A lot of people inboxed us complaining that giving you guys only one chapter of “Wololo: and “Majuba” to make a decision was unfair as it was not enough material. So today I will give you chapter two of each to balance that scale. Lol guys there is no need to be angry at me in my inbox we just blogging and its meant to be fun. Thank you for the wonderful response. Young Employed and Single therefore returns tomorrow.
At times I feel like I set myself up for failure. There are things I walk into face first from which I should know what the consequences will be but I choose to ignore the signs. I know my wife and I know how she reacts to things yet I constantly fall for the same traps. It’s my fault really. I say trap because sometimes it really does feel like she is setting me up to fail and it works all the time. It was not always like this though. She was not the woman I fell in love with but that did not mean I loved her any less. She loved me too but ever since she discovered how ‘woke’ she could be, things had changed. She now wanted to demand rights and so on and that really was what was causing problems between us. I watched her walk in front of me and when we got into the sitting room she turned arms folded across her chest and she was fuming.
“Are you not even ashamed at yourself for openly gawking at her in front of me! I was standing right there!”
She shouted angrily. For some reason women believe that if they raise their voices you can hear them better even if you are standing two meters away.
“Love you can’t accuse me of looking when she came out naked! Why are you angry at me for something that was not in my control?”
I asked her trying to calm her down. There was no way I was going to enter a shouting match with her because we will become the very neighbours we were fighting.
“You were supposed to look away! You are so disgusting!”
She said angrily. This was not a joke to her and I recognized that.
“Baby that is not what happened and you know it!”
I tried to calm her down regardless. Look how this story had turned. We had started off going to stop a fight at her behest and now we were having our own fight. I tried to move in and her hug her to calm her down but she slapped my hand away.
“Don’t touch me! Go be with Nobuhle! It’s were you want to be right! I bet she turned you on!”
She said and walked away toward the bedroom. I followed her!
“Don’t you even dare think you are sleeping on the same bed as me? Take a blanket and get out!”
She said angrily. I was not in a mood to fight. She needed to calm down and frankly speaking, I needed to calm down too! I was angry at her for leading us hear but I was not going to make it worse by fighting angry. That’s the worst thing you can ever do. This was going to be a long festive at this rate.
I switched on the TV and there was cricket playing. It was better than nothing and the joy of being a man comes from that we get pleasure in most things that play on TV. It’s not sexist it’s just simple fact. We have sports channels, news channels as well as all the nature and do it yourself channels. How can one be bored then with all that at your disposal? I was therefore a happy camper so if she thought she was hurting me by sending me to the couch she was wrong. It was somewhere between seeing a lion get its ass whopped by a buffalo and the cricket that I started to fall asleep but guess what, the fight done with the neighbours, the sex started. I had just fought my wife because of them and now they were having sex and I was on the couch. How did it get here? It was though they were doing it to spite us the neighbours that stuck their noses into other people’s business. It was a miracle that I even fell asleep.
“I hope you remember that we are going to my sister’s place today so get up and get ready!”
Was the first thing she said when she woke me up. My wife loved shaking you when she woke you up. Why can’t a person just stand there and call out your name. My wife would shake you like a dog trying to tear open a shoe just to wake you up. It’s like she grew up in a tavern.
“I have already taken out the clothes you are going to wear because last time we went to a function you dressed like George Zamdlela in 2005!”
I don’t even know what he looked like back then and guess what, the last function she dressed me up as well. Like all women she insisted that she was stylish and we all know that is even a bigger myth than white people saying they love us. I can’t even remember what time I slept because if there was one thing I could give my neighbour it was respect for the longest fucking sessions. Let me put it for you this way, this guy fucked so long and so loud I had stopped making love to Londiwe the same time he was doing his business because long after we were done they would still be at it. It kills your spirit as a man and just brings the jealousy out of your wife. What kind of drug was this dude on really? This guy did it none stop like who was he, king kong? Only unemployed people and construction workers have that kind of stamina because how do you have such will power to generate such energy.
I asked her when I sat up. She really had no chill this one. You know when you wake up you often don’t remember everything. You need about ten minutes to set your brains in order.
“Your sisters? What for?”
I asked her groggily.
“You can’t be serious. I told you this weeks ago!”
