Majuba 29

Posted on Posted in Majuba

When a woman cries it’s not something to celebrate. It’s not something to beat your chest on and say you have done

well. When a woman cries often it’s because you have failed her and she is hurting. Watching Londiwe cry broke my heart. It broke my heart because I vowed that I should never bring her pain. My job I always told myself was to make sure that above all else she was happy. That was the vow that I had and right now as the uber driver drove, passing judgmental glances at me through the rear view mirror I really felt bad. The problem was I could not exactly take it back and say no, she can keep Tumi’s numbers. We drove in silence all the way back to my mother’s house. My wife did not say anything. When we got inside she went to the guest room where I thought she would lock herself in but she did not. I decided that I was going to give her some time alone so she could cool down before I came in and had a talk with her. I sat in the TV room but 15 minutes later I heard her open and walk out of the room. You know the sound that wheels make when you pull luggage, a suitcase, I heard that. I jumped up to find her already at the door.

“What are you doing?”

I asked her very surprised.

“I am going home Vusi. I am going home. I support you in everything that you do but right now you are not even happy for me. Instead you tell me that you suspect that I could be cheating on your with your friend? Are you for real?”

She asked me.

“Wait, I never accused you of cheating! All I said was…”

I did not finish that before she cut me off.

“You did not have to say it, you implied it. How could you even think that little of me! After all we have been through together you actually think I would cheat on you? With your friend?”

She asked me incredulously. She lifted her hands in air in desperation to emphasize her disbelief.

“It’s not what I wanted to say. I am sorry if the implication was that but it’s not!”

I tried to explain but she was not hearing me. She walked to a waiting Uber as I followed her.

“I am going home. You can stay here with your mother and when you are ready to be a man and a husband you know where the house is!”

She remonstrated. She got into the car and left. I tried calling her but her phone was off. You know in the movies the guy chases after the car to demonstrate his love her, in South Africa we don’t because you might be seen as weak and desperate by whoever is watching. I had no car here so like her I had to hail an Uber. Goodness what a waste of money. Today alone on transport it meant we were going to use over r700. I know women like to say if you love someone money should not matter but the reality is that it matters, it always does.

“Is everything ok?”

Mapula asked me from behind me. I had not seen her come up so she startled me a bit.

“Yes its fine don’t worry. Where does mum keep the keep the keys for the other car?”

I asked her.

“I don’t know. She hides them like I can drive!”

She said sarcastically and walked away. Crap this means I had to call her for them but I thought twice. If I used that car it would mean that my mother would have to come to the house or I would have to come back to drop it off. I decided to leave the car. 30 minutes later I was home too. We had only slept at my mother’s for a night when the plan was that we would be there for longer.

“Love come on I am sorry ok. It was not supposed to come out like that. I was not saying I don’t trust you.”

I found myself explaining to her. She was sitting on the couch when I arrived with the bag still next to her and she was still crying.

“It’s just that you and your mother have a way of making me feel really small. I have said this several times before but somehow you always seem to fall on your mother’s side!”

She explained to me and she was not lying either.

“I am sorry. We are back home now. I am not going back! You should not have walked out like that without us discussing first!”

I advised her but she rolled her eyes even with all those tears clouding them.

“And what? I should have stayed and let you tell me how bad I am or how ungrateful I am to your mother and you for all that you are doing for me? Is that it?”

She asked me.

“I am sorry love. I am on your side always I don’t know why you don’t see that!”

I told her but she just looked at me in disbelief and said,

“You say that now, wait till your mother calls!”

It was meant to be a rude retort and it worked in send a sharp pang into my heart. She was right I could see why in her eyes it would seem like that.

“I am not going back. I am going to start making supper!”

I told her standing up to go to the kitchen.

“Are you trying to make me feel guilty? You have just come out of hospital so you have no business doing the cooking!”

She told me standing up after me. She still had tears in her eyes and soon as she got behind me I grabbed her in my arms and I hugged her. She did not want the hug at first if the way she tried to wiggle out can be seen as evidence of that but I held on and she melted in.

