Young Employed and Single

YES 133

The problem with the truth is that not everyone is prepared to hear it. We all have friends who the day you reveal

the truth to them about themselves that will be the end of your friendship. Sfiso was not my friend, he was the man I loved and wanted to be with. He was the man my mother had always said I should get and now that I had him in front of me I now needed to let out the uncomfortable stuff. It’s easier said than done especially when even you don’t know what’s going on half the time. That’s how I felt.

I wanted to cry.

Imagine the thought of telling the truth made me want to cry.

What was wrong with this truth though?

Let’s see…

How do you tell someone you know you want to spend the rest of your life with a truth that will make them change the way they see you forever?

There was no way he was going to be immune from not judging me. If you were to ask me if I wanted to marry a Sangoma I probably would say no too and be very afraid. I could not keep it a secret any longer because it was eating me inside. Not being able to talk about this thing was making it worse.

“What’s going on? I heard noises in your house what’s going on? Was that person sick?”

He asked me as we drove off. This was going to be a long conversation because now I had to explain to him what that was as well. Africans are not in touch with being African as we have been taught that our own beliefs are taboo. This guy was even based in England so what are the chances he would understand.

“That was my aunt. She was receiving the spirit. She is a Sangoma.”

I said by way of introducing him to the topic. He held on to his steering wheel a bit tighter as though I had said something that could make him swerve but did not say anything. I am not sure if this was a good sign but I was going to run with it.

“We are going to the Mall right?”

He asked as though I had not said it earlier.

“Yes we are. It’s a better place to sit and a bit safer than just parking anywhere!”

I told him. People love Joburg but the reality is that it is so unsafe even when the car is in motion. The crime here is just crazy but we live I guess. At the mall we found a place to sit after leaving the car.

“Ok sorry about not responding I did not know what to say at the time but did you really just say what you did?”

He asked me.

“Yes I did. I wanted you to know because I could see the look on your face when I came back. You were very confused so I thought I owed you an explanation!”

I told him. He was still confused Shem but the conversation was now open so I had to go through with it.

“What’s that got to do with us leaving though? I mean it’s your aunts business but I felt as though you bundled me up out of there to protect me or something. It was rather weird. Even your sister looked uncomfortable!”

He explained. I did owe him an apology for that because he had come to see us at a dark time in our family and wanted to be there for us but we had literally chased him out at the end of a bayonet.

“I know I know but it’s because there is more and I needed to sit with you in private to tell you all about me. It’s important that you know the truth and that is what I am trying to do!”

I explained to him. I could see again that he was uncertain about what I was saying and he squinted his eyes suspiciously in the process!

“Ok I don’t follow now. Just come out with what you want to say please.”

He requested starting to lose his patience with me.

“I have a calling to be a Sangoma,”

I told him but I could not look him in the eye as I said it. Somehow I felt ashamed of this and I don’t know why. It’s like I was saying I was some kind of monster I don’t know but it did not sound right nor sit right…

“A Sangoma as in Harry Potter?”

He asked me with a doubtful look on his face. He was clearly unconvinced and he scratched his head.

“No it’s not like Harry Potter. Harry Potter was a witch and a Sangoma is not a witch!”

I explained to him rather annoyed by his ignorance. Sfiso was those blacks who thought because they called washing clothes ‘laundry’ they had made it in life hence why he would say such an ignorant thing. Imagine Harry Potter being a Sangoma. Living in England had clearly messed with his brain.

*But it is a witch doctor right?”

He asked clearly needing clarity from me. I had to be patient with this and not get frustrated because a lot of people actually make that assumption.

“No its not. A healer maybe but there is no witchcraft involved at all! Please don’t make a joke out of this because it’s serious!”

I told him. He had a crooked smile on his face because he was finding it all ridiculous.

“Who said anything about me joking? You don’t believe in that nonsense right though? Come on Lungi you have a solid education and we live in 2017 come on! We have modern medicine, hospitals and technology so where do witch doctors fit into all this. You clearly don’t make any sense to me so where is your sensibility if you even believe in all that!”

He was not joking. He was actually quite serious. He shifted uncomfortably in his chair and looked me in the eye as though he thought I was going to say I was just kidding. Well I was not. Sense and Sensibility, that’s a Jane Austen book worth reading I thought after he said that because he lacked none himself.

“Look whether you believe in it or not I had to tell you of my calling.”

I said bulldozing through his doubt and his clear contempt to what I was saying to him.

“Ok so what’s that got to do with me? I like Lungi, everything else is none of my business!”

He said rather naively and dismissively.

“That calling does not want us together. I have already been warned several times to stay away from you or else bad things will happen and already bad things have been happening to me!”

