Young Employed and Single

Y.E.S 71


“Why do you need a second opinion when you love someone? Its your relationship and its your feelings so only you should know what you want and how you are going to handle it!” Mike Maphoto


There must be a book somewhere in which it is written that black people are stupid, miseducated when educated and dumb when not. That book must be reserved only for the eyes of white people only because clearly we have never read it as people like me simply refuse to get the memo! Ms Du Toit thought I did not understand simple procedure of how things should be handled at work. I looked at this woman with hate in my eyes because her belittling my intellect like this just brought me to this point. On her desk was a newspaper with Hlaudi on the headline. I hated the guy but I actually don’t even know why. Whether he was a fraud or not, the one thing he fought for and preached about every single speech he gave was that black people must put black people, culture and interests first. What did we as black people do, we turned him into the biggest joke or fool when we allowed let’s see, Mail and Guardian, Sunday Times, City Press and indeed the bastion of all things white ENCA to make a joke of him. Think about it, has the SABC ever once asked why ENCA has a rhetoric that’s largely anti black, anti government, pro white in the guise of liberalism and pro Democratic Alliance. Even the blacks on ENCA aka Justice Malala the self hating own people hating self righteous prick works hard at showing how blacks are poor in governance whilst whites are hardly ever wrong! Ms Du Toit crossed her arms across her chest as though she was daring me.

“Do you have to stare at me whilst I write? Shouldn’t I give this statement in private?”

She asked me.

“No, we are going to record it meaning someone has to record it! No to privacy I guess!”

She said as a matter of fact. You know when you get on someones bad side you can feel it. You know. We had never ever had a problem, her and I but the fact that I had wanted to tell a truth that could compromise her fellow white persons standing meant that I had already crossed a line. White people will love you until they feel that you are crossing that line where they think you think you are better than them.

“Oh ok that’s fine, you can record please!”

I said with my sweetest non combatative voice. I was not going to be a hostile witness. I told the entire story as I remembered it and how I had Mr. Mawela to leave as soon as Nicolene left my office. She listened attentively and asked me a few questions like,

“What was his demeanor?”


“I don’t know. He was in his chair and did not approach Nicolene aggressively if that’s what you mean!”

I responded.

“So are you saying that he was dircecting this tirade at Nicolene?”

She pressed,

“How does me saying she did not approach Nicolene even remotely resembly him directing the attacks towards her?”

“You can’t answer a question with a question Miss Mbatha wacth your tone!”

She warned me.

“But your line of questioning is leading Ms Du Toit. You want me to say something happened which did not! I won’t do that. He was out of line yes but at no point did he attack Nicolene!”

I said getting a bit hot under the collar.

“How would you feel if someone came in and started saying blacks are thieves, uneducated and dirty but makes it clear that he is not talking about the one balck in the room?”

Yup, she had got me there. I had not expected her to put that question in that exact context.

“Its not my duty to feel, we called in the man to explain why there were concerns on their product. All companies that had concerned were white owned. Two of those companies were South African and did not even support them. He explained why and I am not an investigator but the trend is obvious. There were seven comapnies that had concerned in an industry with over a hundred so as far as I was concerned his explanation made sense. You should never be afraid of hearing the truth no matter how uncomfortable it is!”

I stood up and walked out. I was not sure I could take another heavy question from her.

“Lungi where are you going, we are not done yet!”

She said coming after me.

“I am hot, I am tired, I have had a long day so I am going home, to sleep. Tomorrow you can call me if there is a problem but I told you everything I knew. Good evening Ms Du Toit!”

I said and I left. Ok now I had crossed that “we are better than you” line I mentioned earlier. There is no way tomorrow was going to be peaceful so I had to prepare for it. Why must work be so hostile though? When I got home I notiiced that Mbuso’s car was not in the parking lot where it usually was. He lights were off. I tried to call him but his phone went to voicemail. I then called Nthabiseng.

“Hey girl how are you?”

She said when she picked up! I greeted her back and I think she could tell something was wrong.

“What’s wrong? Lately when I receive your calls I am certain something is up, what’s going on? You never used to have drama!l

She said to me which unfortunately was very true and at the same time made me feel bad about myself. Things really had deriorated around me lately.

