Growing Up Relevant

Growing Up – Chapter Three

It’s really irritating when your man compliments another woman on her looks or her body, it feels like he is cheating on you. It’s disrespectful when he compliments her persona as a woman. Your persona as a woman, according to me, is the most important thing. It is more humiliating when he does so in your presence, I was humiliated because he did this on facebook so alot of people saw it and he did not even want to explain himself to me. I’ve done alot of things in my life but I have never openly disrespected my relationship. I was really hurt.

The next day I woke up, meditated on the Word and prayed. When I was done, I tried to call Philani but his phone was off, so I sent him a text. I took a bath and went to the kitchen to prepare a proper breakfast. Breakfast is a very important meal of the day, we black people normally focus on having a proper supper and we eat magwinya for breakfast every day. I’m not a health freak but I try to balance my meals, so that I can maintain a healthy body, phela mina my body is a Temple of the Holy Spirit. The girls woke up, we always had breakfast together.

Sihle: “Hlengy sisi, did you see Philani’s status on facebook?”
I just nodded

Sihle: “What did he mean mara?”

As I was about to respond, Tshiamo felt that it was her place to answer on my behalf

Tshiamo: “ Sihle isn’t it obvious that bekasho ugirl? That is how these men are, they will act all lovey dovey in your presence but will embarrass you when you least expected it.”

Sihle: “Tjo mara! Manje who is this Lerato Sibisi or Sibiya girl who commented on the status?”

Me: “Lerato is some girl I met yesterday, bakhonza bonke. I think she’s inlove with him, I saw the way she carried herself around him yesterday.”

Tshiamo: “By the look of things, he also loves her. Did you see the way he responded to her comment? Bayajola labantu, kwenziwa wena nje islima.”

Sihle: “Haibo Tshiamo can’t you be considerate to Hlengy’s feelings? You can’t be saying such things to your friend when she is hurt.”

Tshiamo: “I’m being honest, that is what she needs..honesty!”

She said this while gobbling up a sausage

Me: “ Tshiamo please, I’m not in the mood for your version of honesty right now. Sihle how is Tshepo?”

Tshepo is Sihle’s non- Christian boyfriend, I didn’t mind that he wasn’t a Christian because Sihle was very happy with him unlike the time she dated a young pastor form our church, who didn’t hesitate to break her heart after a 3 year relationship. But Tshiamo on the other hand made sure that we know that she doesn’t approve of their relationship any chance she got, not that her opinion mattered. She didn’t like their relationship mainly because they had lots and lots of sex. They sometimes even had it in our house, I didn’t mind because she did it in her room. Sihle smiled when I asked her about Tshepo.

Sihle: “Oh that man ne….he is perfect, very amazing. We are just happy maan.”

Tshiamo: “ pshhhhh irelationship ka satane shame. This relationship is the reason you have been back-sliding in your walk with Christ and manje……”

I interrupted her before she continued to irritate us nge Monday engaka ekseni.

Me: “Sihle if you are happy, then I’m happy. Being happy is the most important thing in the world.”

Sihle: “ Thank you Hlengy. Wena Tshiamo who said I’m backsliding.”

Tshiamo: “Kusho mina. I can see you that you are backsliding. You didn’t attend the youth service all because he wanted to spend time with you. What about Jesus? What about your assignment here on earth? Yez it would’ve been so much better if THIS Tshepo guy of yours was a Christian. You guys need to be equally yoked, that is what sister Maria taught us, you would know this if you came to the youth service.”

Sihle: “If I’m backsliding, don’t make it your problem.”

Tshiamo: “Vele this is what you guys do when a person tries to correct you. God has given me the spirit of discipline so it is my duty to call you guys to order when you go astray.”

Sihle: “Your task is to stay out of my business and stop irritating me. I’m not a clueless teenager, I’m 24 years old. Old enough to do whatever the hell I want.”

Tshiamo: “Sorry if I’m irritating you guys but this is what God has called me to do.”

I just laughed, I didn’t understand why Tshiamo loved to act like she was God’s wife or God’s best friend. Sihle’s relationship was her business, as long she is happy we should be happy for her.

Sihle: “Don’t you dare include God in your madness. You are jealous because none of your relationships ever make it to a year. We are happy with our men. I for one would rather be with my non-Christian guy who gives me great sex and treats me like a queen. Unlike the Mfundisi’d that treat you like shit in the name of being powerful young men of God. Haisuka maan you never had anything good to say. That is why we hardly go out with you, you bore us, we’d rather be without you.”
Me: “Sihle that isn’t a nice thing to say.”

