Y.E.S 73

Posted on Posted in Young Employed and Single


“Be patient with your partner especially if it’s a new relationship. Don’t rush everything because if you don’t build the relationship well it will not last long!” Mike Maphoto

***************************************************

This guy was toying with me. How can white people be racist against white people? They are one and the same head of the snake. Mr. Gold had seemed convinced of this and I was not going to be ignorant about it. I was going to prove him wrong. He had tried to justify his being a coward by putting his head down and wanted me to do the same! Never! I was going to fight these people at every turn I got!

“So are you saying that its right what they are doing?”

I asked him.

“Not in a million years. It can never be right but you have to pick your battles well. Nepotism is not just for the government, its huge in the private sector the only difference being the private sector owns all the publications that matter meaning they don’t report on themselves they report on government. It’s very important you understand what I mean with this!”

He said to me but the blank stare on my face showed him that I was more lost than ever.

“Explain!”

“In this company you are the government. You are an affirmative action employee no matter how educated you are. They don’t see you as anything else and as far as they are concerned, once they find someone who can do what you can do you will be the first to go. Like government, once the private sector press finds a ‘black’ person they approve off, they will heap praise on that person, give him or her as much positive marketing as they can all the while making government look terrible, corrupt and inept!”

Talking politics with a white person was something I had never done before. I am certain all he had to say was how bad ANC was and because I read all those newspapers I also was starting to believe that.

“So you are saying they like Julius Malema?”

I asked him knowing the answer to that.

“No they do not, right now his job is dividing the black vote and he is doing a stellar job at it too! It’s rather easy when on the other hand the rhetoric in the press is that the ANC is the biggest joke. They remind you often too that he is a child of the ANC but the blue side of politics is the ultimate saviour! That’s what the press teaches you. Julius might speak the truth sometimes, even ANC people agree but you have all been conditioned to like something about Mmusi even though he is the total opposite of Julius. Think about it, total opposites and you like them both, how?”

Ok enough about the politics. I understood him saying in this company I was government so I had to be brought down.

“Where does the white on white racism come in though? You are in management and comfortable!”

I told him.

He laughed.

“You think I am comfortable? I am 52 and only got to this lever 6 years ago. All this time I was the most educated in this company including an MBA that was gathering dust because somehow Human Resource felt that people with Honours and sometimes none were better qualified than me? You don’t see this because you have never actually considered that white people are not the same. It’s like you, you can tell a person from Ghana or Nigeria just by looking at them and with us we can tell who’s who too! Learn about other people too!”

He said and he stood up and walked out. I could not even remember what the advice he had given was ah! We grew up being told that racism or discrimination is a one sided thing where white people hate any dark skinned person. We grew up being told that they placed themselves on top of the food chain by force and use that vantage point to exploit everyone else beneath them on that food chain which is well, everyone! Black people can’t be racist and when we fight back in kind it’s not racism, it’s just doing what they do to us! Imagine our confusion when the first xenophobia attacks happened, black on black violence were black South Africans decided that because this our geographical location we were better than any other Africans in our country. Clearly we thought that if there ever was a hierarchy then we sat on the top of it. We hated Zimbabweans for taking “our” jobs when reality is on 10 percent of all Zimbabweans in the country have jobs which resemble formal 80percent of which are in the service industry as waiters. We hated Nigerians because they were wealthy somehow and as far as we were concerned it was because of crime and Mozambicans I don’t even know, we just did not like them I guess. Somali’s had the nerve to build tuck shops in homes that belonged to South Africans, paying rent for that privilege but in doing so we said they blocked our own entrepreneurs. We killed them, we burned them and did all we could to show who is boss. Number of killed were less than 50. Not one day had I ever imagined that white people could have similar stories amongst themselves yet the moment I typed in Jewish Oppression I was hit by 2million gassed in concentration camps! I already knew that! I did not want to go on anymore so I found something else to do.

I was not so hungry so I had a sandwich in my office for lunch. I did not want to leave the office today because it felt as though every time I left the office, drama followed shortly after. I wanted peace in my life and for things to calm down. So much had been happening lately and honestly I can’t live like this. It’s not healthy. Just after lunch there was a knock at my door, for some reason I had been expecting her, it was Nicolene.

“Hey Lungi!”

She said as though nothing had happened.