“Its work again!”

I told her. I went on to tell her everything that had happened with Mr. Mawela and how the case had been handled.

“Legally the way I see it they don’t have a case against you or Mr. Mawela for that matter. As long as those facts he mentioned are accurate you should not be in any trouble. Your Ms. Du Toit person should know better because what she did was also racial profiling of some sort. She wanted to make sure that you stuck to their side of the story by sitting in. You need to find out if Nicolene also had her present in her testimony.”

She advised me. I was a bit relieved on that front. Now was the Rudzani issue. I wanted to tell her as my lawyer but I won’t lie, I was too ashamed to bring it up. The sleeping with Azwindini made me a bit unsure of myself and how she would judge me.

“Where is Mbuso by the way? Did you guys stop playing ganes and get together already?”

She asked me cheerfully changing the story.

“We did hey and we kind of dating but its not that official yet. We argue a bit here and there but all is good!”

I told her which really was not the entire story. I was missing some parts in it deliberately because when I thought about it, things really were falling apart.

“That’s awesome then. Keep me updated on how this thing with Nicolene goes!”

She said before she hung up. I had peace of mind on that end because legal advice when its on your side gives you that clarity. As I said that there was a knock on my door! It had to be Mbuso. I practically ran to the door because well, I was excited. Instead it was Ntheteng.

“Hey aunty Lungi!”

She said and gave me a big hug.

“Look what I made at school today, I haven’t even shown it to daddy yet its a surprise!”

She said. She had made a card with stick figures of two adults and a child.

“And who might these be Ntheteng?”

I asked her pleasantly.

“That’s daddy, you and me silly! Can’t you see your car there in background and daddy in those blue pants he always wear. You must get rid of them!”

She said and I laughed. I did not even know what pants she was talking about.

“Where is your daddy?”

I asked her.

“He is still by the car taking things out. I ran up as soon as we parked so he does not even know am here! He thinks I went to the bathroom that’s why I ran. Gotta go!”

She said and she ran off to their place! Of course he knew she was here, he could see it. I saw him look at me as he carried his groceries and went to his house. I did not know whether to follow or not. Fortunately five minutes later there was a knock at my door and it was him.


He said as he stood there.

“Can I come in?”

He asked. The way he said though, it was as though he now needed permission to see me.

“Sure of course!”

I told him.

“I am not staying long.”

He said cautiously as he sat. He looked around as though he was checking if I was alone.

“You still angry at me neh?”

I asked him.

“Do you blame me Lungi? Ntheti is at such an impressionable age right now and the last thing I want is to complicate her life by bringing drama in her life.”

He said. Goodness I was about to get dumped in my own house and I had absolutely nothing to say to save my ass.

“I like you a lot. I am not somebody who likes easily at that. Please sort yourself out and when you are ready for no crap on the side, you will find me next door. For now, please, leave us alone because I really don’t want this drama next to my child!”

He said and he stood up and left. What Mbuso had said had really hit home because much as I wanted to hide from it, he was right and he needed to protect his child. With me around I had too much going on at the moment be it unwittingly so. It would have been different if we were not neighbors because at least all this drama would not be unfolding in front of them like this. This is why you don’t neighbors! Its convenient yes but its not conducive when things don’t work well.

I went and drank a glass of water. I need to calm my nerves. At least my periods were almost over but I still felt funny so I wentt to shower. When I was don’t my phone was ringing. Miriam was calling. I wanted to sleep though and Miriam has a habit of talking forever. I picked up.

“I almost hung up hey where you sleeping?”

She asked me.

“Nope was in the shower, what’s up?”

I asked her.

“Sfiso lends tonight! There will be a funeral on Saturday in Mpumalanga!”

She told me. I was rather surprised that they would bury so fast considerring that the body of his wife will also be arriving on the same flight as him.

“Yes definitely I will be going. There is no way I can’t!”

I told her. Even as I said that I felt it was not the best idea considerring that the woman he was buryng he had cheated on her with me. Maybe I should not go.

“O thank Go! I was worried you would say you busy or something because he asked my husband to ask you to come!”

