Khanyi wanted me to ask the driver for help? This was going to be super awkward. In the car I am sure he heard me calling the Mpumalanga resort place I wanted to take Neo. I am sure he had heard me say it’s for two so now he would know who I was talking about. I had Googled many places in the car on the way back to Mtubatuba and called a few. He was a nice guy the driver, a bit soft but had a deep voice which would work. I had not thought of him. I had not even asked for his name yet he had driven me over 500km back and forth. Is that what money does to people. I was now going to call him and ask for a favour. Yet another humbling moment. I dialed his number and he picked. It was as though he was waiting for my call.
“Hello madam how are you?”
He asked me. He still had my number and that was good.
“I am not madam, just Palesa thank you very much!”
I responded. I must have looked like a madam then seeing that I was with the boss as far as he was concerned.
“How was the funeral?”
He asked me. I told him that I was no longer in Mtubatuba there had been a lot of drama but I was fine and I was back in Jhb already.
“That was fast! Are you sure you ok? I know the kind of drama that comes with Zulu funerals!”
He explained. It’s not just Zulu funerals, come to a Tswana one and you can see people go buck on each other.
“I spoke to Sam. He is not my dad I am sure you figured that out by now, he is well…he is my somebody!”
I said trying not to sound too candid about it. If you are a prostitute and you want to tell someone for the first time you don’t sound too smug about it, it’s almost like you let it sink gently.
“Ah sister don’t worry. I have seen a lot, I am from Durban after all, no judgement from me!”
“I am glad. I spoke to him. He asked me to forward the CV to his PA but because he is leaving the country this evening back on Tuesday, I figured it was best I gave her when he got back. If I don’t do that it means by the time he gets back it will be one of a pile of papers on his desk which might never get read in the end!”
I explained. I was right to. When you ask for favours timing is super important. You always have to make sure you get the persons full attention because not doing so means you are one of many and that will not work at all.
“Thank you for looking out. Is it ok if I remind you on Tuesday? I really need this, I can’t live like this.”
He said. I could hear he wanted to cry but I held my nerve.
“Don’t worry I got this but I need a favour from you as well!”
I said cautiously.
“A favour from me…uhm… Ok!”
He responded. I don’t blame him. He was not sure what I was going to say and when I kept quiet he said,
“I don’t have a lot of money if that’s what you want but I can probably raise r1500 just for you to put in a good word for me with the boss. Please, it’s the money he paid me to drive you around!”
He explained. Ok this was awkward no.
“No man it’s not that, it’s kind of embarrassing but I really need you to step up for me!”
I asked him.
“Ok sure tell me what’s on your mind?”
“My boyfriend found out I went to Durban with Sam. He is going to ask me to call Sam and break up with him and I don’t want that and frankly speaking you don’t want that either!”
I told him. I had to remind him that he has as much to lose in this as I did. The way things were falling into place with this twisted thing though.
“How do I lose I don’t know him?”
He asked me. Was he slow or what?
“Think about it, if I break up with Sam how are you going to get a job through him.”
I asked him.
“You need me to stay with him to push this on Wednesday when he is back!”
I kept quiet for a moment to let it sink in to him for a bit. Imagine I was telling a total stranger all this.
“If I did this, what’s to stop you from blocking me once it’s done so that I never ever have contact with your boyfriend again?”
He asked me. Ok let me be honest, I had not thought through this that well. He had me there and again he was right. I could block him afterwards and we were done.
“I don’t know what to tell you but I swear it won’t happen. You have my word.”
I reassured him but he was not buying it.
“I can’t trust you on this unfortunately. I have no leverage over you whatsoever. Everything is in your favour. I am sorry I can’t help!”
He said. I started to plead with him. The reason why I wanted it to be him is because he knew Durban in case my boyfriend tried to trip him up. Neo was clever like that. He was going to ask about Gateway and what we did there that’s why I could not find just any random guy!
“Please man, I will do anything. I need this. When we call I want you tell him that we met on Instagram and you promised me money but when I got there I chickened out and gave you the money back and refused to sleep with you. You also tell him that you threw me out and I had to make a plan and that you should, I mean, I should never call you again!”
I told him. I had to tell him.
“I hear you well and good but that still doesn’t do it for me! I need leverage!”
He said again. What the hell was leverage?
“What leverage do you want?”
I asked him.
“I want a nude picture of you. Boobs with face that’s all! This way I know you won’t screw me over!”
He said so casually like he was asking for ice cream!
“Say what? You fucken pervert, euwww no! Fuck off dude!”
I said angrily. I was very insulted.
“Ok cool. Good luck finding another patsy!”
He said and hung up. He hung up immediately at that before I could insult him. Had he just asked me for a nude? I immediately called Khanyi to tell her what this crazy person had just asked for.
“You wouldn’t believe, I called the driver guy and he agreed but he asked me to send him a nude picture of me as leverage!”
