“Your worst enemy in your relationship is usually yourself. You are constantly trying to fix something already perfect until the words “overbearing” “micromanaging” “possessive” etc start getting thrown around in the relationship.” Mike Maphoto
Light skinned guys, where do I even start? I know people say it’s a matter of preference but in life most black girl’s mission is to get lighter so imagine having a boyfriend who is lighter than you. Goodness you will be self-conscious for the rest of your life! For the record, girls who date white guys get excused because white people are not light skinned so let’s drop it there. A guy lighter than you gets more skin products than you. It’s their right. Much as I too complain about the attention given to yellow bone girls as girls we should stop being “Deputy Jesus” by judging them because we do the same to dark skinned chocolate. Ladies be honest ladies, when we close our eyes and picture a man he is dark, gorgeous, melanin dripping, strong and with me I add that I like them bold headed, tall and athletic, feel me! Light skinned guys just feel a lot like fuckboys, unreliable and seem to have that diva mentality. It’s nothing personal; they get a lot of attention yet are not on many girls marriage material list.
“No I am not the bride I said politely”
But he made sure he maintained eye contact! He had just embarrassed Miriam, poor bride.
“Well then, it’s a good thing because I was hoping I was wrong!”
He said and smiled. I take it back what I said about light skinned guys, I was melting. He turned immediately to Miriam and said,
“You must be Mrs. Mashiane!”
Of which she nodded a bit annoyed I think by the fact that he had picked me first. What had he implied by that, I am sure she was wondering? Told you girl world is tough and things can turn on their heads so quickly. She was not impressed at all.
“Yes I am.”
She said a bit coldly for my liking but I don’t think he got that.
“I am Sfiso and this is my lady, is my oldest friend!”
He said pointing her husband out to him.
“We grew up together, we used to beat up all the boys on our streets together, went to the same primary and high school and guess what, and we still friends now!”
He said by way of announcing himself. He was a jovial person and when he smiled, I can’t say. He really was a pretty boy!
“I have heard so much about you! My husband speaks very highly of you!”
Miriam said. There is thing that when you speak to people who speak good English you try upgrade your own English and introduce a fake twang that doesn’t normally come off just right. That was her right now. I have never quite heard Miriam pull out the Ferrari English the way she had at this moment. I am sure her countless English teachers who had called her as hard headed as rock would have been proud. Miriam, this girl was a classroom legend whose resistance to learning was the stuff of legend. How she ended up qualifying for college is a mystery to many but I have my theories.
“So what were you doing in England?”
I asked him as soon as he sat down. Well, I kind of did not want to be left out from this shiny new toy.
“I live there. I work in the South African Embassy there so it’s nothing fancy!”
He said. He genuinely had a bit of that British accent in him and for me I was used to Venda accent especially because all those kids that pass at Mpilwi somehow end up doing my degree when they fail at medicine. I am surrounded by Vho ma what what now he was Prince Harry without the ginger hair talking to me.
“Oh that’s nice I have always wanted to travel…”
I said but felt cheap soon afterwards because somehow it felt as though I was throwing myself at him.
“You should hey. I grew up believing that Cape Town was the most beautiful town in the world when I went there to visit parliament as a school kid but I was wrong. When you travel, you elevate your concept of beauty to another level and if you ask me today what I think of Cape Town, I can tell you now without hesitation that it’s a village!”
He said. I wanted to cry when he said that. You know how Jhb people with a little money all go to Durban for New Year’s Eve, those who have just enough but can’t afford to go to Mozambique and the like end up in Cape Town. That was me and even then people around me thought it was extravagant now this guy was calling it a village! Yah neh, something new to learn every day. He could see that I was clearly clueless.
“All I am saying is that you need to travel!”
He said and that was that. It just goes to show that there will always be someone who knows more than you do and for me that’s my motivation, learning.
“Enough about that, I am starving!”
He said and everyone laughed he was light on his words and on his feet in that he could make a conversation out of anything. He was going to be in town for two weeks and heading back. My heart sank when I heard that but maybe I could go there with some day. He was not wearing a ring, trust me I checked nor did he have a ring line. That’s the one thing people forget to check, a ring line!
“I have to go now! I am going to see my grans family in Mpumalanga, mom’s side so I am picking up my sister and we are out!”
