When someone is about to break up with you its a bit difficult to go on the attack path. Instead you find yourself condoning their bad actions by your silence. Before yesterday, I would have gone crazy on him for picking up his calls so secretively but today I decided that I would rather not make a bad situation worse. It’s the most humbling experience and a tad bit humiliating. I pretended to go through my things as though I had no worry in the world. I asked him a few a questions whilst he was on the phone so that whoever it was knew there was a female in the house. I could see it was a social call because he was not overly serious but I could see everytime I spoke he would tense up. It was obviously a female but what could I do in my situation. My mother wanted ‘damages’ if I were to come home and I had to get them if I were to remain sane. When he came back from his phone call he apologised that it had taken so long and I said it was fine he could take his mind. He suggested that we go eat out as it was too late to cook and besides he said he did not want me to be up on my feet for too long. I know what he was doing though, he was avoiding us being alone together for too long. Again I kept quiet. He was giving himself a rope to hang himself so I was not going to help him. We didn’t go far though, we went to that nandos in Hatfield. I bumped into some of my classmates and it’s odd how if you are pregnant amongst your classmates it’s like you fucked up. I remember in my first year some girl got pregnant and every time I looked at her I could not help but feel that she should have closed her legs! Did people look at me that way? Did they say I was stupid and didn’t even know what a condom looks like? I hated this.
After we ordered we started talking. I told him that my mother had come to visit me and what she had said. He sat up and asked me how she expected him to find the money. I told him I don’t know but that is what she had said. He stopped eating and took out his phone. For a moment I thought he was going to call someone then he put it back.
“I will see what I can do!”
He said calmly. Everytime Mudenda used those words you knew that nothing was going to happen. I had dated this guy long enough to know all his lines. I told him this was serious and not a joke. He snapped at me by saying,
“Don’t you think I know that? I am not 5 you know!”
Ouch. There was a bit of silence then he changed the topic But now he was on his phone chatting and much as he tried to stay serious I could see when whoever said something nice to him because the corners of his mouth would twitch. He was being deliberately rude. Eventually I said,
“I think I should go home. You have been chatting ever since we got here as though I am boring you. Mudenda in all the years we have been together I have never been this insensitive to your presence. I am sorry that you have reached a stage where you think I am better off being ignored like this.”
I stood up and left. He ran after me and apologized but I was fine shem. I started walking to my place. I lived on Hilda so home was not too far. He ran to take the car but I went up the one way meaning he had to go round. He stopped the car in front of me and apologized again and asked me to get in the car. With the bit of pride that I had left in me I said no. In two days this man was making me lose my sanity and I could not handle. At this stage I was crying. I was angry, hurt and disappointed but I trudged on. Some guys and a girl saw me and offered to walk me home. The girl shouted at my boyfriend saying he should be more caring. I did not know them but they were students. They walked me right to my block. I thanked them and went inside. As I entered the access gate Mudenda drove in. He had the gate tag since I did not have a car.
I did not lock the door because he had a key in any case. I walked into the flat. He ran after me and said,
“I swear I was not talking to anyone important,”
He said in his defence.
“It was work stuff!”
He concluded. Work stuff or not that was not right how he had gone about it. I knew he was lying though because I could not trust him.
“I am sorry baby!”
He said again. I just kept quiet and went on to put my pyjamas and got into bed. I did not say a word to him. He came to my room and said,
“I wanted to tell you earlier that this weekend I won’t be around. I am going to Nelspruit with some colleague and we will be back Sunday!”
He said as I listened. I could not dispute him or say no because it was his life. He stood up and asked me to come lock the door so he could leave. I did not budge. Why should he be concerned about my safety when clearly his heart and mind were elsewhere. Eventually he left and threw in the key.
Why had the lord forsaken me so?
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
Hi mike. Thank you for your wonderful stories, they saved me from
being a sugar baby.
My name is vuyani a 22 year old from Tembisa. I have passed my matric and ive studied towards film and television production, it was a one year course which i still have outstanding fees for mom and i tried all sorts of loans to help pay for the fees but she doesnt qualify. So last year after my finals i decided to go back home and thats one place i had swore never to go back to anymore, i have an abusive grandfather, who doesnt love me and wants nothing to do with me, he calls me a pig and im not his favourite person in the world, i wont know what i did to him to hate me like this, growing up he used to beat me up with a shambork ‘sp’ throwing all kind of curses and since i was the blackship of the family i had to clean up after every one, wash their clothes and make sure that their well taken care of. My grandfather is the type of a man who you would make tea for and he would throw the cup right back saying its not hot enough, it doesnt matter if the cup breaks or not. To cut the long story short, he has abused me with all sorts of abuse and i lived with him and mom till four months ago when mom decided that it was enough, I had threatened to kill myself so she decided to help pay for my rent in agreement that i will pay her back once i get a job. But now all that has changed, she called me last night and told me that she cant help me out financialy anymore i should come back home, apologise to my grandfather and live home till i find a job because she cant afford paying for my rent which is R750.00. I begged her not to allow me to go back to that hell we call a home but she said well then it means im on my own. I have been applying for all kinds of jobs and im not getting any. She even told me that by paying my rent she’s not making any profit. I even started opting out to being a sugar baby but i cant, it scares me. I just want to live my life right.