I know they tell you that giving birth is the most painful thing ever and most men would probably die if they went through it, they lied! They tell you how when you are going through it you curse, scream, squeeze his hand until you almost break it but then again that does not quite cover it. It feels very much like an understatement because the pain they describe to you is nothing compared to what I went through. Every woman you know who has given birth out there deserves a round of applause because to squeeze his big head out of that tiny hole is a miracle on its own. I had a fourteen hour labour of which at some point the nurses took a break. The cramps were so painful but I did not shit myself like I hear most women do. I did what every mother before me has done and got the job done. Men will never understand why women love their kids so much but if you go through labour you will know without a doubt why that child is worth protecting. At the moment you have your first baby you tell yourself that you will never ever in your life go through this again as this will be the pain talking. It’s horrendous and messy. After all the cursing screaming and shouting my baby came out, healthy and beautiful. I had a boy. A little baby boy.
I had not seen Mudenda in three months. He had not called nor come to see me at my flat. Every now and again I would bump into some of our mutual friends by Pick n Pay in Hatfield. It was so awkward usually because my big belly would make them embarrassed as though they were the ones who got me pregnant. Some would change their direction thinking I had not seen them but most would talk to me. They all made sure they did not speak about Mudenda. Aurelia came to visit every week and even when she went on her many trips I was the first call she made to SA. She was living a life I could never dream of because for one I was not born as beautiful as her hence rich men never looked at me that way and secondly she already came from a decent income family so her future was set even if she fucked up. Here is the irony of my life, I loved Aurelia, she had truly been there for me so I could call her my closest friend where Zama was still my best friend. We had fought screamed and fought some more but she came to see me every two days. Even when she was writing exams she would come see if I was ok and if I needed something. She worked so hard to making it up to me for what she had done. I had not fully forgiven her and at times I wished she would just go away and leave me alone but not Zama. There were times when my legs were swollen and I could not go to the shops, Zama would do it. She would even go take notes for me on campus. I know people believe that if you get pregnant you must drop out of school. I did not do that. My education more than ever was important. Other students would stare at me but I was not perturbed. I was doing well meaning if I passed my exams I was definitely graduating. I had also learned something about Zama and Aurelia that I don’t think I had noticed before. Zama slept with guys because she thought it was fun, many guys wanted to date her but she used them as toys and they all pined after her. Aurelia was a bit more secretive about whom these guys were so they all had code names. She however maintained that sex for the fun of it was really a waste of time and resources. There had to be a reason why you were doing and financial was just as good a reason as any. Myself on the other hand believed that sex was for those in love and surprise surprise, I was the one with a baby and no one to love me.
After I gave birth I had to study. I was writing my final exams exactly three weeks from when he was born. I did not have a C section but I was still quite sore hence I had a lot of medication. Unfortunately at times it made me sleep meaning I could not take it if I wanted to study as well take care of the baby plus study. It was simply the most painful part of this whole ordeal. He had colic right from the word go meaning this baby could cry. I know people club into the wee hours of the morning but nothing beats a crying baby. It exhausts you to the point of wanting to pull out your teeth and this everyday. I didn’t mind though, I loved my baby with everything that I had.
My exams went ok I guess but I was quite exhausted. One paper in particular got me extremely worried. I could not afford to say to myself,
“Oh well at least I tried!”
Because in my case I had to scrap it out, pass, and get a job. That’s how much under pressure I was. Single mom vibes I guess but this was the hardest thing imaginable. Most people rested after giving birth but I did not. Another scary part is that I had to leave my baby with my mother and sister. My mother had to work meaning Judith was the one that had to take care of her when she was not there. It was so scary for me because my sister being who she was just made it a nightmare. I had no choice. I had asked my mother to get me someone to help me and her response was,
“Why? You sister is here and besides this could be what I need to make her grow up!”
I had protested saying that she waas irresponsible and my mother looked me straight in the eye and snapped,
“I am not the one who taught you not to be able to shut your legs!”
That shut me up completely. I never asked for such again. It was after my second last exam that I got the call. I was walking to my flat because I was writing in two days and my mother had said she did not have money for me to come home.
“Is my baby alive?”
The number was familiar. It was Mudenda. For the first time in months but the first thought that went to my mind was,
“What had Judith done?”
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
Hi. Please hide my id.
Dear readers, my letter is quite long so I humbly ask that you bare with me.
Bra Mike, thank you for keeping the nation reading.
I am a 23 year old lady. I have a problem with relationships or they have a problem with me, not quite sure.
I was in a committed relationship for about 2 and a half years with a 23 year old guy. I loved the guy with all of my heart and I was very devoted to our relationship. Not once did I cheat during the course of the relationship.
We had a good relationship, we did everything together, shared the same dreams, we were best friends and some people actually thought we were siblings because we were so close.
Sad to say our relationship ended because he wanted to experience life and seek greener pastures you know. It’s not even like we had fights leading to the break up. He told me straight up that he didn’t want to be with me anymore and that he would like to explore other options.
I was so broken because I was ready to settle down with this guy. I tried to fight for our relationship but his mind was made up. He soon moved on and I decided to work on myself and learn to be happy alone.
Almost a year later, I finally decided I was ready to start dating again. I met a 26 year old guy and I entirely forgot about the past and gave him a chance. Now my problem is that he drinks a lot, even on weekdays and is out every weekend. That means I never see him during the weekends because he’s always out drinking with his friends.
I constantly have to beg him to spend time with me. I’m a student and he’s unemployed and I sometimes give him money and take him out but when he has money you’d think he’d do something for me but no, he spends it on booze with his friends.
I talked to him about this depressing behaviour of his and well, he was just not getting it. I decided I was sick of him and that I’d quietly leave. So I stopped talking to him and was just cold towards him.
I’ve recently started getting cozy with a 32 year old I met late last year. It was fun and games until a few nights ago his girlfriend almost walked in on us and mind you, I had no idea about this girlfriend and I did ask him about having a girlfriend and he answered in the negative.
I get approached by a lot of guys and some wanting to be with me but now I think I just attract the wrong type of guys and no one who wants to get serious.
Is there something wrong with me or do I just need to learn to be patient and the right guy will find me? I know I’m still young but I really don’t like going from one guy to the next, it’s just not who I am.
Scared of lonely