Its true she might have but weeks ago means that I could not possibly remember if she had not reminded me again. It’s really that obvious.
“She is having a braai for her birthday!”
Oh yes! I remembered now but…there was a but!
“I can’t. I have to finish the presentation. We can’t get this wrong. I am thinking of having Tumi and Senzo over so we can work on it again!”
I explained to her but she stood there as though I had stolen something from her.
“Be ready in an hour! I told you that my sister is having this braai and you said we were going. My mum is going to be there and if I show up without her favourite son in law how is that going to look?”
She asked me. Her favourite son in law my ass; I was her only son in law!
“I know love but if we get this contract you know it will benefit us for a long time to come. You want a new car right and definitely our own house in a good neighbourhood?”
I asked trying to bribe her conscience.
“Yes I want all those things but they are not happening today. Today we are going to the braai!”
She said with a cheeky grin on her face. Just like that an hour later we were on our way to her sister’s place.
“We need to talk about what happened last night!”
I told her as we drove out two and a half hours later. Remember she had said an hour and in an hour I was done waiting for her. Her excuse,
“If I finish getting ready before then it means I look like shit!”
And yup, that was that!
Back to last night! I was not going to sweep it under the carpet.
“You mean how insensitive you were towards me but staring at another woman just because I gained a little extra weight! You know you did not even compliment my outfit today?”
She asked doing her lipstick through the passenger side mirror. Eish! I had not complimented because much as my wife had many clothes, many of which still had price tags, she had favourites. Those favourites were recycled often enough that at some point I thought I was the one encouraging the recycling by giving compliments.
“Huh! What has you gaining weight got to do with anything?”
I asked her stunned by that analogy and deliberately ignoring the compliment part!
“Yeah dude. Ever since I put on weight you look at other women angithi. Even that day at the mall I saw you. I just chose not to make a scene of it!”
She said as though she had achieved some major feat.
“I don’t even know what day you are talking about! I am certain I was not looking at anyone but obviously you have convinced yourself to that.”
I told her. She was deliberately changing the focus of the topic to make it about me.
“Yes you were!”
She snapped back.
“Do you think I am that stupid to look at any other woman when I am with you? You think I want to get back home and have someone shout at me the whole night over someone I don’t even know and will most likely never see again! Come on! I am not that stupid!”
I shouted back frustrated. See what I meant! It was not supposed to be a fight but my wife had a way of bringing it out of me.
“Don’t raise your voice at me Vusi simply because you are lustful. I told you that you need Jesus but oh no, you don’t listen. You think the bible is a waste of time!”
She said to me as though oblivious to the fact that I had just shouted her. She was having a conversation on her own that’s for sure because at no point do I think it registered to her that she was overreacted about nothing.
“I don’t go to church because every time we go you want to introduce me to every woman and grandmother at church even the ones you have already introduced me to before!”
I said annoyed.
“Yeah this way they know you are mine and we are a praying couple!”
She said as we drove into her sister’s yard.
“Try not to embarrass us today by not fighting with me please! I love you baby and am so grateful to have a man like you!”
She said as soon as I parked. She ran out of the car because her sister was standing outside with some lady I did not know. I took a deep sigh because if I thought my wife was bad her sister was worst and her mother well, if Satan had a twin my mother in law was it. I hated the witch and guess what, she loved me to death!
The sister shouted when I delayed coming out. Nonjabulo was two years older than my wife. As I was sitting down and she was more on an elevated ground I could see her outfit from feet to head sitting down. She was wearing a blue skirt that was four, no five fingers above her knees. She was blessed too with thick thighs that had more potholes than a road in a township in the Eastern Cape. She was thick black woman and no I am not body shaming but she dressed like she was a size 30 model on the way to a back to school party on June 16. She was easily a size 36 and her tight outfits were so revealing they often made people uncomfortable women included me. I am supposed to compliment that! Jesus take the wheel!
“Come give me a hug!”
She said walking towards the car. I got out of the car and walked towards her. Like I said she was on a higher elevated ground meaning when she hugged she became taller than me. It is not comfortable having your sister in law’s boobs in your face whether she looked like Nomzamo Mbatha or …let me not go there!
“Londiwe I love the way he is so shy! Makes me want to adopt him!”
She shouted back at her sister my wife who was by door and they both laughed as though it was funny.