We all want to get married to the man that we love. Growing up how many times did you imagine having the man of your dreams being romantic and asking you to marry him? It’s a beautiful thought that many girl children grow up with even those that grew up without their fathers in the picture. To those who grew up with abusive fathers the dream and the goal is never to end up with a man that reminds them of their father. If your own father was a drinker chances are you definitely are looking for a man who is his opposite depending on what level of alcoholic he was. I know so many girls are quick to point out that marriage is not an achievement! Lol, those are the girls who say that they are “woke” and understand the evil of marriage but reality is most were left from broken hearted by men who they thought so highly of be it fathers or boyfriends. That’s a truth that I have learned. I dreamt of walking down the aisle, in my white dress and in front of the world so they could celebrate my love and happiness with me. Is that too much to ask for? Here was the man that I loved without a doubt asking to make an honest woman out of me but why was I so unsure!
“Well girl say yes! I have never seen someone propose in real life before and wow I must say even my proposal was not this romantic!”
Bonolo said. I just wanted her to shut up and think but alas, I was wishing for too much because the Chinese tourists had seen what was happening and were all making approval soinds and yes, they were clapping excitedly. They were happy for me and were waiting for me to say yes. I could not let him down in front of people.
“Yes baby I will marry you! Yes!”
I told him. They all clapped hands and took pictures as he put the ring on my finger.
“This was my mother’s ring. Remember I had to go home before I came to pick you up. Well I went to ask my mother for it and she approved. She loves you.”
He said. I then stood up and kissed him. Everybody clapped. I was not sure about this and am not even sure I would have said yes had it not been for the pressure the people who were here put on us. I was too young to get married for one and let’s be honest I was not ready and neither was he to be honest. How could I have said no though?
“You made me wish I was young again. Thank you for doing this in front of us. I must say I feel so honoured hey. We need to do something to celebrate because I was told you leaving tomorrow?”
She said. She was all of a sudden so friendly. This woman was so weird hey. She had made it clear when I first met her that she did not like me yet here we were no sharing moments.
“Come let’s take a walk!”
She said when we got back to the hotel.
“You need a bit of advice!”
She said telling me not asking me. We walked the same route I had walked with Neo the previous day.
“Yeah go with her!”
Neo said smiling. He was distracted by something but I was not paying attention. I just wanted to walk away in any direction.
“I am not going to lie to you, Mbuso is not my husband. He is a man I am having an affair with. I am married to a powerful man who is too busy for the marriage. I am 41, miserable and I can’t even get my husband to take me out for dinner. The other night I caught him in the garage at home blocking calls and what not! I asked him what was going on and he said I was paranoid.”
She told me. She took out a cigarette and for the first time I saw her smoking.
“That’s sad but does you cheating on him make this right though? I know you want to give me advice but is this the kind of advice you should be giving?”
I asked her.
“No that is not the point. My advice is don’t be in a rush to get married because marriage is not as easy as it sounds. You are very young.”
She warned me.
“I love him though!”
“You think I don’t love my husband?”
She asked me and then laughed.
“I love him to death but am tired of sitting at home and waiting for him to come home. Every night he has an emergency and the nights that he does not he is too tired to do anything. That is not a life! I decided to get a little something extra on the side too because I am done complaining!”
She told me. I really was not sure where this was going.
“So why don’t you just leave him?”
I asked her genuinely.
“You don’t just walk out of a marriage. The next person you meet might be just as bad if not worse than the one you have. I married a man whom I helped build his wealth. Do you think I will just walk out and leave with half like these you girls tell each other? Of course not, I love my life and lifestyle. I don’t want to be a divorcee so I must make a plan. As a girl you will learn that one day you too will have to make a plan!”
She told me. She really was feeling very chatty.
“Don’t you have kids though? Would you give your daughter the same advice you are giving me?”
I asked her.