So he wanted me there?

Was this even appropriate because I don’t think it was.

*******The End *********

Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)

Dear Mike

Hope you and the readers are well.

My problem: I have been dating my boyfriend for four years now. We have been a perfect couple ever since. I have a daughter whom he embraced from day one and has taken over most of my bills for her. He has no kids. He pays for her fees, clothes, hair everything and not because I asked but because he says its his responsibility. He treats her like she is child. He takes her out, picks her up from school for me as its on his way from work. All in all my life has been simpler since he came into my life. He met my family very early on and they liked him. I like his family too. There is nothing he won’t do for us, my child and I. I love him and he loves me. The problem is he does not talk about marriage. Everytime I bring it up he tenses up. His own family situation is such that his father never married anyone instead has kids everywhere. I fear that he is not marriage type. My family is starting to put pressure saying that I can’t date for so long and no future is certain. Even my friends everytime they seem him they ask him when he intends to marry me. He really gets annoyed at them. We don’t live together my boyfriend and I, I still stay at home. I have a job. What should I do? Should I break up with him because my family says so or should I stay with a man who is perfect in every way except for that one? I have told him a lot of times why marriage is so important but he does not see things my way. He always asks me what it is he is already not doing to make it work and there really is nothing I can fault him on.

What do I do?

Thank You


26 thoughts on “Y.E.S 71

  1. Hi dear. Please don’t go seeks smoke where there is no fire. For reference you can watch the film The Perfect Guy starring Sana Lathan and Morris Chestnut I believe. This man is devoted to you and loves you, has no other children. My sister is in your situation as well (boyfriend who adores her daughter) however she’s the one who chooses not to marry because of a previous guy who started Lobola negotiations and absconded. She has a lovey daughter now with the new guy and they are raising the children together as partners. All is well in the world. Please just understand him your guy.

  2. Are you a divorcée?
    If not then why didn’t your baby daddy marry you?
    You have the perfect oke in the world, you don’t know how fortunate you are to have a man with no kids, no baby momma drama loving your child like his own.
    “Why do you need a second opinion when you love someone? Its your relationship and its your feelings so only you should know what you want and how you are going to handle it!”
    are all your friends and families married and happy within their marriages?
    just go with the flow, live for now and stop stressing out about unnecessary things or else you gonna find yourself sleeping alone and all those friends & families who were on your case about marriage won’t be there to do you good in bed and will be sleeping with their partners, whether partners ba marriage or nje side partners.
    This man is good for you and a father figure to your poppa.

  3. Thank you bro Mike, Lepha, i think the Author’s note was meant for You and us for sure. Dont ruin a good thing because of ppls opinions and the pressures of their lives… NOT YOURS. Its your life and live it how best you can and stay happy. what if you get married 2months down the line you divorce? or you leave him and find where there is smoke ga gona molelo? hun its rough outchea, you leave that man who adores you and your baby, another thirsty lady is waiting and willing to accommodate him. I know in s.a there are laws that protect you and establishments that are not marriage but close to that, may propose partnership agreement? *Lawyers please help, i forgot what it is called how it really works(Bro Mike, help).

    P.s Diddy is doing it with Cassey *wink wink wink wink*

    Good luck

  4. Ask yourself this. Would you choose to be with someone who clearly loves you and does everything to make you happy but unmarried or would you rather have a ring on your finger with someone who might not give you even half the love this person is willing to give.Sometimes we put so much pressure on ourselves based on society’s standards that we miss our own happiness. I say go with what your morals and values believe in not just what others thing. If you think not being married is a deal breaker then let the guy go but if not then you gotta start standing up for not just you but your man too when asked about marriage and i mean you guys are not living together so you can push more on the issue if he suggested you live together. Like Kuani said dont search for smoke where there aint no fire dear.

  5. Your problem is not that your boyfriend is not ready for marriage. Your problem is that you are listening to family and friends who are trying to pressure you into living their fantasies out for them. They are probably single, divorced or have multiple children and they are pressuring you into getting married! What’s going to happen when you are married? Are they going to tell you how you must by a house and where and you will in turn pressure him into it? hayisuka maan uyadina nawe.

