Young Employed and Single

YES 114

When a man cries in front of you it’s different. I am not in any way saying men are superior to women but we cry a

lot and they don’t. Whether it is pride or a lack of feeling in them but men don’t cry as far as I know. I think it’s why most women think that when a man cries in front of them it’s either sweet or romantic, vulnerable or heartfelt. With Mbuso right now it felt as though he had just showed me a whole new side to him. Mbuso was extremely guarded. You could sense whenever you were with him that there was a part of him you could not reach. Tonight, this part I had reached to a certain extent. I had touched that part and God help me what else had I opened.

“You dad is outside little one he just needs some air.”

I told her because I did not want to see him like this.

“Is he crying again? I heard him cry earlier when he thought I was taking my afternoon nap. I couldn’t sleep though so I was playing a game. That’s when I heard him and I could not ask him because I would have been punished for not sleeping in the first place!”

She explained. What is it about when a child when they talk that makes them so sweet.

“He is going through a lot that’s all. Come sit with me and let’s what’s 306 like you like!”

Referring to DSTV channel she always asks for. At least it was not Teletubbies, I can’t handle.

“Mbuso Ntheteng is here!”

I called out after about five minutes. I did this because I could see she was not concentrating and kept looking outside towards him.


He said and cleared his throat. You know how when you cry something builds up in your throat, he cleared that. He then walked in and said,

“Baby, you came…”

He said and she ran to him and gave him a hug.

“I got scared and worried about you. I did not want to be in the house by myself. I am sorry I made you mad!”

She apologized to her father.

“It’s ok love, I am sorry I was mad too. How about we go watch a movie at the movies? I hear the Smurfs are out and I know for a fact that you used to love them!”

He said trying to bribe his daughter.

“Of course I love them. Aunty Lungi don’t you love the Smurfs, please come with us. Daddy always buys us popcorn there. I love it, they have all these salts which we can put, it tastes good!”

She told me. How could I say no? I looked at Mbuso for direction and asked him,

“Daddy is it ok with you?”

He did not hesitate to respond,

“Of course it’s ok. The more the merrier right? Come let’s go lock up!”

He said to her and they walked out. I had already had a glass of wine and wine leaves a bad breathe. I rushed to rinse my mouth, pee and take a jacket because its called in the cinema. Personally I feel the cinemas don’t always get full because its too cold for us black folks. Its like that aircon at work, white people who control it deliberately crank as cold as possible knowing we can’t cope.

“I am ready guys! Mbuso can you please drive mine if you don’t mind. I want to do my touch ups in the car. Everything is there!”

I told him and I was not being funny either. I always kept make up in the car for emergencies. I liked to look good and sometimes I could not go black and clean up. I handed him the keys without him arguing.

“Rosebank or Sandton?”

He asked us and me and Ntheteng both screamed,


And we both laughed. Sandton was more convenient for me. I always preferred it and I always felt you are more likely to be robbed in Rosebank than in Sandton City. That was just me. I was using the pencil when Ntheteng asked,

“What’s that?”

She said pointing at me.

“What’s what? This?”

I pointed at the pencil I was using. Its amazing hey, here was a six year old suburban girl who did not know what a makeup pencil was. Don’t get me wrong it’s not like it’s common knowledge but young girls who grow up with their mothers know what that is. Ntheteng was growing up with her dad.

“It’s a makeup pencil hun. Have you never seen one?”

I asked her stupidly.

“No I have never, no I lie… Dad isn’t it there in mommy’s stuff, the one I cannot play with!”

She asked me.

“Yes its there my dear.”

She could not play with it? I wonder why but I was not going to ask. I am very certain it was because of sentimental value. I can’t blame him either.

“Don’t worry I will teach you all about make up ok when we get time. Just you and me and know grumpy dad. I am sure your dad doesn’t even use shower gel just soap neh!”

And with that Ntheteng and I laughed.

“I will have you know that I use showered on weekends. During the week I am often too dirty for that if you know what I mean.”

He said and I understood. Is this what Kgabo saw in him? Mbuso was a very simple man, he was not complicated and world like others.

“I am excited, I love the Smurfs and someone at school said it was coming!”