“I do have kids but the reality is I would love to tell my daughter exactly what I told you but that would be seen as irresponsible. I wish I could but telling my daughter that she must have fun in life is not an easy thing to say.”
Yup it’s a disastrous thing to say. It’s reckless and irresponsible but there was some truth in her words. Men cheat all the time and its fine. Women even mention the word cheat and all of a sudden God is put into the conversation. It’s like God will punish only us for infidelity and men can walk away scot free.
“Neo is a nice boy and he adores you. I really hope you won’t experience what I have experienced but with age I have learned that’s wishing for too much.”
She said. He was not a boy now. By proposing it meant that he had become a man in that one moment. Not many boys become men when it comes to commitment.
“Thank you very much. I will keep that in mind.”
I told her. We were walking back in any case. I saw Neo sitting by the entrance waiting for me. I guess he was getting worried. We parted ways with Bonolo.
“I was starting to think she had kidnapped you, what was that about?”
He asked me when we were now alone.
“She wanted to give me motherly advice on marriage since she said I was here alone! It was not a bad conversation!”
I told him.
“Let me take a shower I am all sweaty!”
I told as I jumped in. It didn’t take long though and soon I was back out with him. I needed to be alone. I just needed to think. I was feeling overwhelmed by what had just happened. I was now engaged and that’s not a small thing.
“Love can I take a walk! I know that I just came back but you know how big this is. I need to think hey!”
I told him.
“What’s there to think about? I got this. I have thought this through thoroughly so don’t worry!”
He told me looking me in the eye as he said it.
“That’s just it, you have thought this thoroughly and I haven’t. I need to think of a way of telling my father without having him freak out because you know he will right. It’s not news he can just take and you expect him to not have a comment.”
I told him. He was not too happy about it but he allowed me to leave in any case. I was overwhelmed. I took my phone with me so that I could get a chance to see my messages without him being there. This on its own was problem because it meant that I had secrets so how do we get married if we had those. I had to call this off but how? It could not be today when I was trapped here with him.
I called my father. I had not spoken to him since I got here.
I said to him.
“How are you? I am by your mother’s house and I was told you left!”
He said sounding disappointed.
“Yes dad sorry I didn’t tell you!”
I told him.
“No one listens to me but its fine. I am leaving now with Khanyi am going to drop her on campus! You and I are going to discuss this when you get back! There is a reason why I am your father and part of that reason is to advise!”
He said clearly annoyed at me. I guess the honeymoon period of me coming out of hospital was over.
I told him and he hung up. My phone had been off all morning so messages were starting to come in. It was mostly advertising stuff and then there was one from Sam. Was he sending me this to rub it in even more! I wanted to read all his messages from yesterday as well since I had only managed to glance at them.
“I am sorry about what I said yesterday about us breaking up and all. I take it back. I just lost myself there. My wife is still in Cape Town, if. You want to see me please call me!”
The message said. I had him hooked!
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
Okay guys ningangithuki khakhu I already know how horrible I am:
I’m in a two year relationship with this guy. He’s amazing but … I once hooked him up with a friend of mine before, things happened and to be honest things ended in a very sour note between the two of them. They were never in a relationship though it was just a hoop up went south. which I ended up being blamed for it by some of our friends, okay cool whatever . so since he was my friend to begin with we continued being friends throughout the years as usual . Till this one day he invited me to his birthday dinner , we got drunk and things happened you know and that’s how it all started . I felt so bad for a while and when I wanted to come clean and tell the girls , she fell pregnant , now I couldn’t tell her such devastating news khona lapho she was getting married so the timing was just off . Now I am pregnant and getting married, now I don’t know how to tell them . it has been two long . They do know that I am in a relationship but they’ve never meet him which is no surprise since I like my life private anyway and they have no problem with that .
Soo terrified I might lose all of them but at the same time , I need to breath this has been eating me for two years and I cannot hold it in any longer . what to do guys? How do I put it ? do I tell the whole group or just her alone .
#horrible friend .