“You need to be with a partner you are proud of and prepared to defend in no matter what circumstance. If he or she embarrasses you or you are not comfortable to be seen with them in public then that’s a bad relationship.” Mike Maphoto
Be honest ladies, if a man you want and have slept with does not call within certain hours of sleeping with you it’s just seen as a no no. It’s embarrassing and you feel used. A gentleman calls you to check up on you. This is not because he owes or hurt you but it’s only polite to check how you are. It’s what’s supposed to be done. When he does not he is almost always considered a douchebag. With this in mind, if you asked me why I was laughing and crying at the same time I will answer you with an emphatic I DONT KNOW! This guy had actually done a job on me in the days he had been in my life. It’s amazing how someone can actually change a lot about you in a very short time. We all carry tough exteriors but deep down we have a warm spot for some people that we should not have one. I was angry at him for not having called and angry still for him thinking he could call now and pretend that everything was alright. However, even with anger in me I also had hoped that he would not like all the other idiots I know that call themselves men. I had wanted this phone call so badly to validate me. Maybe he had not called me for so long because he had been making love to his wife all this time. That thought was supposed to disgust me but when you are the other woman I have actually realized that it’s something you don’t really care about. I did not care really! I did not know her. Why should I feel sorry for a woman that I did not know? Why was I denying myself her man when clearly he wanted me and I wanted him? Shit, what has gotten into me? I can’t believe I had just thought such things! If I wanted to be married how would I feel if I was the one who was being cheated on!
“I can’t believe you just sang for me…”
I cried as soon as I caught my breathe! Yes it was him I had been looking for as his song had said. He knew it was him that’s why he could just waltz in and act like everything was alright.
“I am such a mess!”
I immediately said after that.
“Did you not want me to sing for you?”
He asked me.
“No no no, it’s not that, that was exactly what I needed to hear after the bad I have had!”
I told him.
“Mmmm ok if it’s the case maybe I should have done Bob Marley!”
He said and we burst out laughing. That was probably not even funny but who does Bob Marley to a girl though.
“Do one Bob Marley line then!”
I dared and he immediately sang,
“I said baby don’t worry, about a thing, coz every little thing you do, it’s gonna be alright!”
This man had a way of knowing what to say at the right time. It’s like from where ever he was sitting he could see what I was going through and all my pain! That line just brought tears to my eyes once more. I really needed to hear that.
“I wish you were here so you could just hold me and tell me that to my face how everything is going to be alright!”
I told him.
“I wish so too but alas, with Brexit if I leave don’t know how I will be allowed back in!”
He said in what was an obvious joke. I didn’t laugh though because I could not help but picture what my life would like if indeed he lived here. It would be quite something to be honest.
“Before I get ahead of myself I would like to apologize for the silence!”
He said and paused. I think he wanted to hear my reaction first so I obliged,
“What’s your excuse?”
I asked him.
“Honestly I don’t have one. I have looked at my phone several times contemplating what I would say to you. You blow hot and cold and sometimes you are happy with me and the next you are throwing tantrums. I had to prepare myself for either but what could not change was that I wanted to talk to you!”
He said. That was either so sweet or so condescending, no that’s not the right word, and it was something though which I could not think of at that moment.
“I am sorry!”
“The silence won’t happen again!”
He concluded. The ball was in my court. I could tell him to go back to his wife and never call me again but I really didn’t want that. Now I see why women who date married men know it’s very wrong in the one hand and am ashamed of it but cannot bring themselves to break up with him. I can’t even say it was because he was coming to me at a time that I was vulnerable because frankly speaking, that’s an excuse! You do what you want when you want and you don’t blame it on someone else! I really hate it when girls get laid by a new guy soon after a break up then claim it was because she was vulnerable! Bullshit, you got laid because you wanted to get laid, own it!
“So why have you been having a bad day?”
He asked me. I told him it was a long story I did not want to finish his airtime seeing that it was so long distance and he laughed saying it was the office so he was fine, as long as he was calling South Africa.
“It’s your funeral!”
I told him. I then went on to tell him everything from the Simba contract to me being suspended. I did not tell him about Miriam and her husband thought because that was none of my business.
“That’s a lot happening right there! Firstly are you fine!”
He asked me. I told him I was not fine because I could not change anything at this stage but wait for what would happen next.
“Ok then I suggest that too. Don’t cause drama at work it is not necessary!”
He warned me and I agreed.
“Now tell me who Simba is?”
The level of jealousy in his voice was palpable. He was not even doing anything to try musk it. Men really have it good. They can be married and still have you but the moment they think you are seeing someone else they freak out.
“I told you who Simba is. I met him at the wedding. We did not even swap numbers then it so happened we bumped into him at the event and he had something my company needed!”
I could not believe that I was explaining myself to another man! I had always made sure that I did not do that to any man but now here I was. What was happening to me? Was falling for this guy all over again forgetting all my laws of relationships.
“I see but am not comfortable I can’t lie!”
He said. Oh well he will just have to be strong or eat more carrots Shem. This was work and not play so he should just ah!
“Trust me, I am not lying!”
