Its something that we are always told, its no secret, you can never fully trust a man. Our grandmothers taught our mothers that, our mothers taught us that and I am certain at some point we will give our children the same advice. Yes, they can come back and say that they can’t trust us either but realistically women are more likely to be loyal than men are. Hearing that girl answer the phone just snapped something in me. He was trying to dump for cheating when he was cheating too? How does his wrong make mine worse than his? I had to go to his place and find out who she was. How could he invite her over knowing I was still in hospital? I had not fully processed this when he called back.
“Hey love what’s up?”
He asked me as soon as I picked up. He was so casual in how he said it he made it seem like it was normal. Well it was not.
“Who is the girl who picked up your phone? Why is she picking up your phone? What gives her that right?”
I hit him with a barrage of questions. I have trouble in containing my anger. My impatience was palpable. I needed answers. It’s not like the answers would make me feel better if he confirmed it bit answers nonetheless.
“Really Palesa, you are joking right now right? Please tell me you are joking?”
He asked me. Why on earth would he think I was joking? I was still his girlfriend that much he confirmed so he can’t be asking me such a dumb question.
“What on earth makes you think I am joking? You have another girl telling me you are in the shower!”
I said angrily.
“Yeah because I was in the shower. Did you want me to lie though and say I was somewhere I was not? I have always been honest so what would change now!”
He responded. I noted that he was not raising his voice and actually maintaining his cool. That’s what a liar sounds like to me. If you know you are wrong you try that much harder not to raise alarm.
“You still have not answered my damn question!”
I snapped at him.
“Justifying this with an answer just makes me look stupid because I did nothing wrong. She is a classmate who you know! I asked her to pick up my calls because I was in the shower and was expecting to hear from you!”
He finally answered the question. He was lying. I had never said anything to that end.
“So now am just supposed to believe you?”
I asked him angrily. Ok it was kind of a dumb question since I had already asked him to tell me but just because someone answers you does not mean they give you the answer you want to hear.
“I don’t know why you are behaving like this because I have never given you a reason not to trust me. How is that fair?”
He asked me.
“Well you have also never had another woman pick up your phone! How would you feel if a guy picked my phone and said I was in the shower?”
I asked him. Look, I know I was wrong but the last thing you want to do if you cheat and get caught is allow the person you cheated on to treat you the very same way you treated them. You draw boundaries very early on that just because you were wrong, him wronging you is not a justification. Call it selfish that’s fine but I call itself preservation.
“Are you still at the hospital?”
He asked me. I think he thought I did not see that he was changing the subject. I let him.
“I am home now. I was calling you to tell you that am back in Pretoria!”
I told him.
“Why didn’t you tell me, I wanted to see you before you left? Can I come over?
He asked me.
“Why would you? Where would you put that girl in your house? You can’t bring her here”
I said to him even though it was rather unnecessary.
“Stop it! I don’t need this drama.”
He said to me and then just like that he hung up. He dropped the phone on me. Had I pushed my boundaries too far? I was about to call him back when another call came through. Why do all my calls come in pairs though? It was Sam.
I greeted him cheerfully.
“Oh my goodness those shoes were to die for! Thank you so much!”
I told him. I had to sound convincing and even though I meant it I had other things on my mind.
“I am glad you liked them. I was not sure about the design because well I don’t know what you like but I hope I did well!”
He said to me sounding very chuffed with himself. He was very pleased and there was no masking it. He knew he had done well.
“Yes you did! I don’t even have a comment on them. They are absolutely gorgeous and I don’t think I will be able to wear them anywhere!”
I said cracking a joke.
He asked me surprised,
“Shoes like that are not meant for just anywwhere! There have to be occassions specifically for them where I can dress up! Goodness why can’t I just get invited to a wedding soon! I want to show them off!”
I told him and we both laughed. You know when you have something expensive you don’t just wear it for the fun of it. That’s for rich people. We are not rich; we have possibly only one nice outfit that breaks the bank hence why it’s served for special occassions not even church.
“It’s the first pair of many!”
“You do realize that Dubai is only a week and a half away! Are you ready?”
He asked me. I had been trying not to think about Dubai that much because I wanted to manage my expectations.
“Yes I think I am but I need to do my Visa things! Your PA said we will do it in the last two weeks so I guess this is the week!”
I told him.
“So remember I said I might come through with you guys!”
