Growing Up Relevant

Growing Up – Chapter 66

Some conversations are not meant for others to hear. Sometimes you talk about a person and you don’t want them to know, it’s not always gossiping, for example we were talking about Sipho and we didn’t want him to know what we were saying, but we weren’t gossiping. Sometimes a person just needs to vent out, and they don’t want to harm the people close to them. That was Bongile right now, she was just venting out, but she didn’t want Sipho to hear anything just to not hurt his feelings.

“Don’t stare at me Bongile, why don’t you go and look for a more successful man? Why are you talking about me like this Bongi? So everything I do for you and the kids is not enough? Hai Bongile you are ungrateful. Hlengiwe please take her and introduce her to the rich men you know. Bongile I always make sure that you are happy, I help you with the kids because I don’t want you to feel burdened with everything. I always sleep at home, when I go out I am with you. When I go to see my friends I always inform you of my whereabouts. But I guess good men like me aren’t good enough because we don’t make enough money.” He said very calmly but you could see the anger in this face.

Shame man, he spoke with so much passion. He was right though, he seemed like a good man to his family. But that is the problem with a lot of women, we don’t appreciate the good men God blesses us with because we are so focussed on money. We can leave a perfectly good man for a rich horrible man. God help us!

“No it’s not like that baby, I didn’t mean it in that way. I was just trying to show Hlengiwe how lucky she is to have her man. Not that I am not lucky to have, I was just pointing out some financial struggles to her, struggles she might not be aware of. Let’s go and talk in the room please.” Bongile said in a very humble manner. They left me and went to their room. I quickly went to my car to fetch the pizza and the goodies for her kids.

After a while they came back from their room, they were both smiling. I noticed that throughout their argument, they both didn’t raise their voices. I don’t know whether they were doing that because I was there or that was the way they always did things, either way I think it was a good thing.

They both looked at the boxes of pizza, and Bongile asked “Who bought this?”

“I did, I bought them because I wanted us to celebrate my engagement and I wanted to spoil your children….oh we also need to celebrate the fact that in a Month’s time, on the 2nd of April I will be getting married…….. I‘m super excited.”

“On the 2nd of April? But Hlengiwe, Sipho and I are also getting married on the 2nd of April, so does that mean we won’t attend each other’ weddings?” Bongile told me.

I had totally forgotten about the little traditional wedding they invited me to. If I remembered I was going to postpone my wedding……who am I kidding? I don’t have any power over my wedding preparations, where was I going to get the authority to postpone it because my ex best friend is getting married.

“Oh my goodness,” I said, “I totally forgot. I wanted to be at your wedding so badly but now there is nothing I can do. I am really sorry hey.”

She just gave me a nod, but I could see that she didn’t believe me. Maybe she thought I was lying, maybe she thought I did this on purpose because I was trying to avoid attending her wedding. Maybe she thought I was still angry that she stole my man. Yes, a part of me will never forgive her and will never understand how she took my man because as you all know…….Hlengiwe is extremely beautiful!! I am extremely beautiful, actually beauty is an understatement. They haven’t yet found a word to describe my beauty. So I didn’t understand how my average looking friend succeeded in taking a man from a girl like me. But apart from this, I was honestly over this guy.

“You know what we can do? We can go to the beauty spa together on the day before our weddings to get pampered, I will pay for everything. At least in that way we will be part of each other’s big days.”

She looked at me with a broad smile, hugged me. “You know Hlengiwe, I will never forgive myself for ruining our friendship, but I’m grateful that you are giving our friendship a second chance.”

Hold up? I never said I was giving our friendship a second chance. But for some weird reason her words warmed my heart. Maybe deep down I also missed her, I know that my intention for visiting her is to brag and show her that I have a better life, financial life, than her, but maybe subconsciously I missed her. This girl was like family and I loved her deeply, well until she stabbed me in the back and for that I will never mend any friendship with her. I mean how will I trust her with my husband? If you betray me once, there is nothing stopping you from doing it again.

I stayed a little while after that, and then I went home. As soon as I got home, I chilled with Sihle. Before I went to sleep, I tried to call Apostle Bae but his phone was off.

In the morning, before I went to meet Miss Vinny, decided to go and see my aunt and find out how much they were going to charge my fiancé. I know my aunt will try and mess things up for me, that is just her nature. When I arrived I found her doing the most embarrassing and irritating, I was so embarrassed. It was 8:30 am, the sun was shining bright and there were people in the street and my aunt was standing in the middle of the street with some women, wearing her night-dress and eating amagwinya (fat cakes) and atchaar. They were obviously gossiping, and my aunt was the loudest of them all. They were all listening attentively to her, she was clearly the ring leader. I always knew my aunt to be a straatmate, but I never imagined her to be the kind of house-wife who wakes up, roams the street to gossip about people who are at work.

