Young Employed and Single

YES 85

The problem with us women is that sometimes we foresee these things happening. We have so called friends that we

know we should never leave with our men. It’s a fact; men are weak and behave like impulsive children when beautiful women are around them. I am not making excuses for them but this creates a huge dilemma for us as we can’t trust them with anything or anyone. Only the most foolish or foolhardy woman would say I trust my man 100%. You can’t have a hundred white weddings with man; God himself can be the one to give you away for all I care but if a beautiful woman comes at your man 99% of the time something will happen which leave you at blows. Have I lost complete faith in the male specie? Yes I have because time and time again it has proven to women that it is not capable of resisting temptation for too long. Something just is not wired right in the male specie! They believe in accumulating more and more no matter how much they already have. Do you think Bill Gates when he resigned as chairman of Microsoft stopped earning money that made even richer? Nope! Do you think that so many wives later Jacob Zuma stopped seeing other women? Nope! Do you think our beauties Pearl Thusi and crew have never been cheated on? Nope! All the women involved here have beauty, power, brains, stature but do you think those men give one fuck about that when a thick sexy looking girl and don’t be fooled she doesn’t have to be a yellow bone as many would like you to believe your God fearing man will resist for so long! Of course not! The devil lives amongst us in case you didn’t know!

I got out of my panic zone because I still had a kid at home waiting for help and worried sick waiting for my call. I called her and she picked up the phone immediately.


She said.

“Ntheteng don’t worry, someone is coming and they should be there in the next ten minutes ok!”

I told her.

“How long is ten minutes Aunty Lungi because I am scared?”

She asked me. Goodness kids! What a good question because for us it actually feels likes nothing but try being in a situation where you are in an emergency and ten minutes feels like an hour.

“It’s a short time don’t worry. I am going to stay on the phone with you ok but did someone call you?”

I asked her.

“Yes a lady called she said I must not worry. She said I have met her before so I will be happy that it’s her! Do you think I must trust her because my daddy said I must not trust strangers?”

The little one explained but I could hear the terror in her voice. She was scared and I was not there to protect her. Before I met Ntheteng children were a nuisance, I did not like them and they just seemed a liability to have around. I did not spend that much time with her but the little I did made it enough for me to know that I should hold up and look again because they were absolutely wonderful. Unfortunately my fear of children came from moments like these where I knew they could not protect themselves in moments like these. I was terrified of letting them down.

“Yes you can trust her, she is a very nice person and a Doctor and everyone knows you can trust doctors!”

I reminded her. Had I just given a glowing recommendation, endorsement to my biggest rival? Ah, the size of the lump in my throat right now was bigger than any Pirates fan the night they lost 6 – 1 in the league! I mean how did they even wake up the following morning after that Shem!

“When I grow up I want to be a doctor too! This way when daddy gets sick I can take care of him!”

Goodness this kid! She was throwing jabs at me without even knowing it. Now she wanted to be like my rival, kanjani!

“Yes that’s a good profession. How is daddy now? Is he showing signs of waking up? Can I talk to him?”

I asked. She went and I think shook him,

“Daddy! Please wake up! Aunty Lungi wants to talk to you?”

I heard her say but I did not hear the father. This was actually very serious and I was panicking. Is this what single mothers go through and there are so many of them. Imagine raising a child alone, you stay in a flat and you get sick with only your child to save you. Night time must be the worst because during the day you probably have a nanny when you go to work. I looked at the time to see how long it had been since we had gotten onto the phone and guess what, it was only five minutes. I was panicking now.

“Its ok let him sleep. Have you opened the door for the help when it comes?”

I asked her.

“No I didn’t, should I?”

She asked me.

“Yes you should. This way they just rush in and help!”

I told her.

“Ok I am doing it now!”

Being a child she put the phone down as opposed to going with it. I could hear open and at least she didn’t struggle. Have you ever had that door that is so hard to open usually in the house there is only one person who can open it with certainty? Usually this happens at your grandparent’s house and if you dare suggest the lock be changed they will remind you that, if you that stay there think it’s hard, it means it’s harder for criminals! You can’t even be cheeky to remind that most criminals don’t enter through the fun door but anyway. Speaking of grandparents, it hit me then,

“What if it’s my ancestors?”

I literally sat up even though I was already sitting in my car. My aunt had warned me that people I was close too can actually get affected by my things. What the hell? As those thoughts went through my head I heard someone on the phone enter shouting but gently,

“Ntheteng, we are here sweety where is your father?”

