Realities – Chapter Nineteen

If you are a teenager now then you will understand this, you are always one step ahead of your parents. They might have the money in the house but that’s all they know. When it comes to knowing all the latest everything, they know more than us by a long distance. Parents have been outwitted by their children in history and that has not changed today. These brats seem to torture us and our naivity for the fun of it. Nelisa could have started with mentioning that fact at the very beginning but she had chosen not to. Part of me felt as though she had been trying to protect my daughter but then again it makes you question the logic of these young ones. How do you protect a wrong thing and this exactly what she was doing? I felt like pulling my hair out because I was just getting more and more terrified of my child. She was so cunning and under handed. It now seemed as though even when I thought things were fine i was fooling myself! She had me good. I looked at Nelisa and I just felt stupid. That feeling of having egg on your face is something you can never get over. I stood there and just stared at her. Had I heard correctly. I saw my husband look down as though embarrassed for me and I felt like just punching him. I had been outplayed by a teenager! Imagine! Dr. Makgofa out smarted by a baby. My husband realizing that the moment had really gotten tense took charge and asked,

“Why didn’t you call us the moment she called you? You could see it was late and something was wrong but you chose to put both you and her at risk by asking a person you hardly know for a lift! This is not Bloemfontein! This is Jhb it’s dangerous Nelisa!”

My husband asked her but she looked at him with a very bewildered look.

“I don’t understand really! Would you rather some other stranger had brought her home! She did not call you for the very same reason she snuck out in the first place. You are her parents so she will never call you.”

She explained to my husband which again just made us look more and more like naïve parents. It’s not that we were not acknowledging her coming in to save the day but in all honesty things could have gotten worse for the both of them. It’s the reality of this wretched city we call Jhb.

“I am also starting to think that she is more in trouble than I am and she did not do anything.”

Lintle finally said opening her mine. She did not even sound remorseful for it. It was like it was all a game. How do you even think you can punish someone like that? Did she want to get caught? It didn’t make sense if she had taken all these steps to sneak out in the first place!

“My ride is gone, can you please drop me off!”

Nelisa said snapping me out of it. She sounded annoyed! This girl had serious attitude and by the looks of it she was not trying to hide it.

“Nelisa I think you should sleep wuth Lintle tonight. It’s too late to drive home in any case.”

I said calmly.m she looked at me as though I had just kissed Blade Nzimande with shock and disgust! I think I had earned that though.

“You don’t have to pretend to be nice. You said you don’t want me in your house so why would I sleep here? I was only trying to help and you treat me like that! I knew this was too good to be true!”

She said. She folded her arms the very same way Lintle does it. It’s like they really were sisters.

“I am sorry Nelisa I thought you played a role in this!”

I said calmly.

“Whom I date is none of your concern! You have no idea why I am in Jhb and I am sorry I thought you wouldn’t judge because you have your hands full. He is my boyfriend until I say he is not!”

I was not prepared for this argument now. By virtue of that alone I should be throwing her out but I could not. I had already said stay.

“We not doing that now but for today, for now, go upstairs we will talk tomorrow!”
Nelisa went upstairs grumpily. There really was something dark and scary about her I just could not place it. My husband and I sat on the couch and I could not help it but break down and cry. Men traditionally have never understood a woman’s tears but at this moment I am certain my husband knew why.

“What are we going to do now?”

I asked him.

“Every attempt I make with her she makes life more difficult!”

I told him. I was actually quite broken. Imagine! My daughter had brought me down within a week!

“I want you to do something! Stop playing the good pparent with her! Our daughter needs help before its too late. If you don’t stop this now this family will break apart!”

I told him. He responded by asking me what exactly I expected him to do. I told him I don’t care but tomorrow he must do something and must not ask me stupid questions.

“Teenagers are like this! It’s a stage and she will get over it! Just give it time!”

