YES 145

Posted on Posted in Young Employed and Single

The reason why women should not want to pay black lobola is because well…it’s wrong I guess. I cannot place my

finger on it what is wrong about but I can think of a few things that can lead to this one thing. My sister was in an abusive marriage, that man did not deserve a single cent from us. If anything we should be suing him. Actually that sounded like a good idea not this giving him back free money. Sue him for all the pain and suffering that he has put us through or rather her but certainly not pay him back. My sister had earned every cent of that lobola and was still owed in fact with all that bullshit he brought to her. I can’t believe we had to pay him. I should just refuse to give her the money but that would be cruel.

“Lungi are you ok?”

Mbuso asked me after I had stared to my phone a little longer than I realized.

“Uhm sorry… Yes everything is ok!”

I told him as I joined him on the table. I was not sure whether to tell him about this development or not because Mbuso and I didn’t really talk. I actually had this urge to call Sfiso because he could at least crack a joke and make me laugh.

“Aunty Lungi, why didn’t you come yesterday?”

Ntheteng asked me. I explained to her as briefly as I could why not and she seemed to understand. She was not in one of her chatty moods today and even her father noticed.

“What’s wrong?”

He asked her.

“I thought you wanted us to make her dinner now you not even talking?”

Her father asked her.

“Nothing is wrong. Can I please wash my hands and go to bed?”

She asked him.

“What about bathing?”

He asked her.

“Please daddy can I bath in the morning. Aunty Lungi please tell daddy that I want to sleep.”

She pleaded to me. I know when something is wrong. I advised Mbuso this was the right move to let her go to bed. He was very concerned and the more he tried to talk to her the more sour she got. Black parents would normally beat up a child for insolence but realistically I had never seen her like this and I think by his reaction neither had her father.

“You can go sweetie. Good night and put on you pyjamas!”

He said as she already started walking away. She did not give me her customary hug and even when I waved her goodnight she just went through me like she did not even see it.

“Did we say something she did not like? I have never seen her like that before!”

I asked him.

“No I have not and I think I need to talk to her now before she sleeps!”

He said to me.

“No that’s the wrong move. Let her sleep it off and talk to her tomorrow when she is calm! Trust me I know that!”

I advised him.

“My aunt would like you to come over for a visit. They want to make you Sunday lunch. I think I have told you before but it’s just that they keep asking me to confirm. They think I see you every day when funny enough I never see you at all!”

He said and I laughed. He was sweet in his own way and the way I think I was stringing him along was wrong.

“I don’t think I cannot because I don’t want to but because it will give the wrong impression!”

I told him. He had a look of bewilderment on his face as he asked,

“What wrong impression?”

He asked me.

“They will think we are dating when we are not. We have never discussed such things and now the timing is bad having just lost my mother and all.”

I reminded him. I could see the hurt in his eyes but I think it is crueler to let a person go on believing a lie like this.

“I am not pressuring you but I do want you so I will be patient. Please just don’t friend zone me, that’s like slow poison for any man!”

He said but I could see that he was so hurt… Now it was awkward and I wanted to leave.

“I am so sorry!”

I told him. I did not even have the dessert. When I got home I took a long bath. I wanted to pamper myself so I ran a bubble bath. It was so nice. I poured myself a glass of wine and allowed myself to just let myself go. It felt so beautiful having not to stress be it for one moment. I did not want to think of anything that could annoy me so I shut everything out. After I finished bathing I got to my room to find my phone ringing. It was my sister on the other end.

“I am thinking of going to go dig out mamas Will! You left before we could do it! I honestly thought we would run out and take it out together!”

My sister said to me. The thought was on my mind but it was not what my first move would have been after what I had heard.

“I did not want to. Did you not hear what was in that letter about our father? She hid that from us all these years so how did you expect me to be excited and run searching for the Will? What more bad news did you think I want to hear?”

I reminded her.

“Of course I heard I was sitting right there next to you!”

She responded.

“Then you know why I did not run to it. Do you have any idea what other surprises mum could have had hidden? And truth be told who hides a WILL in the bushes. That’s just crazy.”

I told her and she laughed

“Yeah it is kind of off but she was our mother and we are not going to ignore her wishes because of that! Please come tomorrow so that we can go through it!”

She pleaded with me in her way. As we were talking the phone was interrupted by an incoming calling. It was international 44 numbers. I knew immediately who it was.

“Sis I have to go I have an international call coming in!”