It was her voice. I have never been so relieved and so disgusted at hearing a person’s voice like that. I was being petty I know but it’s just me. There were other voices too before she said,

“Are you on the phone with Aunty Lungi?”

She was asking Ntheteng who responded by saying yes.

“Hey we are here! Let me take it from here I will call you later!”

She said and before I could even ask she hung up. I sat there for five minutes not knowing what to think. I was not sure at all what had just happened. I could not dwell on those thoughts because someone knocked on my window and gave me quite a scare!

“Goodness I am sorry I did not mean to do that!”

It was Bongani, alone! Crap what did he want?

“Yes sorry my mind was far away!”

I said opening the window.

“My apologies yet again. My parents would like to meet you if you don’t mind, Miriam has told them all about you and they are quite keen!”

He told me. Why was I meeting the parents of the person my friend was supposed to divorce?

“I am so tired though!”

I protested.

“Please, it would be rude if you don’t come and besides it won’t take long at all!”

He reassured me. I did not like the guy and Miriam had set me up like this.

“Ok cool let’s go!”

I told him. I could see that when he spoke to me he could not look at me directly in the eye because he knew what he was, a dirty scoundrels. We went through the crowd and eventually got to a room where his parents were sitting. Miriam was sitting with them on a chair when I entered. I grew up suburban but I knew my traditions well enough to know the levels of respect you give your in-laws. As Miriam is my best friend, her husband’s family were technically my in-laws. I greeted them politely and not like a girl from the big city.

“You see Miriam; this is how a makoti greets. It’s ok though you have a lot to learn but this is how it’s done!”

His father said when I was done. I could see her face sour as he said that. Kante what had happened here? What’s worse he was still held my hand and did not let go!

“Don’t be disappointed my child, you have a lot to learn about our culture but you are still young so you will.”

The mother intervened. This was beyond awkward! Now I wish I had refused to come. I am from Newcastle so I spoke Zulu and my Zulu was not Joburg Zulu but neither was it deep rural. One thing was certain; it was better that Miriam’s so when I spoke to them, though being Swati they appreciated it. They cracked a few jokes and the father said that I should visit; they have a husband waiting for me in their village. It was a joke but WOKE Jhb me found it a bit sexist. All in all it was a good meet and greet. We gave our leave and Bongani stayed behind monetarily in the room to tell them something.

“I just want to go back to the BnB and sleep!”

I told Miriam as we went through the crowd again. She did not reply so I do not think she heard me.

“Are you ok you seem a bit down?”

I asked her when we got to the car and again she ignored me.

“Miriam, what’s wrong? Did something happen?”

I asked her. She looked at me and she snapped,

“Yes something happened! Why do you always try to be better than me? Even my own parents in law think you are better than me mxim!”

She said angrily.

Uhm ok!

What do I say now?

********The End**********

Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)

Dear Mike

Dear Mike, thank you so much for the daily dose. To say your work is
amazing would be an understatement.

My boyfriend and I broke up last year July because we both cheated.
This year July we worked things out and though it wasn’t easy it’s
safe to say we have made alot of progress and things are actually
great. when we got back together the first thing he said was how he
wants to get me pregnant so he can be 100% sure that I’ll be his
forever. I took it as a joke as I knew both our life plans have never
included a baby before we above 25 and financially stable. Fast
forward to 3 months of getting back together and we are pregnant.
Obviously we had unprotected sex but took the morning after and all
but I guess it was around the time my egg released. First thought was
to keep the baby as it’s the right thing to do then reality struck
that we both still dependent on our parents and next year he wants to
do his honours while I want to do my Btech. We then agreed on abortion
then I realised I’m about to go against everything I believe in and
told him I can’t abort. he really wants the baby but problem is him
disappointing his parents and wanting to set a good example to his
younger brothers. As disappointed as everyone at home will be with me
I know my mom will be supportive. I offered my boyfriend a way out
telling him I’ll tell my parents he wants nothing to do with the baby
so there’s no need to go to his house to report the pregnancy or even
better I told him he could deny the pregnancy. He told me I’m selfish
and that I don’t think about his feelings for even mentioning that. I
know he’ll take responsibility but I don’t want him disappointing his
family, everyone looks up to him. In their eyes he’s perfect. Was I
being selfish for suggesting what I did when deep down I know I was
only looking out for him? I still don’t know how I’m going to let my
parents know that their little princess is pregnant. I’m the baby at
home so everyone fusses over me and they only want the best for me
this will break everyone. How to tell the parents?

