Realities 129

Take a moment and picture this. You are sitting at home or on your work desk and someone calls you to say that someone your love so much is dead? What’s your first reaction? Do you scream? Cry? Faint? What? Now picture what it was going through when my battery died. Was expecting to hear the worst news and now the phone had left me in limbo. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want my husband to be dead but when you have that nagging feeling that something terrible has happened it’s what comes to mind. At times life is just unfair and seems to want to punish for no necessary reason. Did my phone really have to have gone off at that moment when it did? Come on now? It now seemed to further emphasize that the bad luck I had been having all along surely was unnatural. I needed some sort of divine intervention and this pride that I had as a family was killing us. I was not a church person and neither did I believe in ancestors but when I thought of it now, something was very wrong in my life. Luck simply seemed to have deserted me. I had a decision to make, watch my family fall apart by doing nothing or swallow my pride and do something I did not believe in. Welcome to being a doctor! We see so much death we become sceptical about even God Himself! I was still holding my phone, and for a moment there I could not think. What exactly had that guy said? I was starting to confuse myself because now I was trying to fill in the blanks.

“Someone called me saying they have found Sizwe but my phone hung up before I could even ask anything?’

I told my brother who had come to see what was wrong.

“I need a charger so we can call them back. The number was not on private I think so it won’t be difficult.”

Fortunately I had my charger in the car and in five minutes I was dialled back.

“Bloemfontein Police Station hello?”

The person said on the other end. I told them that I had received a phone call from them about my missing husband. The lady asked me who had called but I could not remember the name!

“Ma’am without the name of the detective in charge I won’t be able to help. We have over 50 officers here and I need a person!”

She said. This was so frustrating to be honest. I wanted the information and I wanted it now. I tried to rake through my brain. So many things had happened which is why it was so difficult to just pin point who it was. Just before she was about to hang up is when the name came to me.

“I think he said Seepe!”

I told her.

“Oh Detective Seepe.”

I was relieved when she recognized the name. There was hope at last.

“I saw him just two minutes ago, he left the building. I think he is going for lunch!”

She said.

“Can’t you give me his cell number is urgent!”

I pleaded with in desperation.

“I am sorry ma’am we are not allowed to give their personal phone numbers unless with special permission!”

The woman said. How can she be so cold and heartless though? My husband who had been missing had just been found and now she was saying his lunch was more important than my well-being.

“Ma’am please I need to know if he is ok!”

I asked her but she would hear none of it.

“I am sorry ma’am. The job has rules, I follow them. Call back in an hour. Bye!”

She said hanging up. Wow this woman. I was speechless. At least she told me which police station it was so I was going there. I was going to wait for detective Seepe to come back from lunch and I pray he was one those government employees who take two hour lunch breaks.

“What did they say? How is Sizwe?”

My brother asked me. My heart was beating so hard in my chest I felt it would pop out. I was so scared at this stage.

“We have to go to the station! I don’t know what’s going on. The detective in charge went for lunch!”

I told him.

“Let me get Zethu and Lintle and I will drive!”

He said. He quickly went to pick them up as I stayed in the car wondering what possibly they had to tell me. My brother was back in five minutes but felt like hours.

“Could you have possibly taken any longer?”

I asked him.

“I can’t find Lintle. Someone said they saw her go down the road with Nelisa. Must I go after them or must we leave them here?”

He asked me. Like hell I was going to leave my daughter here. I had almost lost one member of the family so leaving her here would be a definite no.

“Please go find her. She needs to be there whatever they say about her father!”

I told him.

“They found Sizwe?”

Zethu asked me. My brother hadn’t told her and he ran off to look for Lintle before he could answer.

“Yes some policeman called and my battery died on me before he could say anything further.”

I told her. She had that confused blank look I had as well when the phone went flat.

“That does not help much but let’s hope for the best!”

She said. It’s the only thing she could have said really. We waited by the car what seemed like an eternity. Surprise surprise when he came back with not only Lintle but Nelisa as well.

“I am coming too. He is my father!”