Sihle: “ Ah ah Hlengy, uTshiamo always gets away with talking to us as though she was appointed by God to be a righteous navigator leading us to greener pastures. You know what let me leave before I arrive late at work.”

I wonder how Tshiamo was going to get to work because they she didn’t have a car, so they used Sihle’s car and she always dropped her off at work.

I had only 1 client today, my Monday’s were always slow. I got ready for my appointment and drove there. My client was some rich housewife that woman had everything she wanted but I didn’t envy her life. Her days included shopping, going out for expensive food, pampering, shopping and more shopping. I can’t complain though, I made a killer profit every month because of their constant appointments. When I arrived there she was with her friend and I ended up doing nails and hair for both of them. We will call them Centurion and Midrand because that is where they both lived.

Midrand: “I think I’m going to leave my Ben 10 now, he has become very obsessed with me. He doesn’t care about boundaries.”
Centurion: “What did he do now?” she asked while chuckling…

Midrand: “ey these past days he has been sending me stupid texts at very odd hours, he even came to my house on Friday, luckily the husband wasn’t at home. He thinks I’m his girlfriend hayi this boy. He told me that he loves me and I should leave the husband.”

One thing I always noticed was that these ladies referred to their husbands as ‘the husband’ not ‘my husband’.

Centurion: “These young boys think everything revolves around love. He forgets that your husband’s money pays for his car and flat. Why would you leave good money for sex? Phela you can get sex from anyone unlike money.”

Midrand: “ Mxm he’s mad. I can’t lose this husband. I’m not going to leave elokshini for the sake of love. I don’t even love him. The sex is great but honey, money is important.”

Me: “Please don’t misunderstand me ladies, but why do you ladies cheat on your husbands when they are working so hard to keep you happy?”

They both laughed at me when I said that. I felt like a fool.

Centurion: “Sweety, our husbands cheat on us with girls your age. So we also need to return the favour. Phela nathi we have sexual needs that our husbands no longer satisfy because they are busy with their side-chicks. We also deserve to be happy.”

Me: “But isn’t marriage a commitment, you promise to not cheat on each other, isn’t it your task as to ensure that you don’t cheat on the other party. Shouldn’t you guys remain loyal?’

Midrand: “Your innocence intrigues me. You reminding me of myself when I just got married. Reality is men cheat, and smart women like us also cheat. We won’t be cheated on and just sit back and watch. It’s not the 1900’s when women had to sit back and watch when their husbands cheat on them.”

I couldn’t argue with their logic but I didn’t agree. I felt that a woman should remain loyal, that is what God intended. Cheating women either get murdered by their husbands, or their husbands divorce them and make them suffer. This is how my mom died. She wasn’t married, but she had found a man who was willing to not focus on her past and love her for who she was, he was also loaded. That man loved, Bab Pat is what we called him, loved my mother so dearly and he was loaded. Clearly that wasn’t enough for my mother, who continued to be promiscuous, and had multiple sex partners. I know she had alot of sex partners because she would sometimes bring them home, and we would hear loud sounds from her bedroom.

Bab Pat found out what my mom was doing, he came to my house unexpectedly, and found, my mom in bed with another man. The 3 of them had a fight in the room, the other man also claimed that my mom was his woman, after a long argument we heard a gunshot. The other man shot Bab Pat and my mom, but luckily Bab Pat survived and my mom didn’t. Thinking about this just made me sad, although we weren’t close she was still my mom. From there on I made a mental note that I will have sex with only one person in my life.

The ladies continued giving me what they thought was advice and I felt was rubbish. As I was about to finish, I received a message from Philani, it read: ‘Hlengiwe can we please take a break from this relationship. I need the break from all your unnecessary drama.”
Damn I didn’t expect this from him, and what unnecessary drama was he talking about? I don’t do breaks I do break-up’s.

10 thoughts on “Growing Up – Chapter Three

  1. Loving the new book. Could the author put us non-South African readers in consideration please and translate the vernacular? I am sure I am not the only one who doesn’t understand most of the conversation here. Please consider translating. Thanks.

  2. But what Hlengy’s mom did and what Midrand+Centurion are doing are not the same thing coz Bab Pat wasnt cheating to the point where he didnt have energy to satisfy the woman’s needs

  3. Dear Ndaphewa . You do not have to worry about the South African language used here since the author goes back to use English to somehow repeat whatever fact was mentioned. The South African words are just to stress whatever is being discussed there. I know for a fact because I am not Zulu and I only do understand some of the Zulu words . Trust me .

  4. I agree with u Hlengiwi break for wat?tla be a etsang in dat break? Breakup it is,if he cn fix the drama that he saw in me lol
    Tnx grl

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