How can I explain what shoes do to me! I don’t quite know the words. If it was not because of poverty I would selfishly own every pair of heels in the world. They touch my soul. They talk to me in a language no one or nothing else can. They don’t whisper to me, hell no, they shout to all the world and say, “forget my face, look at my feet bitches!”Yes they bring that Sasha Fierce plus a touch of Riri in me! However, you know those shoes from Mr. Price, on a small plastic hanger with size on the hanger and go for r139.99… Well such shoes wouldn’t evoke such emotions would they. Every girl needs that one pair of expensive shoes, you know shoes that are beautiful yes but she is so scared to wear them because she doesn’t want them to break or damaged. This was what these shoes meant for me. When you wear something beautiful even your confidence goes up.
“I wish I had a man like yours!”
The nurse said and we all laughed. I didn’t even know how much they were but I am certain they were expensive. I have always dreamed of owning a pair and hear I was holding one.
“I wish so too!”
Khanyi said to the nurse.
“Yeah that’s love right there!”
She added. I knew where Khanyi was going with this. She wanted me to see the importance of Sam in my life. Eish, I am ashamed to admit that I was like Judas Iscariot, I had betrayed myself for the love of material things. I am not alone though, every girl with a married man on her arm is like me, Judas!
“How are you going to respond? You must give him the best sex ever! He must be talking in tongues when you are done with him!”
The nurse said as she walked out. We all laughed because it was funny. Yeah he had earned that. I loved Neo but if anything this little incident had taught me its that I needed to do me. I also needed to add people to my circle of friends. Imagine, I was in hospital and only one person was at my bed side, Khanyi. It says a lot about who you are.
“She is right you know, how are you going to respond?”
She asked me.
“Who brought this shoes?”
I asked her instead. Yeah I know I had answered a question with a question.
“Grace did! She is the one I was on the phone with and I walked all the way downstairs to meet her. She couldn’t come up because she was going somewhere. She said Sam is back!”
She said. I had to see Sam. He was going to ask why I was in hospital and I needed a good story. No one loves a suicidal person because its too much emotional baggage.
“Oh ok cool. Do you have any idea when I am getting out?”
I asked her.
“I don’t know. You should ask your mum. You know you in the pysch ward right?”
She asked me.
“Eish, inagine. I am even ashamed of myself for being here. This is crazy. If they don’t release me today I am running away.”
I told her and she laughed. I was not kidding though. I was not going to sleep in here, hell no. I wanted to go back to my room. That’s what I wanted.
Someone cleared their throat from the door. Khanyi turned and I looked behind her. It was Neo. I opened my mouth to speak but nothing came out. I was truly stuck.
“I was not sure if you would come!”
“That’s my other surprise, I called him when I was outside!”
She said and startted to walk out with the shoes in her hands.
“Well you should have told me earlier!”
He said curtly and walked in. I think he had been running because he was sweating.
He said to Khanyi.
“Thank you! Maybe you must buy her a pair too so we can be twins!’
She said and walked out.
“You tried to kill yourself!”
He mentioned as a matter of fact. It was a question it was a statemnt. Is that what Khanyi had told her? Was this the best narrative. I just started crying.
“But what were you thinking Palesa. Its not like I am the one who broke your heart. I just saw Khanyis shoes, if they are even hers. How do you think I feel? How would you feel if the person you love was baited with peanut butter like a rat?”
He had just compared me to a rat and peanut butter being money. He was a fast learner this one and kept on putting two and two together.
“I don’t have a come back to that.”
I told him.
“How are you feeling regardless?”
He asked me.
“As expected. I feel lost. I just want to crawl under a stone and die.”
I told him. It was not meant to sound like a threat on my life but once the words left my lips it certainly sounded like so.
“What happened to you though? You used to be the strongest girl I know now look at you. I just have a question though, please answer me truthfully, did you do this because of me?”
He asked. I think the whole way here that is what had been on his mind.
“Neo I love you and I messed up. Do you think I would have been happy to see walk away from me over a mistake I made, I don’t think so! If I can’t have you then I don’t think I have a reason for living!”
Now that was a threat. I was going to milk this for all its worth I am not even ashamed to say. This was the best chance I had to get my man back and I was using it.
“I don’t know if that’s sweet or creepy but we can try this again. No more games.”
He said. I wanted to smile but again I was crying,
“Thank you, thank you! I don’t how or when but I will make you trust me again I promise. Thank you!”