She said before I could even say anything. She went straight in the car and sat at the back besides Lintle. I did not have time to argue with them so whatever they wanted. We just had to go. My brother drove.

When we got there we waited a further 30 minutes before the detective came back. I introduced myself and he immediately recognised who I was after that.

“Ma’am I am sorry about earlier. I tried to call you back but your phone would not go through.”

He started to explain to me and much as I appreciated that he was being polite and all, I did not care about that. I was not here for this but for other things so please go on with your story I told him.

“We found your husband! Yes he is alive and at the hospital. He is in a bad state. He was beaten up but in a manner I have never seen before. It was almost as though they were trying to send a message I don’t know!”

He said. I looked back to where Lintle was sitting with Zethu and immediately I just worried for my family. Who could have done this?

“Where did you find him?”

I asked him.

“He was dumped outside a police station in Qwaqwa! The police there said that a car drove up and literally dropped him off at their entrance!”

They already had a picture of him so they identified him immediately.

“So why didn’t you tell me immediately?”

I asked him.

“Not without confirming first! I had to go and see him for myself first and confirm it was him. At times you give people false hope and send the wrong message and that ma’am I could not have done. Your father had us all on alert and we could not afford to make such a mistake!”

He explained. He made it sound like he worked for my father.

“We should go to the hospital!”

He suggested.

“It’s not far!”

I stood up to leave. As soon as I got to Lintle I just hugged them all and said,

“He is alive but at the hospital! We need to go there now!”

I told them and again we lined up for the car as we went. I had so many thoughts at this stage. Who had kidnapped him? Why had they beaten him up? They had not taken his car or money so this was personal!

“I will drive!”

My brother said rather unnecessarily because he had been driving along in any case. We drove there in silence, each person like me I am sure wondering what the hell was going on. We were all relieved that he was alive but I am sure we had many questions. Detective Seepe drove in front of us and even had his blue lights on.

“He is in ICU bed 7!”

He said when we got there.

“They only allow two people at a time and I suggest you live the girls in the waiting room!”

He said. I was never going to let Lintle and Nelisa walk in first without me first assessing how bad it was.

“We have to wear these plastic aprons and wash our hands before we enter!”

The detective said. I was going in with him I guess. My brother said he would come in after the detective had left and we will rotate like that. I was glad when we got to the bed and the doctor was there.

“Hi, are you the wife?”

He asked me as soon as I arrived.

“Yes Doctor I am!”

I responded. He was with a young lady nurse with a name tag written Sebasi Mokoleti and two other nurses.

“He is still unconscious. I am glad to say he has no broken bones but whoever did this was a professional. Let me show you his feet…”

He told me as he lifted the blanket. The detective immediately took a step back and winced as though he could fill the pain my husband had gone through when they did this to him. His feet were practically blue, twice their size and bruised. He had lost both his toenails. I stood there numb. Even the nurse was struggling to look.

“They did a job on him. It’s like they knew exactly what they were doing like I said. He was punched a lot of times in the stomach so his insides are swollen. It’s pretty bad yes but can be fixed. He is going to be in pain for a very long time and I worry that some of his organs may never function properly!”

I noticed then that the detective was looking at me closely.

“You don’t seem shocked by all this, when even the nurses are not even looking?”

He asked me right there and then. I knew what he was insinuating. When you suspect that a person has committed a crime, you look at their reaction to make your conclusion. That’s why the detective had insisted on coming in with me. He wanted to see my reaction.

He was already holding his handcuffs and I expected him to say,

“You are under arrest!”

In front of all these people! Guilty or not it was so embarrassing! They were all staring at me and now I did not know what to say!

*******The End*******

Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)

Dear Mike

I have been an avid reader of your blogs from day one back on Tumblr. Job well done.