Did he really say that? Did he? I can’t believe this man. I took my pillow and went to sleep downstairs. I don’t like idiots and right now he was being an idiot! It’s a good thing he did not follow me downstairs. I was off the following day meaning it would give me time to think. In the morning when I woke up my husband was gone but the girls were upstairs. I did not talk to them even when I heard them talking upstairs. I know Lintle was waiting for a confrontation but it was not going to come. She wanted to be an adult then let her have adult responsibilities.

I had not gotten a chance to ask my husband where he had gone but he too needed a talking to. I had told him to do something about this situation so for his sake I pray he had listened. I can’t justify him slacking off. Isn’t that the man’s job to fix problems which the wife can’t solve. That’s why it’s called team work so it was his turn. I wanted to go see the Private Investigator though. It was very important now for the sake of my sanity. I wanted to make him stop. He was creating too much mistrust in my family. What a terrible idea!

I got ready for my appointment with him and as I was leaving in entered my husband. I asked him where he was and he retorted,

“I was doing something!l

Ok that was unnecessary rudeness but I let it slip and asked him what he had done.

“I have a friend that I have spoken to! He is a magistrate in the child’s court and he has agreed to put Lintle in Boys and Girls Town! I have already signed the papers so there is no turning back!”

He said with a stern but very sad look on his face!

Oh ok at least that was an option. See, some people needed motivation to think. I hugged him and I told him I had errands and I left the house. However, as soon as I entered the car and it hit me hard.

Hold up!

Isn’t Girls and Boys Town almost like a juvenile detention centre!

That’s like a prison!

*****The End*****

Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
Mikeatdiary (instagram)

Dear Mike

Please share this with your readers.

I am a man in an abusive marriage. My wife and I have been married for seven years. When we started dating she was sweet kind and charming. Everyone loved and they still do. After we got married she changed firstly she demands to go through my phone every few days as though a random inspection. I have nothing to hide. When she does go through it and finds nothing she gets angry and says I deleted the evidence, we fight. We were once in the mall and we bumped into an ex female colleague who was with her husband. She was now working in a different province and had been in my unit. We greeted and exchanged pleasantries. My wife was sweet and smiled at them. The moment they left she caused a scene where she even punched me in the parking lot. Her argument was we were disrespectful to say hello in the first place. Once I was watching TV and she had disagreement with someone from church. She threw a glass at me and I had to get stitches. I went to the police and people don’t know how humbling it is when a policeman looks at you like you are crazy. They came to the house and spoke to her. When they left she laughed at me saying that I needed other men to speak on my behalf. I am a big guy make no mistake about it and if I beat up that woman I will kill her. I choose not to because I fell in love with her head first. I know I sound cliché but men are often accused of doing nonsense to their wives and I am not one of them. Everyone who knows her genuinely thinks she is the warmest kindest person they know. We have no kids, not because I don’t want them but because she is building her career! It’s been seven years of marriage for heavens sake. I don’t know what to do friends I am stuck. We are married in community of property (50\50) but she has the higher salary as she has a higher post in the SAPS. Yes she has a gun and friends with guns. She is university educated and like I said she is so nice they all worship her.

I am hurt and I am broken. Brothers and sisters I want to save my marriage because my vows mean something to me but I am tired of sleeping with one eye open.

Please advise


39 thoughts on “Realities – Chapter Nineteen

  1. Hey Jimmy

    I feel and understand your pain. I also have male friends who have gone through what you going through.

    I also understand what you going through because when I was doing my honours degree, my research paper was men who are victims of domestic violence and the perpetrators being their female spouses.

    I have interviewed many men who are in the same position like you and is very much painful because the police always; look away when you come look for help from them.

    There is an organisation called Moshate, which deals with men who are being abused by their spouses. Maybe you should contact them.

    what I know is that you are sitting on a ticking bomb that may explode anytime. please get out of the relationship and get help. you must also try record such incidents so you have proof, because such abusers are smooth operators. they will make you look like you are a bad person while you are not.

