Realities – Chapter 99

I don’t know why people feel like I go over the top. I only had one child. It’s funny how growing up I always told myself that if ever I had a child I will never have just one. One child means you focus all your attention on that child. It’s an emotional investment heavier than that you put on a husband or a job. You love her with everything that you have. Without that child it feels as though you have nothing else to live for because she is your crowning glory. When you have more than one child you at least feel a need to go on should you, God forbid, lose that child. Sigh! To this end that means when that child is in whatever kind of trouble, it’s your duty and cast in stone that as the mother that you must protect your child. People are quick to say I am spoiling my daughter but I love my daughter. She does not get free rides from me, once upon a time she used to work hard in school e.t.c and was a responsible child. Now that she is a teenager it’s called spoiling whereas many mothers with teen daughters have gone through similar with their kids. It’s part of growing up and a very bad part of it I must add. I hated this moment in life but she will come right.

It was done now. I guess we now had to wait for the consequence. Tomorrow I was going back to work and it was my husband’s duty to find my daughter a school. I think it was a fair trade. I also now agreed with him that we must move but eish, I loved this house. It was fully paid for meaning we could put it on market. It was not just about Lintle but so much had happened lately it just felt as though it was a bad idea to stay here. Besides, what if the snake character knew where we lived. I suddenly becamse self conscious! The things our kids get us into. Maybe I should not go in to work after all. What if they followed me? Was I being dramatic.

“Sizwe we need to talk? In fact everyone we need to talk!” I said. I wanted advice. I even allowed Lintle to be part of that meeting. I explained everything that had happened at the station including the phone call. Sizwe stood up and held his head briefly and funny enough so did my brother.

“Eish sister why are you so impulsive!” my brother said. He was right of course but now was not the time. I needed solutions not condemnation but I kept quiet.

“I think you are right about moving.” a squeaky voice said from behind us. It was Lintle.

“Its all your fault you have no right to make decisions!”

I wanted to scream but I let her speak.

“Why?” my brother asked her.

“At school they say that he is dangerous. I am not sure because he has only ever been charming to me. I don’t want mum to get into any more trouble over something I did!” she said. It was hard not to listen to her because what was happening here was no joke. A debate ensued, with Zethu saying that we were giving in to thugs and fear and this could not be a life. She wanted my husband and I to fight and use the law and what not. Crime and criminals exist in the absence of a willing and dedicated police force. These people did not exist in a vacuum. It’s not that we don’t want to fight them but with the people meant to protect also under their influence it’s very hard to have faith in a positive outcome.

“I can go talk to him if you want!” Lintle said speaking again. What the fuck? Did she think after all this I will give her permission to go talk to those people ever again. Hell no!

“That’s a bad idea Lintle. We are in this position because you spoke to him in the first place. Let your mother and I deal with is. Thank you for your input though!” my husband responded to her. I didn’t even look at her. It was agreed that I not go to work as well because now we did not know if I will be followed. I insisted though because I had been missed too many days. It was true what I was saying and I had never been such a bad worker before. I don’t even think some of my patients would recognise me with all the bullshit happening around me.

“I will drive you to work then!” my husband volunteered. I told them all that I did not need the escort. I will be fine. If he drove me that means that he will have to come and pick me up. It meant I will be stuck with no car all day and that sucks. Ask anyone who drives, the worst thing to go through is not have a car when you are at work. It feels unnatural. I did not want to feel trapped.

Eventually Zethu and Kgosi left but with serious reservations about me going to work. They were against it but I could not stay in the house. At least I had not had any of the side effects of the ecstasy which made me relieved but I still was a bit afraid of going to bed. What I had gone through I did not want to ever experience again.

“Lintle tomorrow you’re not going to school to learn. You wake up early and you put on your uniform because we are going together so we can collect your academic transcript and anything else you left at school!” my husband said to her. She froze for a moment and I know in her pretty little head she asking herself if this was really happening. She probably had doubted our resolve. Yes it was really happening sweetheart. She trudged upstairs and I followed behind her. My husband came up after me and I heard clinking. He had all the house keys. I think it was such a bad day that for me this was funny. I laughed.

“Just in case she tries to sneak out!” he said shrugging his shoulders. I could see he was annoyed at her but humour is humour. He wanted to laugh too. Kids are exhausting. He went to the wardrobe to take his bedding as he was still on the floor but I told him to stop.