I told her and I did not even give her a chance as I hung up on her to answer the call.

“Sfiso!”

I said by way of greeting.

“Hey how did you know it was me?”

He asked but he was teasing. I did not notice that it was not the number he had called me from before and I think that’s why he was asking that question why?

“I always know who it is. You have been quiet dude what’s up with that?”

I asked him a bit angry at the fact that since he left he had not checked up on me at all. I mean my mother died and he did not even call.

“I know hey. I am sorry for that I just did not know what to do! I wanted to call lots of time but every time I dropped the phone nervous for some reason!”

He explained.

“Nervous of me dude? Come on I don’t bite!”

I told him. He had let me down at a time when I needed his shoulder most but its ok; people are designed to let you down. It’s in their nature, it’s what they do.

“Yeah I know you don’t bite Lungi but I had a lot to say and it just would not come out right.”

He said to me.

“Ok then I am here now so you can say whatever is on your mind!”

I told him started to get curious as to what it was that had made him bite his tongue like this. It was unlike him.

“Yes I know I am here now.”

He started.

“Dude get out with it!”

I encouraged him already losing my patience and besides he was wasting time with all this.

“I have been thinking about you and me a lot!”

He started, I did not disturb

“And I realized that I like you more than I thought. I think about you all the time and if I could I would much rather be there next to you than here day dreaming of you like I do always!”

I found myself smiling from ear to ass. Finally something was coming right in my messy love life. I could already picture kids running down the green hills of England. Its cold I know but I am sure they will adapt. It’s not my first choice as I would rather be home here in South Africa but if I had a daughter then definitely without hesitation I will move with him. I will miss South Africa of course but at least there will be no one outside my door to beat rob hijack and rape me every time I walk out that door. That’s the fear of being a South African woman every morning and in England they don’t have that. Its Woman’s Month and already its scary here.

“I think about you a lot all the time. I always wish that you are close to me just so I can smell your cologne and just so I can have you make me laugh the way you always do!”

I said cutting him off. He tried to continue but I was not done, I wanted him to know how I felt about him.

“You a man unlike no other hey Sfiso and that it something I would like to share with you forever!”

I told pretty excited. I had not expected this conversation at all especially after the last couple of days I had there were things I needed to say.

“I always told myself I would never marry and yet with you I find myself slapping myself everyday for having wasted so much time. I would like to have babies with you and if they are half as smart, funny and good looking as you then we will have done a service to this world!”

I told him and we both laughed or rather he chuckled and I laughed.

“Can I speak now?”

He asked me.

“Yes sorry you can I speak. I just got overwhelmed by what you were saying and I wanted to say my peace first before you got in your own!”

I told a bit embarrassed by myself. Look at me already talking about marriage and babies the poor guy had not even proposed yet. If I was as light skinned as him I am sure I would be read by now.

“Thank you very much. You kind of hijacked me there but it’s ok. I am glad to hear what you said…”

He said and I let out a fist pump and screamed,

“Yes!”

In my head with that. I was not going to cut him short again.

“But that is not why I called. Lungi you are a remarkable woman but …”

Why was there a but?

“…you and I cannot be together. I am going to be honest with you. I grew up a Catholic and yes I am not devout but I am a Catholic nonetheless. That Sangoma thing of yours I grew up knowing it as witchcraft and I can’t handle it. It’s probably nonsense but the fact that a woman of your intellect can believe in it makes me even question you even further. I don’t want small backward minds next to me and yes I might be wrong but this is not for me no matter how much I love you and believe me I do. I have therefore decided to cut all ties with you and this will be our last conversation. Goodbye Lungile Mbatha and I hope one day you find your way back to God!”

Click!

Silence.

I sat there holding the phone on my ear for 5 minutes absolutely stunned!

Silence!

********The End **********

@diaryofazulugal
Mikeatdiary
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto
Mike@diaryofazulugirl.co.za

Dear Mike

Thank you for the wonderful reads. I know you are told this every day. People don’t know how hard writing is and maintaining a story but you have done this so well for us.