“I am sorry love. I should not talk to you like that!”

I told her. She did not say anything as she sobbed into my chest. We stood there for five minutes before she finally managed to pull out.

“I need to wash my face!”

She said as she walked to the bathroom. I needed to change my shirt as well because she had messed it up with her makeup. I did not walk far before the phone rang, it was my mother.

“Where are you? I am bringing the guys in procurement for dinner so you can hear what they need from you to qualify for the tender.”

She said before I could even say anything.

“I am at my apartment!”

I told her.

“Why are you there? No, I don’t want to hear it! Get to the house. Don’t mess this up!”

She said and hung up. O crap! I could already see how this was going to go down with Londiwe. She had just complained about my mother now I was about to say I am going to see her.

“Baby I have something to tell you!”

I told when she came back in.

“Something you have to tell me? Like what?”

She asked me sceptical. She was wearing her gown and flops meaning she was ready to tuck in.

“I thought you said you were going to start chopping for me. I don’t want you cooking though. Today you deserve a warm meal cooked with love by me!”

She said. I could see she was trying to cheer up. She had that fake smile on her face which she put up whenever she was trying to play nice.

“I know I do but can I just go out for about two hours.”

I asked her as sweetly as I could.

“Where do you want to go? You have just arrived and do you think I will be comfortable going out with you going out at night after what happened?”

She asked me hands on waist and a look of disbelief on her face.

“I know baby but this is important and this is for us. I promise you that you will not regret it!”

I pleaded with her.

“Where are you going?”

She asked me. If I told her that I was going to meet my mother she was going to freak oat. I needed to lie.

“I am going to meet Tumi. Remember the files you mentioned. He also says he has new information on the project we are doing.”

I explained to her.

“You think I am a fool don’t you. Just say you want to go to your mothers and I will understand. You don’t have to be a mama’s boy and treat me like I am stupid in the same breathe! Respect me please!”

She said as she walked towards the kitchen. Was I that bad a liar though?

“It’s not what you thinking but this meeting is important. I would not be leaving the house but we need this, our baby needs this and if we are going to get that big house, this is a good start!”

I explained to her but she was not interested really. I took my keys and walked out because I was not going to win this one. I had to go then make it up to her when I got back. As I drove out there was a car that was at the gate in the visitor’s side of the boom gate… I noticed it because I had seen it somewhere before and an odd colour is a colour. I think all the way to my mother’s house it bugged me where I had seen that car before. As to be expected I was late and now I had to explain to everyone why I was late.

“I am sorry guys I am late. The wife is not doing too well!”

I said when I walked into the house. Everyone was already there.

“This is my son Vusi!”

My mother said smiling. She was clearly happy that I had arrived but I also know when my mother is annoyed. She knew I was lying.

“Yes chief!”

One of the men said. I was ushered in a guess who was there, Tumi and Naledi plus her father. This was a serious meeting. The other two men I did not know but I guess they were in procurement.

“Thanks gents. Again my apologies for being late!”

I said sitting down.

Then it hit me.

That car at my gate.

That was Simon’s car!

At my house!

******The End*******

@diaryofazulugal
Mikeatdiary
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
Mike@diaryofazulugirl.co.za

Dear Mike

Thank you for reading my letter.

I am in pain. I lost my virginity last year to the guy I loved. We dated since I was in grade 12 and for 3 years he told me he was patient there was no rush. He would come pick me up from school, take me out on dates every weekend and was a gentleman. When I got to university he got a bit jealous when I made new friends but nothing out of the ordinary. He never brought up sex even though we fooled around quite a bit. I was very adamant about no sex until I was ready and he respected that. Guess what, I am a 22 year old girl and I recently found out I was HIV positive. I have only ever slept with one guy and have been loyal and faithful to him. He is 26 by the way. This means that he was sleeping around all along and could have known he was sick. How can a person who says they love you do this to you? After I found out I started asking people about my boyfriend something which I never did before because people always say that people have no business being in your relationship. It turns out he was sleeping with everyone some people my friends one even my cousin. I am so angry and I don’t know at whom because now I have this big burden on my shoulder. I am so hurt and have been crying everyday for the last two months. I want to ask why me because I did everything right and we only had sex twice without a condom. The first time was because the condom tore and the second time we ran out of condoms. There was no other time. I am not a reckless person but look at me now. I feel so betrayed and if I could kill him I would. I am too scared to tell anyone because I was that girl that taught everyone else about clean leaving and being safe. How could I have been so naïve?