“Come to bed!” I told. I was still unhappy that he had tried to leave me but I believe I have bigger problems now and tonight I need to be held. I wanted cuddling. I think I made a mistake on that…

He slid in from behind me and held me. The ecstasy (which I will blame for this moment) sent electricity through my skin. I am the one who turned to kiss him. It was a gentle kiss I think meant to say goodnight. I don’t know what happened next. I was emotional and vulnerable. His mouth felt like it was everywhere at once, torturing me with his thoroughness, too much yet not quite enough.

“Sizwe, no love not today…” I said in my head because I don’t think the words came out. I was in conflict, I did not want to have sex with everything that was happening but at the same time he was…

As he kissed me even lower I could feel his beard scratch my inner thighs (he had not shaved in a few days so it was more stubby than a beard). When your body is already this sensitive it is enough to make that feeling amplified in a sexy way. And then he kissed me with his tongue… there… dear Lord… It sent me trembling all over! All resistance was broken. I fisted my hands in the sheets, clutching for control because this couldn’t happen yet, not yet, not without him inside me, filling me up and owning me.

“Nothabo!” he called me by name. I was so far gone to care what he was on about.

“Let’s make a baby!” he whispered in my ear. Normally I would be on that condom tip, yes even with my husband but not today.

“Yes let’s!” I whispered. I wanted this moment to last forever. I was sweating now, my body shining and the lights were on. I could see every inch of his body but most importantly how hard he was. His dick was hard for me and nobody else. That made me feel so desirable.

“I want you on top!” he whispered. Eish, I am a lazy sex mate. I prefer him doing all the work but today I had the energy for it. He sat up in a sitting position. I sat on him, legs spread over him, my hands on his back. He guided Junior into my honeypot and I involuntarily uttered,

“Tjo mma wee!”

There is no time to be embarrassed but I know one day I will remember it eish. It felt bigger than it really was but when your senses are heightened everything feels like that. He thrust hard and fast as I gasped and bucked instinctively in the most amazing friction ever known to man and woman. Valentine’s Day is just a few days away and if you are not experiencing this then I promise you God has deserted you! Unless you’re too busy watching “Think Like A Man Too” of course! Again it felt like the longest sex ever but I am not complaining. By the time we passed out I was well spent.

I was exhausted but I slept with a smile on my face.

In the morning I woke up before my husband as I was going to work. He was still lights out and a smile clearly on his face. He had gotten laid and laid beautifully I must add. I bathed and got ready. When I walked out my door I saw there was a note on Lintle’s door!

I already knew! This child I swear is a test from the devil!

“Hi Mum

I am sorry mum and dad, but I really need to fix this. I know you said I should not but I will be fine. Please don’t hit me when I get back. I don’t want you in trouble over what I did so I am going to beg him to let you go. Now you even have to sell the house and I feel bad. I will never forgive myself.



I read that note ten times I think and this child honestly, ngwana o omphetsa maatla!

****** The End*******

Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)

Dear Mike

Thank you for the wonderful blogs.

I have been dating my boyfriend for six years now. We have a one year old child together and he is the best father ever. I have met his parents, siblings and friends several times. He was until a month ago the best man I ever met. He works in Johannesburg and I work in Pretoria. He is from Vryheid in KZN. A month ago he came to my place with a ring. He told me that reason he had taken so long in proposing to me is because he has another wife at home. The wife has two kids. I thought he was joking. Why had I never seen the signs? I blamed myself. I hit him even. He has never cheated on me because I was the other woman. I know where he is every second of the day except when he went home which is probably once a month and for a weekend. I was the side chick all this time and now he wants me to be a second wife. My confusion is in that he really is the most loving man. After I hit him we didn’t speak for a week. He called every day many times but the betrayal was too much. When we started talking again I asked to speak to the wife. I wanted to apologize for my part as I didn’t know. She said she knew about me for years and her husband always had her blessing to get a second wife. Believe me I was stunned. She sent me pictures of her husband and me from years back and it was her who said that he had to marry me now because it had become too long. I am so confused right now because what kind of bullshit is this.

I love this man wholeheartedly but can I ever forgive such betrayal?

What would you do? What should I do?