“Hi Nicolene what can I do for you?”

I asked her coldly.

“Can I please come in?”

She said from the other side of the door.

“Sure you can come in!”

Something in me told me to record the conversation. I was already holding my phone so why not. You can never be too careful and because she and I were already fighting it was instinct I suppose.

“I wanted to talk to you about something?’

She said.

“You already here so it’s a bit obvious that you did!”

I said with a wry smile. There is a bit of dry humour for you. She did not smile back meaning she meant business then. Guess I should serious up too then.

“You really don’t like me don’t you?!”

She asked, I could jump up and say yes I did not but that would make me the aggressor.

“What ever gave you that idea?”

I asked her.

“Well the way you treat me, you never speak to me unless I speak to you, there is always tension between us and you seem to thrive in wanting to make fail!”

She said laying down her case. All these things were true mind you! I hated this girl. She was annoying, entitled, not following procedure and sleeping with the boss! I am sorry there is nothing more annoying than a woman who sucks dick to get to the top no matter what colour her skin is! I work so hard to get anywhere in life and she takes five minutes to get a promotion just because she gives it up so good? Hell no!

“Oh wow you really think that don’t you? I like you; in fact I like you a lot! You remind me a lot of me when I first came, raw, hungry and eager to learn! I am hard on you but that’s what I was also taught because when Susanna was my boss she was also hard on me. When I asked her why she said as women we need to build each other so that we can compete with the men at any point. She used to tell me that we don’t come to work to make conversations and gossip about cute guys, our boyfriends, fashion etc because it is what makes women get over looked at work. I would argue with her and ask her what about if we were doing all our work on time and that was done in free time since we were done and you would see her just go red! She would get so mad and say the problem with women in the work place is that many don’t realize that after their allocated work is done, they forget that they can find other work to do! I called her crazy for it because I was not going to get paid for the extra work or extra hours I spent here and she would say that in future that would come because it would mean I would be way ahead of all the other women in the office in terms of what I knew. I look at myself today and because of that advice, I am right up there. I think I hold the highest position of any black woman in this country and I am a junior at that. This means with more hard work I could still rise and you because you are my protégé so to speak should be filling in every post I leave behind.”

I told her. I had just lied to her face. All that never happened.

“So for you it’s all because you are black that’s why you don’t like me?”

She asked. That’s when I knew that the statement was loaded. She wanted me to say something bad. I knew it. I had mentioned black once in the whole speech I had given.

“What’s being black got to do with anything?”

I asked her even putting on a very surprised face.

“Well you think that because am white I get things handed over to me that’s why you don’t like me!”

She said. Had she heard what I had said?

“You don’t think I have worked hard to be in this position and I jumped some steps!”

Was this girl psychic because it’s exactly what I was thinking and definitely not what I had said.

“For the second time in a short space of time. This has nothing to do with that. The company says I must work with you, then I will work with you and I will teach you all I can to the best of my ability. I really hope you learn from me because I was taught by the best as in Susanna and the company approved of her methods because I am sure you can see she was promoted!”

I told her. I could see she was stuck on what to say.

“If you say so but you are a racist regardless. I am not happy to come to work because I know you will do you things and look at me funny or mock me. Do you know how it feels to wake up every morning knowing that no matter how hard you smile and try to impress someone that person will never like you and will treat you like you don’t exist, that’s how you make me feel!”

She said standing up.

Trying being black for one day in this racist company and come back and tell me about that feeling again bitch!

I did not say that but I wanted to!

She walked out!

*******The End********

@diaryofazulugal
Mikeatdiary
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto
Mike@diaryofazulugirl.co.za

Dear Friends

In the last post of Young Employed and Single there were complaints about the editing and proof reading on my side as the author. I apologize for that truly but friends writing 6 pages a day every morning is not easy. I wake up at 5 so that at 6 the blog is ready. It’s not my professional job but i try and make it as professional as I can. I still have to get ready for work whilst I do that. As many of you know I write this blog on an old blackberry phone meaning when it’s done I have to transfer it to a computer just to run a spell check. Often at this stage it’s late, I am late so literally all I do is a spell check. If you compare this with professional novels, two or three professional editors go through that book for a few weeks to get the editing and grammar right. I don’t have that luxury unfortunately but I try my level best to give you an entertaining story with as minimal mistakes as possible. Most times I would like to believe I get it right. When you write, a lot of ideas are going through your head at the same time and at times these ideas overlap. You end up writing what you did not intend to write but because you already have a story line in your head you continue without seeing you used some unintended ideas or thoughts. On Tuesday I wrote the word “wedding” instead of “funeral” and the mistake came from in the song I was quoting the word wedding appears a lot. It was that train of thought that made the ideas overlap. I apologize for that but also ask you to kindly bear with me.