  2. Q&A
    Duuude, dont save your marriege save yourself. Most of the insecure people are like that because they cheat, chances your wife is cheating on you with one of her calleages or even politicians sinces shes SAPS. So you also need to go through your phone and give us feedback, but chances you wont be able to, since she will shoot you for going through her phone and finding out she is cheating,This is daily reality in this country, dont try make kids think of a divorce trust me you will find a women that will respect and love you and not abuse you and treat you like a king. To me this sounds like a disaster waiting to happen, she is going to kill you. i say again, she is cheating on you stop being naive and understanding and check her out. im sorry you going throught this bro

  3. Thanx mike. Bhut jimmy kunzima ngoba your wife waziwa njengomunt olungile. So i think its all up to you. All i can say is abusive relationship is not gud.

  4. Thanx ta-Mike met alles

    Dear Jimmy ur wife doesn’t do anything to u.u itself is doing all dis to ur allowing to threw her toy like dat.vows no vows GOD KNOWS u doing ur best n the very best is flusshed down the drain by her.get put of dis marriage simply bcos u value urself n ur health.becos staying means dat u are heading for chronic illness including stroke n heart failure.

  5. My or my!!! Lintle is slowly becoming a nightmare!!

    Q & A thr is nothing to save thr baba, u r slowly becoming emasculated and @ the rate things are going, she will kill you wt her eyes shut, run baba! Run very fast!!

  6. Wow its my 1st time commenting on this page. Thanks bhut’ Mike for a lovely read as always.

    Bhut’ Jimmy abusive behaviour never changes. That woman you married is a manipulator and two faced. I strongly suggest you divorce her and seek help for yourself believe me you are going to need it because after this you will not be the same, emotionally and mentally. Every woman you meet will be punished for her sins,you need to heal. Your wife and your marriage is a ticking time BOMB that will explode any moment from now. I’m sorry this is happening to you. Good luck bhuti.

  7. Lintle needs an awakening. Clearly she has lost respect for her parents and she knows they won’t do anything to her so this will sort her out.

    Jimmy, your wife has a problem and could be the one with the guilt hence she accuses you of cheating. In most cases where the woman earns more, she goes on a power trip and thinks she is the head of the family. Either you find a job and overtake her income and take back your “head of house” position or you ask her to go to couples therapy where you can express yourself cause she might not even be aware of her behaviour. Your wife seems connected, she could kill you and get away with it so you need to man up and take control otherwise uzokufa!

  8. My heart goes out to you Jimmy. As I was reading your letter, I was and still in tears 🙁 :(. I pray God hears your cries. Thank you Mike

  9. Kanti amadoda anjani? – Men are how? – Juvenile detention !!!!! He decides to make his problem someone elses ngxaki hayi maan – shifting responsibility is not going to solve the problem , u need to deal with your deliquent child , talk to her , moer her , refer her for proffesinal help…….. yenza something

  10. Dankie mike

    A2Q ay jimmy I feel for you man, maybe u r christian n dnt believe in black customs. Bt to tell you there’s a term we use kwaXhosa called umfazi uyalungiswa. Jst talk to any old man or magogo from the rural transkei they can help u ukulungisa umfazi. She won’t even call u jimmy after that uzothi tata am or pm.
    Eish these old women bakokwenu sold on that very 1st day efika they were suppose to do that,bamlungise


  11. Thanks Mikeesto, that girl Lintle is yet to get the type of ass whipping we got as kids growing up, coz she would be born again in an instant.

    Jimmy, you know that Ray Charles song that goes ‘Hit the road Jack, don’t you come back no more, nomore, no more no more’ I think its time for you to hit the road. She earns better, does that mean she has financially contributed better to your household? Coz if that’s the case, that 50/50 aint worth losing your life over. If you are able to start again from scratch, leave her, with everything even. Uphila Kay1 boss, fussing over divorce proceedings and getting hit aint gonna be nice.

    If there’s anything I’ve learnt from losing 5relatives in 4months is that, death is the end game, but life is full of second, third and fourth lives. The unfortunate thing about life is that it has no expiry date, so anyday might be your last.