Thank You

Tswana Girl

25 thoughts on “Realities – Chapter 99

  1. That’s is just hectic. He should have told you from the beginning. Then it would have been your own decision to make. There’s now a baby involved. Which is the hardest part. It is entirely your decision. Do what would make you happy boo

  2. I don’t know…I don’t have any thoughts about polygamy nor any feelings…but with the rate of side chicks increasing…I think it was good of this guy to put a ring on it. If the 1st wife has always known about you…it may mean he’s honest and just didn’t know how to approach about this. GoodLuck on your decision.

  3. QnA Your man thinks this is Eritrea ha ha ha. What a dilemma? Polygamy normally comes with poisoning and witchcraft so the answer is no. You can’t stay in this situation because some lies are bigger than others and this is huge. I know of friends who say that better a man who marries his women than one who will cheat on you multiple times but I am not of that thought. People think good men are hard to find to but that’s a lie, the problem is you look for someone perfect already and that doesn’t exist. Move on with your life unless you want to wake up and find that there is a 3rd wife waiting in the wings.

  4. Tswana Girl
    Just go to the facebook page of “Thabo ‘Best-T in the City’ Mokwele”

    Then read posts of 4 February and 28 January 2016. They are not far back so check them and you will get how other women feels about as second wife or as first wife who has agreed to the second wife.

  5. QnA You have my sympathy… Think about what you want from a marriage and if that is possible with being a second wife… If you can live with it for the rest of your life then go for it, in the end, you are the one who will live with these man and woman

    Mara if it were me, I wouldn’t be able to trust someone who can lie to me for years. Him, his siblings, his friends; his parents… all helped maintain the lie he started. Mina personally I would not do it. I would not be able to convince myself that it can work, if you can convince yourself, then go ahead. I would not even trust the wife. I also feel he is telling you now that there is a baby for you to feel guilty about, your man from what I have read is good, but he was bad about a very important thing. I grew up in a polygamous family and even in adulthood, the strife is still there, I have no faith in it. BUT, this is what I BELIEVE through MY EXPERIENCE….

  6. Thanks Mikeesto, steamy chapter yho!

    @BLQ, reaching for the what? LOL.

    Tswana Girl, You did mention that he has been the best man and father ever right. You did mention that he has never cheated on you or shown any signs of such in all your years together right. So if he has a wife and wants to marry you, what betrayal are you talking about? This man betrayed his wife, who had to accept that he fell in love with another woman, had a child with that woman, yet she continued to stand by him, even endorsing your relationship so that he marries you.

    There’s two things involved here. 1. A man who loves you dearly and is the best father to your child, who wants to Marry you, even though he has a first wife. 2. A woman who is so shocked that polygamy exists that she is willing to throw away her possibly best shot at eternal happiness because she is too selfish to share a man that was shared with her for 6years and tolerated?!

    You can stay and be happy, whether he chooses to marry in future or not, we’re not all Zumas you know. I think that If that wife of his was woman enough not to call and shit on you like these ghetto chicks do when their man cheats, don’t you just feel humbled that this man even wants to marry you if he has a woman of such calibre already as a wife?

    Me cares to ponder about such, but its only my thoughts on this issue. I just hope you make a well informed decision which will ultimately be best for your happiness and that of your sons.


  7. Dear tswana girl
    with the way things and relationships are this days If I were u I would agree to marry him reason being you have the blessing of the first wife and you love this man ,you stay in pta the second wife stay in natal so I don’t see the problem wen he is home you know he is with the wife and you will be at peace with the rate of side chicks this days I rather have my man get a second wife than a side chick..pray hard about it .

  8. There is nothing special about that woman just because she didn’t call and shit on her. Most of these rural women don’t even have a choice in the matter, and do all this because they respect their husbands. My aunt is in the same boat, worse for her the man married the other woman in court and she only settled for custom marriage. The other woman doesn’t know about her but she knows about the other woman, I know it kills her but she does it because she has to keep the marriage going. Its bullshit, I wouldn’t do such to another woman knowingly. Its been going on for more than 20 years and the other woman still doesn’t know. The bastard even hid his children with my aunt, but she is supposed to be grateful because he supports them. Man like that make me sick.

  9. I hear you Niya but remember your Aunt has a choice in all of this. The disrespect levelled against her and her kids is shocking, she probably needs to go to court and fight for some inheritance once he dies because that woman is going to be furious (the legal one i mean). Your Aunt is choosing to stay in this situation and even though it seems not ideal to outsiders, she has her reasons.