    If you have spoken to him honestly about why it is important for YOU to be married(not what other people are saying)and you have made it clear that you want to marry him, then give him time to consider it. If it really is that important for you then after a certain time you can break up with him. I think it should be more important to be in a healthy and happy relationship than it is to be in a marriage for the sake of it.

  6. Thanks Team. Lungi’s life is full of drama, shame!!!!
    Q&A: pls stop stressing about marriage, just enjoy the love and attention that your man is showing you. A lot of marriages do not even have a quarter of the love + benefits you are enjoying….

  7. Dear i don’t think you should leave a man cause he is not talking marriage, he is already doing everything a husband does so what are you crying for? a ring on your finger? come on most women are married and wishing for what you have “CARING MAN”, so just be grateful and he will marry you when he is ready and even if he doesn’t put a ring on it it shouldn’t matter he is a husband in a way.

  8. Lephalele, when your man is ready for marriage, he will propose. stop putting pressure on him or you will push him away. Tell your friends and family to stop it already and let you live your life. They must just chill tu. Focus on your relationship (it is YOUR relationship after all not your friends and family) and the love and happiness it brings you and relax. When he is ready he will propose. Live your life dear not a life ideal for others.
    Good luck

  9. I hope Lungi stays away from sfiso if she wants a relationship with Mbuso. But ke knowing Ms Drama, she will go to this funeral.

  10. Thanx mike, Ntheteng is one naughty lil girl.
    Lephalale what is it that you really want??? I don’t even know why you wrote this letter because deep down you know what you should do,yes we think marriage when we’ve found the perfect guy but ever thought that the poor man is ready? Or you are the ‘ideal’ woman he wants to marry?
    Now you telling us about your family and friends, why don’t you tell us about YOU, then maybe will have advice for you.
    Write another letter telling us how you feel about your perfect man not proposing ‘yet’

  11. The way you described this man, it seems as though he has already committed to you and you want a certificate and a ring to prove his commitment to you?. it’s funny how everyone who believes in marriage see it as natural. Marriage is common and not natural and it is not everyone’s ultimate destination hey. But ke, to each his own bathu ba modimo.

  12. Lephalale I would say go with the flow. Marriage is not all nice the way it looks on the wedding day. Should you guys in future decide to stay together you can have a life partnership agreement or co-habitation agreement.

  13. Lungi though.. she’s soo getting shagged at that funeral 😦

    Lephalale. Sisi leave that man! Please leave him nje yati ungafa phela. But before you do, please email me his numbers so I can be his shoulder to cry on yabo😉

  14. I’m looking at qna from a different perspective , yes he loves her and she loves him but there’s more that she wants, which that is marriage …. four years dating , what if it leads to 10 years dating and more while she still doesn’t have what she wants , if and ring and a signature will make you happy , why can’t your man level with you and meet you halfway at least …. you are African the least he can do to show commitment to you and honour your family is pay lobola instead of white wedding. Imagine 20 years down the line of ‘Just Dating’ dude dies and his family don’t even recognise you as anything to him. He Should give you a solid reason as to why he doesn’t want marriage in as much as you told him how much it’s important to you!!

  15. Watch the movie the perfect guy and stick to your perfect guy. Sometimes marriage ain’t everything. Some people are unhappily married and some are not married but in happy relationships.

  16. As for me I feel that you are asking for too much now.. Don’t pressurise the guy and as for breaking up with him you’ll be childish and selfish
    Why ruin a perfect thing going? Wait on the guy when the time is right he will marry u

  17. Thanks Mike for the post. I kinda like Sfiso more and want Lungi to end up with him, sorry Mbuso but am with team Sfiso .

  18. Dear Lephalale,
    ‘I fear that he is not marriage type’. Have you asked him about his view on marriage? Have you asked him about his plans for your relationship?
    Could your problem stem from the fact that you don’t know? And could it be that you don’t know because you didn’t ask? It is sad that after knowing him for 4 years, you did not feel it’s necessary to ask him.
    Like the good book says:’Ask & it will be given to you’
    You may be worrying about things you have no business brooding over.

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