Confused 21 year old

10 thoughts on “YES 85

  1. Thanks Mike my dear 21 year old you are still young but you will be surprised how young these kids today get pregnant my neighbors daughter is 14 and she has a baby and she is a baby herself don’t worry you will be fine you’re old enough hawu relax I’m 33 years old and my son is 16 and my daughter is 12 we are growing up together we are so close you did nothing wrong honey so relax

  2. Thanks for the daily dose Mike. I honestly think that Lungi should rid herself of friends like Mirriam. She is jealous of her, and is forever accusatory of her every move. Just because you played with the kid next door when you were 7, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you should be friends forever. People change and have different outlooks in life, and morals and values. Keeping people like Mirriam and her mom demoralises and hurts your self confidence

  3. confused clearly you putting this man on a silver platter that he’s not supposed to be in. if he was the “good buy” that his people think he is, he would have made sure to use a condom (ever heard of those?). secondly, abortion is no child’s play so I salute you for not going that route. the two of you must ow. up to what you did. morning after pill or not, nimithi ngok and clearly you are going to be showing soon. stop being a dummy and let this man own up to his doings, so you guys can move on. good luck.

  4. we all make our fair share of mistakes as young people. what you are going through is something that someone close to me went through a couple of years ago. sadly she had an abortion and later regretted it. as individuals, we are responsible for our actions. there is no running away from our problems. you should share this with someone close to you e.g your older siblings, then inform your mother. you should never make decisions to please anybody especially your partner because not all relationships last forever. hence what you decide should be in your best interest. as for having unprotected sex, my sister you are too young to be throwing your life away plus a morning after pill is not a contraceptive. it is clear from your letter that both of you are not ready for parenthood, however, there are programs offered by different institutions to help you cope. lastly sex is not a game-people must stop having unprotected if not ready to face the consequences.

  5. useyakuhlanyela manje u Mirriam….. Confused, please let your man take responsibility and wena concentrate on how you are going to deal with your parents, you are in this together, you will be the 1st one to cry if he ends up taking your offer- be careful not to say things that you really don’t mean

  6. Confused 21 year old let’s say your man agree with you and deny the baby how are you gonna continue with your relationship without his parents intervening?i mean they will take you as the girl who cheated on their son and got pregnant.batho don’t go out there looking for drama where there isn’t hle.parents get dissapointed by our doings but that’s just life hun things happen and good luck with the little one

  7. Haaaaaa! Chick be serious and slow down on watching soapies. You told him you’d tell your parents what? You where both okay clearly with the idea of being pregnant despite your plans when you had unprotected sex. Just know, if you tell your parents that he didnt want to be in the picture, that lie will bite you later when the two of you want to be together. They will never forgive him for ‘walking away’. Yes it was selfish of you. His family will be hurt, but will be proud that he took up responsibility. You’re in a hot oven already, don’t make the situation worse by trying to jump into the fire that you’ll struggle to put out. Best you seek the counsel of your elders and pray.

  8. Thanks Mikeesto, the drama continues….

    Yaz Confused, if you think that foetus in you is worth risking everything for then go ahead and do it, but be damn certain that it’s what you want. Beliefs are fickle, just like religion and tradition, so they can adapt and change to whatever works or is convenient. To say you won’t abort because of what you believe in, what do you believe in? Because a baby out of wedlock ought to be just as bad. What you are suggesting to your almost-baby-daddy is absurd… such nonsense really?!

    You are 21 years old, so much life ahead of you, do you want to tackle that with a baby hysterically crying their lungs out to be fed while juggling a BTech and a potential situation where your family will be devastated by your sudden lack of family planning skills? You need to do some serious soul searching and fast coz your window is closing very quickly. No amount of advice can help you with the aftermath of your whatever decision you make, but for the sake of clarity, I would say hlisa ngomlenze lonto sanas.

    Good luck nana


  9. Ta braMike.
    Confused 21, I personally think UR trying to complicate more an already complicated situation. It’s like finding a square root of a fraction.
    Abortion is no child’s play especially if UR from a conservative Christian background. Find an auntie to break the news to yo family.
    Let yo boyfriend deal with it in his own way. Whether he acknowledges the preg or not, he will still complete his studies without too much interruption. & as the last in yo family, they will forgive soon & give U all the support U need till UR ready to continue with your education.
    Congrats with the pregies & all the best with parenthood. Nobody is perfect.

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