I will continue trying to improve the quality.

God Bless

Mike

Dear Mike and Friends

Thank you for the wonderful stories. Imagine having an addiction for so many years and still being able to get that fix every morning, it’s amazing. You deserve the best Mike.

My story: I am 24 years old and I have only ever dated one guy. He is also 24 and we started dating when we were in high school at the age of 16. He broke my virginity and I broke his, we literally grew up together. We applied to the same university and got in together and now we are graduating God willing. He was doing Engineering so he had to go do his in-service whilst I was still at school. I would sometimes visit him in Komatiepoort where he was working in a mine. I love him and he loves me. I found out that he cheated on me several times two years ago with a girls who were friends of ours. I was having an argument with some girl and she basically told me that because I thought I was perfect I was too blind to see that my man had slept with three of my friends and everyone knew. She told me that even my best friend knew. I confronted my best friend and she confirmed that it was true but there was no way of telling me because I would think she was trying to sabotage our relationship. I don’t know what to do. If your man is sleeping with your friends then he does not respect you right? This happened about two years ago and he keeps talking about marriage. I only found this out recently and I don’t know how to address it. I am not even sure if I am ready or able to be alone because I have been with him for 8 years now. All round he is a good boyfriend but I can’t trust him now? Is dumping him the solution? How will I survive? 8 years is a long time have I wasted my time?

Thank You

Pretoria

30 thoughts on “Y.E.S 73

  1. Pretoria, my suggestion is that you talk to your boyfriend. You guys seem to have a good thing going to just give up that easily. I am in no way promoting his cheating ways but you guys have been in the relationship for 8 long years and for some people that can be overwhelming. Maybe he wanted to know what its like to have sex with other people, such a pity he had to do that with your friends and not with random strangers as it will follow you forever. I dont think you are ready to move on so if you think its worth fighting for then fight for your relationship and talk to him about it. If not then just walk away and be single for a while it might do you some good (being in a relationship since 16 is no child’s play)

  2. Hi Dear.

    Cheating on its own is selfish and hurtful, it is especially disrespectful because he cheated on you with 3 (not one or two) of your friends. Now you are talking marriage, are you willing and able to begin the rest of your life with someone who disrespected you in that way? Are you willing to forgive that? If you are, there is plenty more that he could do to you because ‘the only prediction of future behavior is passed behavior.’

    Lastly, you say you are not sure if you are ready or able to be alone. That is exactly why being alone is what you need. With being alone comes clarity. It is giving yourself an opportunity to grow into yourself. It will teach you to love yourself enough to not allow hurt in.

    I wish you all the best.
    XO

  3. I think we have been conditioned as woman to believe that if he cheats and he comes back he loves you. My thinking is that if he loved you he would not have cheated in the first place. We are told stories and the woman that tell us these stories tell us with so much pride that he cheated and came back or he hit me and stopped and now we okay so he must love me. Its like we do not know our worth and we are not told that we deserve better. If someone shows you who they are believe them, you then make the decision if their actions is something that you can live with going forward. If he did it once or 3 times in your case its not going to change. Let go sweetie, it will hurt because you guys have been together for so long but you will get over it and u will not have to live with the fear that it might happen again and who knows with who next time.

    1. Where must she go where there is no cheating? You say as women you are conditioned to it like women don’t cheat too! So she must let go of 8 years because according to you she needs to be alone to find clarity? Has she been walking blindly for 8 years. The dude cheated and is still there. If she must break up with him it should be because she does not want him anymore not because he fucked up. She must sacrifice herself because if his mistakes? What about what she wants personally

      1. yes she has been walking around blindly!! The fact that the dude managed to cheat on her with three different women that are her friends goes to show just how blindly she has been walking around!! Give advise dont go criticizing what other people give for advice

  4. Morning Mike. Thank God for ur talent and thank u for sharing it with us. u don’t have to mind what ungrateful people have to say. We all read ‘wedding’ instead of ‘funeral’ and we all understood exactly what u meant. Mike we not paying for ur work so brother forget da ungrateful and continue giving us ur best work. Thank u again for ur hard work

    1. Well said Lebza M
      … thank you Mike for sharing your talent with us some of us appreciate it so as Lebza M says forget about the ungrateful people if they have a problem with your writing then they shouldn’t even be reading your stories period. Big ups Mike may God bless you and your good work.