When she saw me driving in her yard, she called me. she introduced me to her friends and acted like she liked me. “This is my sister’s daughter Hlengiwe, she is as beautiful as my sister. Her boyfriend is going to pay lobola this Saturday, he is a very successful Pastor. She doesn’t have a child, she is still a virgin.I’m very proud of my sisters daughter.”

All the women looked at me with so much envy, but I understand my aunt made me look like an angel. She even said I was a virgin, which was obviously a big fat lie. One of the women said

“Good girl, I wish you were my daughter. But God decided to punish me with this silly girl who has 4 children with 3 different men and she is only 21. She is at home right now busy finishing my food. The only daughter I have is such a huge disappointment, she is the reason I have a heart condition.”

I know kids are a blessing, but 4 kids with 3 different men at the age of 21? Yes, I’m judging her because that is a very dumb thing to do at her age. At the rate she’s going, unless she changes, she will have more children with different men as she grows older.

They all commented about their own children, and as soon as they were done we went to my aunt’s house.

“Hlengiwe we are going to have 2 lobola’s on Saturday. So don’t get too excited.” My aunt said before I even asked her anything.

What does she mean there will be 2 lobola’s? Does it mean that someone is going to pay lobola for my cousin? I knew that my aunt will try to steal my special day. I don’t even have to make my man pay lobola to my aunt and uncles because they didn’t raise me, I was just doing this because I was showing respect to my late mother, sister and grandmother.

“What do you mean we are going to have 2 lobola’s?” I asked.

She chuckled then said “Well my dear, after your sister passed away I told you that you must get married to Mdu, but you decided to ignore my instructions. So now because I am the one incharge, I arranged with Msibi family to come and pay lobola. So it means we are going to have both the Zungu family and the Msibi family paying lobola for you.”

“What? How the hell will that work? Are you crazy?” I screamed

“Don’t you dare raise your voice at me, you silly girl. This is how it is going to work, both the families will tell us how much they are willing to pay for you. The one with the highest offer, will get you. So the highest bidder will be taking you home. It is going to be interesting.” She told me with a smug grin on her face.

WTF??? The highest bidder will take me home? Was this going to be lobola negotiations or an auction?

After she spoke, I got so angry, and out of anger I clapped her and pushed her to the wall. I think she hit the wall very hard because after I pushed her, she collapsed!



32 thoughts on “Growing Up – Chapter 66

  1. Oh no,please let aunt nuisance live…I dnt went hlengy go to jail… Or maybe she shud go,her spiritual eyes Myt b opened n see exactly what she’s getting into with apostle aae

  2. I hope she gave her a hard concussion. I know akubusisiwe ukushaya umuntu omdala but loAunt vele is a bad omen herself.

  3. Eintlek, I think this ‘beauty’ ka Hlengiwe is starting to annoy me. Hhayi kabi, it’s like she’s Ms World and Ms Universe and Ms South Africa all at once. No matter how angry an adult makes you – you should never raise your hand on them…. That’s just inviting bad luck to your life…. What’s up vele with this Pastor and switching phone off…. engabe usuke evule ini kabani uma evale iphone?

  4. Hai honestly I don’t know if it’s Hlengiwe the character or Khanyi the writer. But this book is actually frustrating, we arn’t taught anything constructive and challenged mentally as readers. I think the target audience here is high school kids, actually I wouldn’t want my 15 year old sister to read Growing UP Revelant because there is no mental stimulation here. Khanyi your characters are either naive, narrow minded or just plain dump. Yes your style of writing (grammar, vocab) has improved but the content is boring and childish. Judging by the comment section you’ve lost a lot of readers and some people just got tired of complaining. I’m sorry to be so harsh but take the criticism and do something with it girl.

    1. I agree. She says too many things at once and treat us like illiterate kids me am leaving this for high school kids

  5. Khanyi sisi I don’t know how many second chances I’ve given this book but each it fails me more than before.I don’t know whether it’s the content alone or content contrasted to reality that bothers me.some of the things you write about are not a true reflection of what might happen in real life I mean Pastor came on Hlengiwes face and then they went to meet the cousin all in one scene? Ay nana either you think the readers are air heads or you just haven’t discovered where you want to go with your story line.
    @Xolie yes I agree this book has lost a lot of readers and followers.Even I have lot interest.
    @bhut Mike aw mfethu uthule uthini manje ndoda makunje.ay no people please take us seriously on a Sunday afternoon.

  6. Wuuuuuu Shem #in Somizi’s voice# I hated lo Pastor Thulani from d start,no Hlengiwe wakhona impumputhe…even a blonde gal akasona isthutha kanje…but I will keep reading this story…I can’t wait to see d end yalo msangano walengane…I wonder how I wud feel if I had someone treat me d way she is treated by lo Pastor Bae wakhe..

