Growing Up Relevant

Growing Up – Chapter 19

They say a picture is worth a thousand words, I never deeply understood this saying until now. His anger proved to me that the picture he had was extremely bad. Philani had a picture of my infidelity and I know he won’t forgive me. I know this because I believe that men aren’t as forgiving as we women are when it comes to cheating. If your man forgives you for cheating, be ready to be reminded every second day, it’s really unfair. Maybe this is the way God planned it to be… for men to be on the receiving end of the relationship and us, women, to be the givers.

I wasn’t going to admit my transgressions to Philani, so I had to come up with a plan. I wasn’t even going to make excuses for myself. But I wasn’t going to say anything until he shows me the picture, the picture could be very innocent for all I know. Confessing my sins before I see it would be stupid. I will confess once I’ve seen the picture, whatever I tell him will be based on how innocent the picture is.

Philani : Hlengiwe Gertrude Zulu I’m talking to you.

Hahahaha, I don’t believe that he used my second name! Mxm Philani though! I don’t like this name, I don’t even know what it means. My granny gave me this name, yes I had a gran and she passed away when I was 5 years old. I doubt that she even knew what the name meant. I don’t like this idea of giving African kids English names, I don’t know whether it’s a sign of oppression or parents love these names. My children won’t have English names, they will have Zulu names, phela mina ngiyi ntombi yomzulu (I’m a Zulu girl), and my kids’ names will be simple Zulu names like Landokuhle or Siyanqoba, definitely not Gertrude or Philemon.

I quickly snapped out of my thoughts

Me: Love I seriously don’t know what you are talking about, please show me the picture baby, then we can talk about it.

Philani: Why should we talk about it when you have seen the picture?

Me: So that I can be sure of what you are talking about?

Philani: Why do you need to be sure Hlengiwe? You aren’t sure who you were with yesterday? Nxa!

Me: Just show me the picture baby, or there is nothing we are going to talk about.

We went back and forth, debating on why he should show me the picture and he eventually took it out. He gave me the phone and I laughed so hard when he gave me the phone.

Philani: I’m glad this is a joke to you.

Me: Yes it’s funny because I was really confused. I even forgot that I was with him last night.

Philani: Oh wow, you aren’t even going to lie to me and say it wasn’t you?

Me: Only guilty people lie, I don’t have a reason to lie to you. This guy is Mlu from church my love. I didn’t get a chance to tell you that we took Thando to hospital yesterday.

I told him the whole story from the start to finish, I wanted him to feel stupid.

Philani: Oh sorry love I just thought… you know?

Me: No, I don’t know Philani. I don’t believe you think I would cheat on you, what makes it worse is the guy you thought I would cheat with. I would never date a guy like Mlu when I have a man like you. You might not think highly of yourself but you are more of a man than many guys could ever be.

I was trying to boost his ego, make him feel like a million dollars and make him feel guilty and stupid for assuming that I could ever cheat on him.

Philani: I’m sorry Angel, my friend sent me this picture.

You guys see why I don’t like Philani’s friends? Whether they see me with another man or not shouldn’t be their business. It would be better if they would tell me when Philani cheats on me, but they don’t. This isn’t the 1st time his friends have done this. One of his friends once saw me with my brother in-law in town. I was helping him shop for my sister’s engagement ring, then we went to have lunch. Philani’s friend told Philani that he saw me with a man, and he thinks we are planning to get married because he saw us at a jewellery store. Luckily Philani knew that I was with my brother in-law that day and he knew what we were going to do. So my boyfriend’s friends will forever be my enemies.

Me: Philani it’s fine, I’m glad to see that after everything we’ve been through, you still believe that I would cheat on you? Haven’t I proven my love and loyalty to you?

Philani: Baby you have gone beyond proving your love and loyalty, I’m sorry Angel, I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

Me: I know what’s wrong with you, you trust your friends way too much. You know what kind of person I am but you still believe everything they tell you.

Philani: You know baby, guy code says “bros before hoes”, I would never lie to my bro’s and they have never given me a reason to believe that they would lie to me or try to sabotage our relationship.

Bros before hoes? Guys are stupid seriously, how could you put your friends first, before the lady in your life? Shouldn’t you put your woman first and make her happiness your priority? If you can’t make your woman’s happiness your first priority, then you should consider being single or better yet just date your bros. It’s even shocking that a grown man would call his woman a hoe! Bro if she’s a hoe why are you with her to begin with?

Me: Bros before hoes? Oh wow Philani, never have I been insulted like this before. So you are calling me a hoe now?

Philani: No, baby I’m not calling you a hoe, I’m just trying to emphasize the kind of loyalty we guys have.

Me: Okay thank you for showing me exactly what I mean to you.