I told her. I was actually very angry right now. I felt so demeaned by that request. Who did he think I was?
“And you did it right?”
She asked me.
“Really? Of course not I didn’t do it! Are you crazy?”
I asked her shocked by her response but she was not joking.
“Then you will suffer. A picture takes you a second to take and you are done. You need him in your corner so have him in your corner! This thing of making excuses is why you never get things done!”
She said but that was flying right past me.
“Come on Khanyi that will have taken it too far. You know I respect your advice always but this is bad advice and you know it! I can’t do that! He is close to be a total stranger and now I must send him nudes? Come on”
I told her.
“Then don’t but ask yourself this, what’s more important, your nude or you keeping Neo in your life and not having that Namibian bitch steal him from right under your nose!”
I had forgotten about her! Fuck! This was a no brainer, Neo came first.
“I hate you for this!”
I told her and I hung up. I called him. Maybe I can convince him otherwise. Surely there had to be something else he wanted from me.
He picked up.
“Please don’t make me do this. I have already promised to do the job thing for you.”
I reminded him.
“I heard you and I do not doubt you but without leverage then this agreement is in the air. I will never force you. If you can’t you can’t and I can’t! If you do it I know at least you will make an effort to try getting me that job. Even if I don’t end up getting it I know you will at least try!”
“But this is extreme don’t you think?”
I asked him.
“It is! I want something and you want something. I don’t want to be played for a fool that’s all. I must look after my self-interests as well!”
He said. He was so convincing when he said even though his request was beyond disgusting.
“Ok fine I will do it but this is not right!”
I hung up the phone. I was wearing pants so I pushed them down and took off my shirt! I kept my panties on though aint no way he was seeing my coochie! Maybe some people might not understand this so let me explain, when it comes to breasts Tswana people are like White people. You will never find our boobs out in the open for any reason be it tradition or breastfeeding. We are just not like that. Boobs to us are intimate hence why it was kind of a big deal. Khanyi on the other hand was Zulu so culture had desensitized and desexualized them for her. I was not about this free the nipple nonsense! Free it from what and for what? I took one picture and that was it.
He called back.
“See that wasn’t so hard! I won’t do anything with your picture I promise you!”
I responded already regretting this. What had I just done? Was I so much in a bad state I could do this?
“Don’t worry I am not turned on all!”
He said so casually but that stung.
“Fuck off dude you don’t have to be mean to me about it!”
I told him. He had insulted my body if he was saying he was not turned on not that I wanted him to be turned on. Goodness I am confusing myself now.
“No no no, not like that. I am gay so you would not turn me on even if you tried!”
“Did you just say you are gay?”
I asked him.
“Yes I am! I didn’t ask for you pick for self gratification I can assure you that much! Its security!”
He said. You can say that again. I have always wondered if it’s ok for those girls who have “gay best friends” to undress in front of them simply because “they don’t get turned on”? If it’s got a dick it’s a man as far as I am concerned and it doesn’t matter who he is sleeping with!
“Please pick up when I call. He is out right now so it could be late!”
I told him.
“Of course I will. I need this job you are not listening!”
He said and he hung up. I still could not believe the gay story though I won’t lie it gave me a bit of comfort.
I got a Whatsapp and checked my phone. I was hoping it was from Neo but it was not. Where was he? Did he go home with her?
“I was just kidding; never send anyone your nude pictures! It’s low and filthy so hope you didn’t do it. Love you.”
The message was from Khanyi!
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto
Thank you for using your God given talent to keep us informed, educated and entertained, I appreciate this platform; I’ve learned a lot.
I have been contemplating writing this for a while now. I just need an opinion from you and the readers. Me and my boyfriend are in our 40th year (age) and thinking of making this official before the end of next year or latest early 2018. I have one child; he doesn’t. In one of our many conversations before we started dating I mentioned that I did not want anymore kids due to my age and I asked him if he wants any and he said it does not matter if he does or doesn’t. Now that we are planning marriage I feel it would be selfish of me not to give him a child – as much as he still says he has no problem with whether we have one or not; I do not want to “rob” him of fatherhood to his biological child. I don’t want another child out of wedlock either; been there, done that and I’ve got evidence. In 2018 we will both be 42 and my concern is at this stage my fertility levels would be reduced and there is a greater risk of miscarriage, birth defects and/or abnormalities etc. I am aware that there are many women who choose to have children at a later stage and all goes well and children are perfectly healthy. Early retirement will also be just a dream (eish!). We have spoken about this and at the stage the decision is that; after we’ve tied the knot, I will go off contraceptives (I’m on the pill) and let it happen naturally, and we will not undergo any fertility treatments.
Please note: I am not under any pressure but being a Xhosa woman; when you do get married you are expected to give him a photocopy of himself and keep the lineage.
Your opinion will be greatly appreciated.
Considerate future wife