I have a problem. I am 34 and have been married to my husband for 7 years now. We have tried everything to conceive but it’s clear now that we can’t give birth. The problem is with me and the doctors we have gone to see have all concluded that. My husband grew up an only child and even when we were just dating always wanted kids. I grew up in a large family; I have three sisters and one brother. I love my husband and he loves me. He worships me but I can see how badly this is affecting us. He is often moody and sulking around the house and when I ask him what’s going on he will smile it off and say it’s nothing. He doesn’t want to go to more doctors and to be fair it has exhausted our budget. I was talking to my sisters about this on what my options. Adoption is an option but he needs his own children considering how he grew up. My youngest sister (24) volunteered to have a baby for us and the other two agreed with her. Needless to say I was stunned because black people don’t do such things and it’s downright creepy. I suggested that we can do artificial insemination after much debate with my sisters as I was not too sure about the idea. They all said them having sex was a better option and even at the doctors they suggested it. I am not saying I am ungrateful for having sisters who would do anything for me but come on, how will I feel if my husband sleeps with my sister even with my permission? They don’t seem to see anything wrong with that and I am so confused now. I have not told my husband this because if he says yes to it I will feel like he has always wanted to sleep with my sisters. I know am now being selfish after having worked so hard to find solutions but on the one hand they might be our only option whilst on the other this is creepy. Who will the child call mom? How will my sister react every time she sees the baby? What if the sex is so good my husband and my sister start doing it behind my back?

Please help me find sanity. What should I do?

Thank You

Port Elizabeth

27 thoughts on “Realities 129

  1. @ PE. Your sister can donate her eggs instead and you can carry the baby. It seems dodgey that your sister is very willing to have sex with your husband though.

  2. Your sister should not know what your man looks like naked or how it feels to be intimate wirh him. She’s not a random girl, she will be the child’s aunt, what if she wants the child and your husband at a later stage. Artificial innsemination or nothing at all. Allowing them to sleep together will cause too many problems. Protect your family and protect your marriage. Pay for a surrogate.

  3. Thank you bhut Mike for the daily dose, yhooo what a turn of events in this story….

    PE: Iyhoo sis wam talk about a catch22 situation there…. Your concerns are justified yazi because your sister will carry the child for 9 months and give birth to the child.

    I dont think them having sex is a good idea though because nyani as you said, what if they do it behind your back?? You can do IVF, not sure though how costly it is….and another thing…after your sister gives birth to the child, she ( your sister ) should not see the child for atleast 6 months or so to allow for some kind of detachment to the child and YOU should breastfeed the child as that is the best way of bonding with a child – I believe…This will not be easy yazi but you can give it a try.

    Clearly your sister loves you enough to want to give you what you want but you must be carefull of the consequences and dread carefully because ke alot is at stake here…

    All the best sis wam…


  4. Port Elizabeth heheheheheh don’t do t. Pregnant women bond with their unborn unless u don’t mind ur sister as second wife

  5. Dear P.E don’t do it my sister DONT. Rather go for the artificial insemination or just find another surrogate. There are a lot of people out there who are very open minded.

    If they have a child it will not be your child anyway and I am sure you want your DNA in the child as well.

  6. PE- I say use your eggs and your hubby’s sperm, for fertilisation and implant in your sisters womb. Surrogacy, so that your sister just carries the baby…. but then again, whats the problem, your eggs or womb? that is also a factor that could determine how this is done.

  7. Could be Python….Mthobisi and Nothabo were on semi good terms after she hid him in her house.

    PE, your sister is very generous as its not everyone who would agree to such. Its risky to let your sister and husband sleep together. That’s just too intimate and what if feelings exchange in the process. You will be out and your sister in, then you end up without a husband and baby. On the other it could strictly be just sex and she gets pregnant, you get your baby. But you know life has no guarantee so make a decision you can live with.

  8. This detective cant do that. She is a Doctor mus, she must have seen worse and how does he go from fearing her father to arresting her with no probable cause.. Iyho…

    PE: Now there is a bad idea if ever one existed. A lady from my hood was sick once and thought she was about to die, got her young sister to move in with her so she could look after the husband AFTER she had died, needless to say they are now co-wives and its not a happy arrangement. I understand your need to give your husband a child, but you will only fully comprehend the consequences of your husband sleeping with your sister after the fact and by then it will be too late. And you hope they will abide by your terms, but they are both adults and can do as they please. I dont know, I wouldn’t do it. Marriage is not about having children, they are part of it but not all of it. On Metro this morning they spoke of a lady who gave birth at 72, it might still happen for you, mara this, your sister sleeping with your man… is a bad idea.