My letter: I am a cheating wife and I have no excuse. I have been married to my husband for 15 years and I have probably been cheating on him since the 5th year of our marriage. Three different guys all married. One died, the other moved and the current one is a colleague. We are a decent enough couple my husband and I but soon after we got married we realized that we ran out of things to do together. I had dated him for five years prior to that am 43 now meaning I started dating him when I was 23. We got married when I was 28. We have three kids. We went for marital therapy when the fighting started but that spark was missing. I always thought I would divorce him but it never happened. He cheated too once or twice and we fought about it as I would get jealous but the eventually it stopped. I thought I was the only me cheating until I joined a group at work through a friend. There about 30 women in it, all of them working and married for many years and all of them have cheated. It was no justification to what I had done but it made me look normal. I have never been caught though, not once and I have never been late home or not picked up a call when I was supposed to. He has.

The thing is my husband on Monday came and asked me for a divorce! I know I always cheated but why did I feel so hurt and betrayed. I can’t even function and I have been crying every day. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat and I have been begging him to stay. I have this sharp pain in my heart and the kids are also crying with me. He asked for a divorce when we were having dinner imagine! He then stood up and he went to bed like it was normal.

What do I do? I have confessed my sins to you so you know I am not a saint and was not trying to come across as one.

Please give me advice.

Thank You

43

30 thoughts on “YES 145

  1. Tjo Sfiso just like that, OMG. Bravo Mike you are a star. Eish cheating lady I feel sorry for you. You should have asked him, the same night why he wants to divorce you. I know its painful, special with three kids that might be traumatic with this divorce.

  2. Thank you bhut’Mike!!! Shu! Sfiso is ignorant Shame. Lungi deserves better.
    Yho 43! I have a feeling your husband knew all along about your ways but kept quiet. He’s probably reached he’s boiling point. The marriage is toxic anyway.

  3. Maybe your husband managed to find out somehow that you are cheating. I think your best bet is to find out from him why he wants to separate I’m sure he has met somebody else. It is hard starting life all over in your 40’s I’m sure it will be hard for him too so for him to have reached this decision he might have come across something.

  4. Dear 43, you have been married for 15 years and you said you have been cheating since the 5th year of your marriage. So you have been cheating for 10 years and even though you say you have never been caught, do you honestly believe that your husband does not know or even suspect a thing? You think there are no signs? I mean 10 years is a long time an dim pretty sure you’ve gotten comfortable with the cheating. Also, your husband has cheated as well so chances are he knows.
    This is just my personal opinion and i stand to be corrected, when are a person fights you or pesters you because of your actions or whatever they suspect you are doing, it might be because they love you, they care and actually want to fight for you. However, when a person says nothing and all they want to do is walk away then chances are that they are or they feel there is nothing left to salvage, nothing to fight for. That might be the case with your husband an dagain i say it’s just my opinion, i could be very wrong. His silence is cause for concern, im pretty sure he thought about this whole divorce thing even before he dropped the bomb on you.

  5. Hhhaaaa Sifiso mara Y!!!!
    43: Your husband knew all along that you have been cheating, the reason why you thought he did not is because he has never confronted you about it.

  6. Thanks Team, … Hhawuuuuuu Sfiso, he had already left for London and kept quiet, couldn’t he have just stuck to that! Stupid, stupid man… I am Catholic, but do not share his sentiments, mnxxcm.
    @43 – I do not know where to start. You can only accept this if you know his reasons for wanting a divorce. But know sisi that when a man is fed up, he really is fed up. It would be a shame though if his divorce is based on your cheating, when he has also cheated himself. Pls do let us know his reasons once he tells you.

  7. like a wise man once said Afrikan people will preach pro black until it comes to matters of religion… i’m so dissapointed with sfiso , who is the backward thinker here mxm…. 43 you mentioned that the spark in your marriage is no more but you clearly have no problem connecting with other men . why is that so did you explore that therapy? maybe the reason therapy did not work is because you were not honest about everything happening in your marriage so the therapist’s main focus was resolving the conflict

  8. I know it will be very difficult to accept his decision to call quit to marriage. Understand one thing about men ,once she finds out you are cheating he will kill you or leave you. He will never returned to you even he started the cheating pattern but he find out about his partner the ego is not allowing him to forgive and forget. Just accept the situation and continue freelancing.