Ntheteng said as we drove. We parked at the entrance that allows you to walk through Nelson Mandela Square. It was not my choice but Mbuso said he always preferred to walk through it.

“Thank you so much aunty Lungi for this. I really appreciate it. Did I tell you Smurfette is my favourite?”

Ntheteng was saying when we walked into Mandela Square. She was happy and excited. That’s the beauty of children I guess, not a worry in the world.

“Daddy can you swing me with Aunty Lungi?”

She asked. I was lost.

“Swing you?”

I asked her.

“Like this Aunty Lungi!”

She said. She held my hand on the one side and then her father’s on the other. It made sense when we were holding her in that sandwich position. She wanted to lift her legs whilst we balanced her. It was fun in a way as we were all laughing. It was at this moment that I heard,


From the right side of Mbuso. I looked and there was Sfiso. Like really dude!

“Hey Sfiso!”

I said casually. I tried to let go of Ntheti’s hand but guess what, the kid held on tightly but let go of Mbuso.

“Mbuso please give me a second let me just say hi!”

I told him. To his credit Mbuso walked on a little further and did not frown or whatever. Ntheti walked with me towards Sfiso and if she held on any tighter she would have broken my hand.

“Hi, you really were serious about being all alone neh?”

I asked him trying to crack a joke.

“Yup! Imagine, sometimes being a yellow bone guy means everyone can tell that hey. I see other men are holding on to their daughters or whatever they are rather closely since I got here!”

He said and we laughed.

“And who might you be young lady?”

He asked Ntheteng pleasantly.

“I am Ntheteng!”

She said sweetly when he offered his hand!

“Can I hug you rather? At school they say we should not shake hands with strangers because of gems so I like to hug!”

The 7 year old said making us both laugh.

“Really Ntheteng!”

I asked her but Sfiso being his gracious self opened his arms and she gave him a side hug.

“I like your perfume. Mommy, please get it for daddy, he smells really good!”

She said out of the blue and I swear I could hear a pin drop in the entire mall.

“I will give your mommy the name of it ok little princess!”

Sfiso said trying to be above it but the confusion in his voice was palpable.

“Thank you! There is my dad over there I think he would like it!”

Sfiso lifted his head to face the direction Ntheti was pointing. We all turned at the same time and Mbuso was looking. Sfiso raised his hand by way of greeting of which Mbuso waved back.

“A mum who would have thought?”

Sfiso said again and his shock was there for all to see.

“Enjoy whatever you doing guys I think I just lost my appetite. Miss Ntheteng it was a pleasure to meet you and thank you for that big hug, I needed it!”

Sfiso said with a smile on his face but his words were dripping with sarcasm. I think he was actually quite hurt. I could not scream out she was not my daughter because it would hurt Ntheteng and I will look dodgy.

“It was good seeing you!”

I said as we walked away to meet up with Mbuso who immediately put his arm around me. Things happened so fast. I won’t lie, I don’t remember what happened in the movie because my mind was doing catapults. I was in that tell someone zone meaning as soon as I got home I called Nthabiseng.

“Dude I think I was caught cheating even though I was not even cheating!”

I told her as soon as she picked up the phone. That’s how confusing what had happened was. If Ntheteng was older and this was a game of chess I would have called her a Grandmaster. She had check mated me so brilliantly I did not even see that coming. There was no way I could call Sfiso now and apologize because everyone believes kids are so innocent and don’t lie. Besides, had I not encouraged it?

“I don’t understand? Please explain?”

She asked me. She was right, I was vague. I told her everything he had said right to the end. I was very emotional about it all and I think I was falling for him because of what he had went through. When I was done with that part she cleared her throat to stop me from speaking. I had not even told her about Sfiso yet!

“What’s wrong?”

I asked her.

“I am not sure I could be wrong but remember last time, did Mbuso not say that his girlfriend was his high school sweetheart? That’s the story I remember unless you are talking a different guy?”

She said innocently as well curiously. I thought about what he had said and what she had said.

Wait a minute….

She was right!

Goodness was this guy lying for points because if he was, wow, he was a brilliant liar!

I had totally missed it!