  5. Pretoria… you my dear are missing out on your ‘whore’ phase. You are concentrating on your man and basing your happiness and well being on him. Live a little nana you are 24. Discover new things else you will resent him at a later stage. Go out with your friends (real friends not the ones you mentioned in your letter) have fun and enjoy your youth. He is having fun and even sleeping around while you are not even aware that there is life outside your relationship with him. I am not in any way condoning cheating but I am encouraging you to have a life outside of your relationship.

    1. it’s things like these that makes me wonder where our integrity went….. just because u have a boyfriend for a long time it does not mean that ur life fully revolves around him. you are ur own person. u do what u want when u want. nd if he/she hinders u to do that then I understand ur argument. however this “who’re phrase ” u talk about I don’t fully get. people are not the same. wena go on nd who’re around u are doing you! don’t criticize her for rather ‘whoring around’ her boyfriend. why be in a relationship if u want other men to do things to u when u can ask ur man to do it nd he’ll be game? what is it that u can experiment out there that u can’t with ur boo? if he/she doesn’t bring that than yes leave. no need for this cheating business or justifying a wrong with a wrong. the brother is he’s own person. if he is indeed sleep with a bunch of women it has nothing to do with Pretoria’s character. people don’t realise that the moment u allow someone’s actions to jeopardize ur character, to make u sacrifice it own integrity that’s when they must realise that they do not know themselves. if u know urself why would u allow another person’s actions to affect u? do you boo! Nd allow Pretoria to do her!

  6. Wazi it was truelly unnecessary for ppl to complain abt da grammer. Mistakes are to b expected as u are a busy guy. Thina Mike we love ur work keep it up n God bless!

  7. Pretoria, I am kind of in the same situation as you…or rather I was in the same situation. we started being together when I was 17 nd him 18… he’s currently doing is in service too lol. eitherway, early this year I found out that he was cheating on me with some girl at church imagine! we go to the same church kanti the brother is busy… regardless of that what I can say is that although yes he cheated he still treated me well, yes there was a little bit of change in behaviour but at that moment I was rather busy than to follow him around nd c what he’s up too. but even though there was a little bit of change he remained treating me like a queen that I am.

    when I found out of the cheating or rather when the girl came to tell me, I was so heartbroken…I confronted him, with da girl there since although there was evidence I just wanted him to look @ me nd tell me that he did it. of which he did. but for some reason kept telling me dat he’s sorry nd what not. I dumped him.

    the break up wasn’t easy but I was happy with the decision I took because why would he cheat if he loves me? Like why? eitherway cutting the story short he did by means to get me back, took extreme measures just so we could b together again. I was not the reason why he cheated meaning if he does it again now I will surely know that he does not know what he wants nd surely doesn’t respect me, so I need to bounce. look girl starting a relationship and growing with that person is a good thing. but we forget that there r challenges that come with it. remember u were both young. brother must have felt that he wants to live a little (Nd no I’m not condoning cheating). he saw his mistakes nd here u are guys, still together. nd to b honest since i gave him another chance nd forgave him, he treats me right. even way better than he did back then. we are good. we had to rebuild our relationship nd i am happy with him. I’m not saying its going to be easy but u know urself, u know what type of a guy he is…now u decide what to do. do what will make u happy.

    ***nd always remember that even good people make mistakes. (if u had written this letter a few years ago girl I was gonna tell u to run for the hills. tell u to take control by moving on with ur life as u r still young. do what we all do; judge a situation where I’m not in… but I’ll leave u to decide. like I said, do what will make u happy.)

