I said it from the beginning. Never date in circles, its too complicated. When you have a group of friends that is dating a group of guy friends the level of comfort ability is much to high. University students are often the ones guilty of this and this is compounded when and if one of those couples end up married. There are bound to be secrets that you share amongst each other and from each other. We all watched the movie The Best Man where at the last minutes it came out he slept wit his friends wife. Zama, Meladi, Aurelia and myself were bound in a sisterhood that would never escape us. Zama and I it was worse because we had left something in that crew of guys and with the way things were going, the ineveitable bubble was about to come for her.
“I need you to talk to Mudenda for me please! I can’t lose my husband because of his childish games!”
She said. Its funny how she was forgetting that I did not speak to Mudenda on that level anymore. Once upon a time maybe I would have but now he was not my problem. He was just a sperm donor who got lucky and left a bun in my oven.
“But what if he does not want to tell your man though? He knows your man will kill him. Its not like him picking on us!”
I reminded her. She was not convinced by this argument.
“I can’t live it to chance. If you don’t warn him I will have to confess to Essien what happened and that would be disastrous.”
She said to me. I hate it when women become this gullable so eaten by guilt that they would go and confess something like this. We all know how this will turn out.
“Zama are you crazy?”
I asked her.
“If you tell him he will never trust you again. Yes I don’t know your man well enought but I believe you confess only when its absolutely necessary!”
I warned her. I don’t know whether its bad advice or not but I am certain that things will never be te same again. She was the only one of my friends that was happy so why was she trying to ruin that. At times we try fix a good thing by adding this nonsense thing called confessing in an attempt to make it even better. That’s why it does not work as it only creates unnecessary problems.
“I honestly don’t know what to do. I have checked his phone but there is nothing on it.”
She said. Maybe she was chasing her own tail for no reason. She was convinced he was cheating but seemingly it was a spidey sense that was tingling at the back of her head when actually there was nothing to it.
“Let it go Zama. He is not cheating. When he does you will find out because these men are not clever at all!”
I told her trying to reassure her. I know I said it was a matter of ‘when’ not ‘if’ but when a woman starts to suspect that something is up, usually it is. Sorry Zama! It is not what she wanted to hear at the moment but that was the reality of it. I was not going to tell her this though, its something all women should know and be able to sense. Somewhere somehow we managed to change the subject and discussed other things before she left.
I got a call from Tidimalo. I had forgotten about him and I had not even bathed.
“Are we still going out? You haven’t said anything!”
Tidimallo said on the phone.
“I can’t go. Ruben is here. Please come to my house!”
I told him. He was a bit confused by the name Ruben but I told him I will explain (again) when he got here. Ruben was sleeping fortunately which allowed me to go bath and get ready for him. He was really leaving for Cape Town and I felt that this could be the end of us ever getting together. My mother called and said she would be back after nine as she had to go to some event. It was a Sunday so I guess she can enjoy her weekend
“Are you going out?”
My sister asked me when I came out of the bath. She thought because I was bathing I was on my way out.
“So you think I don’t bath on weekends?”
I asked her laughing with her. She said it was because she wanted to go out so she needed to know if that was my plan.
“Would you like to stay with Rueben whilst I am gone?”
I asked her.
“I would rather not but what choice do I have.”
I told her I was not going anywhere but I was expecting Tidimallo. She didn’t care much for him.
“I will be back late. I am going to a braai.”
She said. My instinct was to tell her to chill and relax, wait for mom but I know my sister, she would never agree to that. In her credit she had not been out in a while but will all that was happening this was probably not the best time for her to be gallavanting. She had to keep her head down otherwise mom would throw her out no doubt.
“Don’t worry am not going to drink because am driving. I will be back by eleven so please be up so you can open for me. I can’t find my house keys!”
She said before she left, that left me alone with Ruben yet again as this weekend seemed to scripted. He woke up and I fed him. This baby can sleep shem! He fell asleep again. This can’t be normal. I noted it down that I should ask my mum about this because it was slowly starting to get worrying. I decided to put on a shortish dress. I can’t believe that Tidimalo was actually leaving because this would mean I will get to see him less and less.