*******The End*********

Michael Nkululeko Maphoto

Dear Friends

We are going to take an Easter break and the blogs will be back on Tuesday. For those travelling please be safe. I am going to Nelspruit for church so that’s a new adventure. For those in Nelspruit who want to say hi please feel free to inbox. For those drinking this weekend please don’t forget that alcohol will never finish. There will always be some white dude making more for you to kill yourself with it so be wise lol. I hope you have a safe mini holiday.

Stay Blessed

Mike Maphoto

Hi Mike

I am 24yrs old and i’ve been in a relationship with this guy for 6 years now and we have a 2Yr old baby . he is planning to Lobola me this cuming June the date has already been set and both families are aware. Thing is i don’t want to get married now and i don’t know how to tell him coz he will ask why im with him if i dnt want to marry him honestly he is not someone i want to spend the rest of my life with. He is a good guy and a good father bt i feel like he is not 4 not working im studyng and he takes care of us financially. if i leave him now i know he will never support his child coz he drinks a lot, i must always make sure that im with him ka payday if not he drinks all the money even 4 transport and at home no one is working so its a disaster. Part of me says i must let him pay half of the lobola while i look 4 a job so dat i can leave him or do i tell him the truth now before Lobola?

Thank You


34 thoughts on “YES 114

  1. But you have been together for 6years and have a 2 year old ? Okay you were 18 when you got together but you were 22 when you guys had your child. You have a lot of people to convince because it doesn’t make sense, you only see his drinking now? Let him pay half lobola then, figure yourself out and then make a decision that isn’t emotional. You can also get carried away and get legally married as well so hold that off, give him a chance to change and if not then move on. If he is as young as you the problem is his liver is still strong so his alcohol intake will be high and with influences from friends so my dear think and act tactfully and also use protection lest you have another child with him. All the best

    1. Raaah, Whatsapp?!! killed me
      Lungi needs to ditch Mbuso hard and fast, the man is full of lies and teaching sweet Nthete, its just getting all sorts of messy.
      Lu please focus… Sfiso or Simba.

  2. lobola – go ahead with the negotiations dear….you guys have a child together – if it doesnt work out at least he would’ve paid something for “damages”!LOL!

  3. I’m 27 yrs old and I am in the exact same predicament truth is I am not happy and I am in this so my baby can at least have a good quality life. I got a good offer in another province and was not allowed to take it cause now I have to consider family. So half lobola means cettain rights get taken away.

  4. Lobola, lets turn the tables around and say he is going to play the same as you are, how will you feel ? Simple if you don’t love the guy as you say, stop everything and continue with your life and allow him to do the same. People tend to forget that everything you do has consequences,

  5. Dear advice seekers, more often than not short letters leave a lot of loopholes. The story is not as straight forward to us outsiders therefore rather give us enough detail for us to fathom the situation.
    e.g. in today’s letter, it is not clear what led Lobola to question the prospects of spending the rest of her life with baby daddy. If it is his behaviour – drinking or otherwise, has she spoken to him about it and sought other means to resolve the matter?

    Sis Lobola, from my own experience the primary problem was me. I did not know who I was and what I stood for therefore I sought identification and validation from my partner. I did not have my own life and an unrealistic expectation that his entire life should revolve around me. Worst of all I tried to please everyone around me. These obviously led to the demise of really good relationships because I was clingy. If the poor guy was not glued to me like chappies on a shoe then there would be drama. When you don’t know who you are, nothing your partner does will ever be good enough. So I will say fix you baby. Ask yourself who you are besides the many roles (mother, girlfriend, sister, etc) you undertake.

    There is a common theme to most of the letters we have been receiving. People are either cheating or looking for justification and validation to abandon ship. Hai maan, no wonder we are still poor. We could be investing all this time in uplifiting ourselves but here we are chasing poronyakos like there is reward for it.

    PS: Ta Mike safe trip. May you return revitalised.
    Happy Easter fam

  6. Am so confused can we have a chapter dedicated to mbuso back story, first the wife died giving birth, then it was she technically died soul wise ,then the high school sweetheart stories, lungi google that man via the ancestors lol

  7. Thanks Mikeesto, my memory doesn’t seem to remember what Nthabiseng is saying, will wait til Wednesday. Enjoy the service bro and we will surely give the white man demand for his supply this weekend 🙂

    Lobola, I hope he gets there and tells your family his willing to pay R1000 coz by what you are saying in this letter, you don’t deserve even Mamas or 2kg ye braai pack wena. Talk about strategizing over people’s feelings…. Thixooo!!