After I said that even I felt a bit ridiculous. This guy was from Nelspruit though are you telling me that Swati’s there did not have sangoma’s?

“Now I see what’s going on. Look if you were looking for a way to dump me please come up with something else because that will be the most original but creepy way to do so!”

He said sounding very annoyed at me. Why could this guy not just open his mind and see that I was actually not playing around? What did I stand to gain really?

“Sfiso I like you with everything I have. I have defied all the warning signs and already so much has happened to both of us. I will fix this and if you really want us to be together you will let me work through it!”

I told him.

“I have to go.”

He said with a hoarse voice. Was he about to cry?

“Go where?”

I asked him.

“I just have to go. When you decide to stop playing such games you know where to find me!”

He said and he stood up. I cannot say I was entirely surprised because even I would have thought I was a bit loony too. This was crazy.

“Sfiso please don’t walk away like this. Don’t make decisions when you mad!”

I pleaded with him.

“Mad? I am not mad at you at all but for goodness sake this is fucken crazy. Come on Lungi? Your ancestors told you to stay away from me? Even if it were true that they did, what did they tell you? That I am a monster!”

He asked me and I stared blankly at him. I had no answer at this moment and much as I raked my brains for one nothing came out.

“See, no answer! How did they tell you this message? Via email? Or maybe WeChat? I here Gareth Cliff and Touch have good shows there!”

He said nastily in what was pure sarcasm. He walked away from the table and I saw him put his hands on his hand then lift them up in there before he shouted loudly,

“Really God? Really? Why me?”

I could hear the despair in his voice but I could not run after him. I did not know what I would have said to him and how I would have calmed him down considering I also needed calming down. I was crying.

“Why are you not running after him?”

A little voice said to me in my voice!

“The man you love is walking away from you and you just sit there?”

It mocked me. I sat there for the next five minutes contemplating exactly what I was going to do next. I could not lose Sfiso. I had just lost my mother and now him. I stood up and ran after him. If I had to lie to fix things I would. What the hell had I been thinking telling him the truth? Was Jesus not laughed at by his own people for calling himself their Saviour and no I am not saying I am Jesus but I most certainly should have said it differently.


I cursed as I stood up to run after him. With phone in hand I tried calling him. It rang the first two times then the third time it was off. I looked everywhere for him but he was nowhere to be found. Ten minutes later my phone rang. It was not him but my sister.

“Are you far?”

She asked me.

“No am not why?”

I asked her.

“I just wanted to say you can come back now Aunty is fine!”

She said but if only she knew the pain of what she was saying to me.

“Ok thanks!”

I told her and with that I knew I might never ever see him again.

*******The End***********

Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)

Good evening Sir Mike, please make me anonymous

First of all let me congratulate you on your outstanding work, you really good.

I’ve been contemplating since last year whether or not to write this to you for advice. I remember last year in most of your quotes you said we ladies allows men to treat us the way they do. I’ve been in a four years relationship with a very unreasonable man. He always had a problem with my family and even with my son, why? I really don’t know. I’m the only breadwinner at home so when I sent my parents my last cents for grocery, he has a problem but the thing is he never gives me a cent and I never ask him. He has always wanted a child with me before marriage but I’ve always said no I’m not ready because I’m not ready. Last year 26 June I found him red handed in bed with another woman and he said is because I don’t want to give him a child. He asked for a break and treated me as if he found me with someone. I even went to the depression hospital for 2 weeks after that tjo. I then got a promotion as a manager and he felt intimidated and blamed me again for cheating (I’ve found woman stuff at his house), saying he is scared that I will no longer respect him. He even said I am forcing my son on him just because I once ask him to help me with 1 Q helping my son with homework. Well last month he decided to ignore me the whole weekend and I told him I want a 6 month break. I never even ask this guy for R20 because he will give me a lecture from Genesis to Revelation. I feel like this man has really broken me. I’m slowly starting to fall out of love with this guy. He’s really not the man I want to get married to him. Should I just move on with my life bra Mike?? I sometimes do miss him shame.


29 thoughts on “YES 133

  1. Thanks bra Mike

    @Broken, you have your answer already. You just said that He’s really not the man you want to get married to meaning you do not see nor a future with him so what are you still doing with him? You said yourself that he is very unreasonable and has a problem with your family and your son. If he really loved you and cared for you then he would have some regard for your family,especially your son but he doesn’t. He also says that you are forcing your son on him, that is ridiculous and your son is your number 1 priority. This man clearly wants nothing to do with your child so leave him and move on with your life. if you cannot do it for yourself then at least do it for your son.
    I meanyou spent 2 weeks in hospital for depresssion over a man that treats you like crap. Depression kills my sister and worse could to happen to you because of this man. So i repeat, leave this man and move on with your life. Think of your family and son, you are the only bread winner remember!