He said standing.
He hadn’t asked for my number!
I could hear Cindy’s words in my head saying I needed to go after what I wanted. Eish, such advice though.
“I have some business opportunities I really would like to discuss with you!”
I said to him trying my level best not to sound forward,
“I am not really into business hey, it has never interested me!”
He said. Goodness was this guy trying to play hard to get, slow or just plain dumb!
“Regardless, you have seen the world and I haven’t so you will be the best neutral person to ask!”
I said. I could see that Miriam was about to burst out laughing, she shouldn’t dare!
“Ok cool then. My number is…”
He wrote it down on a table napkin and then he walked away. Fuck, he didn’t even ask for my number back! I was humbled but more importantly I felt pathetic. Now I know why girls don’t like asking out men. It’s like a new level of low and imagine how worse it felt when Miriam’s new husband said,
“That was subtle!”
Before he downed his espresso! What must this guy think of me really? I am sure I was coming across as a man eating super thirsty girl the way I had thrown myself at his friend. I was so embarrassed and ashamed at myself.
“Next time you want to set up your friend on a blind date with one of my friends you should tell me first. Don’t surprise me at the table! It’s embarrassing for all of us!”
He continued to say of which I felt even lower.
“I am sorry baby but you would never have said yes so I will do it again if I have to!”
She said defiantly. Miriam was something else I tell you.
“I think I second that.”
I said wryly.
“What you didn’t know either?”
He asked of which I nodded in the affirmative. I don’t go around trying to be set on blind dates but all my friends when their men come with a plus one I have become the automatic plus one for them. The sadness that is my life. Someone shoot me now please!
“I have to go bury my head in the sand now!”
I said as I stood up to also leave. I gave my friend a hug and she insisted I give her husband a hug too for being a good sport. I think she was a bit scared of him now because she knew she had been wrong. I gave him an awkward hug and I walked away. I needed to go to clicks to fill my prescription. I was entering my third month on the pill now so every month had to take this journey. From where we were sitting Clicks is a bit of a walk but needed the fresh air after that disaster.
I had not realized that my phone was on silent so when I looked at it I found a message from my mother. She wanted me to come over so we could clear the air after this weekend. The problem with my mother is that clearing the air means her telling you not to challenge whatever decision she has come up with. I was not going to reply her. In two days I had met three men, ok more like two and a half men, one was a little boy that’s why he is a half. I mean how do you call a 19 year old a man really? Of the real men, I did not have either of their numbers meaning I was doing something wrong.
My phone rang and it was my boss,
“Tomorrow we are having a meeting with CSIR so please put your best foot forward!”
She said. Our lab had been trying to get funding from them for a while so I know she was very excited and nervous about this. Even I wanted to see what they are about. Finally I was at Clicks and there was no line on the pharmacy side. That’s the beauty of Melrose; rich people don’t have time for queues!
There was only three people in front of me so it meant that I would be done in a second. That’s when I saw him. What the hell was doing here? It was Sfiso.
I turned around so that he would not see me but unfortunately I turned into an old white lady who dropped the things she was carrying making a noise.
“O God I am so sorry, I said to her as I helped her to put the things back in her basket!”
She was not pleased with me to say the least. When I was done helping her I turned around and this time bumped into someone else, him!
“Are you following me?”
Ground please open up now and swallow me, please I beg you!
It certainly seemed like so.
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
I would like to commend you for the good work you are doing, writing to educate the nation. Your diaries help us heal ? #grateful
3 years ago I wrote a letter to your readers seeking advice
I was pregnant with my son, by a guy I had known since primary, was cheating on me bla bla bla I took their advice and dumped him but later became bitter. Was at a point of not allowing him to see the child, refusing to send him pictures of the child yet he supports him financially and all.
I found healing when I started reading Rumblings of a jilted baby mama, that’s where I learnt about the importance of not holding grudges, because the only person that gets hurt in the process is me and my child. I forgave the guy, he sees his kid often now, we are on speaking terms.
Also busy with my Masters, bought myself a house in a nice estate and living well. I really can’t complain about anything. (Not to brag but I feel it’s necessary to state)
I apologize for the long letter
From a former bitter baby mama