  8. Hi Mike. I believe that you’ve addressed the editing issue before so I’m hoping that the complaining comes from new followers of the blog. Let’s please support Mike in his work and understand that it takes much out of him to bring us this excellent work of fiction. It’s one of those: if you’ve got nothing nice to say then don’t say nothing, scenarios. You will improve with time and hopefully one day you can be super amazing and a super human and write perfect drafts that will not need editing. When that does happen, share the super drug you’ll be using. Lol. This nagging about editing and thought processes is dissuading to say the least and I’m sure we wouldn’t want Mike to throw in the towel like the young lady’s from Growing Up did. We are all mature and capable enough to replace words that don’t seem to fit and correct the occasional his/her or name interchanges. Let’s not ruin a good thing here. Shalom

  9. Thank you very much Mike and we very grateful for what you doing for us. this is really an addiction n the Fix is doing us so good..

  10. You really doing a great job Mike and I really appreciate that.. don’t mind vo miss know it all calling others “ignorant puppets” for understanding a simple thing…. and the funny part iku they also make those grammar mistakes when they comment.
    You are the best Mike.

  11. People r ungreateful. They shud try writing themselves if they believe they can. To wake up every morning, do this and go to work? I wud like to see that. And no1 forces u good editors to read this. #ungreatefulpeoplemustfall

    Mike I appreciate what u do. Wrong spelling and all. Am addicted to ur writting

    Keep doing what u doing.

  12. Someone once said, “I wish women gave each other tips on how to be happy as much as they give each other tips on how to keep their men happy and/or satisfied. “

  13. Thank you bhut’Mike. You’ve addressed the editing challenge before and I don’t understand why some people will not see it as an honest mistake.
    Pretoria, if I read your letter right you’ve recently found out about “your” man’s cheating and have not spoken to him about it yet. I suggest that you speak to him (not confront) let him know that you have recently found about about what he did and tell him how it made you feel, and please do ask him why he did it and if he intends continuing with this and just let him know that you are not going to accept, allow and tolerate it. And if it happens again (depending if you’ll forgive him give him a second chance) then it’s over between the 2 of you for good.
    If it were me I’d walk away. I did it on an almost ten year relationship coz I told myself I’d rather be alone than being unhappy and I cannot be happy in a relationship where there is lack of trust.
    All the best my dear

  14. Mike we accept your apology but there really is no need.. we understand everything you write hence we notice the mistake. Dont get get yourself worked up over ungrateful people.
    Mistake or not they will read if they get tired try the next diary. SIMPLE!

  15. Hmm interesting convo about Racism in the workplace between Lungi and Mr Gold.,great chapter Mike

    I know you get this everyday but Thank you for the daily doses and giving us Insight on how and when you write all this amazing work. there are a lot of us “silent readers” out there and trust me we do appreciate and admire your work…stay blessed

  16. Pretoria, because I believed he cheated cz he wanted to explore and i forgave him, today @age 31 has 5 kids (including mine ) with different mothers and I am married to him, unhappy and insecure…. Family telling me “monna ke selepe…. and be glad he doesnt hit you”. Today I regret the day I fell for his ”i wont do it again”…. all in all trust ur instinct…. M not saying all guys r the same…. I just learned the hard way. All the best

  17. Thanks Mikeesto, awesome one man, did my catch up finally☺.

    The grammar haters….#Euphonic

    Pretoria, better the devil you know sisi, izinja ziningi out there and they carry aids. Stay or leave but let it be known that you could just end up a whore if you hit the road, that ‘want to experiment’ shit these no good girls talk about. Stay in your lane and next time someone Tryiner snatch your man, you go Chuck Norris on their ass.

    Jackzorro

  18. QnA I started seeing my boyfriend since I was 16 years old too, and I am 24 now. He is two years older, mining engineer so basically it’s a long distance relationship with its up and downs also. I know what you mean, when you say you don’t know if you are ready to be alone, it’s because your whole life revolves around that relationship.
    The mistake tour man did was sleeping with your friends. It’s so disrespectful on all levels. Give him an ultimatum but thoroughly think about it, women we we’re crerated to forgive so do if you can find it in your heart and if you decide you want to try again. It’s up to you, although the trust is strained already. I know my relationship, although not perfect this is the man who I want to marry, he brings out so much in me. We are complete opposites him being down to earth and quiet. But at the end of the day I am a humble being because of him.

    When you start dating so young you realize you are missing out on “hoe is life”. But is it really worth it, and if you do leave it could be the best choice you make, you never know. You will rediscover yourself. So make the right decision nana.

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