  9. PE I think that u should go for surrogacy coz the baby will be yours and your husband’s, so basically your sister would just be the incubator and you would would be at peace as they would not have slept together or worry about who’s the mom and
    u might not have given birth to the baby but it would be your flesh and blood

  10. Q & A; I have a problem with your sister feeling comfortable with the idea of sleeping with your husband. Look at other options like surrogacy depending on what your problem is.

  11. Thanks Mikeesto, Nothabo should just say she’s a doctor for crying out loud. Daily dose much appreciated.

    There was a situation on Shameless where the daughter couldn’t have babies( or so they thought) and ended up asking her mother to be the surrogate, the natural way. It wasn’t pretty in a series, I can’t picture it being better in real life. You my sister are in a very difficult situation and to put your husband in such a compromising position may just be the toughest decision you will ever make.

    I wish you strenght in abundance, good luck sisi.


  12. Lol Shame man, Nothabo can’t catch a break. She is a doctor for crying out loud. She’s used to much worse than this. Lol aey this is harsh hey

  13. Thanks bhut Mike for the daily doze. Cant wait for the day after ungomso.

    P.E I first gotta salute your sisters for being there for you in what seems to be the most dreadful time of need in your life. But be that as it may, your sis sleeping with your husband, regardless of what society teaches us today is downright dirty (with good intentions it still is). Today’s technology allows for a lot of options. Yes you cant carry any kids but, someone else can cary them for you maybe your sister since she doesn’t mind already. Now here iz an idea, you said your husband wants a lot of kinds rigt? So why not if possible, fertalize two of your eggs for the IVF then you guys can have 2 babies at once instead of one (just saying) then you can talk about adopting a 3rd one if it needs be. In all these ideas we givig you, you gotta TALK TO YOUR MEN and discuss your options (no mentioning your sister sleepinvwith him) that should be your last last lat exhaustion point. Goodluck and pray on this everyday without a pinch on doubt in your heart.vGod will prevail.

    P.S: stop asking your husband what’s bothering him when you know fully well know what. Instead, endulge him in the subject so you can think of a way out.

  14. Thanks Mike…

    PE: Your sister can fall pregnant without being intimate with your husband.
    OPTION 1: IVF which will be expensive. But they can use your egg and your husband’s sperm and your sister will be a surrogate.
    OPTION 2: Your husband can ejaculate into the container and you will use a syringe to insert the semen into your sister’s vagina. She must be lying on the bed on her back. Maybe try to do this during her ovulation.
    This will require lots of discussion and understanding on all sides. Since your sister will be the biological mother she might bond with the baby and not want to give it up to you.

    All the best…

    1. Use a syringe to insert the semen into her vagina? Yoh that is extreme. We learn everyday. Didn’t know that was possible.

  15. Allowing your sister to have sex with your husband will be a very risky decision. I would suggest surrogacy as well, since adoption is not an option. I would also suggest that you speak to a professional alone, to seek advise and other safer options that don’t include your sisters.

    I pray that God guides you and your husband through this difficult time.

  16. Yoh PE!

    What exactly is the problem? Is it that you cannot physically carry a child, cannot naturally fall pregnant or that your don’t have eggs?