    Think about it for a second, you dead and somewhere between heaven and the other place and some angel asks you what you there for, then you proceed to explain that you got killed by your wife, the same one that used to beat the shit out of you but you stayed with her regardless coz she earned more. Screw that player, get out of dodge before you get out of life. The way I see it, you have about 3 choices here.
    1.You tell your Mama, and hoping your Mom is as hood as mine, that cop wife will get a beating of her screwed man-beating life.
    2. You divorce that ‘no baby having, would probably beat you with a dirty diaper’ crazy ass woman.
    3. Go to a herbalist and get umuthi, specify exactly what you want your type of medicine to do to this gun wielding voodoo that you married.

    That’s what I would consider, and plus, there aint no babies involved in this mayhem. Whatever you do, don’t put your hands on her, you will be in jail for a long time my friend, if you touch a cop, other cops will go all out to END you.

    I wish you strength my Brother.


    1. Jackzee you killing me, the muthi part might work i know its very helpfull especially if you want to marry two women.

  12. Thanx Mike and team, always a good read.

    Bhut Jimmy….I say run , run as fast as you can. Run Jimmy Run.
    Dont try save your marriage , save your self. That woman does not see a man in you. She will never respect you. I dont care how many therapy sessions you go to.

    I have been in an abusive relationship myself so I kinda know what you going through. I had to relocate inorder to dump my boyfriend.

    Please seek help before she put you ina coffin.
    And I also think she is cheating, usually people with such insecurities are the ones doing the deed.
    Yes I do go through my boyfriends phone but I dont demand it from him and he laso checks mine when he wants to…I guess its for peace of mind, I dont know.
    But your wife on the other hand ( no direspect 0 but lihlanya eliya and will kill you.

    Run Jimmy RUN.

    All the best nhe….my heart bleeds out for you 🙁

  13. Run Jimmy. Life is way too short to be associated with such people. Love wont protect you. If you have to start afresh it might as well be it than death. hhayi No

  14. Lintle must please go to Girls and Boys Town – she desperately needs it. Thanks Mike and team
    @Jimmy – your life is not worth this shame of a marriage. This is killing you slowly and you are letting it. It is a good thing that you do not lay your hands on her but please get out while you still can and never look back. Starting over is not easy and it takes time but at least you’ll be alive and eventually be happy with the right person. Your wife is psycho – getting angry for not finding any evidence on your phone? like REALLY!!!????

    All the best

  15. Thanks Mike! Awesome read!!

    Jackzoroo is legend! i need me a Jackzoroo in my life too!

    Jimmy – abuse is abuse whether it is inflicted by a man or a woman…it is not right PERIOD! It is clear that your wife has caused you great misery over the years and does not appreciate the man she has married. Honestly, 7 years is a very LONG time to live they way you have. You are strong. You may love her but now its time to love yourself more. Love yourself to walk away from pain and misery. You have been given signs for 7 years that she is not the woman for you, its time to listen to them. Everything will work itself always does. But you need to take that leap of faith, she will destroy every fiber of your being if you continue to stay.

  16. Forget about the 50/50 let her take 100%
    please tell a family member so that if anything happens they should to someone professional because you are traumatized already.

    Walk away freely Jimmy and don’t look back.

  17. Thanks Mike..
    I am so sorry bro, there are women out there really sick. I know you love your wife but its been too long living a life like that. What i think u need to get a love position for her, because its seems like she is no good wife at all..iyiphi lendoda anika uthando ongabe lutholwa uwena, uyaxaka letho ayenzayo.

    Its hard man menze isithothobala sakho mutholele umuthi ngoba uthi usamuthanda ufuna nokusindisa umshado wakho. Ncese mfwethu.

  18. Mike thnx for the read.
    Jimmy u shud like mend my marriage on face book, n pray that ur relationship works God will help u mend ur relationship.
    Wish u all the best

  19. To Jimmy! Run papa! Pls!!! Run as fast as ur feet will carry u. U only have 1 life. Abuse is abuse whether it’s from a woman or a man. Life is precious. U r irreplaceable. She’ll kill u, bury u and forget about u. PLS!!!! GIJIMA!!!!

