Growing Up Relevant

Growing Up – Chapter Eight

Have you ever felt dirty, so dirty to the extent that you are disgusted even when you look at yourself in the mirror? Let me not even begin to talk about humiliation. Humiliating someone is the worst thing you could do to them. Humiliation, whether it’s done in public or privately, remains humiliation. No one deserves to be put through it. I was a good person, so I don’t think I deserved to be humiliated or be made to feel dirty. This is what the Pastor has managed to do. He made me feel dirty and humiliated. I felt this way because as a young woman, I never imagined that a man would ever leave me hanging.

He knew very well that he made wet, it would’ve been better if I turned him down. Another thing that was bothering is the fact that I was most probably going to sleep with him, I know it’s wrong but the man made me want him. When I came back to my senses, I got off the table, I checked his car in the window and it was gone. What was I going to do it was still there? I would most probably beg him to come back and finish what he started, but then again maybe I was just going to let him go. I need to stay away from this man before I do something I will regret.

I went to my room, and called Philani. I told him how much I loved and appreciated him in my life, I even cried. He asked me what was wrong, I guess the guilt was getting to me, but I just told him that I realised that I didn’t show him much appreciation. We spoke for a while and then hung up. I went to get ready for my appointment with my client. My client today was my Mam’mfundisi, that woman was proof to many women out there that getting married to a pastor doesn’t mean you must be a plain Jane or a farm-Julia. She looked after herself, her body, her husband, family, church and business. She was a phenomenal woman, I looked up to her.

I drove to her house, and their last born opened the door for me, apparently she didn’t go to school because she didn’t finish her assignment. Kids ne, I repeat that I was never an A student but I always did my work in time and I gave it my all. When it came to school work I was disciplined, even now with my business I’m very disciplined. I loved disciplined and time conscious people. I don’t do this whole ‘African time’ thing. The day I afford to hire an assistant, I will make sure they are disciplined and time-conscious, if not; I won’t be able to work with them.

Me: “Sanibonani.”

I walked towards Mam’mfundisi and hugged her.

Mamfundisi: “Hello my child. You look so beautiful; I trust that you will make me look as beautiful as you.”

Me: “hahaha Mama you are exaggerating about my beauty. But making you beautiful will be easy, because you are already so beautiful.”

She just blushed, as a person who is a woman and works with women on a daily basis, I knew that I always had to make my clients feel beautiful, before and after, I’ve done my job. Women needed to feel beautiful in their own skin, without the new hair, nails and make up. I believe that we should all accentuate our beauty with weaves and make-up, but we should do that only if we already love ourselves without them and if we feel it is necessary for us to have them on. Self-love is vital.

We went to sit in the patio and I began to work my magic.

Mam’fundisi: “Where is your boyfriend sisi?”

When she asked me this, I began to feel guilty about the fact that I’ve already had sex with Philani. I felt like she knew and she wanted me to confess to her.

Me: “He’s at work mama.”

Mam’fundisi: “Okay sisi. Please don’t have sex with him before he marries you, trust me my child. You don’t want to risk falling pregnant with his child right now, and sex is more than just a physical act, it’s deeper than that my child. It’s more spiritual than that. I won’t lie to you and say sex is horrible. It is the most beautiful and intimate thing, and very enjoyable. But it should be enjoyed with your husband.”

This really cut deep because I was doing this last night. Now she was warning me against sex.

Mam’fundisi: “Do not feel pressured to have sex if you aren’t ready. Does your boyfriend ever pressure you to have sex with him?”

I hesitated before I could respond. I wanted her to know the truth. I wanted to tell her that I had sex with Philani because I wanted to keep him happy, but maybe I didn’t only have sex with Philani because I wanted to keep him happy, but I was also ready and felt it was time to get it on.

Me: “No mama, he hasn’t pressured me to do anything. He is very patient and understanding, and he is also a Christian so we have the same values.”

Mam fundisi: “That’s lovely my darling. When temptation knocks, please pray and don’t be afraid to call me if you ever need advice. I would hate to see you fighting the habit of fornication, it is a bad demon.”