I had forgotten about that.
“Why would you do that though? How will Khanyi react if she knows you want to be there?”
I asked him.
“That’s not my problem though love is it? It’s yours. I have done my part. You need to talk to her!”
He said to me. I was not sure whether he was joking or not but what was he on about.
“I think if this is to work, let this trip happen as just us girls then you can come through on the next one since you keep on saying there will be many. What’s the rush?”
I asked him.
“How was your trip?”
I asked him.
“It was ok I guess. I came back to more student strikes though so I knew I was home. When are you guys ever going to graduate really?”
He asked me. I didn’t want to have this topic with him because he was anti it. He often said he was a parent who could afford fees and there were a lot of parents like him who could afford fees as well so why must they not pay.
“We will graduate eventually I suppose but we are fighting this war no matter what!”
I said seriously.
“When will I be able to see you? I brought you something else which I want to give you in person. ‘
He asked me.
“I don’t know, anytime I guess. Sam, where is my license. You promised to help me get a driver’s license and so far you haven’t even done anything!’
I asked him. When we first met I had told him I did not have the bribe money and he had told me not to worry he had it covered.
“Ah I totally forgot. I will make a plan. By the end of the month you will have it. You must go through a driving school though because I don’t want something happening to you!”
He said to me. Of course I was never going to be stupid enough to just buy it and get into a car and drive away. What I wanted was to have it; I will worry about driving later.
“I have to go. I need to help my mother prefer supper, my father is coming so we going to have a family dinner!”
I told him. He gave me his leave and all was good. I went to the kitchen where my mother was hard at work.
“I invited Khanyi for dinner too and I asked your father to pick her up. She is part of the family too I guess because she is always by your side!”
She told me.
“Thanks mom. Why didn’t you invite Neo?”
I asked her.
“Him too but he declined saying your father has already tried to kill him once today so he won’t be giving him a second chance at it!”
Ah Neo must stop being a wimp. It had all been a misunderstanding.
“Can you watch the pots for me I want to wash of my makeup? I don’t want to have any make up on tonight!”
She said and she walked out of the kitchen giving me a chance to call him.
I said when he picked up.
“I don’t want another fight Palesa and if you calling to fight then am hanging up.”
“No baby I am not. Sorry about earlier. Please come to dinner at my house. My mom said you already said no for fear of my father but I promise you everything will be fine. I will have a talk with him and so will my mom. I really want you here!”
I begged him.
“I can’t come. I have already punched in my availability so am working tonight.”
He explained. There was no convincing him. I decided to go take a bath and relax a little before everyone got here. The good thing about dinner at home is that you don’t need ten hours in front of your mirror applying makeup. I didn’t even have my makeup bag anyway so was going to be like my mum. An hour later there was knocking at the main door. My dad had arrived.
“Dear God please let there be no fireworks!”
I made a silent prayer. My mom and dad gave each other a very awkward but fast hug. My little sister and I however ran to our father and gave him proper love.
“I am so glad to have you both healthy and alive.”
He said and he pulled away it was then I noticed it, there was a smudge of make up on his white shirt. It was actually very distinct and only one person had make up on.
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
I was introduced to your blog last year late and I have read every story, Its very informative and relevant, if I had seen this earlier in my life or say 2014 I would have made better life choices.
Complicated doesn’t begin to describe my situation. It’s going to be long but I need to iron out the details. I’m below 25 and currently doing my final year at university, my man is 30 and working he is my KING, he supports me as I come from a poor family. We started dating back in 2013 when I was still a freshman at varsity. He asked me out for like 2 months and I ignored him because at the time I still had a crush on my ex, I decided one day to pick up his calls and finally meet with him, we went out for a movie and then dinner, we talked a lot about love and what he wanted in a woman, he told me he loves me and even if I say no to dating him he won’t stop loving me, what scared me about him was his calmness and the fact that he had 4 children, I didn’t pay attention to that because I also had a child.
After our date we drove to his house and had take away and talked for hours, no touchy feely happened. He drove me to campus after.