I don’t know what to do.

Thank You

UJ

23 thoughts on “Majuba 29

  1. UJ my dear how do you know that you were not positive before losing your virginity? Did you test? And if you did test how on earth do you engage into unprotected sexual intercourse with a guy whom you don’t know his status?
    Your bf is wrong for not telling you about his status to begin with and you lala are wrong for putting yourself in a position that’s led to you getting infected. What you now need to do is cry a river build a bridge and then get over it sounds harsh I know but it’s the only way your going to get through this. Wallowing in self pity nor being thrown a pity party will not help your case in anyway.

    Whilst your at it please go for counseling it will also help. Best of luck

  2. At UJ, I’m sorry you had to go through such baby girl. What he did to you was not okay, it truly makes me angry when people are so reckless with other people’s lives.
    You need counselling my love, you cannot live with this and accept it over night. Try talking to a professional and then maybe after that you will be able to open up to your Mom at least because you need a support system.

    However with all that said people also need to stop being reckless with their lives, we live in a generation where HIV is literally everywhere you go. People need to test at least twice before getting intimate with someone.
    Please look after your lives guys.

  3. @Flammy must be mighty nice being on that high horse of yours..i wish you fall off face flat mxim. She trusted a man who let her down. How many girls out there have been betrayed by men they trusted? She spoke of how loyal she was to him and naturally sge believed he was loyal too..thats called being naive.

    You need counselling lots of it. I doubt very much you were HIV positive before him so don’t listen to people who want you to blame yourself. I believe you should tell him what he has done to you.

    1. High horse? Right……
      You can throw shade at me all you want but truth is she too was wreckless and by that I don’t mean she’s completely at fault here.

      The truth unfortunately is a bitter pill to swallow and doesn’t really comfort us at times like this but however bitter it may be it still needs to be said. We live in an era where both male and female need to take responsibility for their health and provide an account for it as well. UJ willingly had unprotected sex with a guy she didn’t even know his hiv status and I’m sorry but “running out of condoms” is simply no excuse….

      1. Must be nice to “know it all” ne, she acknowledges her mistake, incase you missed that. For you to pass judgements like that it is uncalled for. You have made mistakes in your life, lucky for you maybe it was not this kind, life is a turning wheel, mind what you say to others because one day when it hits you, you will never even see it coming. Bless you.

        1. Why is it that when people are called out to take responsibility for their choices it’s seen as being judgemental? Anywho think whatever you may

          1. Sometimes people like Flammy try to come across as the truth-sayers that epitomises everything logical but all they really are is crass and downright tactless. There’s no fault in being empathetic and in our realistic advise. Has this child been naive enough not to realise her faults then I’d understand your viewpoint but all your being is spewing unwarranted pseudo “tough-love”. Flammy please ask yourself whether you would take your own advice if someone delivered it the way you did when you are going through this challenging time UJ is.

            Comes across as a “Ya ulayekile, be uyenzani kahle kahle” tone, to someone who’s in a fragile state of mind. Very immature of you frankly. You lose nothing from building a person’s morale and self esteem whereas you could potentially leave them in a worse off state by doing what you refer to “calling people out to take responsibility for their choices”. Yes we all know, UJ included, that her having unprotected sex put her in current state – but What now? That’s what she needs answered.

          2. Sometimes people like Flammy try to come across as the truth-sayers that epitomises everything logical but all they really are is crass and downright tactless. There’s no fault in being empathetic in our realistic advise. Had this child been naive enough not to realise her faults then I’d understand your viewpoint but all your being is spewing unwarranted pseudo “tough-love” bile. Flammy please ask yourself whether you would take your own advice if someone delivered it the way you did when you are going through this challenging time UJ is.