  9. Thanks taMike!! Great read as always, goodbye Sfiso hello Mbilahelo

    43 sisi, maybe, just maybe one of the 30 women told your husband or even showed him where you confessed/ spoke about your cheating. Women are deep

  10. Nono, Love left that home a long time ago and it is now just a house. I think at the back of your mind you know too that you want the divorce, it’s just that he presented the finality of the demise of your marriage. But let’s be honest, your marriage has been over for over a decade. It’s the letting go that is difficult now, it’s the realisation that you will no longer be a wife that is hurtful, it’s the fear of change and the unkown that is making you cry, it is the pain you both put each other through in this whole marriage that is making this a heart wrenching experience. It is the feelings of failure and the anxiousness of what will happen now that is making it hard to breath and eat. Good news, izogqitha, it will pass. Bad news: it will take a very long time and effort and sacrifices and compromises and challenges . How you approach it will determine how your divorce will go. Because dear, say he stays and you ‘work’ on your marriage, how do you move past a decade of infidelity? How do you move past him asking for a divorce in front of your kids? How do you move past him not wanting to be in union with you? How do you move past all of these and still be the best mother, employer, daughter, sister, wife, self you can be? If you can I would call you a superwoman, Thixo ubuqu, God himself. So, work with him to get a civil divorce (If there ever can be one which is civil and fair). Take your children to therapy, reassure them and build a new relationship with them because things will change quickly and so drastically. Take yourself to therapy and suggest therapy to your ex husband too if he wants, so you can co-parent responsibly and work out a cordial relationship for all your sakes. If you fight him, if you fight this, your children will suffer, make no mistake and in turn you will suffer. So for now cry, and speak to self, be brutally real and honest with self and cry some more and then get up and get your life. All the best.

  11. Eina tog Bra Mike! That hurt.! But Sfiso isn’t the first “well educated” person that shocks us with their ignorance and he definitely won’t be the last. Good riddance though, he was toxic anyways according to Amadlozi.

  12. Paving way for Mbilahiaelo..LOL.

    43 – Your hubby knew that you have been cheating. you cant cheat for 10 years and expect it to be a secret. with these phones around..

  13. Thanx Mike never disappoints
    Mhhh poor Lungi, Sfiso is heartless and so full of himself you can vow that he grew up in England mnxi that call was unnecessary he should have disappeared nje…
    43…I feel sorry for kids but as for you sis you are a serial cheater so you have to be strong for your kids and let it go coz you said that spark is dead so whats the point to carry on as much as kubhlungu but it shall pass and carry on with your cheating without feeling guilty

  14. Sifiso 😭😭😭😭😭😭….

    43 your husband probably found out through the group you joined, you never confess cheating even to a wall.

  15. Sifiso should have left out the Catholic part coz Im a devout Catholic and the church has been open minded about amadlozi just not advertising or promoting. Many African priest I know have tried to help ppl with the calling as to not to leave the church but how amadlozi n church connects (i could go on but let me leave it here)

    Eish married cheat. . I guess u hurt that your partner in cheating wont see you the same as you would have more free time and that could mess up your affair. Do some self introspection. .. what is really hurting. ..what the society will say? He broke it off 1st ? You were in a comfort zone. All the best sisi

  16. Why am I excited about Sifiso cutting ties with Lungi( um in no support of people who judge others like how Sifiso did) but I am happy because I want Lungi and Mbuso to end up together…..I so wish that Mbilaelo guy could be hit by a car so that no one cud be a threat btwn Lungi and Mbuso….
    #Team Mbuso

  17. All this looking bring & beautiful now. TV!
    Sorry for late congrats. Playing catch-up due to a break I took & my work was so behind.
    @43 I think as a man in yo hubby, I can sort of figure him out for U.
    U’ve made yo mistakes & secret as they were somehow they still come out. So yo hubby has been always suspecting & eventually got proof. Worse he figured out U’ve been doing this for so long.
    He on the other hand has always been cheating also. Bcz obviously after U got yo takeaways, there’s no way U’ve been delivering to him the same way he was used to. Nowu just gave him a solid reason to divorce U.
    Believe me or not, 70% of married men out there wudn’t think twice about getting a younger wife & society has always approved it. We all keep & honour our vows because it’s not easy walking away from a marriage. It’s been bound by God. But givenl us any solid reason like U did, most of us will not even blink twice. He will move in with his girlfriend within 3 months while it will take U long to move on. How many single moms do U C around yo area. Compare that to single men. Do yo maths.
    We can’t tell hiw he found out but also be careful with friends & colleagues. With men, we can have girlfriends that are friends even & Noone will rat the other. However I can’t say the same about women. U seem tobbe jealousy about each other. Never trust anybody with yo shenanigans.
    Resisting this will mean he will leave U. Myb that way U will get to keep the house.
    Otherwise just accept. The respect is gone, the relationship is toxic honestly.

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