I won’t lie and say that I fell for him on the spot because he was a bit older than me and was very serious even in the way he spoke. But I asked myself (4 different baby mamas who’s the problem here) I liked being around him because I felt safe and secured and then he started giving me money I had never touched before and I basically changed his bachelor life and turned his house into a home. Later on I found out he was cheating on me with an older woman. In December I met a guy and we just clicked like I had known him forever and we became friends let’s call him ” S ” later he became my Saviour. I chatted with this guy nd found out he had a gf and I left him alone, I really liked him though he was your tall dark and flipping handsome type. In Jan 2014 I found out I was pregnant with my mans child I told him about it and he flipped because by that time we had no understanding of each other I always had questions as to what why and when and how?. He ddnt like that and said I undermine him. I explained iv never been in a relationship that required me to obey and follow a man’s rules. I had never been in a relationship where I took care of man before so I had questions and partly felt like I’m being held back . He stressed me out till I miscarried and than he dumped me after a week of losing my baby. ” S ” stepped in and saved me from myself he showed me love and compassion that I needed he loved and paid attention to every detail. He took care of my wants and not my needs , there were times where I’d go hungry at school and he would tell me I should find food somewhere just like that but if I asked for a R700 Joni’s from topshop I would get it. We dated the entire year and I decided to leave him in November. I was seeing other people in between because yes I was accustomed to a life of a man taking care of me I also worked during holidays to help with food and clothes at home. Most of the money I made came from meeting wealthy guys and like Palesa I fell for it too. I would get money and be able to feed my self and my family they didn’t ask where all this money came from but I suspect mom knew because I was hardly home.
In Feb 2015 I called my lover back and I poured my heart out to him and he took me back we had wonderful times and he seemed to love me even more. He educated me about what it takes to build a home and be a good wife . I still however found him cheating on me with several woman and found out he had 2 new babies from different mothers again which means now 6 alive ones 7th with my late . I didn’t know my place in this man is life and honestly I was stressed all the time so I threw myself at anybody and any one who gave me money and attention I selected them well though. I hid this from him and I planned to stop but Every time I did he would do something worse . He really killed my confidence, self-assuredness, my pride with everything he was doing because why couldn’t he love me alone. I was with him all the time every weekend every holiday.
In 2016 14 Feb he found out that I was sleeping around with different guys and things have been hell since than, he almost killed me and I apologized and told him why I did it but akangizwa kahle, it’s hard for him to forget and move on from this he brings it up every day in April he proposed on my birthday and I said yes, bekumele aye ekhaya but everything is on hold. he was heart broken but he carried on showing me love and I showed him appreciation. I picked up the pieces and changed my life and now I’m a sober girl with one man. Now I am a submissive fiance/bitch gf to my man who has plenty other woman on the side maybe I’m the side now . He recently impregnated a girl from campus and said it’s payback when I found out. He punishes me emotionally,verbally,mentally,spiritually. He even took me to inyanga wangicupha to never sleep with another man and promised he would never leave me. NGIHLUKUMEZEKILE but a part of me feels like I deserve this because I betrayed him. My family knows everything but scared to intervene because at the end its my decision to stay with him I was a chubby size 36/38 junk in right places now I’m a size 30/32 iv never worn that before , having distractions before used to put my mind at ease i was happy being a hoe for the right reasons in my head. I feel like I’m losing my mind because no I don’t wana be a hoe again it’s life crippling and I don’t wana die of depression because he abuses me so calmly and he is the Lord Satan himself on other days he loves me life I’m all he has and the next he would kick me off a cliff and let me die. Ngathi his possessed. Sphe on generations has it easy.
I seem to be getting pathetic and desparate and ngizoqala ukuthakatha manje if things don’t become right, angiyaz lendoda ingifuyeleni if ingasangfuni because no the only attention he gives me is when he wants to fuck me. I checked his phone recently and his talking about paying lobola for a virgin girl he met in this very month of September and he will do it just to spite me. I no longer wear his ring and he kicks me down with words for that. I want to stay and fight for him but all he sees in me is a bitch who is rotten from the core and can never change. I beg to differ because I have changed and I am changing. Time is not waiting for me Id like to be happy too with someone i can be innocent to and never betray. He won’t forgive or let this go. I don’t know what to do.
I’m sorry for blabbing but I hope my letter will reach your readers and also be an eye opener to the girls who think being blessed is the business, it’s not. The grass is not greener . I regret missing the hints he gave me because partly I doubted myself. Now I don’t ngiqeqeshiwe and I’m ready for any svunguvungu coming my way. I have hope God won’t forsake me.
Ndicela uncedo Jackzoro and Pillzberry please don’t hammer it any harder.