“We tell ourselves that money does not mean everything but when was the last time you were happy or your partner was happy when you both did not have it. Its absence causes tension and fights, self-pity and often alcoholism in relationships. Whether you date a broke person or not, both of you must have a plan as to how to make money and you cannot just look at your partner to provide!” Mike Maphoto
I have always been curious as to what do you say after sex? Do you say thank you or that was great? I have always felt that was cheesy and if someone says that to me I really would feel so tacky! What’s so great about it? That I went up and down his joystick? Really? Even his hand can do that? How about saying, let’s go again? That will surely knock a man ego though because you know most can’t get it up twice that fast and it’s like implying they did not do it right the first time! Just keeping quiet also seems plain ungrateful so maybe laughing out loud to show your satisfaction would be the thing but wait, what if he thinks you are laughing at him? Eish, too many options! Regardless of this though why did I find myself asking,
“You didn’t say your wife was pregnant!”
I felt a lump on my throat as those words came out because if I felt bad before, now I felt worse! I was one of those people that had gone on Twitter to do hashtags anti a famous couple that had an affair when the other ones partner was pregnant! I was not very vocal because those people block you fast and I actually like them meaning reprimanding them actually hurt! At the time I had questioned the guy how you could sleep with someone else with a pregnant girl at home! As a woman it felt like the ultimate time to betray someone and humiliate her as it was so public! Now here I was in the same shoes and guess what, the shoe fits and fits so well at that!
“I am such a whore!”
I said out loud!
“I beg your pardon?”
He asked me very surprised in what I had just said but I was not taking it back!
“Yes you hear me! I am such a whore? I slept with you when you not only have a wife but also she is pregnant at home waiting for you!”
I explained to him. I had never felt so naked in my life. I found myself trying to cover my body to hide my shame but not all of the blankets in the world could cover my nudity. I had done this. I can choose to get out of bed and run away to my place but the shame of what I had done would never walk away.
“Not that I am justifying this but what’s the difference with sleeping with a man who already has a kid with his wife? It’s still the same child, the same woman and the same you just a different time! Would it have been better then? Would you have felt any less different?”
He asked me.
“Are you also calling me a whore because it certainly feels like so?”
I asked him.
“No! I am not. Please don’t put words into my mouth. I am asking genuinely because I can see now you are completely torn up by this so I want to understand! I don’t want you to leave here hating me for the rest of your life!”
The rest of my life he says! Did this guy really know me so well because I already felt like that? Why did we click so much and why did I like him the way I did?
“Yes it means a lot more even though ultimately the conclusions are the same. She is vulnerable right now and needs you!”
I said but he cut me and said,
“And when she has the baby she is not? Once you have a wife and kids she will always be vulnerable! That won’t change! Whether the child is in the womb, five months old or ten years old does not matter because she still has the child and she is still bound to be hurt!”
He explained. I think I had mistaken his tone as defiance when in actual fact it was regret. He regretted sleeping with me which made me feel even worse and lose! Why had we done this? I was disgusted with myself and yes he must be disgusted with himself too but why vele?
“So tomorrow you just go back to England and carry on with her like it never happened?”
I asked him.
“Please let’s not talk about her! It’s you and me that’s here and discussing is just further disrespect!”
I know a lot of couples that have affairs tell each other not to discuss their better halves. It makes them feel better about themselves saying that it’s out of respect!
“Really Sfiso! You talking about respect now! Is she not going to suck the same dick that was inside me tomorrow when you get home because I know for a fact pregnant women can get horny! What’s worse because she is pregnant she will probably question why you want to use a condom meaning your will be obliged to do it!”
Ouch! That’s the reality that comes with cheating and being cheated on! I was not playing mighty or on a high horse considering that I knew he had been married the day before but he had a way of not telling the whole story!
“Ok cool I get you. I forced you to come here; I forced you to sleep with me knowing I had a wife and baby on the way! Does that make you feel any better?”
He asked me cheekily. He had tried to keep his cool but I had pushed the right buttons. Maybe it was time I just left.
“I like you. I didn’t want to like you. I tried not to like you but look at us now! I am married and before I met you I thought I was happily married. Now I leave here wondering what have I done, what will I do and how I will ever look at my wife the same! I wanted this to happen as badly as you I suppose so I am just as guilty as you are if you feel any guilt. What’s worse, you get to go home and pretend it never happened but I get to go home and have to look at her every morning and tell her she is the only one I ever loved!”
He said. The pain in his voice was palpable. He had tried to friend zone me and I had well, I had liked him. At that moment the phone rang again. It was her.
“This is your beautiful pregnant wife calling!”
That annoying ringtone.
“I have to pick up, something could be wrong!”
Oh now he cared!
“Please don’t make a sound!”
He pleaded with me. You see hotel rooms have a problem. You can’t run out to the balcony to pick up a call and it was pretty late at night anyway so what would his excuse be for being there.
He whispered and I am sure in what can be seen as an act of courage answered,
He put on a sleepy voice!
“How are you?”
As the room was so quiet and the TV was on I could hear her clearly.
“I am good baby! Oh I am sorry did I wake you up?”
She asked him.