I told him. I meant it. This means I had to dump Sam! Eish, after a person makes your dream come true, I had always wanted those shoes how do you dump him so quick. I also really wanted to Dubai but love alone was never going to take me there. I needed something else. I had too think of I was going to get out of this one. I could not just bring out leaving the country now. Neo was extra suspicious now so I could not just make up a lie I could not back up. Eish lying is easy but making it believable with facts is almost impossible.
“I wish I could get up and hug you right now but that would be overkill!”
I said to him smiling through the tears but that did not stop him. He came to me and gave me a kiss on the lips and said,
“Never ever scare me like this again. Please!”
You see its when a man says such sweet things that you believe you are meant to be. He is not selling me dreams but making it clear how important I am to him. That’s all. Nothing more.
“I won’t! I won’t mess up again either. Goodness I sunk so low!”
I told him. Every person who is doing a sugar daddy knows that what they are doing is wrong. Yes we can justify the reasons behind why we are doing it but wrong is wrong no matter what. I therefore was not the first person to know this.
“When do they say you will be out?”
He asked me.
“I don’t know but if I had it my way I will be on my way home right now! I can’t sleep here again, I am sorry. If they don’t release me today I am going home tonight.”
I told him and he laughed.
“And do you think you will just simply stand up and walk out without anyone seeing you?”
I asked her.
“Yes. I am sure the nurses do a shift change. That’s when I will walk out. This place is torture!”
I told him.
“I am not telling you what to do but if I were you, get discharged properly. I know and you know that you not crazy but the moment you walk out that door its a fact, everyone will think you are!”
I hated the fact that he made sense and worse the fact that this felt like one request of his I could not comply too. Neo was all about doing the right thing. He never put a foot wrong when it came to that.
“How is your Uber?”
I asked him.
“Its going well but we pick up some pyschos. The worst is picking up girls coming from club. They have so many requests, are loud and are always hungry!”
“I am thinking of quitting though. Its not for me. I have never fully felt safe you know. People out there are not like you and me, they are not normal!”
I laughed at him for being a coward. Its true people are different.
“So those shoes? Who bought them?”
He suddenly asked me. Why did he have to go there? We were doing so well.
“I don’t know actually hey. I asked Khanyi if they were from her dad to make up for the drama that happened but she didn’t really answer. I don’t know her full status if she has a blesser because she never actually goes that deep as I always bring you up so you never know with Khanyi!”
I said throwing my friend under the bus. She had to take bullets for me and have Neo think she was the bitch not me.
“Yeah but its a bad path to take for…”
He was saying when suddenly my father walked in. He took one look at Neo and he lost it!
“Its you! You are the Neo my wife spoke about neh!”
I think he took us both by surprise that no one said anything.
“Yes… Yes sir, I am Neo!”
He responded. I don’t remember ever seeing my father so mad!
“Get away from my daughter! If I ever see you next to her I will kill you! How dare you come here? How dare you?”
My father said. He is not the biggest guy but he is not small either. He pulled Neo by the hand and threw him across the floor.
“My daughter is here because of you! I gave birth to her and you almost made her take her own life! Get the fuck out of here!”
He screamed at the top of his voices which made nurses run in.
Neo ran for his life.
Come on, what now?
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
Kindly send us your letters for our QnA. Let’s advise one another and open our eyes and hearts to what’s going on to others.
Hi Mike and Readers
Thank u for reading my letter.
Ok here goes. I am 23 and I have a boyfriend but we are currently on a break (for the 3rd time in about 2 years). I recently got a blesser. He is 45 and very rich. He is not the sweetest man but he is a provider. With him money does the talking and he doesn’t even hide that we are not in it for love. I met him at the mall and I recognized him from somewhere. I greeted him as he was alone and he stopped me for a conversation. He didn’t know me but I knew him. He asked me how I knew him but before I told him he was asking for my numbers saying let’s do lunch. That day he took me around Jhb where he was running errands in a very expensive car. I never got a chance to tell him who I was and he gave me money, lots of it. I am actually friends with his daughter, close enough to have have hung out a lot of times but always in a group. She is not the sweetest person but she aint that bad either. Him and I have had sex already, twice and he wants more. Now here comes the problem. She is throwing a party at her house, her 22nd because she didn’t have a 21st as she had been sick at the time. She has asked all her friends to be her ushers. Its going to be a big thing with artists and all. My problem is there is no way her father won’t see me if I am one of those ushers! I have been trying to make excuses but she is insisting that we are all there. She even invited my parents (all her friends parents) and of course they want to come to a rich persons house! I am screwed. I am totally dead. What do I do guys? Yes ke ya feba I know but what’s my next move please? I don’t want the blessings to stop.