I think I accept now that morals fell a long time ago. Its no longer a matter of asking them to fall. Very soon, church folk will become as rare as virgins. Ok I exaggerate; virgins are already as rare as rain fall in South Africa so let me not jinx churches. My point is men cheat just as much as women. There is still a few of people out there who blame men for everything but reality is us women have joined the cycle of cheating too we just hide behind others for what we do! Yes men have been arseholes for a very long time and have got what was coming to them but two wrongs nowadays are called “karma” which is all fair and good. We all whores now and there is no running from it. Most of my friends, the moment their partner is out of town it is considered a “free pass” and all his or her friends support that notion.
You know when you are cheating it’s not easy to just react when you find out that your partner is cheating or rather might be cheating. Before Sam I would have caused a scene but now I was severely handicapped in that I was doing what I would be accusing him of doing. To confront him or not to confront him that was the question.
#mangmang212! I say that lightly but when I think of it, the biggest threats in our lives come in the threat of hashtags! Ask government and they will tell you much they fear seeing a hashtag. Now I had one of my own, what the hell! I looked at Neo and he was throwing small pebbles in the air trying to catch them as they fell. He was definitely happy.
“Baby, I thought my aim was good but am totally useless at this!”
I heard him but my mind was so far away I had no idea how to bring it back to focus on him. He was cheating! It hurt in that moment so much but I had to calm down.
“Babe, your face just went white, what’s wrong?”
He asked me walking up to me from behind me as I had not even noticed that I had let go his hand and left him…
“Nothing happened love. Sorry I just lost track of my mind there. This place is gorgeous neh!”
I said changing the subject immediately. I don’t know why I did that. I guess I did not want to start the holiday with a fight. I wanted to make the best of this situation.
“So that’s it lets walk? Where are we walking to? This place is huge and there are animals so I don’t want to end up running being chased by something I don’t know!”
He said laughing. He was more chilled than he had been lately. I was not about to break this serenity and peace between us. It was rare enough as is.
“I am not scared of animals! You can run call for help whilst I fight them off for you ok?”
I told him.
“I think that’s a fair deal. This thing of men having to sacrifice themselves for a woman, they die and the next thing she is with the next guy is overrated!”
He said thoughtlessly.
“Really love; you see why they say chivalry is dead? It really is! Men should always protect women as far as I am concerned.”
I said and we laughed at that.
“So what do we do now? I want to go swimming. I think it might rain but I am not too sure!”
I told him. I am not really a fan of swimming but I had bought a bikini and I was not going to use just to take selfies for Instagram, I was going to swim.
“How about we skinny dip?”
Neo asked me! I found myself laughing at this.
“Why would you want to skinny dip, you have seen me naked many times before?”
I reminded him.
“This is a holiday so we do holiday things. Let’s forget everything, phones off, let’s just have fun. Let’s talk like we used to you know!”
“Ok fine we will skinny dip later but only if there is no one by the pool area! It’s kind of silly though because skinny dipping is done when you are many not when it’s only two people! That part of the thrill right.”
I reminded him yet again but he was not buying it. We had an early supper and the drinks started flowing.
“Baby you never drink this much, is everything ok?”
I asked him. It’s true that he never drinks, if anything he hates alcohol so this was a bit too fast even for him.
“Its just drinks love. Let’s enjoy it please. I am not driving I am just relaxing!”
I could tell there was something wrong without even being told. He was my man; I have known him long enough.
“Love come on, if you drink that much and that fast you will pass out early and we did not come here to sleep did we?”
I asked him. He posed a moment and said I was right; I must not be too excited. That’s what people do though on a holiday because they don’t think they drink hard the first night, something they don’t usually do then unfortunately end up sick the rest of the stay.
“Thank you; don’t want you getting sick all the way out here in the bush!”
His phone suddenly rang and my heart leapt. The first thought was that it was that girl. I needed to get to his phone. I needed to go through it. I know that after many drink he sleeps like he is dead. Maybe I should not stop him from drinking so that he can drink himself to a blackout. His phone never had a password before and even if it did, he had one password for everything which was my name. Not bad.
“No mom everything is fine. I am sorry I did not call after I promised you I would do so.”
He said. He was talking to his mom. I calmed down a bit at the realization of that. As soon as that happened another question came to mind,
“What if he was lying? What if he was calling mom to mock the person as they had arrived safely?
Goodness there were so man what ifs now! I had not seen the caller I.D though but even if I did and it said mom, can you really believe it nowadays? A caller I.D is not a birth certificate meaning you can name a person whoever you want to want them to be.