“You did but its fine. Is everything ok?”
He responded without changing that sleepy voice. I knew what that voice meant; he was trying to get her off the phone.
“Yes everything is fine. I missed you that’s all.”
“…and your daughter has been playing kung Fu inside my tummy all evening. She has been kicking like crazy all evening! Guess she misses her daddy!”
The way she was so sweet made me just want to rot inside!
“Tell her daddy will be home before she knows it ok!”
He said to her.
“I will! I miss him too!”
She continued! This woman was not buying the, ‘I am sleepy’ voice clearly.
“I miss you too love. Let me sleep ok and will call you in the morning!”
He said to her.
“Tell me you love me first!”
“I love you baby!”
He said sweetly and the she said it back. It was then that he hung up. Tell me that was not awkward at all! For five minutes we were both quiet. I did not know what to say and by the sound of it neither did. It’s a good thing the lights were off because I would not have wanted him to see that I was crying. Eventually he said,
“I am sorry about that!”
“I am sorry too!”
I said inside me. I finally got the courage and stood up. I picked up my clothes and I went to the bathroom, opened the shower and stepped in. This way my tears would be washed away by the water but the dirt inside me was not going to go away. I dried myself, dressed up in the bathroom. I could not even look at myself in the mirror because I knew what was glaring back at me. So this is what prostitutes do after the sleep with a client, go to the bathroom, and take a quick shower and leave!
“Are you leaving?”
He asked me when I walked out of the shower. I did not say anything to him and picked up everything. In the elevator one of the receptionist ladies greeted me. I could not help but wonder what it was she thought of me because I am sure they see women like me every day, midnight, sneaking out! My pride was dented. I did my walk of shame all the way to my car. I was wrong for what I had done and I take full responsibility. When I got to the car, I searched for my keys! Guess what? I had left them in the hotel! Really? I wanted to scream in frustration! I had to go back! Yah neh! My ancestors were telling me something.
Hotels doors are so thick! When you knock on them they even feel like they are hurting your fingers!
“Who is it?”
He asked from inside!
“I left my keys!”
The words would not come out.
He opened for me and I walked past him angrily.
“Why are you giving me so much attitude?”
He asked me! I ignored him but after fifteen minutes of looking I realized that I could not find them. Panic and frustration were setting in now. All the while he was helping me and trying to calm me down. What’s worse I could not even call Uber because they had sent a message telling me that they had suspended all Sandton area services as they feared for their drivers lives. That’s South Africa for you; you can’t come up with a new idea to improve people’s lives because someone else will always feel you are taking business from them so it’s their right to shoot you for it!
“I can’t drive you home; you know my car is suspect!”
He said finally after we gave up! Imagine all this and now we back here! This time I unashamedly broke down and cried! At first he stood there as though he did not know what to do. He came up to me to comfort me and I stubbornly said between the tears,
“Don’t touch me you fucken bastard don’t touch me!”
I was angry and hurt at the same time. I started hitting him but not to hurt him as he had hurt me. I never knew I could be this dramatic but the man gathered me in his arms and hugged me!
“I am so sorry!”
He whispered in my ears!
“I am sorry!”
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
I know you get this a lot, but you are truly a blessing and amazingly relevant. Y.E.S sounds like my life! Thank you so much for sharing your gift, you’ve opened my eyes to so much I thought I knew but didn’t.
So here is my story: I am a 24 year old lady. I have dated only once and when that relationship ended I was so heartbroken, I have not had the courage to fall in love again. It’s been 3 years since. Needless to say he was my 1st and my only so getting over that took time. I am a workaholic and have avoided having time for dating since that break up. I’m no longer bitter or sad, I’ve healed in fact, but I’m just scared of falling in love again.
Now about 5months ago the company I work for collaborated with another company and there I met this guy who, for the duration of the project, was teamed up with me. When the project ended 2 months ago we kept contact, and we’ve become very close. He’s 11 years older than me. We can talk for hours on end, it’s like we’ve known each for the longest time (lol I know this is a cliché!). We get along like old friends despite the age difference. He has made it clear he wants to be with me and I told him we should just be friends because relationships ruin things. But now the scariest thing is happening I’m falling for this guy despite my hard work of avoiding love like a plague! He is not superficial, he tells me to my face when I’m wrong and I don’t get that a lot from people, never shies away from the truth. He’s well established, I’m working on my own stuff too so I’m not even liking him because of his financial status. I’m independent, stubborn and strong willed, in most cases it’s either my way or no way- so I am far from the ideal woman. I’ve been told I intimidate guys, and that’s been working well for me because being in a relationship was the last thing on my mind, till this guy, who is seems to be ok with me being me, came along. I don’t even have to mince my words when we’re talking, he seems to know how to take it, and I know I can be a bit too much. On the one hand I’m seriously considering this because I really like him, but the age difference worries me, and also the fear of opening my heart to love again scares the daylights out of me. On the other hand I’m already planning to run for the hills from this before it even starts.
Will I be dumb by running from this? Should I give it a try? I never gave up on love, I’ve always thought that one day when I’m ready I will, and I’m just super scared. I love the honesty of the readers here, please help a girl out.
Thank you in advance.