  7. @ Thabanjalo…..they wiped themselves with a tissue and they went to see Miss V….. guys if the story doesn’t suit you, stop reading n stop criticising pls, try writing your own n see if u will do a better job.

  8. Seriously though…I heard warning bells coming form afar the first time this apostle came into the picture. Mxm this hlengiwe character is so deaf and blind. Mxm

  9. This is a sad reality of how people can be when they are inlove. Hlengiwe is in a very abusive relationship but like Mshoza,she calls it “love” Hlengy is very childish. There are more shocking stuff in real life than what Hlengiwe is doing. “The Hlengiwes” are very frastraiting coz they don’t see anything wrong with their relationships abantu abasecelen bebebebona.
    As for Hlengy’s Aunt! I’ve no words for her.

  10. Myb BhutiMike U cud mentor Khanyi by sumerrising the the usually 3chapters of Growing Up to one chapter with more weighing content as it seems some of the content comes up as primary school material.
    To criticise doesn’t necessarily mean we can do better but if we feel the item(s) on display is/are not up to expectations (per Dr/Advocate Maphoto’s standards) then it is our right to complain & justifiably so. We have chosen & fallen in love with the blog for various reasons among them, intelligence, style, fun & educative. These standards need to be upheld or at the very least matched. For me personally. Growing up has failed after several chances given.
    It’s similar to a soccer player, we give him/her many chances but if they habe failed, the coach puts him/her on the bench.

  11. This book/story really drags out the story. This is a true reflection of some people’s realities. Just because you have not encounter it than it doesn’t mean it’s unreal. The story focuses a lot on the ideas of being naive when one is in denial due to being a people’s pleaser, furthermore it highlights how material things seem to dominate. After all marrying a pastor makes you relevant especially a pastor that the community such as that of Hlengiwe is in. It sheds light on how the word of the Lord can be misconstrued, hence the abuse. This girl has only been with one man most of her life who has been cheating on her non stop. Than comes along a man who wants who takes her out of her comfort zone but with the intention of belittling her in the long run. Society says women need to be married otherwise they are not real women. you cant be lose, right. Unfortunately this girl’s lack of experience of men in general is evident. Her upbringing was rough from a psychological perspective. she had no guidance from her elders (aunt). Now the very same woman who rejected her and her sister wants to cash in on her life. As much as I am still trying to figure where this story is going, I understand the points the writer is highlighting. The worlds principles of morality are not consider anymore and a lot people accept shit because that’s all they know. But there is a true beauty on the other side. Putting in the effort to discover that is your personal journey. Unfortunately a lot of people want quick results taking short cuts with dire consequences.

  12. Reading this diary is honestly very frustrating. I never thought reading something could cause me so much stress. Now I know how gambler’s feel when they are playing a game and continuously lose their money but fail to win. These experiences seem suitable for a teenager, someone who still needs guidance in relationships. Coz it’s hard to believe that so much dumbness can fit in one persons head

  13. Yes people have the right to criticise but criticise with the intend to build not destroy. If you hate the story that much then stop reading it. Trust me you won’t be missed. Kanyi is an aspiring writer and we black people do what we do best wanna drag down our own. E. L. James sold millions of copies about a girl in an abusive relationship and made a movie about it poor Kanyi right a blog about a girl in an abusive relationship and she gets nailed to the cross.

  14. I dont even read this diary on Sundays anymore…i wait until i dont have anything else to read then i go for it
    .its so immature i get annoyed even before i read a full chapter. Seems like a story only dimwits would enjoy. Lokulibala lokungaka for the main character eh! I just lose my appetite

  15. Thanks Khanyi. It hurts me how Apostle Bae devalues Hlengy though, may her eye be flooded with light b4 it is too late!

  16. I might be late to comment but I too found myself frustrated a few weeks ago but then I realized that THIS IS MANY PEOPLES REALITY. SD commented well enough and I second every word. Sometimes we have Hlengys around us and we don’t even know it. What I take from this book is that it could serve as a problem to understand how and why people reason the way Hlengy or Tsiamo does. The DOAZG team highlights problems in our society and we cannot simply pick and choose which ones we want to pay attention to because they are all relevant to our society. Whether we want to realize it or not all this builds us, what if a pastor Thulani sneaks into our lives? How does one recognize the signs? But yeah, to each his own and we are welcome to choose what fuels us.

  17. A good story never reveals it’s secrets all at once. I won’t lie, i find myself yelling at Hlengiwe for being such an idiot. But this story reveals that some expriences are psychological. It may not seem like a big deal to grow up with a mother who wasn’t fully present or have a father that was never there. People will turn to all sorts of things to fill in the gaps and this is exactly what this story illustrates.
    Khanyi, you managed to make me feel so many things throughout the book. Even opened up some old wounds and to me that’s what “Real” writing does. It takes you on a ride and you shouldn’t stop writing because you are amazing.

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