“Love there you go again being tense come on! What’s going on with you?”
He said when he put the phone down. I did not realize that my face betrayed my thoughts though.
“I am sorry. I don’t know what’s going on with me. I think it’s the meds but I promised I am fine!”
I told him.
“Let’s go to the room please am tired!”
He said and I agreed to that. When we got there he went to the bathroom whilst I sat on the bed. His phone was right there. I was so tempted to pick it up but somehow I could not. If he saw me on his phone what if he asked for mine, I would be screwed even though I had deleted most incriminating things. Just could not risk it.
There was a magazine on the table and I am certain I did not bring it. I didn’t know if it was hotel policy to put magazines in because that would make the guests anti social. An article caught my eye about a new series that was coming out in the states called “Good Girls Revolt!” The title was eye catching but more importantly it was about the first companies in America were women started to fight for equal pay with men. When he came out he checked his phone, thank heavens I had not touched it.
“I really want to watch this series babe, can you please get it for me?”
I told him.
“What’s the name and what’s it about?”
He asked. I told him what I had deduced. He listened intently even though I could see he was starting to get drunk. This is what I was talking about.
“So what do you think?”
I asked excitedly when I was done.
“You say we must have equal pay, I support that, I support you wanting that. You say you want equal rights, you know I would march down any street to any leader who denies you that but what I don’t get is this, when we have equal pay and opportunities, why do women go around saying that a man who earns the same pay as him is not good enough for her. She wants a man who earns more. All of a sudden those equal rights don’t matter because her sense of pride can be bought! Can you explain that to me?”
He asked me. Uhm this felt like it was getting hostile. I should not have asked.
What was going on because this was very much a loaded statement? I had no doubt about that?
“Is there something you want to ask me Neo?”
I asked him.
“I am asking you as a woman. You fight so hard for equality but the moment rich old men come your way you throw it away?”
Before I could go on he went on,
“I am not done, you say you want men who are completely devoted to you and even when we do that and even if you see that you are willing to throw us away the moment a richer person comes. You know what the sad part is, even when you know that the rich guy has other girls you don’t mind being his side chick. Imagine falling from being the main chick, worshipped and loved with every breath, to being a side chick, cleaning the dick of another man who has been using it on others! Where is that sense of equality you fight for?”
This conversation was very directed. Did he know something I didn’t know?
“Ok are you done now?”
I asked him.
“I should be asking you that?”
That was his response.
“Who is this girl who commented on our picture?”
I said taking out my phone. Crap! I had not wanted to play this card right now but I was cornered!
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
Dear Mike and team
Please share with your readers, I’m sorry for an essay but ya please advise.
I am 26 and my bf is 28, we have been together since 2010.We have 2 kids (5) & (9 months). I recently found out that he has been seeing someone behind my back.
2013 he told me he had impregnated this girl but it was a 1 night stand…blah! Blah. I was mad but I forgave him, last year when I was pregnant he was busy with this girl and never had time for me but after my son’s birth he eventually came around and we sort of worked things out. I have trust issues (influenced by my background) and after the 2013 pregnancy issue, I never trusted him and on all occasions I have been proven to be right but have stayed for the sake of my kids and his family who keeps telling me to persevere but the man hasn’t even paid Lobola for me nor paid damages for the 2nd child. Deal breaker was two weeks back when he stole my phone and sent the sms to this baby mama, pretending to be me giving up because I have realised how much he loves her. The girl then sent the sms back to me asking me about it of which I was clueless; apparently the girl was dumping him since she had recently found out about my 9 months son, so to prove that I was history he resorted to stealing my phone. We then spoke with the girl and it came to light that we have both been victims of this guy’s lies because she also knew that I was history.
His family still tells me to “persevere” and has been fighting my battles (even insulting the other baby mama). Worse the girl told me he had proposed to her and told her “bomane baduke nezwe” because he loves her too much and I am just his family’s option. When I asked the guy he keeps saying he is sorry, he loves me and wants a future with me just that he was bewitched by this gal and her mother is a well known mthakathi in the area but he keeps going back to her even when she has cheated and I’ve always been loyal to him.
I have done what I could and did things so that my kids would not grow-up the same way I did (broken family without my father) but I feel fate is also leading me to the same thing as my mother.
I just feel this man is still childish and doesn’t know what he wants, but He keeps saying that he loves me but hasn’t done anything to prove his commitment.
I’m confused as to should I stay and fight for my kids future for the last time or just let it go and let him be with the lady he clearly loves. I am just not sure if its love or fear of being alone or maybe I still love him.
I am utterly confused. Please advise.