    If your ovaries are fine but can’t fall pregnant naturally or physically be able to carry a child then you can look at serrogacy. This is achieved from fertilising your harvested eggs with the sperm cells of your husband and implanting them in another women. The DNA of the child is yours and your husbands, only that another women carries your fetus.
    Currently the law in SA does allow for serrogacy but there must be no financial gain for the serrogate. Your sister has availed herself, it’s a selfless act.
    If your ovaries/eggs are not good then you can ask your sister to donate you her eggs and you could also implant them in her. This is very expensive plan and you have to make an application to the courts for serrogacy.
    You can visit a few websites for more info: http://www.serrogacy.Co. za

    If you don’t have the money for all this therapy then the natural route of your sister sleeping with your husband is your option. Just remember that one doesn’t fall pregnant from a single act of intercourse and they will need to have a lot of sex before they can get her pregnant.
    I don’t know about other SA cultures but in my culture if a women is married to a guy and can’t have children the younger sister or another women in the family would become the second wife to bear children. Old wisdom! Your sister has already partially agreed to this and it looks like a collective family decision. Lastly you should also look at things like sexually transmitted infections. Sister or not make sure all you are clear from STIs especially HIV.

    The readers have given you different options that you can choose from. Protect yourself emotionally in whatever decision you take.

    All the best!

  17. Thank You Mike for a wonderful Chapter…I really like Realities I cannot describe indlel engithanda ngayo.
    My Nothabo is a Doctor for crying out loud. She has seen the worst so taugh the detective should give her a break… Aykhona I also think the familly requires a Divine intervention.
    My Sister I dont think your sister corpulating with your man is agood idea bcuz we are humans after all. I am also uncomfortable with how she offers herself…is she crush*** ur man; but uwena owaz kahle your sister. I say maybe consider surrogacy that will be a convenient decision to both your and your husband because this thing of your husband shagging your sister is way too Creepy. Anyway good luck

  18. Pray my love, babies come from God. He listens and is not limited to Dr’s reports. He is able.

  19. Thanks Mike. It gets interesting everyday.
    P.E. I personaly won’t mind carrying a baby for my sister even a friend but I wouldn’t go the “natural” way. We don’t sleep with our brother-in -laws (I don’t care what the reason is ). I understand she’s trying to help you but its tooooooo risky. Surrogate is the way to go.
    Wishing you all the best.

  20. PE uhamba ogqirha bodwa okanye ukhe waya nakubantu besintu? Ngamanye amaxesha isintu siyanceda kwaye sibone izinto ezingabonwayo ngo gqirha! Yiya nase ZCC sisi, ndabazi abantu abancedwe yiyo kakhulu.

  21. PE you are not alone, there are so many ladies who are struggling with infertility. your letter doesn’t explain what your problem is. but 1st option would be ivf with your eggs. your sister will be 2nd option to donate eggs and they are combined with your husband’s sperms and you carry the pregnancy or she carries. but your sister having sex with your husband is a NO, NO. good luck and all the best. if you are on facebook join the page conception advice on getting pregnant. just so that you know that you are not the only one.

  22. Thanks Abuti Mike and team for the daily dose, your books are amazing. I always look forward to each chapter

    PE, you are really in a sticky situation, and am with those who say dont let your sister sleep with your hubby. I know you are desperate and stuff but sit down and think things through, a plan will avail itsself. and i see that we are all grappling at straws here, bcoz we dont know the real cause of you not conceiving.

    I know that you have gone to the doctors and stuff and we always believe that doctors can perform miracles and it is not always the case. I want to suggest that you also try and use the Forever Living Products, they are very good in cleaning the womb and they have helped many people who have lost hope in conceiving. There is a combo they call a infertility combo, it consists of the Berry Nectar which helps with womb problems,Royal Jelly, Forver Gin Chia, Forever Multi Maca and Vitolise for women.

    I know it would seem like I am selling products and stuff but you have tried the doctors, so it wont hurt to try these forever living products before you can say you have tried it all.

    Good luck sisi


  23. Lady please do artificial insemination because that way your sister can be pregnant with more than one baby and you would have to go through this process only once. Sleeping with your man I don’t agree with at all because of many issues that may arise but mostly what happens if you do would like to have more kids. Inseminate and have her be pregnant with 2 or 4 children.

  24. PE, a friend of mine had a problem, running from 1 doctor to another until she went to church and she gave birth to twins, the church e ko Evaton its Rivers of living waters ya Bishop Stephen Zondo

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