I told him. I wanted to laugh, how do I ask a man I am cheating with to trust me? It’s like we were two of the most untrustworthy people right now yet thought we were somehow righteous.
“I have to go now though. What time should I call you every day so that I know when I will find you?”
He asked me. I had never been asked such a question and at the time it made sense because he was calling from so far away, I had to make time for him.
“The same time is fine I guess. It doesn’t have to be every day, so long as you don’t become a stranger again!”
I told him. Typical him he cracked a few jokes before he hung up. When I put the phone down I felt a sense of emptiness but I was happy. I was happy that we had spoken. I was happy that now I was at peace but goddamit I wanted more!
“So what did he say?”
My sister said poking her head into my room! For once I doubt she had been listening in.
“He said he misses me!”
She told me and we giggled as we used to do as teenagers.
“I am scared though you know, he is married and I can’t pin my hopes on a married man!”
I confided in her.
“And you have every right to be. My suggestion is that you keep him in the picture for that stability whilst you find someone here to marry you!”
She said to me. When you are dating someone it almost always feels like more people want you than when you are single. I don’t know why it appears like that but every time I am single no one wants me, the moment I get a man I am surrounded by them.
“It’s a dangerous game though, what about his wife?”
I asked her.
“You tell me. You beat up my husband for cheating on me yet you are cheating with a married man yourself!”
She said could and I felt a huge,
Coming out of my mouth. That was a low blow on her part but there was no way of candy coating it as it’s exactly what had happened.
“That’s not fair!”
I said to her.
“How is it not fair? That woman is like me. She might not be your sister like me but she is someone’s sister and mother! If you going to do a married man then these are things to consider.”
She said to me. She was supposed to be on my side and yes I know she was but maybe in a different way. My phone rang and the number was eish,
“Mam’Dolly is calling!”
I showed my sister.
“Maybe it’s about Miriam, pick it up!”
My sister said. I picked up and put her on speaker!
I said by way of greeting.
“Please tell me it’s not true that Miriam and you had her husband arrested!”
She asked me. Her tone automatically told me that she was not happy so I started to explain how he had hit her badly but her retort was,
“I don’t care! Its marriage. Stay away from their marriage! Let them fix their own problems! I am so disappointed in you! You can’t be that jealous were you want her husband!”
She said angrily.
Why did she think I wanted her daughter’s husband now?
I was shocked.
It’s not how everything had gone down and it hit me what Miriam had once said to me that her husband did not want her to have single friends. It was not about us helping her cheat but the fear that we keep her eyes open to many things in her marriage.
“I am sorry Mam’Dolly!”
I said. It sounded like an admission of guilt but it was not. I just wanted to go to bed now!
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
(Apologies for the long letter)
I’m a 21 year old student currently studying medicine at Wits University I must say I love your books extremely educating but one thing I wish is that my eldest sister could read them . Yoh Mike she married a looooooser hey yerrr so here’s the story she got married in 2009 and she was a case of teenage pregnancy before then she was off and on with her husband might I add my parents never liked the guy anyways they got married in 2009 and so my parents were finally happy to get her and her kid out the house .. Haibo fast forward 7 years since they got married (2015) still there’s no house , he hasn’t completed he’s studies and lives far away from home because he works at a mine eh eh oh and to make it worse he’s got dololo car !!! My sister earns waaaay more than him yaz Shem she can hold her own if she wanted and by the way in 2013 they got another kid she’s 3 now but this husband of hers hardly sees his family ah ah we can literally count how many times a year he comes to visit he only sees them properly around Christmas time .. Okay so now what makes me soooo damn angry is that her husband asked my dad if they can move back home (to our house) for a few months while he gets his shit together so he can buy his family a house and get that AMG LMFAO!!!!!! he’s been preaching about .. This was last year September we are in July 2016 house dololo AMG dololo like what the fuck!?
Yaz Mike I come from a pretty well off family I won’t lie now my dad suggested that he would buy my sister a house in her name as long as she changes her marriage contract to this loser because at the moment they aren’t able to finance one because he put them in serious serious debt and now they are listed how crazy????? He won’t even mention what the hell the debt is from what kind of marriage is that .. Yaz my sister married a serious bum pathetic piece of shit (excuse my language I’m just sooo livid ) to top it off *claps once * he’s beeeeen cheating on her like TF??? Like last weekend he promised his 16 year old son that he’d come back to see him sho my nephew was so excited but did he come Noo instead he went to go visit his friends I’ve never seen my dad so angry hey disgusted at the fact that a man with a family can come to the same province to visit a buddy instead of his wife and kids tjooooooo!!!!!! I’m really trying to figure out what kind of korobela that man gave my sister because she’s soo forgiving she says he doesn’t even want to change their marriage contract because his afraid she’ll leave him .. it’s really paining my mother because my sister is literally wasting away working to feed and cloth her kids and still give this man pocket money so he can finance he’s whores !!!! My dad gave him his old car so that he could come fourth nightly to see his family Mara still DOLOLO . . Really my parents have really tried hey seriously but seems like they failing with her as grown as she is my mom really wants her out of this house because she can’t take raising another grandchild from scratch all over again yoh my sister really !!! Our family is really just out of options we don’t know what to do .
Worried sister !!