  2. Hi Anonza

    You actually do have an answer to your problem. You have taken the first step. All you need to do is to follow through with the second step, make the break permanent. The only thing you’d be staying for in this relationship is sickness. Whether it be imotional or physical. I’ll keep you in my prayerys.

  3. Yes please move on, this guys doesn’t care about your well being . Putting you in hospital and blaming you for it is selfish of him. And think about your son, is this the kind of role model or father figure you want your baby to grow up learning from? I don’t think so.
    for your sanity and your sons please move on and leave this man.

  4. Broken
    By the sound of things you know what you need to do and this relationship is toxic for you and your son, this guy will never love you nor respect you. He doesn’t care about you nor your son, so why force yourself on such a person?
    When a guy loves you he wont give you excuses and reasons to doubt yourself, and remember you have a boy to think about, would you want your son to learn from such a man??
    So my darling get out and look after you, your son and your family.

  5. Thanks Team.
    @Broken, I came across this yesterday, and it just spoke to me in so many ways, hope it will do the same to you: ” Avoid people that mess with your head, avoid people who intentionally and repeatedly do and say things that they know will upset you, avoid people who expect you to prioritize them but refuse to prioritize you, avoid people who can’t and won’t apologize sincerely” – Good luck!

  6. Dear broken

    I don’t even know why you would even consider staying… Your young n independent, what does this man contribute or Add to your life. Hayi shem lendoda wuZero point blank period!
    As far as I am concerned your already single and doing just fine.

    Go get your life girl!

  7. Waitse my heart breaks for Lungi Bra Mike…. o a morata tlhe.
    @ Broken read 1 John 2:19
    That man is not yours, than man is not meant for you, that man has left you and will do so again and again until its for good… leaving you in a worse state than you are in currently. worse that you have endured.
    if he was for you he would not put you through all these depressing situations and depression its self. Walk away from this bad situation, this is not even a relationship free yourself for your son and your sanity. (do not even think about giving him a child)

    i really dont know how some wo/men can be so cruel, why do you want to waste someones time and just cause them misery, the whole time while you are with them, where is the humanity in that? leave the poor child alone and go be scandalous somewhere far away. rather just be free agent and come out say it, im not looking for anything really, just boost my ego, i get laid, get attention and sex, in the meantime i might give you a baby and a disease. Siiies man!!!

  8. Broken, I walked away from a 14 yr relationship with a man similar (if not worse) to yours… best decision ever! The only regret was waiting so many years for an answer that i already knew.
    Dont watse your time with this man – you will regret like I do – all those wasted years!

    1. I wasted 8years of my life with a guy Hu treated me right when he wanted something from me. I pushed mountains for him there’s nothing I wudn’t do for hm bt he cudnt even come visit m when I was admitted at the hospital. When I’m admitted he wudnt rather throw house warming parties, attend parties or go to the stadium to watch soca. Sometimes he wud even forget I’m not well. Bt still I forgave hm. I tolerated so much emotional abuse until I finally let go of hm. I’m single but I’m happy unlike the time wn I was so lonely bt in a relationship.

  9. Thank Bhut Mike 🙂 … Yhoo the stigma of Sangoma’s kodwa…

    I too have a cousin who has a Master’s Degree in Biochemistry and she too has the calling…she was a …practical person..I don’t want to say she was a non believer …but she was quite practical…a scientist mentality ….and baam she got the calling and it changed how she views life… and now…she has got to be the sexiest Sangoma I know, lol…if there is such… People tend to associate Sangoma’s with lack of education and being iQaba ( to which the true meaning of word iQaba is not what people say it is )

    Broken : You have answered your question… Ask yourself this…What value is this man addiding to your life?? Is he the type of role model or father figure you want your son to be around? Is he making any POSITIVE impact in your life, in your son’s life??

    If you are going to be depressed ( which I may add , this is quite deadly ) how do you think this is all affecting your son??

    You need to re-evaluate your self first , find what you want and go look for it , this man is just not ding it for you shame.. Myeke sisi …


  10. Thanks Mikeesto, it never rains but pours for poor Lungi 🙁

    Aninomazi, you still remember the date you caught the fool in bed with another woman, June 26th 2016. That day you were supposed to write to us and ask if leaving was right, and the decision would’ve been unanimous, leave his sorry ass. You say you saw all the quotes Mike put up on how you subject yourselves to such treatment from creatures that are less than men. Yet here you are asking if leaving is right, even though it is the only logical step to take.

