We live in a world that all of a sudden tells us that fighting for your man is seen as a weakness against the
feminist movement. That’s like saying that overnight killing a snake that enters your house is cruelty to animals so you should not do it. Instead you must give it milk and cookies because that’s the modern thing to do. To be a woman for a woman means so many more things these days than it did before. I can’t even post a picture of my boyfriend on social media to say how much I love him without a gang of girls telling me to stop being happy because he is not worth my love. I stopped paying attention to them though and even deleted my Twitter for a while because it’s suddenly a sin to express your emotions. Beating up a girl that’s trying to get your man is seen as against being this fake sisterhood that doesn’t even exist. The blame I am told must be placed on the man because they are all bad according to those girls who are experts at picking losers. Well this time I was not standing for it, Khanyi was right, we needed to punish that girl.
I had a trip to plan.
“I have to tell my parents about the trip and am not sure how they will react! See why I prefer being at school because there at least I have no one to explain to!”
I told Khanyi and she just laughed.
“I am going outside!”
I said and I walked out. I didn’t want her to hear my mum being herself on the phone because she has a tendency of embarrassing you. I walked all the way to the gate to make the call.
I said as soon as she picked up. I had to listen to hear what mood she was in first before I could say anything.
“Hey baby. Is everything ok?”
My mother had not called me baby since I was, well since forever! I could hear she was with someone in the room which I think was better for me.
“Everything is fine; I just want to talk to you about something?”
I told her. It’s amazing how our mothers are supposed to be the first people we can open up to but reality and lesson have taught us that African mothers hardly ever can lend a friendly ear. Opening up to your mother more often than not comes back to be used against you in her caught of law.
“Ok am listening?”
She said invitingly.
“Mum, tomorrow I am going to Limpopo with Neo. Is that ok?”
I asked her. Note how I said that, I started by starting what was going to happen. I did not ask her at the beginning because that’s an immediate no. She had to know the decision was already made and this was just courtesy.
“No it’s not Palesa come on. You have just come out of hospital I don’t think that’s wise!”
She immediately protested.
“Mum please I need this. You know how I feel about Neo and I need to spend time with him too! Please mom!”
I begged her. I don’t think she could say no for long because truth be told she was kind of scared of what I would do if denied my way.
“Can we discuss this when we get home?”
She asked me.
“Yes we can but he has already booked, I had said yes because I didn’t think you would say no!”
I told her.
“I don’t think you father will agree with this idea though. I am not trying to stand in your way to having fun but the timing is wrong”
“Ah mum, since when do you ask dad for permission to do anything. I am not asking for money, he has everything covered. He will pick me up from home and we drive to Zebula lodge!”
I told her. I had to give her the name of the place so that she knew the decision had already been made. I was doing all this on purpose.
“We will discuss this when I get home.”
She said again. She hung up soon after. It was never supposed to be easy so I was not gutted about it. I trudged back to the house.
“How did it go?”
“She said no but I know I can convince her!”
“What if she sticks to her no?”
She asked further.
“If she does that I will go anyway. She can’t stop me and she must know that I was just being polite in asking otherwise I would have gone!”
I told her defiantly. I think I was starting to challenge my mom more and more. In the beginning I would have cowered at the thought of going against her but university does things to you. Imagine the parents of the kids in the frontline throwing rocks at the police telling their kids to come home, do you think they will? They would defy too.
“I like the rebel in you lately, it’s refreshing!”
Khanyi said and we both laughed. I went to take a shower and whilst I was in there my phone rang. I had to come out and get it.
It was my dad.
Had my father had said he would get back to me? In the morning when I called him I wanted to hear why he left so abruptly he had hung up unceremoniously. I was glad he was calling because I was very curious.
“I didn’t think you will call me back!”
I said when I picked up.
“But I said I would! When do I ever let you down?”
He asked me.
“Well it’s because you didn’t seem to want to discuss why you left so early hence my surprise!”
“I did not call because of that. Your mother tells me you are planning a trip with that boy? Is that true?”
He asked me. That traitor! Did she really do that?
“Yes dad it’s just a trip. Mom should never have told you this though. How do I create a bond with her if I cannot even trust to keep my secrets?”
I asked him rather annoyed.
“Palesa, you cannot go for this trip! You are not old enough to be going away on holidays with boys!”
