Fear is a great motivator and the one person you never want to disappoint is your mother because funny enough, mothers keep a grudge. Even when you were young, it was never your father who counted how many times you got away with something and the punished you when you least expected it, it was your mother! Yup, she could keep record of all your indiscretions, some of which you did not even remember yourself and when you were not paying attention she would call you out on it. That was my mother. The woman was unforgiving. A lot of people know this, your mother feels like she has the right to own you even if you are a hundred years old. They tend to be bossy and controlling even until you are much older. In university you feel you have the freedom to do a lot of things but your mother is still the one freedom you don’t have. She is still your boss and owns you.
“I need a plan baby. I need to get my mother off my back otherwise I will never get out of this!”
I said standing up. I was not exactly talking to him I was speaking out loud. Yes, I am that scared of my mum. Tswana women are relentless.
“I know what I am going to do!”
It suddenly came to me. Fortune favours the brave. I know my mother and I know the one place that she holds most dear is her office. I took a gamble.
“I am going to her office to see her! That’s the only way she won’t overreact. She can’t hit me in her office full of people. My mother loves to look like the nice sweet one.”
“She is mad I think I must go see her!”
I told Neo. He was not the same eager to please Neo because usually at this stage he will already be looking for a way to please me. His response was a dry,
And that was it! He didn’t even stand up or anything he just lay there.
“Neo, did you not hear me?”
I asked him.
“I heard you alright but I don’t know what you want me to do about it. Go to her!”
He said very coldly. This was not my Neo and I know I had brought this upon myself.
“You are angry at me still!”
I said and sighed. I chose to sit down. I knew that if I left I might never be allowed to come back again.
“I told you I didn’t want to have sex and you insisted. If I had done that to you what would you be saying right now?”
He asked me. I think I got confused for a second there because was he…was he implying that I …no the word won’t even come out!
“I am lost? Is it about the sex? I was just trying to make us right that’s all. Did I hurt you?”
I asked him. I was not sure what to think. What was this man saying really?
“I really would like you to leave. I don’t think you understand that what you are doing is just making matters worse between us. I love you Palesa but let me tell you the truth right now. This is a truth is girls do not want to hear the truth. This money does not go on trees. The reason why most blessers abuse their blessees is because they feel entitled to them. They make that money over time and you think you can just waltz in and take that money. They become abusive for that reason. Now imagine how I feel knowing that my girlfriend wanted to be a blessee, to be someone else’s plaything, someone else’s toy. Imagine I sit here and worship her for another man to cum on her face simply because he can pay for it! How do you think that feels?”
He asked me. For the first time since I came here I actually had totally nothing to say, I was stuck, I was frozen!
“That’s me right now. I see you and all I see is the person I respected above all else cheapen herself to the point of whoring because she thinks shortcuts are better than working hard. I am under no illusion that I might never ever reach his level of wealth but my self-respect and dignity stays intact!”
He concluded. I stood up on my own. I went to the bedroom, put my things in a bag and I went back into the room he was, looked at him one last time and I walked out. I did not look back as I walked all the way back to res. I was crying. My tears blinded my way but I wanted to go to the last place of safety I had, my room. People who walked past me must have thought I was losing it. A lot of people stopped to ask if I was ok but I kept my silence until I got to my room. All I could remember was the look in his eye when he said that. He had shown me how cheap I really and it’s a feeling I will never forget. We were done. I knew there was no turning back even if I begged.
My roommate was there but she was leaving.
“Are you ok?”
She asked me.
“I have a terrible headache; do you have those meds of yours?”
I asked. I was not lying I think all the crying and anxiety had finally achieved to make them sick.
“Yes I still have them”
She told me and she went into her side and took them out.
“I wish I could stay and take care of you but my father is outside and I have to go home for the weekend. I am sorry!”
She got me a glass of water and put it on my side.
“They are really really strong so take only one at a time. Don’t panic if the tablets are not working at first because they will work!”
Her father called and she had to go. I took one tablet.