            Comes across as a “Ya ulayekile, be uyenzani kahle kahle” tone, to someone who’s in a fragile state of mind. Very immature of you frankly. You lose nothing from building a person’s morale and self-esteem whereas you could potentially leave them in a worse off state by doing what you refer to “calling people out to take responsibility for their choices”. Yes we all know, UJ included, that her having unprotected sex put her in current state – but What now? That’s what she needs answered.

            **Edited*

      2. My dear sister and the bloggers at large, if a person writes his or her sorrows to us. Can we please be empathetic. We know that social media has developed the tendency of corwards to hide behind the fone and dish insults and hurts to other people. The poor child is distraught. This is a life defining moment. She needs positive advise. Her naivety has led her in this situation. She now needs our assistance on how to move on. Pleas if you do not have anything positive to say please let it pass. Lomuntu is crying everyday and you dish out lamanyala owashoyo. False ego is detrimental to the betterment of our society. Stop being high and mighty LA we za ngathi amaphutha awukaze uwenze. This one is costly and very personal and you put petrol on the fire kumntanabantu, nxa- musukungdina LA!

  4. I miss Jackzorro hle.

    Uj what’s done is done and cannot be undone. Hiv will not kill you tomorrow so live your life and enjoy it. There are people who have had full blown aids for 10 years and they’re living like the rest of us. So get on with life honey.

    I always say you’re far better off having sex with a million men using condoms than having sex with one man without a condom.

    At least awumithanga. Uzoba grand nana vah?

  5. My baby, askies hle for what happened to you. You loved, trusted and gave yourself to a man which is what most humans do. Dont beat yourself up hle. It happens, its life. It has no guarantees at all.
    I am sure you know that people live with the diseases for years with the right treatment and lifestyle. What you are currently dealing with is betrayal from a man you loved.
    If you need to talk, Mike can give you my email and we can talk. I dont have answers to life’s challenges but I have a shoulder to cry on.

  6. So easy to advise when you are not on the other side of things. I’m sorry lil one, my heart bleeds for you. Seek counseling from a professional okay?? So sorry, trust that the Lord will heal you, seek refuge in him. Take care of your self and praying for you.

  7. Thank you Bhut’ Mike for your dedication.
    @ UJ, you don’t have to be promiscuous to get pregnant, be infected with HIV or STD’s. Not sure how people came to the conclusion that you have to practice unprotected sex more than once in order to be at risk, it literally takes one second to be infected or to conceive so do it right the first time. You can only trust to a certain extent but not with your life because no one knows what their partner gets up to when they not around. You have to be very selfish when it comes to anything that may affect your well-being. I agree with Flammy , there might be a chance that maybe you were infected before you had intercourse with your bf unless you are certain that you got tested before the deed. In this day and age we ought to know intercourse is not the only way to contract HIV. But if then you were negative before this, your bf is a very cruel and selfish man for doing that to you. Now moving forward, resenting him and feeling sorry for yourself wont help much at this stage. Get up and dust yourself and move on for your own good. The sooner you accept reality the sooner you can start picking up the pieces and living your life to the fullest. Join support groups and go for counselling. Wish you nothing but the best in your journey.

  8. Thank you Bhut Mike…..shame Vusi usengxakini…fending off his mother and ex all in one go, lol!!!

    UJ!! Eeeehhhh…okay , so I will be honest with you nhe… Lets start with you taking responsibility for sleeping with a guy without knowing his status ( and I bet he doesn’t know it either) …and that is on you , solely , being with him for decades doesn’t not mean you know his staus ( and this is proven when you found out that he has been sleeping around behind your back).
    Secondly, you need to seek professional help love….you WILL NOT be able to go through this alone…. you can cry about it until you have no tears left but it wont, unfortunately change your situation right now…you can blame the guy, yes …and it still wont change anything….