I was becoming uncomfortable with this conversation, I had to change the topic.

Me: “Yebo mama, I will do that. Where is Thando?”

Thando was my Mam mfundisi and Bab Mfundisi’s pregnant daughter.

Mam fundisi: “Ey that child ne. Thando is at work, she has been avoiding me and her dad ever since we found out that she is pregnant.”

Me: “How did you find out?”

Mam fundisi: “I noticed that she was gaining weight and a lot of complexion. I didn’t think much of it because Thando has always been the good child, not like Thandiwe, I wouldn’t be surprised if it was Thandiwe but not Thando. I found out from her aunt, my sister. She went to visit her aunt, told her and my sister told me. I almost fainted when she told me that uThandolwethu is pregnant. I was afraid to tell her dad, but I had to tell him and he was going to beat her up if she was in the house when I told him. He was livid.”

Thando and Thandiwe were twins. Thando was the shy one,and Thandiwe was the crazy one. She lived life her own way, she hardly came to church and when she did she would arrive late. What I like about her though, is that she loved her family especially her twin uThando, she always stood up for her.

Me: “I understand your shock and anger but mama at least she is 24 , has a degree and is working a good job for her age. At least she will be able to look after her own child.”

Mam fundisi: “I’m proud of her accomplishments but that doesn’t mean she has to go around opening her legs for men.”

Me: “Mama you and I both know that your daughter isn’t capable of opening her legs for many men. It was probably been this one guy for a while and she accidentally fell pregnant, and a child is a blessing mama. You will enjoy being a grandmother.”

Mam fundisi: “Hlengiwe I know that you are trying to soften me up. Thando embarrassed me and her dad, her dad is even afraid to reprimand people now because his daughter embarrassed him. Her father even wanted to kick her out of the house but I begged him not to.”

This was one of the sad things about being a Pastor’s child. Everyone cheers you on when you are doing good, but if you make a mistake everyone including your family turns their back. The Pastor and his wife were more worried about their embarrassment. They weren’t worried about their daughter. That’s very bad.

Me: “As much as you as her parents are angry, but you need to remember that Thando is at a very critical and emotional stage in her life. It’s her 1st pregnancy and she needs you as her mother for guidance. You can make her go through this journey alone. I’m sure she needs you now more that ever.”

We heard a voice saying : “Exactly wena Hlengy, they shouldn’t give a damn about what people think or say. I mean how many girls do you know that have babies when they are 24 and working? People have babies when they are 14. My folks need to chill.”

We turned our heads and there stood Thandiwe with a blond weave and nose ring. She was wearing a blue short, crop top and all-star. Who dresses like that at the age of 24 though?

Thandiwe: “Hlengy are you done with mom? I need a lift, I’m going to your hood.”

Me: “Yes, I’m done. We can leave. Mama I will see you on Sunday.”

Mam fundisi: “Okay my dear.”

Thandiwe and I walked to the car and drove.

Thandiwe: “Yez Hlengy ne, it freaken annoys me to see the way everyone is treating Thando. She’s pregnant, it’s no biggie, they must just get over it. My sister has achieved more than many people her age, me included. They must just let her live. Thando and I will be the ones looking after this child. I don’t know what their problem is. She earns enough money and Mlungisi also earns more than enough, so this baby will be well looked after.”

Did she just say Mlungisi? Maybe she was talking about someone else.

Me: “Thandiwe which Mlungisi are you talking about?”

Thandiwe: “I’m talking about Mlungisi from church. The fool that plays drums and preaches sometimes. He is the father of Thando’s baby.”

The Mlu that fathered Thando’s baby is the same Mlu that Tshiamo is dating. This was not going to end well and someone was going to get hurt.

21 thoughts on “Growing Up – Chapter Eight

  1. Well documented; I always thot there was a juice story on pregy Thando. Now there is twin sister who is an extrovert! I like! – PapaG

  2. Do such things really happen in churches? I find it hard to believe because the church I go to dating is not allowed at all and disciplinary measures are taken by the church authority should one be found engaging in such.

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