My phone rang, it was ringing. I ignored it. It was Khanyi, who else loves me enough to call me. I did not pick up. I did not want to talk to her or anyone else. I tried to force myself to sleep but that didn’t work. Seven missed calls later I picked up.
I said when I picked up.
“Dude been trying to call you I was going to keep on dialling until you picked up!”
“I am sorry, I didn’t feel like talking!”
I told her.
“What’s wrong? I can sense something is wrong? After missed call number two I panicked and I was right”
She said. She knew me too well as I never missed calls from her without returning.
“Neo broke up with me!”
I told her.
“Neo can’t break up with you. He loves you too much and he is obsessed with you. He is just angry that’s all. Give him time!”
I don’t think she understood where I was coming from but how could she understand. When you take advice from single people it’s always from a one sided approach as they often don’t understand what it means to be with someone else! They are single for a reason!
“Khanyi can you just listen to me for once. The things he said, I have never heard him so broken and so cold. He meant every word and its words you don’t just sweep under the carpet.”
I told her. I think now she took a moment to breathe. And let it sink in what it was I had just said. Now she was listening to me.
“You are very serious about this neh!”
She asked. I told her everything he had said word for word. How can I forget those words? They were stuck in me and they kept playing themselves over and over again in my head. It was the deepest and most sincere truth someone had ever told me about me. Most of the friends we keep around us are people who tell us thing we want to hear not truths that can actually build us. What Neo had said was true and I could not have hidden from it in any other way?
“I am not even sure what to say…”
Was her response when I was done?
“How did I even let it get this far though Khanyi? I used to tell you how after university I wanted to marry Neo. I used to laugh at girls with sugar daddies but the moment that man said Dubai I lost my way. I don’t even know what Dubai is yet I threw it all away!”
I cried to her. It’s true, I had always thought Neo was my soul mate and for some reason I allowed myself to get distracted.
“Don’t worry you will bounce back from this ok?”
She said to me and I immediately asked her how that was supposed to happen.
“Honestly I don’t know. I will try talk to him for you as well. The point is not to give up. You worked too long and too hard to build this thing!”
She reminded me.
“If I worked so long why did I allow the first person with money to throw it all away? I am so ashamed right now!”
I said to her. Realistically what could she talk to me about though really? She had been the person who encouraged me to cheat on him.
“Don’t be ashamed we will fix this. Just don’t do anything stupid we will fix it I swear.”
She reassured me but I did not believe her. I also did not think I deserved it either. I had brought this on myself and I had caused this so only I could fix it.
I needed to sleep, my head was pounding from that headache, I was emotionally confused, my heart was broken, my mother wanted to kill me I was so scared and Khanyi was too far to talk sense into me so when I asked myself how many pills my roommate had said I must take I genuinely didn’t remember or did I!
I took 7.
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
Hi mike and the readers, I would really appreciate it if you assist me.
I am 23 and my boyfriend is 24. This guy is perfect, he is the type of boyfriend ive always wished God would give me, i love everything about him but theres just one problem…I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years now and through those 5 years I have never came ever since we started having sex, I swear this nigga has never made me scream for my ancestors. As if that’s worse, he only humps me 5 times then hes done modimo! Before dating my current boyfriend, I used to cheat on my boyfriends that loved me and were faithful,but I would never sleep with the side guys. So when I met him I decided to be serious and stay faithful to him but yoh it seems like karma didn’t forget me, and that bitch blessed me with a two minute noodle boyfriend. I honestly dont know what to do guys, i honestly dont want to cheat on my man, I love him that much. I know communication is key and believe me I have tried raising this issue. Every time I try uttering anything related to his early ejaculation I black out. I don’t want to crush his ego but I can’t deal anymore.
Is there any way I can change the situation without embarrassing him or making him feel less of a man. I honestly need your help. I know I’m not the only girl out there with a two minute noodle. Girl, if you’ve been in my shoes help a sister out of this torture. Batho ba modimo, you can imagine how sexually starved I am.
Thank you in advance.