    1. I personally agree with Jackzorro . yes the man lied and all but lady you have said that he has been the best. yes there is a wife but he has show you respect all this years and commitment. you can continue to have the best of everything and you are lucky the wife acknowledges your presence. had he given you the opportunity to decide whether you want a polygamous relationship at the beginning probably you have said no hence he kept it to himself until he was sure that you would make a sound decision. his family knows you surely this man adores you. I say marry that nigga and give your child the best dad in the world while you continue having the best man and respect the first wife.

  10. well Tswana girl u should be grateful that this man loves and respects u alot. him being quiet for so long is that he just didnt know how to tell u in that not wanting to hurt u. he jept quiet to protect you. you should be gratefuk that he wanna marry u, others out there are never married they become stay in vat en sit until their men decide to go back home to their wifes. now hows that for betrayal? what matters in this life n day is happiness. if he makes u happy n he respect u, n he loves you and ur baby then screw what others will say , screw the “polygamy” shit.
    Jackzoro im with u man!!!

  11. @Tswana girl I think that it was not his family’s place to tell you what Was happening, after all they are loyal to him and not you.

    As a woman who has been the other for a couple of years, I would be happy to marry this man. It’s true you feel betrayed and all but above all you felt loved and appreciated. His wife gave her blessing for whatever reason, you don’t have to stay in the same house with her and become bestfriends, atleast he loves you enough not to keep you a secret.

    I didn’t grow up in a polygamous family and before I got where I am right now I told myself I’d never settle for such but things changed and I happened to fall inlove with a man who has a family and honestly I am content with him.

  12. Jackzorro, you usually for most part impart sound advice however I feel here you were just advancing patriarchy.

    Firstly this woman calls bull on the situation and you and many others advise her that there is an increase in side-chicks and that being a side-wife is better? Why? I feel that we acknowledge a change in societal trends and but we are constantly encouraging women to accommodate situations that suit men and that is unacceptable!

    This man lied to this woman for years and out of the blue the wedding ring is supposed to make her rationalize her thoughts towards forgiveness? I feel it is unacceptable as women that we are constantly adjusting to societal and justifying them to always suit the man! Yikho nje bezo hlezi besidlala.

    To the lady at the end of the day the choice remains yours I just feel it is wrong for people to justify your choices in such way that it accommodates this man. I feel that it’s wrong to be expected to not be “selfish” and tolerate just because the other wife has been patient. You are your own person and already you are being expected by readers to emulate the first wife. No guys do not impose your thoughts on this woman.

    1. I agree with you @usne, a marriage proposal should not compensate for this big lie! It is betrayal as she was not aware she was a side chick and he was not truthful and faithful to her.

      @Tswana girl If this man really respected you, he would have told you about his wife from day 1 and it would have been up to you to decide if you want to continue with the relationship and eventually agree to be his second wife. He waited for a moment where you would be cornered because you love him and there is a child involved. I don’t think he was fair to you. Only you can decide if you want to be his second wife and if you do, be ready dear because its not as easy as Siphokazi and Phumelele make it look on isibaya!

  13. Jackzorro he couldn’t have cheated on her because she was the one he was cheating with. To me the whole relationship was built on lies and dishonesty and worse thing is his family and friends all knew about it, the least he could’ve done was to be honest about it so Tswana girl could make her own informed decision on the issue, wonder if he would’ve still wanted to marry her if there was no child involved

  14. Mike U da boss baba!

    Tswana Girl, diff strokes 4diff folks. What do U believe in besides this man being Daddy of the year? If U agree or not to the polygamy proposal I hope he’s gonna still be “Daddy Cool” to his son.
    I agree with @Zuma: Firstly most women look for a “polished man” & don’t find out who “polished” him or is “polishing” him. Another point is: No baby making B4 marriage. I know if I say No sex B4 marriage very few will agree let alone survive. Mistakes do happen but these two points cud reduce such mishaps.

  15. Well he came clean I’m sure that must count for something follow your heart bangaki abashadile abathola indoda isifile ukuthy bawu 10 o wife think about it

  16. Tswana Girl,

    if you do not mind being a second wife then go for it.

    this man seems like an honest person, a non cheating husband.

    if you asked if he was married & he said he was not; & now he comes with the first wife, second wife story then it was something you could complain about.

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