  20. Jimmy you need happiness and where you are right now you are far from it, you need someone who will appreciate you and your wife just doesn’t. why stay in a miserable situation with someone who belittles you as the man of the house?
    my hat goes out to you though for not laying your hands on her, as another man would have.
    I say get out, and start all over, you’ll probably find someone who will worship the ground you walk on and that person will remind you why it didn’t work out with your wife. get out while you are still alive and not in a body bag

  21. Dr Mokgofa u asked for ur man to. Deeal wth the troubled daughter so he did jst dat.
    Jimmy my dear brother,pls leave that woman she dznt deserve u nd ur love.if u dnt. Do it nw,tomrw it will b. Late.50/50 ke ntho tsa lefatshe ull buy them again!

  22. Run jimmy run (run forest run)! No children so u sorted. Clean her out & get out when u still can.

  23. Lintle needs to get away a bit just t see hw other teens live..

    Jimmy my advice wld be go to a deliverance church and get deliver with ur wife at the same time,it will help to include Jesus in ur marriage..

  24. Jimmy i watch a lot of investigation discovery and part of it is about who on earth did i marry. Yes u think u married a sweet kind hearted woman but that is not the case. That woman is a conniving little witch who is out to break u and bring u down every chance she gets. She will not stop and because she knows you dont do anything when she assaults you then she will push until u cannot take any longer and if you dare at that moment just pinch her by mistake u will be jailed for a long time baba cz the law is always in support of women. For all you know she is collecting evidence of making you look like a bad husband and if u hit her one day that will be the end of you. For now try to get as much evidence on her as you possibly can do and repeatedly go to the police station to report her so u also have steps that you took. Call her parents and tell them what she is doing so they are aware of what kind of monster she is. Sleeping with one eye open is not healthy if all else fail pack ur bags and run for ur life no woman is worth you loosing your life because when you die everyone will feel sorry for her for you said she is kind hearted and she will remarry and wena u will just be a once of memory of the idiot husband she had. 50/50 is not worth your life go start afresh kancane kancane kutolunga. I make more than my man way more but he is still head of the family. All the best

  25. Jimmy situation ya gago e bohloko… I agree with what most are saying. Leave that woman. She is not deserving of you… and as much as you love her love aint enough at times and your happiness should come 1st. When you have decided to leave her kgopela otle gonna dear ketla go tshwara monate… Get my number from Mikey and ketla go kgomotja!

  26. Thanx Mike!!!!Lintle is a juvenile delinquent she might be on drugs.A2Q sorry baba Jimmy for being abused by the one u vowed to luv for better or worse but staying with her now is not for u as u will end up killing her whilst u protecting yoself from her and u’ll end up in jail so divorce her as soon as u can she won’t change instead she will be worse than u think

  27. Thank you mikey mash good read ……serves as an everyday eye opener

    jimmy oh jimmy oh jimmy reality is no matter da deliverance conviction starts from within so in dis case being the worst case scenario Yes you need Jesus and he most def needs you too and il bet not dead so id say hard as it may be in sickness and in health as marriage ought to be you are just in too deep a complete death trap so just pray yourself out of this situation pick up da pieces and start over FOR NOT EVERYTHING GOOD COMETH FROM THE LORD AND NOT EVERYTHING GOOD IS GOOD FOR YOU SO I RECKON HE WONT EVEN BLAME YOU ……YOU STILL GOT A CHANCE TO CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY ONE MORE TIME JIMMY DONT LET DA DEVIL FOOL YOU INTO BELIEVING THAT YOU CANT


  28. Ta Adv Cmndr Maphoto.

    Jimmy, RUN! Jimmy RU RUNNING! Jimmy DON’T LOOK BACK! Nothing for U behind, no kid.
    Forget 50/50. Try 49,99/49,99 – RUN!!!

    Clearly UR worth not that much to her alive; Im sorry to ask, but do U know how much UR worth to her DEAD! She cud become a millionaire & leave the “happily ever after” with someone she is already giving her kuku already ; the respect U deserve as the hubby.

    RRUUUUUUUNNN!!!!!! – PapaG.

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