Finally he arrived.
“I hope you still like Nandos because tats what I brought for lunch!”
He said as soon as I opened the door for him. Who doesn’t like Nandos though? Chicken and me are like twins and that’s something he had always known.
“Sorry about cancelling on you though? Things are just hectic for me and I have no one to babysit!”
I explained. He did not seem to mind at all.
“Where is your mum and your sister?”
He asked me.
“Why? Do you miss them?”
I asked him and he laughed.
“Why are you being cheeky? I am just asking because I know that they also live here!”
It was always fun having him around. Even when we were younger he had a way of making me laugh and that had not changed. In moments all my problems in the world were forgotten. He was making me feel warm inside and no, not in a horny kind of way. I just wanted to be in his space and laugh at all his jokes.
“What happened to Nozipho?”
I asked him.
“For a moment there she broke our friendsip and you allowed it! You are so weak!”
I accused but in a light hearted way.
“I know hey. I allowed a girl I had just met to tell me whom I should be friends with. Its crazy and I am ashamed to say I am weak!”
We laughed at the last part even though it was not funny. I was still deeply in love with this guy but I don’t think he saw it. In me all he saw was a friend not even an ex. Everything to him when it comes to us was a joke. That’s why he acted more like a best friend to me. I did not want to be in the friendzone with this guy but how do I turn it in my favor.
“The baby is crying!”
He suddenly said when I was staring at him. I did not even hear him the way I was day dreaming. O frailty thy name is love!
“He never cries and the one time I want him to sleep he does!”
I said out loud what was meant to be an internal thought.
“Why don’t you want him to be awake?”
He asked me. Now I looked like a bad mom if I said it was because I wanted to spend time with him alone. Baby always comes first remember!
“No its not that. Its bad timing that’s all!”
I said. I had no other excuse so I hope for that moment that was good enough.
“Are you going to find yourself a new girlfriend there?”
I asked him. I didn’t know what else to ask. He said he was off dating for now. He was waiting for the right girl to present herself as he was tired of chasing dreams.
“Tidimalo how come we never got back together?”
I asked him bluntly.
“Because you said I was a bad kisser!”
He said in what was a joke but I was serious.
“I am just curious. I still think we have something hey!”
“Are you trying to shela me?”
He asked me. Ruben must have been having a bad dream because now he was quiet and sleeping again. I lay him down and I went and sat next to Tidimalo. He looked nervous but I was going to make my move. I kissed him and wow it felt so weird but in a good way. In high school it was clear that when we dated he was just a boy and now the man in him had come out. I was emotional and even as I kissed him I had tears in my eyes.
“We shouldn’t be doing this!”
He whisprered then he pulled away but I moved towards him. I wanted this.
“I know we shouldn’t but now you are leaving and you know we have a lot of things left unsaid!”
I told him. I was sounding desperate and I wanted to ask myself to stop.
“We can’t do this! I am sorry!”
He said and he stood up. I stood up after him and that’s when I saw him through the window.
Standing outside was Thulare.
Even through the window I could see the mixture of pain and anger on his face.
What had I done?
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
Thank you so much for your blog Sir.
I’ve always wanted to send a letter, but i thought it would be irrelevant. I graduated in 2014 with a N.Diploma in Law-Paralegal studies and i am studying towards an LLB degree(in my third level).
I have been applying for jobs ever since i graduated, i have volunteered at the Legal-aid for months and i was, i don’t know if i should say fortunate, to get employment at a certain university last year. I worked briefly (9 days to be precise) and i was one of the temp workers who were “suspended till further notice due to HR issues”. I have not heard from them since they suspended me via email.
My plea is for anyone of your readers who knows of anyone or any company that’s looking for anything from an office assistant, receptionist and anything in between, to assist me im finding employment. I am based in Limpopo but i would not mind relocating at all.