With my dad now gone I now had time to think through that party last night. I couldn’t remember what had happened. Maybe moet was not for me because normally I handle my liquer well. Maybe I had had way more than my limit. I could vaguely remember being dared to kiss Gorilla and I remember refusing at first but had I bowed to peer pressure and finally gave in. I could also remember both Boipelo and I in a state of undress. I could also remember kissing her but was that at the beginning or the end. I was not sure of anything. The best thing to do now was to go but morning afters just in case. Had I been given a rufie? I had heard of such were girls don’t remember what happened the previous night because of date rape drugs. I was panicking. I had money and I decided to go to the doctor. Its a scary thought. In the car Python had been ok right? I couldn’t think clearly now. I called K and he came to pick me up. I didn’t tell him what was up. We went to Cresta and I told him that I needed morning after. Its nice having a gay friend. We bought it but not before the white pharmacist told me next time not to have condom less sex. She spoke to me like I was a child and I felt twice as bad. I then went to the doctor. I didn’t know the surgery but its the basement and I was checked by
Speaking to K I told him about my dad sudden appearance. We laughed about it and he said I was lucky. I then told him about my dilemma of my uncertain future. He asked me for my options of which I told him. One I could stay in Jhb but that was dependant on me living with my father. Two I could move to University Of KwaZulu Natal where I would most certainly join the picket line as what is their new claim to fame. I would get a law degree and that would be great but I don’t think I would be happy there. He told me that there was nothing wrong with staying with my dad because it meant more pocket as dads give money. Clearly this guy didn’t know rural dads like mine. He then asked me if my scholarship would allow such moves. It hadn’t crossed my mind yet that the scholarship won’t allow me to move. They are the one who accepted wits so why would they allow ukzn. My mood was lifting at the thought. I knew my dad would never agree to pay for my fees considering my scholarship. He had already complained about the 1.5 he was paying me so how could he think he would substitute the 60K fees for UKZN. I was safe. I was so relieved I jumped up and hugged K. He said “thanks darling” in such a feminine voice but who cares he was awesome! I got a text message from Python saying you owe me. I asked him what for and he said I passed out on him before we even had sex. I just felt stupid! I had panicked for nothing. Although we were already having sex he hadn’t taken any liberties. I was so relieved. South African guys I know would most certainly have taken advantage. Maybe S`s people weren’t so bad after all.
Its hard to forget someone who gave you so much to remember. A lot of people still have not realized that S to me was the one who made me born again. When I looked at the men or boys I had know so far they just looked pathetic. My father for example just looked sad and pathetic. You know I could not remember him ever buying my mother a birthday present, taking her out on a romantic dinner or even a surprise for their anniversary. Was this my destiny? I love my father but looking at my mum and aunt did I really want to be second class even at home. I couldn’t help but question myself why I was suddenly belittling South African men. You know how it’s funny how South African men like to walk buff, skinny as they are, chest out like a cock in the morning before it crows. They are abusive and intolerant of the fact that women have ideas too. They believe they own us and we must worship them. There is no freedom for a woman in a relationship because there is no equality. You should know your place. My rebellion if I can call it that was not about money and partying, it was about me owning me! It was about me finally stepping out of the shadow of what men especially expect a good woman to be. Men pursue money by any means necessary! They can even rob or kill for it. They are corrupt when they are in power hence why half of Limpopo is in jail and Eastern Cape is following too. Here I was, a 19 year old girl, doing my own thing and I know that everyone who knew me would definitely judge.
After what I can truly say was an awesome day with K I came home. I didn’t feel like going anywhere so I got comfortable in my pjs. N was in her room but I hadn’t seen her yet. We still needed to bond for lately a lot of drama had happened. I didn’t want her to desert me because I was in the drama one way or the other. In spite of her choice in men she was a wonderful person. My aunt said she was coming to see me because we needed to talk. She told me that it was important so I better be there when arrived. I tried to lie to her that I was on my way out but she said she was not going to take no for an answer. What was it this time? Was it because I had deliberately avoided her for so long because she had not had my back when I had had hers. I decided to give in and see this through. I mean we had to talk at some point and I kind of missed her.
She was at my door within thirty minutes. As usual she was her composed self. She made me sit down and locked the door to the flat. Was that necessary? She took the keys out of the door. Ok? Now I was getting a bit scared. I mean I was here already and was going nowhere. She even put the key in her bra like what the fuck? Who does that? She then took out her iphone with the page she wanted me to see already open. There were pictures of N on my uncle’s phone. What a fucken idiot! Those two idiots really!? I just froze and what’s worse in the pictures N was either in lingerie or nude!
At that very moment N walked out of her room and said,
With the biggest smile!