My father said as soon as he picked up. I can’t believe my mother had actually told him. Now they were making me seem like a liar because when I said my parents are enemies I was not kidding. All of a sudden my father was being consulted? My mother always spoke about how she was independent off men and she could make her own decisions. When they were together I remember my dad could not even ask her for water without being told he had his own two legs. No one liked her from both his family and hers. They said she was too harsh on my father. The more my father listened to her the more she thought he was a pushover. It was weird really but I was old enough to see what led to them divorcing minus the cheating. I actually did not think them getting back together was a good idea.
“Dad it’s not like that. He is the only person that makes sense to me right now and the fact that he wants to take me away means a lot to me. Please trust me on this one and don’t fight me!”
I pleaded with him. You know how your father is the one person who should never know about your boyfriend, somehow I had just told my father I am going away with a guy. Was this what modernity meant? These white people tendencies!
“You are unbearably naïve Palesa! Men are bad for you. Growing up is learning that. I can’t stop you from going but know that I did not want you to go!”
He said and with that he hung up. It was never going to stop me as long as I had done my part to inform them. I couldn’t necessarily run away. I sat there for a while wondering to do next because clearly my parents both did not want. I had a bit of a heavy heart
“My parents are both against me going on this trip but I feel like it’s the best thing for us! What must I do?”
I asked Khanyi.
“Ah what happened to the rebel of ten minutes ago? You really asking me that? You know how I think. You do whatever you want when you want!”
She told me. Ok that was a dumb thing to do asking her. I should have known what her answer would be. Defying my mother was one thing but my dad was a whole new thing.
“I guess you right. I am going finish showering just now and then let’s go to Wonderpark so I can buy a few things for the trip. I don’t even have a decent bikini!”
I told her.
Not having a good bikini is like a cardinal sin. It’s like not having at least one good weave or wig. It tells a lot about you. Swimming has always been associated with rich people but let’s be fair, black people don’t care about the nature of swimwear they own until they have to go on holiday.
“You think we can find it there?”
She asked me sceptical.
“I know us in Pretoria North but I can assure you we have nice places here too!”
I said laughing. Pretoria North might be part of Pretoria but it’s different. It’s kind of hard not to if you are next to Soshanguve and Mabopane. We are like the East Rand in that we say we are in Pretoria but we are rather too far to actually believe it with conviction.
“Let me finish bathing!”
I said to her. It was only two hours later when we got done and ready to leave. She is so slow when she wants to be. We took a taxi from outside my house and we went to the mall. I was looking for bikinis and eish they were not the best. I did buy though. We had lunch and we went home. I got home as my mother got home.
“I came home early so we could go out for dinner all of us so we can just talk!”
She said. I was exhausted and besides I had already eaten.
“Is that necessary mom. Can’t we just rent a movie on box office and we can watch together?”
I asked her.
“I don’t know. I invited Neo to come so it’s up to you!”
“You invited Neo?”
I asked her!
Shit I had lied that Neo paid for the trip! This was not happening!
“And your dad too said he might come!”
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
I have been dating my girlfriend for about 3 years now. I love her and I have every intention of marrying her. I bought the ring and have been waiting for the right moment to pop the question. She is sweet, loving and kind not to forget beautiful and intelligent. There is very little I will not do for her. I have never cheated on her neither but recently I found out she is cheating but it’s complicated. I don’t know how to say this. She has always said she was bisexual but I never took her seriously on it because it does sound like a joke. I tolerate gay people and lesbians but I cannot say I am an advocate for them. I found out that she has been seeing a girl behind my back. Mind you we live together already and the girl of it I know her as her friend. I found out because my brother pointed out that they were too close and I had noticed it too. I eventually asked for her phone (in front of her) and went through their messages. She did not tell me but allowed me to see the messages. They are in love but in the same messages she says she loves me more and does not want to lose me. She then called for us to have a meeting the three of us. The other girl came through and my girlfriend told us both that she can’t let go of either of us so we need to work it out between the two of us what’s going to happen. Needless to say I was stunned! She has met my parents, they have seen the ring even and this person can’t even choose me? I am not a lustful man and this is not a situation where I think I can get threesomes out of her. I want her to want me on my own not to make me negotiate with another person. My friends think I am stupid and say they would die to be in my shoes but there is nothing honourable about this.
Can anyone please advise me? If anyone has ever been in a threesome please how does it work? Do you feel guilty or closer to your partner afterwards? I just don’t know what to do or think!