I walked out of the car, went inside the house and locked the door. Philani would normal followed me when I walked away from him while I was angry, so I wanted him to beg before I could open the door for him. I sat in the kitchen and waited for him to knock and beg. I waited for over 30 minutes, so I thought he was probably in his car. I peeped through the window and there wasn’t any car, I even went outside to check and there was really no car. I was beyond shocked, this was unlike Philani. Wasn’t he supposed to beg and apologise for what he said? I was left wondering if he still loved me or cared about my feelings?

I broke down, despite my faults I love Philani and I want to have a future with him. So his actions, and not wanting to get married made me wonder if he also wanted to have a future with me. I decided to go to the only person who would get through to Philani, his mom!

I pulled myself together, and drove to his mother’s house. When I arrived I found his mother pruning and watering her plants. Old women really love their plants, they look after them as though they are children. Maybe it’s a way to keep themselves busy.

When she saw me, she looked very happy to see me.

Mrs Mazibuko: My favourite daughter in-law, don’t let the others know that I said this.

We both laughed and shared a hug.

Mrs Mazibuko: To what do I owe the pleasure? You normally come with Philani.

Me: Eish mama I need some help.

Mrs Mazibuko: What kind of help my child?

Me: Mama uPhilani has really changed and I don’t know what to do anymore. I try my best to keep him happy but he isn’t doing his part. He accuses me of cheating on him based on what his friends tell him. Even when he realises that I’m faithful to him, he doesn’t apologise. I have a feeling that he is cheating on me with a girl from his church, but despite all of that I try to make the relationship work and I’m getting tired.

Mrs Mazibuko: Ay maan, kanti what is wrong with Philani? This isn’t the man I raised him to be. I will talk to him my child, and what makes you think he is cheating?

Me: They have been quite close these days, and the other day I was at his house, she arrived there dressed in a very sexy and provoking manner. She also told him to make his decision, I was left confused. Another thing is that he told me that he doesn’t want to get married, he won’t be able to deal with me for the rest of his life.”

Mrs Mazibuko: Mhhh my child this is very unfortunate. But since you know the girl, I think it’s better if you deal with her and show her that you are Philani’s woman. Don’t listen to these women that say you shouldn’t fight for your man, you have invested so much in this relationship, you can’t allow another woman to take him from you. With the issues of getting married, leave him to me. He is going to marry you whether he likes it or not, all you can do is show him that you are wife material.

What is wife material? Why must we women always prove that we are worthy of marriage, as though marriage is some kind of achievement? I have never seen a man go out of his way to prove that he is ‘husband material’. We, women, have been made to believe that the best thing we can achieve is getting married. We must treat guys like Kings, in order to be Mrs so-and-so, really unfair if you ask me.

Me: Mama why must I prove to him that I’m marriage material. I think it’s best if he marries me because he wants to, not because I have gone out of my way to prove myself to him.

Mrs Mazibuko: “Hlengy my dear, you are young and you think life is black and white. Don’t you think that if getting a man to marry you was based solely on love, Philani would have married you by now? You have to prove yourself to show him that you are worthy of spending his life with. You, yourself just told me that he said he doesn’t think he would be able to deal with you for the rest of his life. So it’s your duty to show him that he can deal with you.”

Me: Okay mama, I hear you and I will do as you say.

Mrs Mazibuko: Let me call him, and tell him to come here.

She dialled his number and put it on loudspeaker.

Philani:“Hello mama.

Mrs Mazibuko: “Hello my boy, please come home as soon as possible.”

Philani: Mama I can’t come right now, I’m a bit busy.

After he said that we heard a female voice telling him to hurry up before the water gets cold. His mom and I both looked at each other, I wanted to say something but she signalled me to keep quiet.

Mrs Mazibuko: Philani who is that woman speaking in the background?

Philani: Hawu mama what kind of question is that? Which woman would I be with except Hlengiwe? I’m with Hlengiwe mama.

But Philani was lying, unaware of the fact that I’m with his mom. Who the hell was he with?


8 thoughts on “Growing Up – Chapter 19

  1. Hahahaha no but Philani is a fool of note, how could he lie to his mom knowing she could call Hlengy at any time, or worse ask to speak to her. As for Hlengy naye akayeke uApostle ke,dont snitch on Philanis cheating just coz no one knows of hers

  2. Lol Hlengi Men prove they are husband material all the time we just not aware… if he’s got a stable Job (5 figures or more hihihi),not abusive, faithful and reasonable (not this I’m a man nonsense) lol Ou n these days we’ve got to add no baby mama… he’s marriage material… unless you’ve been around the block a couple of times then u can settle for less.

  3. And you remember Hlengy uphilani said he doesn’t like this thing of running to his family everytime you guys have a problem.

  4. Yooh this guy doesn’t know wat he wants mos,maybe the SMS he sent to Hlengy by mistake was actually intentional so that he can have both of them at the same time,iyooh Philani is something’s else neh!

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