Sorry about that! I just feel like you guys need to talk that’s all!”
I told her giving her my opinion. I think it was worth hearing.
“But Lungi no, this guy won’t even put the toilet sit down! Imagine! He takes off his clothes and leaves them on the floor! Are all men such pigs really? I know as women we say we don’t want cheating men but I think dirty men are actually worse! The house is clean when he gets home from work and filthy an hour later!”
She explained to me as she sipped on the tea. I had missed her talking too much. Miriam was not a boring person. Come to think of it, when I look at that Mbali girl of Tholukuthi fame that was Miriam’s personality growing up. She was loud, in your face, the life of the party and waphapha! A friend like that is always entertaining but also because they are a liker of thing almost always in trouble dragging you down with them.
“Yeah that’s a problem!”
I sided with her.
“Then I have problem number two, Jeff asked if he could see me. I made a mistake telling him I am pregnant and now he is asking a lot of questions on things that should not be concerning him!”
She told me. Jeff was the father of the baby if what she had said was true so no matter how many rights we have as women, if you have a baby with a man, barring rape of course, that baby concerns him too.
“What does he want?”
I asked her forgetting my own troubles for a moment. It’s always easier to look after someone else’s issues and neglect your won.
“Since I told him I was pregnant he has been talking about how he always wanted a baby with me. He has not come out and said the baby is his outright but he suspects so. I keep telling him that I am a married woman and I don’t need his kind of drama. Now he is threatening to go tell my husband about us and our past!”
She said. The problem with Miriam was that when she told you something she would make a light situation seem explosive and an explosive one seem so mundane!
“Dude this is serious what are you going to do?”
I asked her shocked,
“Nothing. I told him that if he feels that this course of action suits him better then he must go ahead and do it but he must rest assured that he will never ever see me again.”
She explained to me smiling. It’s amazing how some people genuinely love drama. They can’t live without that thrill that comes with causing mayhem or being part of it.
“If it’s his baby he can reveal this you know right!”
“Of course I do but I can’t change that now can I? I just have to make sure that if that time ever comes I am in good standing with my husband to be forgiven!”
She said casually.
“Look at me talking about myself I haven’t even asked you how you are holding up?”
She asked me changing the conversation. It was very well played as had I paid closer attention I would have noticed that she was starting to get a bit annoyed by all my advice.
“When I walked in it seemed as though you were not ok yourself?
She added. I think it was visible on my face that Sfiso had shocked me.
“I am ok but not ok. Sfiso dumped me about 30 minutes before you called!”
I told her.
“That guy is a dick. I could have told you that but you seem to like these clean spoken types. They are the worst and are good liars!”
She told me and I should have known that she would say something like that because she had something against cheese boys. She always said she wants a man who has “that thing” and I honestly don’t know what it is.
“That cop guy on the other hand mmmm the things you could do with him!”
She said and we both burst out laughing.
“Really we talking about Sfiso right now and you are bringing in Mbilahelo into the conversation? Come on now! Focus!”
I reminded her.
“Oh come on what’s not to like. He has that Shaka Zulu built, dark, muscular and chiselled! He clearly works out!”
She told me and I laughed.
“You saw him for ten minutes and you could already deduce all that really? And what makes you think Shaka Zulu was muscular?”
I asked her and we laughed.
“He had to be if his morning jog was from Nongoma to Amanzimtoti every morning!”
She said and with we cracked up. That’s easily a 300km round trip but you know how African stories always get exaggerated! I had indeed heard such a ridiculous story before and was very surprised she had heard it too.
“I don’t know what to do about Sfiso! I really liked him and he was the only guy that could make me laugh!”
I told her and she gave me a stern face as she responded,
“There is nothing like the only man who can do what what for you! Don’t make that mistake of throwing all your faith in one man because where ever you got him there are more who can do better!”
She told me and that had always been her mentality no wonder why she replaced them so much. She never had time to mourn over a guy no matter how much the guy love which is why I had been surprised the day she said she was getting married.
“The trick is the men don’t get how lucky they are when we pick them to settle with because in all honesty we can do so much better. It’s out of the goodness of our hearts that we even allow them to be our so called ‘kings’ at home!”
She said and we were laughing as this was happening. There was a knock on my door.
“Are you expecting someone so late?”
She asked me and there was no way I was.
“No! It’s almost midnight! Do you think it’s your husband?”
I asked her.
“No never! He is too lazy to wipe his own ass so what would he being doing here! He doesn’t even know where you stay!”
She hissed at me! We stood up together and immediately Miriam grabbed a pan as means of protection!
I whispered at her. The knock came again with a bit more insistence.
“Lungile please open!”
A man’s voice said from outside that I did not recognize.
“Who is it?”
What the fuck did he want here?
“Do you know him?”
Miriam asked still whispering.
“Yes! Stop whispering!”
I opened with every intention of telling him nonsense forget my safety! The nerve of this creep to show up at my doorstep. When I opened the door he practically fell in onto the floor.
“Lungi who is this guy and who beat him up?”
Miriam asked me. Indeed he was badly beaten and you could see the blood on his clothes.
I don’t need drama!
He must go!
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
Good day Mike
Hope this email finds you well.
I must complement you on a great work you do, I enjoy all the stories and find similarities to some characters. A job well done sir.
As I’m writing this email my heart is heavy I never thought I would one day be stranded in the streets of Jozi, so here’s the story
In early February my aunt P called me and said I must come to her in Vaal she has found something for me work wise and told me to not waste time and come the following day, fine I told my mother and she had no problem with that as I’ve been struggling to find work. So I went to her place but when I got there, the job was no longer available she told me to not be disappointed but she’ll help me look for something else. For the next few weeks we were up and down dropping my CV and emailing to different job adverts I won’t lie she welcomed me and made sure I lack nothing while under her care. After sometime I found something through an agency a cleaning job at sasol, that time aunt P went home in EC so I went to work on my first day and I did not like the fact that I had to travel by foot from one site to another without any transport so I felt like I was putting my life at risk. I tried explaining to aunt P my reasons of not feeling safe in there but she would not listen and she ended up not speaking to me so I came to Jozi to my other aunt who’s an older sister to aunt P. I told her what happened and she understood and told me not to worry we’ll get something this side.
Fast forward it’s been 4 months since I’ve been staying here and nothing has come up and I get frustrated by this now last week Friday my aunt woke up shouting that I need to go back home and demanded I give her my mother’s number so that she can send me money, I was so shocked by this but I didn’t say anything. She called my mother and shouted saying all sorts of stuff, my mother promised to send me money month end. Monday came and my aunt asked me when I’m leaving she needs space I told her my mom sent the money late so I’ll book the following day now it’s been like this everyday I get asked when I’m leaving, she’s so rude and shouts when she finds me here and today she told to me when she comes back from work I should be gone.
Mike, I have no intentions of going home as I came here looking for work and I’m still looking now if I go back home that’s going to depress me more as there’s no one who works at home. At first I didn’t even consider coming to Jozi but both my aunt’s convinced me otherwise and now that I’m here they turn their backs on me. I don’t know what to do anymore the past few days have been hell I’ve tried looking for a room to rent but I don’t have money to rent even my mom can’t help with that.
Now Mike I’m asking your readers to help with a job or recommend me I’ve been up and down applying for any available job with no luck, I have a ND in HRM and also did my Btech in HRD but with one outstanding module. I’ve got vast experience in different sectors. Right now I’m looking for anything that will enable me to provide shelter and put food on the table. Please I’m begging I’m on my knees.