    1. Yeeee amn I thought I was the only one who was rather disturbed by this…

      Besides her letter not making sense ndivele nda lost for words shame…. Poor guy 🙁

  8. Can we stop stringing people’s children along? some of yall are out here destroying people’s souls for your own gains.. Ga le swabe?! Just leave the poor guy since you don’t wanna spend the rest of your life with him. There is maintenance court, finish your studies, build your career, the love of your life will come along somewhere along the line (or not).. if he wants to drink, leave him to drink, he’s drinking his money mos. Maybe the love of his life is out drinking with him even. He is not for you, so leave him. Half lobola for what purpose even? are you trying to harden the blow? I dont get it.

    Safe travels Mike and anyone else hitting the road. Happy Easter to the believers. For some of us its just a nice long weekend of rest and assignments.

  9. Mike I’m in Nelspruit, hoping to see you as we going to meet with other churches this Easter.
    As for Mbuso I do get it.. Ask any guy a personal question in the presence of your friends or even if its just the two of you and see how many will give you the correct answer the first time.. truth is most will lie. Even women lie about such things
    but as soon as they get comfortable around you they then tell the truth.

    @Lobola, so you wanna use the guy now till u financially stable to stand on your own?? what if it takes you 4 years to get to that point? you had a choice to tell your guy to wait before involving both families and you still have a chance to communicate how u feel about this whole thing

  10. Yhoo selfishness inintsi kodwa. So you are in this relationship for financial gain coz not only does he support his child he takes care of you too. Mmmhhhh…maybe you must just tell him that you do not want to get married because he is not financially responsible. If you are not there ka pay day as you say he finishes his money. How is he going to take care of his household if he is that reckless seeing that he is at the moment the sole provider? Tell him you want a break from mothering his 26 year old self. I wonder where he got the money for lobola if he is that financially irresponsible? I hope akazukuya kumashonisa for that hey! You must also look for a part-time job and stop being TOTALLY dependent on a man. TJOOO in 2017 nogal?
    Good luck.
    Safe traveling mercies Mike and family. Enjoy the break

  11. I had really hoped this Mbuso would go to jail. I don’t like him one bit and his manipulative child on top of everything.

  12. My heart breaks with Sfiso, oh that’s adding salt to his loss… after Lungi said she wants to be alone next she’s playing family with Mbuso

  13. Thank you bhut Mike…Happy Easter Family 🙂 Safe travels to everyone who will be hitting the road, including me 😀

    Half Lobola….. Hay I have no words for you shame… I will just hope that this whole scam you running here will not backfire on your selfish ass… Karma is a thing nhe… Becareful

    Ohhh but Mike when are you ever coming to Cape Town kodwa 🙂 like nje noba its a day-nyana

  14. Meneer Mikie, ndolebuwa.
    @Tha puts it as simple as it get. Turn the tables around & C a guy who is in U for the benefits only but is not into U.
    When it’s done by women it seems to carry less weight but if a guy was writing the same story, we wud sat he is “selling fish”.
    UR selfish young lady, stop playing with a guy’d heart. Buy yoself some toys to play with.

  15. Yoh…. so you think you are better than your baby coz you’ll be a graduate soon n probably meet “your type” Mhm the man you think he’ll be worthy to spend the rest of your life with??? And in the meantime the poor guy is your ATM??? Life is good for you shame,,, anyway do what you think is best for you aker so far you’ve been selfish.

  16. Safe trip Mike.
    I don’t remember Nthabiseng’s story but Mbuso’s sad story does not change how I feel about Lungi and Sfiso. Can Lungi and Sfiso be together already.
    As for lobola, if you’re concerned about your child being taken care of financially, why don’t you just take the guy to maintenence court and break up with him. People want real love and marriage out there and some play with it.

  17. What If mbuso is a psycho path who pries on these single independent desperate women,kills them for life policy money? 😂😂😂

  18. @Mpho, that’s another view most of us never thot of. What if vele??? Myb Mikie can explore that angle further, with the “lies” told recently or previously. Wud love the twist.

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