    You need to dust yourself off from this and move on with your life…yes you made a mistake , and its like a grave mistake to you but its not!! And they will proly telly you this , that contracting HIV is not a death sentence my angel…. you are still young…go out there and enjoy yourself. Live life to the fullest because tomorrow is never promised!!

    I personally know of two people who are HIV+ and it seems I am the one who is worried more about them than they are of themselves… So its not the end of the world for you….

    Thirdly: You can sit and mope around and be angry at this guy for doing something, which he might not even be aware of ( contracting you with the virus ) and waste your time , your emotions and focus on something that will yield no positivity at all in your life… Or you could just take all this in your stride and move on …focus on building yourself again!!

    PS: I once read this article, this lady was telling of how she ate healthy, didn’t eat bacon and junk food. Exercised regularly and was diagnosed with Cancer at the age of 60 , and how she regretted not “having fun” … Moral of this…there is no manual on how to live life…live it how YOU want it because at the end of the day it is YOUR LIFE and only YOU are responsible for it!!

    All the best my angel..we are here if you need to talk..don’t mind callous peeps saying “they are telling you the truth” be strong nhe

    PillzBerry

  9. The advices are quiet nice,but as somebody said…it’s very easy to give advices when you r not in the situation…as for Uj,keep going lala..it’s not over until you are dead..I can assure you that the disease will not kill you as long as you adhere to the treatment and right or good lifestyle.Do not stop using condom just because you are infected..in fact there are many people living with HIV including those who don’t know yet…you are not the only one sweetheart.

  10. UJ, I am sorry for what happened to you. I will pray for you baby doll.
    Just remember that this is not the end of the world and not a life sentence. Continue being that girl that teaches people about clean living and being safe, just lose the naivity now.

    May the Good Lord protect and give you courage doll.

  11. Let the one without sin be the first to cast a stone…

    Everyone here who has had unprotected sex, be it with your boyfriend, girlfriend, wife, husband or even someone you have tested numerous times with… Has and always will be at risk of contracting the disease because if u are not glued to the person, you will forever be at their mercy because they can do anything and come back to you fully loaded with the disease….

    Just so you know UJ, time heals all wounds and though to people like flammy it seems as though its a death sentence , you’ll actually find that 75 % of the people who are HIV negative here will probably die before you anyway…

    Side note…

    I was at Uj and the HiV rate was 69% at the time, and no its not just with the regular girl who has a blesser, sometimes its the good and diligent one who’s always at level 6 at the Library!

    So take care of yourself young person

  12. Dear UJ. I can imagine the hurt and regret that you are going thru. My advice is somehow different to what the rest of the people have said. This guy is really inhumane to have done such a heinous crime. I understand the Law has been passed that a person that has deliberately infected another individual with HIV or who has slept without using protection knowing his status is positive can be tried and convicted in the court of law. If you can investigate thoroughly if this guy knew his status before he engaged sexually with u. You are in good stead to get the justice you deserve. I cannot describe how disgusted I feel about him. As guys we know for a fact that out of 100 sexual encounters only 1 women will ask where is the condom except if its a hooker who always have them. We can blame it on irresponsibility on the women’s part but due to my experience, in the heat of the moment most women tend to forget about protection. All is not lost. Please go for post exposure counselling and regroup to teach this bastard for others that say I will infect everyone because even me I was infected. Trust me I have heard such stories and It startled me that people could be so heartless. All the best. Please ,make research on what I have highlighted. You will not be doing for yourself but for others. HIV positive is does not mean you will die. You can manage your lifestyle and avoid re-infection by using a condom always. When you get a partner that you can trust again. You can have healthy children without infecting him if he negative because of the medication you can take during trying to conceive. Please be strong my dear again

  13. HIV is no longer a death sentence i know someone who has been living with hiv for 20 years and is still health, and still look good and happy . iam sure 90% people around you are living with the virus it just that the wont tell you. i know you feel betrayed but this is not the end of the road, you are not dying u still have a lot to live for, please visit your doctor to check your CD4 count to know wen to start with the treatment. please forgive your boyfreind, HIV is controllable just a chronic illeness, Uj u still have a graduation to look forward to Good Luck

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