    I don’t know if these guys actually end up giving you a mind fuck so deep that you can’t see logically., that you can’t see rational instead of fiction. This man of yours, what is his contribution to who or what you are? What is his contribution to whom you want your son to be? What has he ever done for you except humiliate and degrade you? break you and your confidence and depress you to hospitalisation for two weeks? Are you that far gone in believing in this stupid love that you don’t even know your self-worth? Anonymous, you are being anonymous in your own damn life and this man will continue to walk over you until you identify who the hell you are and you rise to the occasion of being in existence. Stop wasting space on earth woman, take charge of your life and let the fool loose.


  11. The Harry Potter line got me LMAO! Thank you Mike.

    Broken, you need to break you need to break up with this man… In fact you already know that but you just need us to confirm it for you! Get out before you leave that relationship in a casket, depression is a silent killer. You have a son to think of!

  12. thankks for the read.
    @broken the answer is “lunch bar” obvious.
    why is it that we women have this mentality of he will change, ae soka never move on.

  13. Thanx mike
    Sfiso needs cleansing cause him and lungis dd the deeds way way too early so yes he is indeed carrying bad luck as for lungi ancestors has spoken mbhilaelo is the one or else sefako Sa thupa.jus saying

  14. Rea leboga Mike! Why didn’t Lungi tell Sfiso about his dark cloud though? Lungi ga a romege man

    Broken, sometimes we just need to voice out our frustrations and get confirmation from third parties that we are doing the right thing. I’m certain that when you reread the letter you’ll realise how bad this man is for you. You’ve given him 4 years too many of your love and time that he doesn’t deserve. I’m not even going to touch on the cheating, the emotional abuse, the ticking time bomb that this man is, but the treatment towards your son???? Girl I don’t care if he was Motsepe or Mark Zuckerberg, that attitude towards your son alone is reason enough to leave and never look back! Your son doesn’t deserve such a male figure in his life, you don’t deserve such a person in your life! It’s ok to miss him, most of us go through such phases in our life, but what’s not ok is for you to subject yourselt to so much trauma and unhappiness and put your son’s wellbeing at risk because you miss this person, no that is not ok and that should not be happening. You can miss him while he’s far away from you and your son. And actually by walking away from this toxin you are giving yourself a chance to find the right person for you and your son and a chance at real pure beautiful proper love and a happy future. If you can’t do it for yourself then do it for your son!
    All the best gf, you’ll be fine neh

  15. Hi Mike,

    Is there a reason why you aren’t posting Majuba? I enjoy both of your books, I’d just like to know why we haven’t been getting much of Majuba.

  16. I can totally attest what Lungi is going through with regards to her calling. I’ve always known that I will eventually go and “ukuthwasa”. Prior to that, my life was just a mess (professionally…losing a whole great career, the German sedan and the house overlooking Durbanville Hills)…throughout all of that, love found me..I was not even looking…For 2 years, I never disclosed to my partner about my calling until a month before I had to go through ukuthwasa. I remember that Sunday morning after I told him. I cried and cried when I told him. After a while, that man held me into his arms and merely said “I’ve got you through this”…and Gosh, that man held me together through everything…been practising a Nyangi for almost 9 months now..about to complete my PhD in political sciences…after I come back from my Mobility Scholarship in Europe early next year, I am marrying him..So Lungi, I am rooting for you to accept it all…You are fortunate as your aunt is already one…I’m the first in my family – so you can imagine…Sorry about the long comment and it is my first time…

  17. Broken

    Why are you with this man, He cheats, doesn’t want you son and has no consideration for your feelings and your family. There’s a lot of fish in the sea, don’t settle for a rotten one just for the sake of having one….

  18. My dislike for Sfiso just deepened with today’s post. I mean Harry Potter??? Really dude? That’s just next level ignorance.
    Thank you Mike, I look forward to seeing how the rest of the contestants for Lungi’s heart will be eliminated.
    Sis just move on. Yes it will hurt for a while, yes you will miss him for a while. But with people who were never right for us to begin with time truly does heal.

  19. Shame S’fiso I feel so sorry for him :'(. Broken you don’t need any advice cause the answer is right in front of you

  20. I so feel for S’fiso… shame maaan!

    Great read Mike, but please keep Lungi and S’fish together…plz plz

  21. mike this is not fair,hae kante y Lungi nd Sfiso,atleast u cud hv let Lungi tell Sfiso exactly wat the aunt said,dat Sfiso needed to c some1,wat is so evil about Sfiso though

  22. The Harry Porter part left me in stitches…Thank u Bra Milke
    QnA:Broken my dear just leave this man,he is makin u lose ur self worth n lowering ur self esteem.He is breaking u to da core n wats worse is he blames u for everything.Leave his arrogant ass

  23. I cant believe you stayed with him that far!! You allowed yourself to be damaged by a man in the name of love or fear of being alone. Never ever do that to yourself!!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *